by Jessica Kapp
Gavin searches through drawers, plucking out gloves and an empty container to pour the pills into.
“Did they teach you science at the Center?” he asks.
“Only if Nutritional Science counts.”
Gavin pulls out some tongs and some colored liquid. It looks like he’s about to create something dangerous not extract ingredients. The truth is, I have no idea what he’s about to do, and I sink into my stool, feeling helpless. Gavin seems to notice.
“Everyone in Gladstone should be required to take the class you took,” he says. “They could use it.” I give him a small smile and he motions toward a shelf behind me. “Why don’t you grab one of those petri dishes?”
After I return with the dish, there’s not much for me to do but watch him work, admiring how he furrows his eyebrows when he measures. He seems to enjoy the thrill of the test. Gavin has science in his blood—there’s no denying it.
I search the room for signs of Gavin’s childhood, pictures or notes for his father, but there’s nothing that resembles warmth or family.
“Did your dad ever go to your baseball games?” I ask.
Gavin doesn’t answer. He’s carefully setting the test tube inside a container. When he closes the lid, he pushes a button and watches it spin. “After this mixes, I’ll run some tests.”
“There’s more you need to do?”
He grabs some bottled water from one of the coolers while we wait.
“A little bit. It won’t take too long.”
I push the question again. “So, your dad…did he go?”
“He came for an inning once or twice.” He takes a long drink. “Most of the time he’d get caught up in his work and miss the entire game. He said he was close to a breakthrough.”
“What was he trying to discover?”
“He was hired to make a drug to prolong the liver. That way people could take that pill along with whatever other pills they wanted. The project was doomed to fail.” He sets his water down. “At home, he works on natural drugs, things that can replace pills like this.” He holds up one of my pills. “Something that won’t harm the body. Like the fish oil pills he made my grandpa.”
“That has to count for something.”
“It would, if he didn’t have the pharmaceutical companies working against him. They couldn’t care less about what’s in the drugs they pump out as long as they do what they’re supposed to do.”
“Don’t people want safer pills?”
“Of course. But not when they have to pay ten times more for holistic ones. They want a quick fix, and they can get instant results with a synthetic drug.”
“Why are the healthy drugs more expensive?”
The machine chimes and the whir slows. Gavin pops open the lid when it stops and pulls out the tube. The crushed powder and ingredients he added have turned the liquid an electric blue.
“Because pharmaceutical companies have their hands in a lot of pockets, they influence regulations. Organic farmers go broke trying to keep up.” He flicks the tube he’s holding. “Drug companies will do whatever it takes to make sure their prices are better so customers have no reason to consider an alternative.”
“Let’s hope your dad succeeds.”
A dry laugh escapes him. “We’ll see.” He flips open a book full of long drug names and what looks like serial codes. More science I don’t understand.
I hop off the stool. “Do you mind if I use the bathroom?”
“Down the hall. First door on your left,” he calls out when I hit the stairs.
I forget to hold my breath when I enter the kitchen and hurry through to the living room. The hallway is bleak, but the temptation is too hard to ignore. I want to look around.
I push the door across from the bathroom open. It’s an office, although the computer is caked with dust. A little further down, I find a door on the left. It’s hard to open, blocked by something I can’t see. There’s a big bed taking up most of the space, along with furniture that belongs in a cabin. It smells like a laboratory in here too, and I decide it must be his dad’s room.
Across from that door is the only one I haven’t looked in. Unless Gavin slept in the bathroom, this has to be his.
The door handle twists with ease, and aside from the stagnant air, the room is clean and tidy. Definitely Gavin’s.
There’s a twin bed in the corner and a poster of a baseball stadium on the wall. A few pennants, perfectly spaced, line the room. There are trophies on a shelf above a desk and some pictures—Gavin in his glory days. He’s wearing a blue baseball cap, and his smile reaches his eyes as he poses with a few players from the team. One of them is Ry, whose face and body look thicker, more natural.
I put the picture back and grab the next one, tucked away and linked to a cobweb. The velvet frame holds a photo of a formal dance. Gavin’s wearing a tux and holds onto a girl with blonde hair. I recognize Cherry immediately. She looks magnificent, and I can’t help but feel jealous, not because she’s so stunning, but because she got to experience this with him.
All the events I’ve seen on shows and movies: playing sports, going to proms, attending public school. None of it will happen to me. I shouldn’t feel sorry for myself, but there’s a hole in my heart, an absence that will never be filled.
Cherry and Gavin go back to their spot on the shelf and I rummage through the old papers and schoolwork on his desk. They’re neatly stacked with notes, as if he was in the process of filing them away. I pick up the paper on the top. It’s a science test. Gavin scored ninety-nine percent, and there’s a note that reads: Your dad would be proud, nice job! I wonder if his dad ever saw it. Based on how neat the room stayed, it didn’t appear he’d been in here.
I walk over to Gavin’s bed. The corner of the comforter is folded back as if it’s waiting for someone. I take the hint and flop backward. The bed is firmer than I expected and it spits out a puff of dust when I land. There’s a musty odor, but Gavin’s scent overpowers it, like it’s been woven into the fabric. I close my eyes and try to imagine what it’d be like to go to a high school dance with him. I’d wear a long, shimmery dress—maybe green to match my eyes. We’d slow dance and stay out late. He’d walk me to my door and try to steal a kiss before I had to be in for my curfew.
“Knock, knock.”
I sit up, a little embarrassed, as if my daydream had been projected on the wall for him to see.
“I thought you had to use the bathroom?” He folds his arms and walks across the room, admiring some of the items he’s probably forgotten about before sitting on the bed next to me.
“I got distracted.”
He puts his hand on my thigh, just above the knee, but it’s enough to make me blush. “Sorry about the mess out there.”
“What mess?”
He laughs. “My dad can be a little extreme.”
“Has he always been that way?”
He has to think about it, but he answers with conviction. “Yes, but his life kind of exploded all over the house after my mom died.”
I lie back, sad that my question reminded him about his mom, but relieved Gavin didn’t have to grow up in a house this messy. He stretches his body out next to me, propping his head on his hand. He traces my cheek, my jaw, my lips.
“I wish you could have met her.”
“Me too,” I say.
“She would have liked you.” I feel a surge of heat rush to my face from his touch.
“You think so?”
“Of course. You’re resilient and feisty.”
I frown a little, and he continues, “You’re opinionated and outspoken.”
“Is there a compliment in there somewhere?”
The corners of his mouth curl. “And you’re caring and optimistic. Strong, but sweet. I’ve never met anyone like you. You’re a mixture of everything I’ve ever wanted. It’s like you were created just for me.” His hand drifts to the back of my head. “But what I like best is that you’re not trying to be anything but you.”
I look down for a moment, not sure how to take it all in. I try not to mumble. “That’s because I’m still trying to figure out who I am.”
He waits until my eyes meet his. “I think you already know. You’re just trying to figure out the world around you.”
It’s the perfect answer, and I kiss him. Hard. His fingers tug gently on my hair and then suddenly he pulls away.
“Did you hear that?” Gavin whispers, his breath shaky.
“Gavin? Are you here?” a man calls out.
Gavin is on his feet in seconds. “Get under the bed.”
“What?”
“It’s my dad. Quick, hide!”
I do as I’m told, although I’m not sure why. I try to ignore the knot in my stomach that says it might be because his dad works for the company we’re fighting against.
“Gavin?”
My head faces the door. When it cracks open, I see his dad’s feet—they’re smaller than Gavin’s. His brown shoes are worn, his khakis too long and the bottoms dirty and frayed.
“Dad. You’re home.”
“I came home to get some files…what are you doing here?” He sounds timid, hopeful.
Gavin is monotone in his response. “Getting some clothes. I was just leaving.”
“C-can’t you stay a little longer? I’ll make dinner for us.”
“I’m not eating anything out of that kitchen.”
“I’ll order takeout.” There’s desperation in his voice, and I want to roll out from under the bed and push them together for a hug.
“I’m sure you have work to do. I don’t want to be in your way.”
“Actually, there’s been a breakthrough. The project’s on again. Sit with me, let’s talk. I’ll take the night off.”
“I can’t; I have to go.” Gavin paces in his room like he’s trapped. His dad stays in the doorway, blocking his path. Finally, Gavin concedes. “Five minutes,” he says in a gruff tone. “But if you want to talk, can we do it somewhere else? Like the living room?”
“I thought you didn’t like the mess.”
“That’s putting it mildly.”
Why is Gavin being so cold? His dad is trying. And why would he not just talk in here? Is Gavin really that worried his dad will find me? Or does he not want me to hear their conversation?
“We can talk wherever you want. I can’t wait to tell you about the receptor gene we’ve analyzed, and the LFTs—this one’s strong enough for 31.”
What’s an LFT? And why is he excited about 31? Gavin pushes past his dad before I can find out. The door clicks shut. What am I supposed to do now?
As if he knows what I’m thinking, the door pops back open. “I just need to grab my bag, Dad,” Gavin calls out. “I’ll be right there. Make some room on the couch for me.” He bends down and extends his hand to me. “Are you all right?”
“Why did I have to hide? And what was your dad talking about?” He pulls me out, and I notice his breathing is rapid.
“It’s a long story.” He grabs a bag from his closet and fills it with clothes. When he turns back, he won’t look at me, and an icy prickle creeps up my spine. “I need you to climb out the window.” He hands me the keys to the truck. “I’ll be out there as soon as possible. Don’t worry about closing the window behind you, I’ll take care of it.”
He kisses me on the forehead and leaves. It doesn’t take a scientist to know there’s something he’s not telling me. I count out ten Mississippis before I crack the bedroom door so I can listen.
“This is what we’ve been waiting for!”
“What you’ve been waiting for, not me,” Gavin says.
“They’ve even started recruiting people for the tests. Of course they have to have the right immune system—”
“Can we talk about something else?”
“Sorry, I’m just…I mean, it’s been almost a decade. And now it looks like all my work has been for something.”
“I suppose they have you working long nights again?”
“Well, not yet…the body hasn’t been delivered to the lab.”
Gavin doesn’t respond immediately, and I open the door a little further to keep from missing his answer. What body?
I hear someone exhale and stand. Gavin’s voice follows. “That’s what I was afraid of. I have to go.”
I pull the door closed and rush to the window, opening it far enough to wiggle through so I can drop to the ground. The high grass and weeds hide me as I run, keeping my body low. The truck is parked sideways, and I’m able to dart around to the passenger side and climb onto the floor behind the seat.
Before I can get comfortable, Gavin opens the driver’s side door. He extends his hand for the keys, and when I hold them out, he snatches them away. I don’t say anything until we make a few turns and the truck has settled into a straight path.
“Can I come out now?”
“What?” Gavin sounds startled. “Yes. Sorry.”
“Did you forget I was in here?”
“No, I, uh, was just thinking.”
“Care to talk about it?”
He shakes his head as he stares at the road, and I realize I don’t know Gavin as well as I probably should.
Chapter 17
Aside from Gavin confirming the pills are for my heart condition, we hardly speak on the drive back. It’s like there’s an invisible wall between us.
At least the rain clouds have moved on.
When we pull in, I see Craig’s car and excitement courses through me. Ry borrowed it, which means he’s back with Paige. A moment later, I see they’re outside playing Frisbee with Craig and Sasha. Paige waves at me, her face fixed in a smile.
I growl inside when I consider why and rush over to her, saying hello to everyone before spinning Paige around so her back faces Gavin. “How are you holding up?”
“Great!”
I give her my let’s be serious face, but Paige is all smiles. “Are you on something?”
Ry leaves his spot and jogs over to us. The game has stopped, and I relax when I glance over to see Sasha and Craig have Gavin trapped in conversation.
“She just needed a little more, that’s all,” Ry says, his pupils dilated.
“You’re on Euphorium too,” I say, shaking my head. Paige mumbles something about missing the red as she plays with my hair, and I swat her hand away.
“Let’s go for a walk.” I lead Paige by the arm. We climb the fence by the trough and cut through the field to avoid Gavin.
“Wait for me.” Ry chases after us, and I can’t say no because I don’t want him to get in trouble either.
I ask Paige to race me to get her to stop frolicking through the tall grass. She’s faster than Ry, but her competitive edge has slowed on the drug, and she loses to me by several feet.
“That was fun,” she says. “It’s much better than running on the track.”
“I have a surprise for you guys,” I say.
“What is it?” Ry claps his hands repeatedly.
“You’ll see.” I wave them forward and have to remind them about the surprise every so often to keep them moving. Ry thinks it’s imperative to point out every flower and bug on the way, and Paige is much too willing to engage him.
There is no surprise, of course, and I’m glad Ry’s not disappointed when we reach the waterfall. Both he and Paige start to strip off their clothes, and I have to beg them to keep a little bit covered. Paige leaves her shirt and underwear on. Ry sticks to his boxers. I know when they hit the water, they’ll be glad they did. Or at least I will.
Their reaction to the cold isn’t as quick as it was for me. Does being a redhead really make my processing speed faster? I wait on the bank in the sun that shines an oversized rock. It takes Paige a shorter amount of time to come around, and she climbs out and sits next to me. I put an arm around her to control her shivering.
“Are you back to normal, Paige?”
Her lip quivers, but I don’t think it’s just from the cold. “For no
w.”
We hug and I feel her shudder. “I’m so sorry about Meghan.”
“Yeah. Me too.” She breathes into my hair. Her body’s so cold I’m reluctant to let go. “I never thought I’d miss the Center, but at least I wasn’t afraid before.”
“I know what you mean.”
“Did they cut you?” She pulls back, examining me with lucid eyes for the first time since she’s been here.
“No. Gavin and Ry got me out in time.”
“And you helped save me.”
I nod. “We tried to go back for Meghan, but we were too late.”
I dry my eyes, and she hugs me again. “I’m glad you’re here. It’s not as scary having you by my side.”
Ry splashes us, and Paige lets herself laugh through the tears.
“Where’d you and Ry go today?”
“He took me to a pizza place.” She smiles at the memory. “I think I’m in love.”
My breath catches in my throat. “With Ry?”
“No.” She socks me playfully in the arm. “With pizza.”
“Thank goodness.”
“He’s not so bad.” Her eyes drift back to the water. Ry is floating on his back.
“He’s a good guy. Just…go easy on the Euphorium.”
“We didn’t spend the entire day high. This morning we found a spot overlooking the city center and talked for a while. We watched the ferry come in and he took me to lunch. It was really nice, actually.”
I shake my head to recover from the shock. “Ry did all that?”
“Let’s just say, he knows what it’s like to feel disconnected from things.” She wipes her eyes. There’s a hardened maturity to her expression. “Ry’s been a good friend so far, but I can’t promise you I won’t need more drugs to stop the pain. My heart’s been ripped in half.”
“I just don’t want to see you zoned out all the time, you know? I like being able to talk to you. Like this.” I bump her with my shoulder. “Besides, it’s not fun to race you when you’re not really trying.”
That makes her laugh, a deep laugh, enough to bring Ry out of the water to join us.
I toss his clothes at him and watch him give Paige a flirty show as he puts his shirt on. She tears her eyes from Ry when he struggles to get his pants on over his wet boxers. “Ry says you guys are going to save Parker next,” she says.