by Jessica Kapp
“When he turns eighteen, they’ll move him to the Flat House,” I say. “That’s where they test new drugs. The security will be tight, but we’re working on a plan.”
“The day before I left, Parker was talking to some guy about a job doing clinical trials once he got out.” She squeezes my hand. “Since no families seemed interested in him, he agreed.”
“I don’t think he really had a choice,” I mutter.
“They made it sound like he’d make a ton of money. He thought it would be good to have some security, start a new life. Meet up with some old friends.” Another squeeze, although she might as well have her hand around my stomach.
One night when Parker and I were forced to run extra laps for doing cannon balls near our trainer, he told me he’d prove his feelings were genuine. “I’ll get a job and take you on a real date—the fanciest restaurant in Gladstone.”
I don’t know which thought makes me more uncomfortable: telling Gavin about Parker’s feelings for me or telling Parker about my relationship with Gavin.
“We should get back.” I stand abruptly, but Paige doesn’t let go of my hand.
“Don’t worry, I’ve already told Ry.”
My heart plunges into my gut. “Told him what?”
Ry looks at me without judgment. “She said he’s in love with you.”
I pull my hand away from Paige’s and cross my arms. It’s as if Ry can see right into my heart, that he can tell there’s a part of me that does care for Parker. The guilt is unsettling. “No, Parker just thinks he is.” I shrug and hold myself tighter.
“Look, I’m not going to say anything to Gavin,” Ry says.
Paige’s mouth drops open. “Gavin? The guy with the truck?”
“Yes.” I move out of the sun’s spotlight, suddenly feeling very exposed.
“I didn’t know—I’m sorry.” She glances back at Ry with a scowl. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I figured they were just having a little fun.”
“Are you?” Paige asks.
“No. I mean, I don’t know.” I want to jump into the water, drown out this entire conversation. “I like him…a lot.” Too much, I might add.
“And Parker?”
“You know how I feel about him, Paige.” I bite my lip. Parker is like warm soup after a cold run. It’s comforting, but you’re still hungry for something more. “It’s Parker. He’s one of my best friends.”
“I just thought with the pact—”
“He told you about that?” I snap.
“What pact?” asks Ry, tugging on his pants.
“They agreed that once they got to the outside they’d try dating,” says Paige. “Tabitha wanted to make sure it was real, that Parker didn’t just have feelings for her because they were confined to the Center.”
I bury my head in my hands. I feel like a cheater, only I haven’t done anything wrong.
Except not tell Gavin.
“Please don’t breathe a word of this,” I say. “Gavin needs to hear it from me first.”
“Are you going to give Parker a chance?” Paige asks.
“No.” It comes out strong, but it doesn’t sound like I mean it. Gavin feels new and exciting. Parker is safe. There’s a kinship and years of trust. I know Parker’s secrets. Gavin has mystery, which, to be honest, scares me a little. The unknown makes me afraid to get close.
Ry pretends to lock his lips with a key. “It’s none of our business. We’ll stay out of it.”
He holds out a hand for Paige. She takes it, and I feel a prick of unease. Paige accepts Ry’s hand without question. She barely knows him, but she doesn’t hold back. How can I ask her to work through her issues when I haven’t?
“I’m going to head out.” Before they can object, I slip behind the waterfall’s curtain. My legs speed up, and soon I’m running—far away from my feelings and any secrets that I’m afraid will pull me under.
• • •
My emotions are still festering when I reach the barn. I’m not ready to face Gavin, so I head toward the van where Adrian is tinkering with the motor, his face buried in the open hood.
“Car trouble?” I ask.
“It’s always something.” He shoots me a sideways glance. “Can you hand me the spark plug by my foot?”
I grab what he needs and reach into the hole. His face strains as he works the plug into place.
“There! Got it.”
Once he’s upright, I decide to pry. “Are you any good at science, Adrian?”
“Not according to my teachers.”
“Well, do you know what an LFT is?”
He wipes his hand on his shirt while he thinks—although it’s so greased up, it’s hard to tell where the new marks are. “Liver Function Test, I think. Why? Do you need one?”
“No, no. I just heard someone at the hospital talking about LFTs.” I hate lying to Adrian, but I don’t want Gavin to know I was listening to him and his dad. “It must be painful.”
“Not really, they just need to draw some blood.”
“That’s it?”
“Yep. They can figure out the enzyme levels and a bunch of other stuff. Our school did a blood drive, and I remember seeing something about it on the pamphlet near the cookie table.” He raises an eyebrow. “Now a biopsy, that’s the painful one, or so I’ve been told.”
“I’ll steer clear of that one. Thanks, Adrian,” I say, walking away.
“If you have any more questions, just ask Gavin. He’s the resident science geek around here.”
I give him a reticent smile as I head inside the barn.
Mary’s in the kitchen helping Gavin pack some food. “Where’re you going?” I ask her.
“We’re having a campfire tonight.”
Gavin’s mood seems to have lifted. He smiles and it’s hard not to return it. My body feels a gravitational pull when he’s near, with my heart leading the way.
“We thought everyone could use a little cheering up,” he says. “We’ll have hotdogs, chips, cantaloupe…and some watery lemonade.”
“Hey! I made that,” Mary says, although she looks only slightly offended.
“And I promise to drink at least one cup,” Gavin says. “Or maybe half.”
Mary’s giggle warms the room, and I gather my courage. “Gavin, do you have a minute?” I want to come clean about Parker, but I also want to ask him what happened at his dad’s house. I’m still a little unnerved by how he needed to hide me and how he stayed clamped shut for most of the ride here.
He takes out half of the napkins Mary has put in the bin and holds up a finger. “Can it wait? I promised Mary I’d take her to get the makings for s’mores.”
“Sure.” I try to sound aloof, but I must not have pulled it off because he stops what he’s doing and looks up.
“If it can’t wait—”
“No. It’s fine. It’s nothing.”
“I figured you’d want to spend some time with Paige, so I asked Mary to go with me.”
“Absolutely.” I whisper in Mary’s ear, “Make sure you get a lot of chocolate.” She winks at me as she grabs Gavin’s hand.
I watch them leave, wondering if I should have pressed more. I hear the hatch clang and know it’s too late. I’ve missed my chance.
Chapter 18
Paige and Ry take another Euphorium pill as soon as they learn Gavin is gone. If Burk, Sasha, and Craig notice, they don’t say anything. We play cards on the floor, and Paige laughs her way through, tilting her hand way too often. At least she doesn’t mind losing.
Ry plays just as badly, only it’s because he’s staring at her with a drug-crazed fascination. I wonder about his tolerance and how he gets his pills. Unless he steals them, it doesn’t seem like he’d have much to sell or give. Not when he’s spending his days in a barn rather than at a paying job.
At the start of the next shuffle, the door opens. Ry’s eyes light up, and I turn to see his brother standing in the doorway.
“Kenny,” Ry sa
ys, throwing down his cards and hustling over to greet him.
They exchange a few words and Kenny slips something in Ry’s hand. Ry puts it in his pocket and my body clenches. Kenny is feeding Ry’s addiction. As Kenny walks over to join us, the uneasy feeling grows, like a balloon of distrust inflating in my chest. Ry wanders toward the kitchen to get a glass of water.
“How’s it going?” Kenny asks, introducing himself to Paige and plopping down next to me. His knee touches mine and I scoot over. “Don’t worry, I won’t bite,” he says.
“Gavin’s not here,” I say.
“I didn’t come to see Gavin.”
The game has stopped, but my cards are fanned, covering my nose and mouth. I realize how cowardly I look and lower them, posturing up, but still falling several inches short of being equal in size to Kenny.
“I came to check on Paige.” He stares at her with admiration, and Paige can’t help but react with delight. Kenny is attractive and she’s drugged up. “How’re you doing?” he asks her.
“I’m hanging in there,” Paige says.
Ry takes the seat on Kenny’s left. Seeing them side-by-side is almost too much for me to bear. It’s as if Kenny has absorbed all the beauty out of Ry, whose frame is frail and cheeks are hollow. The model-like looks Ry has fade now that Kenny has joined the circle. Approachability is the only category where Ry is winning.
“We’re having a campfire tonight. You should come,” Ry says.
“Are you sure?” Kenny looks around. No one in the group seems irritated but me. Even Craig, who told Sasha he didn’t trust the guy, grins at the idea.
Kenny’s eyes stop on mine.
I shrug. “It’s not my call.”
“If you have a problem with it…”
“I don’t want to make the decision for everyone else.” He’s put me on the spot and he waits for me to hang myself. He’s here to help; I’m sure that’s all anyone else sees. “Whatever.” I tap the floor with my finger. “Are we playing or what?”
Craig picks up his cards.
“Great. Over dinner I can tell you how we’re going to save your friend Parker.” Kenny pats me on the back and I grit my teeth. “What are we playing?” he asks Craig.
“Hearts.”
“One of my favorites. Deal me in.”
• • •
I try to keep myself busy in the kitchen after cards, but Kenny lingers, shadowing my every move. He stands next to me with a dishtowel so he can dry the lunch dishes that have been sitting for hours. We’re going to need them to eat tonight, but the food is caked on and the scrubber is worn down to the plastic handle, making it nearly impossible to clean them. Now I understand why Ry avoids dish duty.
“Your friend Paige seems to be doing all right,” Kenny says.
“That’s because she’s masking the pain.” I push a washed plate into his hands and take my aggression out on the next dish.
“Give her time. The medicine will help absorb the shock of it all. Euphorium was created to help people grieve. It’s a wonderful drug for those who need it.”
“What happens when she can’t stop taking it?”
“Who’s to say that’s going to happen?”
Out of the corner of my eye, I see his hands move in slow, methodical circles as he dries the plate.
“Your brother seems to enjoy it,” I say. “Is he grieving?”
“You could say that.” Kenny snorts a laugh. “He’s grieving the loss of himself.” I cringe at how cold his voice sounds. “Besides, rumor has it you’re on something. Am I right?”
“That’s different. I need it for my heart.” The water sloshes out of the bin I’m hunched over and Kenny places a hand on my hip as he wipes it up. He doesn’t let go right away, and I count to five in my head. That’s how long he has until I break his arm.
I hear Mary’s laugh and unclench my hand. She doesn’t need to see violence when she’s already been through so much. Luckily, Kenny lets go and turns his attention back to the dishes before Gavin and Mary come in. Mary runs over to join Ry and Paige in a game where they try to toss cards into a bowl. Gavin looks surprised to see Kenny but pushes out a smile.
“What are you doing here?” he asks, setting the groceries on the table.
“I thought I’d check on the newest member of your crew.” Kenny gestures toward Paige.
Gavin’s lips are pursed, and I can’t help but wonder if he’s bothered by the unexpected visit. He carries on as if he’s not, unpacking the supplies and setting the marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate in a dry bin for our campfire.
“Are you staying for dinner?” Gavin asks Kenny. The question is monotone, too difficult for me to get a read on how Gavin really feels.
“Of course. I couldn’t turn down Tabitha’s invitation.”
My fingers coil around the dish and my mouth drops open to object. I snap it shut when I see Gavin’s face. He’s smiling, and it washes away any uneasiness I thought I noticed.
Gavin walks around me to put something on the shelf, and when he’s done, he kisses the side of my head. He leaves Kenny and me to finish the last few cups in the bin.
“I never thought I’d see that happen,” Kenny says when Gavin is out of earshot. “He hasn’t dated since high school, and then, there was only one girl that could capture his heart.”
Cherry.
“You must have done something right,” he adds. His words don’t sound reassuring. They sound seductive. Vile. A ceramic mug slips out of my grip and shatters on the floor.
Kenny puts his hand on my shoulder like I need consoling. “Don’t worry. I’ll clean this up.” He grabs the broom in the corner of the kitchen while I pick up the large pieces, slicing my finger on one in my rush to clean the floor with as little help from Kenny as possible.
Why am I letting him get to me? What is it about him that makes me so angry? Before I can unclench my jaw, Gavin rushes over and squats down to examine my hand.
“You’re bleeding. There’s some antiseptic in my truck.”
I start to shrug it off but realize it would get me away from Kenny, and that’s something I don’t want to turn down.
• • •
The stars aren’t as bright as they are near the ocean. At least not tonight.
Gavin pokes the logs as we sit around the fire pit Burk and Craig built between the shed and the barn. Sasha insisted we have the hose ready, just in case the fire got out of control.
“With Ry on drugs,” she said, “anything’s possible.”
Paige and Mary gorge themselves on marshmallows. Ry drowns his bun in mustard before slapping a burnt hotdog on it. Kenny doesn’t eat. From where I’m sitting, his face looks like it’s being licked by the flames. He’s as far away from me as possible, but it’s a direct line of sight. I’m forced to either stare back or look to the side. I finally let him command my attention when he starts to explain the plan to rescue Parker, although my stomach churns in disgust at the notion of taking orders from Kenny.
“They’ve already started giving Parker the trial drug. They wanted to measure the long-term effects, and now that they have, they’ll move him to the Flat House in a couple of weeks to undergo the real tests. He’s agreed to go because they’ve promised him an absurd amount of money.”
I think back to what Gavin told me, how people volunteer to be test subjects to make some quick cash—as well as try new drugs. They’re not the ideal candidates, but since no surgeries are being performed, what goes on there is common knowledge.
“But won’t people question Parker about his background?” I ask.
“During the trial, Parker will only be allowed to talk to doctors and testers,” says Kenny, the fire reflecting in his eyes. “Even if he did talk about the Center, he’ll be too drugged to make much sense. The doctors will push him to the point where his body shuts down. That way, they can assess how much a person can handle. It helps the drug companies evaluate dosage.”
“Shut down? Don’t they wan
t to keep him intact?” I say. “I mean he’s from the Center. They’ll send him to the hospital when they’re done with him, right?” I thought we’d have more time in case we weren’t able to get him out of the Flat House. At least we’re familiar with hospital missions, even if my scream made them bulk up security.
“That’s not how it works,” Kenny says. “The scientists like his vitals. They want a full report on the drug’s effects in order to get approval to market it to the public. They’ve been given orders to push him to the limit.”
It feels like an ember has wedged its way inside my skin, burning a hole in my chest. I clench and unclench my hands at my sides. I won’t let the Center take another friend from me.
“What kind of drug are they giving him?” Burk asks. His voice squeaks like mine would had I asked the question.
“It gives you energy. And power.”
“Don’t they already have drugs like that on the market?” Sasha asks.
“Not like this one.” Kenny’s voice falters for a split second, but any trepidation fades when he continues. “This drug can be used to help cancer patients that are weak from chemotherapy.”
Heads nod in approval—all but Gavin’s and mine.
“Tell them what else it’s for,” Gavin says, jabbing his stoker into the fire.
Kenny’s sitting next to him, and he gives Gavin a faint scowl. “It can also be used for soldiers in combat.”
“For war?” Sasha asks. Craig puts his arm around her as if the concept threatens her.
“That’s one possible use,” Kenny says.
The pieces from my past fall into place. Parker being forced to work out, to build his muscles; being led to believe no one wanted him. I doubt the Center even looked to match his organs with a donor. He’s been groomed for this experimental combat drug. To be their lab rat. I shudder.
“So what’s the plan?” Gavin asks. “It needs to be foolproof.” He pulls the stoker out of the flame, pointing it toward Kenny.
“It’s your lucky day then, ‘cause I’ve got one.” Kenny’s voice is smug as he leans back in his chair. “I took the liberty of looking at the Flat House schedule. The Wednesday after Parker’s sent there, a new staffer is scheduled to start. I’ll call the guy the morning of his shift and tell him he’s not needed. Then I’ll take his place.”