by Noelle Adams
“How you think for so long that certain things will make you happy, but then they…just don’t.”
Silas put down his fishing rod and turned toward her. “So what do you think will make you happy?” His voice was low and thick.
“I don’t know. I really don’t know, but…” She cleared her throat. “I’ve been happy this week.”
She saw the muscles in his arms tense. “Have you?”
“Yeah.”
“Me too.”
They stared at each other for a long moment, until Silas made a throaty sound and reached to take the fishing rod out of her hands. Then he pulled her toward him, and his mouth met hers in a deep and hungry kiss.
The need she felt in him spurred on an answering need in her. She clutched at his shirt as she opened to his tongue, feeling like her heart would beat out of her chest.
Her whole body hummed with desire and pleasure as he ravaged her mouth and tangled his fingers into her hair. And she had no idea how far the kiss would have gone if a sudden, loud crack of thunder hadn’t startled both of them, causing them to pull apart abruptly.
“Damn,” Silas said, his eyes still lost in the kiss, even as he looked up at the darkened sky.
“It’s going to—“ She broke off the thought as she felt a couple of big raindrops on her face and arms.
The rain came suddenly and hard, and by the time they’d jumped up, grabbed the rods, and hurried back to the cabin, both of them were soaking wet.
The lightning and thunder were violent and frequent, and Cassandra was a little nervous of the force of the wind as they managed to get safely inside.
“Ugh,” she gasped, wringing some of the water from her long ponytail. “I didn’t know it was supposed to storm.”
“It felt like it would all day.” Silas went over to a small closet near the bathroom and grabbed a couple of towels.
“Yeah, but we could have gotten some warning.” She accepted the towel he gave her and started to mop up her face and arms. “I’m soaking wet.”
“I can give you something to change into,” Silas suggested, pulling his wet T-shirt over his head as if stripping in her presence was a perfectly normal thing to do. “We’ll have to wait for this to blow through before I take you home.”
She hesitated, since taking her clothes off this close to Silas didn’t seem like a very good idea—not after the way they’d been kissing just a few minutes ago. But she was soaked and cold and extremely uncomfortable, so she finally said, “Okay. Thanks.”
He found her a T-shirt and a pair of gym shorts that barely stayed up on her, but at least they were dry and loose. Since she was shivering, she grabbed a blanket from the bed and wrapped up in it.
Silas came over to sit beside her on the couch.
“Don’t be getting any ideas,” she said, when she saw the look in his eyes.
“What ideas?”
“We’re not going to spend the time having sex.”
“What makes you think I was thinking about that?”
“I know you, remember? You have the sex look in your eyes.”
He gave her a twitch of a smile. “What’s the sex look?”
“You know what it is.”
“Sex is the last thing on my mind right now.”
“Sure it is.” She couldn’t help but smile back at him. He looked so much like his old self—amused and ironic and relaxed and hot, all at the same time. “We’re going to wait out the storm, and then you’re going to drive me home.”
“Sounds like a plan. Too bad we don’t know how long it will take for the storm to blow through. This seems like the kind that won’t go away very soon.”
He was right. The series of storms lasted a couple of hours. Silas made them a dinner of soup, bread, cheese, and beer, and they watched his small television until the power went out.
“The roads are going to be bad from these storms,” Silas said, after looking out the window for the twentieth time. “Not to mention the driveway, which is going to be several feet deep of mud. I’m not playing a game here, but I think you better spend the night.”
She was still wrapped up in a blanket, and she felt safe and warm and comfortable. The last thing she wanted to do was go outside and drive home in bad weather. But a little flicker of fear made her say, “Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” The room was lit by a couple of battery operated lanterns. “I’m serious. I’ll sleep on the couch, if you want.”
“You don’t have to,” she said. “But we’re not going to have sex, so please don’t try anything.”
“Okay. Whatever you say.” He gave her that little smile again. “I’ll be good.”
He was good. He didn’t make any moves on her, even after they’d gotten under the covers together in the dark.
She closed her eyes, although she knew he was still awake beside her. She hadn’t had any success at going to sleep when he said, “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“You’ll say it’s none of my business.” He sounded more serious than she’d expected, changing the mood between them.
“Ask me anyway. If it’s none of your business, I won’t answer.”
He paused before he finally asked, “Have you dated anyone since we split?”
Her heart jumped slightly. “N—no.”
“That doesn’t sound very definite.”
“I haven’t. I’ve had coffee or lunch with a few guys, but it was just friendly. I haven’t dated anyone.” She hesitated, knowing from the tension in his body what he really wanted to know. “I haven’t had sex with anyone.”
She heard his breath release. “Why not?”
“I don’t know. We’d agreed it was all right for either of us to see other people, but it just…didn’t feel right.”
“Yeah.”
She knew he understood, that he’d probably felt the same way. She also knew a tightness inside him had released. “You’re glad.”
“Yeah. I am. Maybe it’s wrong, since you’d made the situation clear when you left, but I hate the thought of you with anyone else. I hate it.”
She paused before she told him the truth. “Me too.”
They didn’t say anything else, but they didn’t need to. She felt deeply connected to him, even though they weren’t even touching. She could hear him breathe, feel when he shifted slightly on the mattress.
The room was totally dark.
It wouldn’t be completely inappropriate for him to reach out and pull her toward him, to kiss her, make love to her in the dark. She’d told him not to, however, and he didn’t.
If truth be told, Cassandra was a little disappointed. If he’d made a move, she probably wouldn’t have resisted.
But it was better this way. Smarter. Just because she was thinking about moving back to town and she and Silas were getting along again, didn’t mean she should jump into anything too quickly.
Silas had broken her heart once, even though she’d felt just as deeply connected to him back then. She couldn’t let him do it again.
Saturday
Cassandra didn’t know what time it was when she woke up.
She knew immediately where she was. The room smelled like Silas’s cabin, even though it was almost completely dark. And she could sense him beside her—big and warm and alive and solid.
She rolled over toward the heat his body generated.
Since she was groggy and only half-awake, she didn’t hesitate to press herself against him, laying her head against his chest.
He was asleep—his breathing slow and steady—and she enjoyed the feel of his chest rising and falling beneath her cheek. She’d bent her arm up so her hand could rest on the other side of his chest, and she moved her fingers gently against the firm flesh and coarse hair.
He felt like Silas, and no one else had ever felt as good as him.
He mumbled softly under his breath but didn’t wake up, so she kept stroking him, adjusting so she was more comfortably nestled against
him. She played with his chest hair, with his nipple, with the scar on his side over his ribs where he’d had an accident with a power tool as a teenager.
She wanted to be close to him. She vaguely wondered why she’d stayed away from him so long. He’d been so great this week—not pushing her away, making an effort to be with her, even to share his feelings. If he’d been like this three years ago, she never would have left him.
She was surrounded by the scent of him—masculine and natural, since he hadn’t taken a shower before bed. It was so familiar. She’d missed it so much. She rubbed herself against his side.
He made another throaty sound, and she felt something change in his body. She realized why when he moved his hand up to wrap his fingers around her wrist.
Before she could realize what he was doing, he brought her hand down lower—much lower—on his body, so she was rubbing his groin over his underwear.
He was getting hard.
She loved how that felt too—the visceral sign of his desire for her, the change it made in his body—and she kept rubbing him even when he released her wrist. He groaned, low in his throat, as he grew harder under her touch.
She was getting aroused too, just from being so close to him, just from feeling the response in his body.
“Cassandra,” he murmured thickly, turning his head so his face was just a couple of inches from hers.
She’d told him they weren’t going to have sex, but she couldn’t remember why at the moment. It was what she wanted. Exactly what she wanted. It had been so long since she’d been with him this way.
This was as clear as her thoughts were getting at the moment, since the needs of her body were starting to drown out everything else. She closed the distance between her mouth and Silas’s, knowing as she did so what would happen next.
He made another guttural sound as he rolled over on top of her, kissing her hard, urgently. She spread her legs to make room for him and wrapped her arms around his neck.
He was heavy on top of her, but it was exactly what she wanted. She gasped against his mouth as her body throbbed with pleasure, excitement. She could feel his arousal against her belly, and she lifted her hips to grind herself against it.
He huffed and broke the kiss, lifting his head and stroking her hair back from her face. She could only see him vaguely in the dark, but it felt like he could see her. It felt like he was gazing at her, like he adored her.
He’d never been a talker during sex. He’d never needed to talk. He’d always made it perfectly clear how much he wanted her, how much he loved her.
It felt that way again as he claimed her mouth once more, stroking her lips and the inside of her mouth with his tongue as he rocked into her.
It wasn’t enough—not nearly enough—and she slid her hands down to his waistband and then under it so she could grab the firm muscles of his ass. As she did so, she pushed his underwear down, pleased when he lifted his pelvis enough for her to get her hands in between their bodies to stroke his erection.
He grunted as she caressed him until he fell out of the kiss again. “Cassandra,” he rasped, his face hovering just over hers. “Baby.”
He didn’t normally talk even this much in bed, and it made her heart ache in a way that threatened to distract her.
But she was blazing hot and throbbing with need, and she pulled him back down into a kiss until nothing mattered but more of this—with Silas.
He was just as far gone as she was, and before she knew what was happening, he had pulled down the shorts she wore and her panties. She whimpered when his hand found her arousal. “Please, Silas,” she gasped. “Now.”
He grunted again, and she cried out softly as he positioned himself at her entrance and then slowly maneuvered himself inside her.
It was full and tight and so good she cried out again as she relaxed around the penetration. He was panting right above her, and she wished she could see his face. His beard tickled her skin. He was making tight little rocks into her, like he couldn’t quite hold himself still.
She bent her legs up around his hips and pulled him back down into a kiss. He started to thrust as they kissed, and it was exactly what she wanted. Her body tightened down around him as the sensations intensified, and after a few minutes, her climax took her by surprise.
She jerked her head to the side and made a little gasping sound as her body shook through the tremors. He was still thrusting, huffing with every instroke, and she could feel him slowly falling out of rhythm.
He was totally into this. She knew even without seeing his face, even without hearing him say anything. He was panting, and each exhale was almost a groan, like he couldn’t keep himself quiet. Intensity radiated off his body, and she could feel the tension in his back as she clutched and clawed at it helplessly.
His rhythm sped up, and she managed to wrap her legs around his hips, wanting to feel him deeper, harder. She was making little sobbing sounds now as he took her with primitive need.
“Cassandra,” he choked, rocking her body and the bed with the strength of his thrusts.
She was shaking all over, feeling another climax tighten and release, all of it blending into a height of pleasure that didn’t go away. It felt like he was trying to say something, so she gasped, “Silas, yeah.”
“Love you.” The words transformed into a helpless exclamation as his body froze and then jerked against her.
“Yeah,” she managed to force out as she was overwhelmed with pleasure, from his release as much as hers.
He pushed into her as he came, like he was making sure he gave her everything. She kept clawing at him until she finally felt his body start to relax.
She was flushed and sweating and breathless, and she was mumbling out wordless sounds as she pulled him down into a hug. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, his beard as scratchy as his lips were soft.
They hadn’t used a condom, so she felt the gush of moisture between her legs as he started to soften. He shifted on top of her, holding some of his weight off her and then rolling them both onto their sides.
Her thigh muscles were aching, and she was sore and overly sensitive between her legs. Her arm was hurting where his weight rested on it, and her hair was sticking to her face. But she didn’t want to move. She didn’t want to let him go.
It was still totally dark in the cabin and quiet now that the storm had passed.
They could have been alone in the world. She almost wished they were.
He’d said he loved her, and she wondered how much he had meant the words. She assumed he loved her still—the way she did him—but that didn’t mean that everything was the same as it had been. Men said a lot of things in the height of passion. It didn’t necessarily mean what women hoped it meant.
She probably shouldn’t have done this.
“You okay?” he murmured hoarsely, adjusting again so she was resting more comfortably in his arms.
“Yeah.” She stroked his hair and the back of his neck. “We weren’t supposed to do this.”
“Whoops.”
She chuckled at the irony in his tone, although she felt a familiar sliver of fear.
She was feeling too much, too happy. She would be crushed if he pulled away from her—when he pulled away from her.
But she would worry about that later. Right now, she felt too good, and he was holding her like she was precious.
She wasn’t going to let it end until it had to.
***
Cassandra was sore and a little sticky when she woke up again. The cabin was lit by the sunshine through the windows, so it was obviously morning.
Silas was still in bed with her, but his eyes were opened when she looked over at him.
“Are you mad at yourself?” he asked.
She reached over to smooth out his beard. “No.”
“Are you mad at me?”
“No.”
“Are you…” He was watching her closely. “Are you happy?”
“I’m confused,
I think. But I don’t regret what happened. It was…it was good.”
“Yeah. It was.” He smiled at her, and she couldn’t help but smile back.
“We don’t have to figure out what it means right now,” she said.
“No. We don’t—although I know what it means to me.”
She swallowed with a swell of nerves. “Don’t push it, Silas. Please. I need to make sure I’m not jumping into anything too quickly.”
“Of course. Take all the time you need. And if you happen to be in the mood to have another accident like last night, I’ll be here.”
She couldn’t help but laugh again. “Okay. I’m getting up. I want to get home to clean up, and then I’m going over to Eden Manor to get started on the ceiling.”
“Sounds good. Do you want me to build you a scaffolding?”
She drew her eyebrows together. “A what?”
“A scaffolding. For the dining room at Eden Manor. Otherwise, you’re going to have to try to balance on a ladder as you paint the ceiling.”
Ridiculously, she’d never even thought about that. It had never even crossed her mind how she would get up to the ceiling to paint. She felt a swell of affection for Silas, that he’d thought about such a thing. For her. “Don’t you have work you need to be doing? You didn’t get any work done yesterday.”
“I got an early start on the windows from Eden Manor, so I’m ahead of schedule. I can take a day. I don’t like the idea of you spending all that time on a ladder. Even if it was safe, I’m not sure you could focus on painting.”
“I’d appreciate it. Thank you.”
It felt far more natural than it should have to get up, go to the bathroom, and get dressed in the clothes she’d been wearing yesterday, all with Silas in the same one-room cabin. She wouldn’t mind doing it every morning—just like she’d like to go to bed with him every night.
But nothing was that simple, and she was determined to be smart.
So she kept the conversation casual as they went to his car and he drove her back to her parents.
She really hoped her parents wouldn’t ask her about last night. She wasn’t sure what she would say to them.
***