by Jani Kay
Alain gasped, riveted as he watched, his eyes dark with lust. He ran a hand through his hair, his lips twisted into a smile.
I pushed the panties down, one inch at a time, until they was around my ankles. I turned my ass to him, bending over, still in my heels, as I removed the lacy scrap of fabric. Alain cursed. I giggled, peering at him through my splayed legs, licking my lips slowly, my hands on my ass cheeks.
He let out another expletive and with a few strides he stood in front of me.
“Vixen. You win.” He lifted me into his arms and carried me to the fireplace, laying me gently on the carpet. With a satisfied smile, I watched as he ripped his clothing off as if it was on fire.
He turned back to the kitchen.
No. Was he leaving me here like this?
I admired his ass and giggled at his erection standing so proudly, but I wanted him back here.
He turned the gas stove low and brought the candle with him, a wicked grin twisting his lips as he blew the flame out.
“You wanted to know. I will show you.”
He lay beside me, the candle still in his hand. I watched as he tipped molten wax into his palm and rubbed his hands together. My eyes widened as he sat back on his heels and stroked the length of his cock while looking at me, never even flinching.
“God, it’s hot,” I breathed, watching him. He was so sure of himself, so comfortable with his body. It was sexy as hell. He chuckled as I licked my lips.
“Your turn.”
He tipped liquid wax into my palm. I was surprised that it didn’t burn. It was hot, but not uncomfortably so.
“It feels so good,” I said as I rubbed my palms together just as he had shown me.
His eyes glistened as he rasped, “It’s edible too, ma Cherie.”
My breath hitched as I rubbed my palms together and placed my hands on his chest. The warm wax glided over his smooth skin, the perfect lubricant as I massaged his chest, then his abs. Lower down, I massaged the V of his loins till I cupped his balls with one hand and stroked his shaft with the other. I leaned down to tease his tip with my tongue. The taste of him mixed with mandarin was intoxicating.
A groan rumbled from deep within his chest. He removed my hands from his body and pushed me down on the carpet. My turn for a massage. Holding the candle at an angle, he dripped the warm liquid onto my stomach and up to my breasts. It felt warm and soothing, luxuriously sensuous as he massaged the oily wax into my skin.
I wanted those slender hands all over my body.
Mission accomplished.
Chapter 49
Pacing my bedroom, a tight knot had formed in my stomach. This afternoon Alain’s father was returning to the chateau.
I needed to impress the man, so I chose my outfit with extra care. I wanted to look elegant and sophisticated—as if I fitted into the world of the aristocracy. Needing to ask Alain a few questions, I made my way downstairs for breakfast.
Following the sound of voices drifting from his study, I wondered who he was talking to so early in the morning. Surely I was imagining that the female voice sounded familiar. Although I couldn’t understand what she was saying, there was no mistaking the pleading in her voice. Alain was clearly angry; I could hear his voice distinctly.
Unsure about what to do, I froze in the hallway. I didn’t want to eavesdrop, but I was intrigued as hell to know what was going on.
Should I go back upstairs and wait till he comes looking for me?
Just as I was about to turn around, I heard my name. In between rapid-fire French, my name was being thrown about a lot, both their voices raised.
What the hell is going on?
My curiosity got the better of me. I padded closer until I found myself standing in the doorway of Alain’s office. Feeling the blood drain from my face as I went cold, I leaned against the doorjamb for support.
Alain was leaning against his desk, dressed in jeans and a white T-shirt, holding Adrienne by her wrists which were behind her back. She lunged at him, a wild look in her eyes. My mouth went dry as I gaped.
Adrienne was completely naked.
Alain saw me first, distress written all over his face. Adrienne followed his eyes and turned to me.
“He’s mine, whore. I thought you’d packed your bags and left already,” she spat. She pressed her naked body into Alain, and as if to make her point, reached up and kissed him on the lips.
What the fuck is happening?
I couldn’t watch any more. I turned and ran upstairs to my room, trembling.
What did I just walk in on? Clearly there is something between her and Alain. Unfinished business? Is he fucking her while courting me?
Goddamn Fool.
Motherfucker.
He must be laughing at my naivety. How could I believe France’s most eligible bachelor would really be interested in a relationship with me? Adrienne had warned me that she was the chosen one. Had Alain been stringing me along all this time?
Sobbing, my whole body heaved. I felt sick to my stomach.
Where had Alain been the other night? Did he go to her?
I grabbed my bag and threw my clothes into it.
I have to get out of here.
This minute. What a complete idiot I’d been to believe he cared about me. Oh God, what had I gotten myself into?
Panic rose in my chest.
How will I get back to Paris?
I looked up to see Alain standing in the doorway. Drained of color, his skin was pale. He took a few steps forward. “Cherie —”
I cut him short. “Don’t call me that.”
Both his hands were in his hair, a look of despair crossed his eyes.
“Rebecca, it’s not what you think...”
“Really? You want me to believe a naked woman in your arms is nothing? Screw that.”
“It’s not like that— ”
“What is it then, Alain? Are the two of you laughing at the stupid foreign girl? Is Adrienne the one you are going to marry? The one your father approves of? Or is it just her rich daddy’s money you want?”
I laughed, bitter and hysterical. It didn’t sound good, even to my own ears.
If at all possible Alain had turned even whiter, his olive skin as pale as a ghost’s.
Did I hit a nerve?
“Adrienne means nothing. You—”
I didn’t want to hear what he had to say. I’d seen enough. Wild with anger, I kept on ranting. “And, where were you the other night? In her bed—fucking her?” My voice was so high pitched, I hardly recognized myself.
“Rebecca, what you must think of me...” His hand was running through his hair. A vein ticked in his neck.
“Fuck you and fuck Adrienne. Oh wait. You already are.” My palms were sweaty as I clenched my fists. I could just hit something.
“Adrienne is a mistake.”
“Mistake? Fuck yeah. The biggest mistake of your fucking miserable life.”
He took a step toward me, reaching out to me.
“Don’t you dare touch me. I want to go back to Paris. Now.”
“Rebecca...”
“Now, Alain, what part of that don’t you understand?”
I lifted my bag and ran down the stairs.
“Oh. And Adrienne? She can have you. Because I don’t want you.”
Chapter 50
I couldn’t believe my eyes as I walked down the hallway to my hotel room. Julian stood in front of me, looking lost and forlorn. He looked so sad, my heart wanted to break for him.
“Julian. What are you doing here?” I asked, unable to keep the alarm from my voice. “Is everything OK?”
“Becca.” His face came alive when he saw me. He gave me that boyish grin that first made me fall in love with him all those years ago in high school. We were just kids back then. It still tugged at my heartstrings.
How much has changed since then. It feels like another lifetime.
“I had to see you,” he said, “I couldn’t bear it any longer. You weren’t return
ing my emails or my calls. I miss you so much, you have no idea.”
“Melanie...how is Melanie?” I asked, trying to keep my voice even. My heart was thumping in my chest, sending a whooshing sound to my ears. Even my knees started shaking. Seeing Julian in Paris was the last thing I ever expected. How did he even know where to find me. Mom?
“Mel is fine,” he replied. “She is holding on—recovering well after her last chemo. All clear for now. But we never know for how long till the cancer strikes again. She’s visiting her sister for a while, to get away and regain her strength. That’s when I saw the chance to come and find you.”
“Poor Melanie,” I said, genuinely feeling sorry for her. It couldn’t be easy having cancer, trying to make a life when you didn’t know how much time you had left.
“I know, Mel has it tough,” he said, “but my life has been hell without you there. It was more bearable when I had you to lean on, to support me. I miss you.” The sadness had crept back into his voice.
He took a step closer, his eyes clouded. His familiar scent twisted my insides into a knot. Julian reached for me and I automatically stepped into his arms. I was more a creature of habit than I ever realized. Holding me tightly, he inhaled deeply.
“Sweet Jesus. It’s so good to hold you, to feel you against me, to inhale your familiar scent,” he said, his voice breaking.
Paralyzed, I stood in his embrace, trying to figure out how I felt after all this time. My palms were clammy, my heart racing at being so close to him.
“Come home to me. Please,” he pleaded. “Life is not worth living if you aren’t in it.”
I stiffened. “You know I can’t,” I said softly. “She needs you now more than ever. I will always be your friend, but that’s all.”
Julian shoved his hand into his blond hair. “Friend? Did you say friend?” he asked incredulously. “We love one another, Becca. Remember? Ever since high school. I’ve never stopped loving you. Not even for a moment. I want you back in my life. I’ve come to take you home with me.”
“No.” I shook my head. “You’re forgetting a few things, Julian. You are married to Melanie.”
“Melanie is stronger now. I want to tell her it’s over. She has always known it’s you I love. If it wasn’t for that one fucking night—” He squeezed his eyes closed. I understood his pain. It became my pain too.
I rubbed at the ache in my heart. “I know. But that night happened and it can never be undone. You know that. And you can’t leave while she has cancer. It’s just wrong. And I don’t want to be a part of that.”
Julian gripped my shoulders. “No. Listen, Becca. Mel and I have spoken about it. She understands. I think she will even be happy for us, knowing I’ll have you when she is gone.”
I inhaled a shaky breath. “Julian. How can you talk like this? Melanie adores you. You will break her heart and her spirit. She may still be alive for a number of years, especially if the new drug works. You have to be strong and be there for her. She needs you.”
“But, I need you. There’s not a minute that goes by that I don’t yearn for you. To touch you, to be with you. Don’t be so goddamn stubborn. Say you will come back with me.” His eyes were pleading.
“I...I can’t,” I stammered, “I have a new life now. And, a work contract. I can’t be with you while Melanie still needs you...”
“What about my needs? Don’t they count for anything? How can you be so hard on me? Baby, I need you, don’t you see that?” He grabbed both my hands and squeezed them.
“No, Julian. You think you need me, but you’ll be just fine. Melanie is a good wife, she deserves your loyalty. She needs you to be there for her.” I gazed into his eyes, unwavering. “You have to go back to her.”
Julian sucked in a breath. He slowly shook his head as if he didn’t want to hear what I’d just said. “You can’t mean that. It’s no good trying to pretend. You know I fucking love you.” His mouth came down on mine, gently at first, then more insistently. He held me as if he would never let me go again. The familiar feel of him melted my heart; his soft lips and gentle touch, sensations that I had yearned for.
Realizing that we were a spectacle standing in the hallway like this, I pulled away and quickly swiped the card to gain access to my hotel room and let Julian in. Wearily, I placed my jacket over the back of the chair as I walked to the bar fridge to get us each a drink.
This was fucking with my mind. I needed a drink. I poured two little bottles of Jack into a glass and threw it back in one gulp. It burned down my throat. I needed more.
Julian grabbed around my waist and pulled me to him. I pushed my palms against his chest and took a few steps backward. I didn’t want to be so close to him. My mind was reeling. First Alain and now this. I couldn’t fucking think straight.
Why were all the men in my life making it unbearable? I wanted to scream!
Alain screwing Adrienne. Julian professing his love and wanting me to go back to Australia with him. Maxwell the chameleon. My head hurt. I felt sick to the stomach.
I don’t want to deal with all this shit.
“Baby, stop this madness. It’s time we started a real life together. If anything, you leaving has shown me just how much I need you. You’ve always been my rock.”
The way he said baby, in the familiar Julian way with just a little lisp—the way I’d heard him say it a thousand times before, cracked me.
I almost shouted. “I know. But now it’s my turn...I need someone to be my rock.”
Screw that. I needed someone to take care of me. I was sick of always giving and getting nothing in return.
“It’s time I stepped up to the plate, baby. It’s time I took care of you.” His voice was soft, almost pleading.
He closed the distance between us and pulled me to his chest. All the familiar longing overwhelmed my senses. A part of me wanted to just surrender to him, to let him sweep me up and take me home. I knew how much he loved me. It wasn’t his fault fate dealt us an unfair hand.
He kissed me hungrily. I let him. I had to know how I felt after being away from him for all these weeks. His tongue invaded the silkiness of my mouth. The sweet familiar taste of Julian—the taste that still tormented my soul—made my knees go weak.
Julian had always been a gentle lover, but tonight his passion was raging, his need for me overwhelming us both. He lifted me roughly and carried me to the bed, his intentions clear.
“Baby. I need to fuck you. It’s been too long.” His mouth claimed mine once more as laid me down, his weight heavy on top of me. I stared up at him, hopeless to resist. This had been the stuff of my dreams since forever. Maybe my mind was playing tricks on me—maybe this was just another of those vivid dreams.
I watched in stunned silence, as he pulled his navy polo shirt over his head. His beautiful golden chest heaved from his shallow breathing.
Julian crawled over the bed toward me like a lion catching his prey. Folding me into his arms, he pressed me into his chest. Kisses rained on my face, tears spilling from his eyes as he repeated my name over and over. I was spellbound.
His hands slipped to my hips, pushing my skirt up high, his fingers digging into the flesh on my thighs. How I had dreamed of Julian, of his lithe athletic body, of him inside me, making love to me, possessing every part of me.
“Julian, no. We...can’t. I won’t.”
A look of disbelief crossed his face. He shook his head, as if trying to figure out if he heard correctly. I’d never denied Julian before.
“Baby. I want you—now and forever...I fucking love you.” The way he called me baby had always been my weakness. But not now. I found an inner strength.
“No. Melanie.” The words rasped from my dry mouth.
“Melanie? Are you fucking kidding me? It’s because of her—” I watched as a vein ticked in his jaw. Her name was more than a safe word. She was the barrier between us. Ever since that night.
He sat back, his hands in his hair. Indescribable pain radiated from his h
azel eyes. “Fuck Melanie.” It was the first time he’d ever spoken of her like that.
Trembling, I pulled my knees up to my chin, hugging myself, biting my bottom lip till I tasted blood.
I have to stay strong.
He turned to sit on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands, his eyes closed.
“I’ve fucked up big time, haven’t I?” The despair in his voice was palpable. “You’re never coming back to me, are you?”
“No, Julian. I'm not coming back. As long as Melanie is alive, I can’t. Ever. You made a choice that night. I know it was a mistake. But it’s changed our path forever.”
He let out a row of expletives, tumbling from his lips as if they’d cure his raw pain.
“You’ve got to go home, Julian. It’s over between us. I mean it.”
“Who is he? Who is the guy you’re fucking, Rebecca?” he roared. He only ever called me Rebecca when he was angry.
“N...nobody,” I said. It was true, I’d left Alain.
“Don’t lie to me, Becca. Please, not to me...”
I cast my eyes down. I couldn’t stand to see the hurt in his. “I met a guy...” I whispered, “But, he doesn’t want me.” My voice was hardly audible as I spilled the truth.
“I could kill him,” Julian roared. “The fool.”
Alain said the same about you, Julian. And here I am—with neither of you.
I curled into a ball. Wanting to die.
In France.
Lost.
Chapter 51
The two weeks that followed were torture. Being lost and alone was not fun. I kept on second guessing my decision to send Julian home. After all, he’d come all this way to see me. To fetch me home.
It’s what I’d secretly hoped for when I left, right?
I’d loved Julian since high school; it would have been my dream come true to finally be with him. But during our first year at university the dream got fucked up.
Melanie happened.
One drunken night with her happened.
Their baby happened.
A new precious and innocent life that deserved more than this.