by Kady Hunt
I felt like some part of my memory was gone.
All I could remember was the pain from the fight while we were heading to the emergency room with Liam. We’re still talking when my phone rings, and I grab it from Sebastian’s hand. It’s Mia. “I have to take this,” I say to Sebastian and pick up the phone before he can stop me. “Mia!”
“Hey, Teague. Are you alright?”
“I’m fine.”
“Why didn’t you call me and tell me you were going out for drinks?”
“I’m sorry, Mia. I didn’t think it was going to take long, but I guess I had too much to drink without thinking.”
“It’s okay. I was worried, that’s all.”
“What’re you doing?”
“I’m spending the day with Selena.”
“Really?”
“Well, she would have killed me if I hadn’t. By the way, she totally thinks Sebastian is going to call her.”
“And you’re telling me this because?”
“Because you can ask Sebastian if it’s true.”
“Why would she think that anyway?”
“I don’t know. Just ask him for me, will you? I have to go. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Mia,” I say, almost on the brink of tears. “I love you.”
“I know baby. I love you, too.”
She hangs up and I have to force myself not to cry. “Well,” I say to Sebastian. “I handled this, but what am I going to tell her when she calls again?”
“We’ll figure something out.”
“Oh,” I say. “There’s one more thing. Mia wanted me to ask you if you were going to call Selena to ask her out any time soon.”
Sebastian gets a strange look on his face. “What?”
“I don’t know,” I say. “I saw you guys dancing the other night. Seemed like you two were hitting it off. You and Selena make a great couple and she’s had a crush on you forever, dude. You know that.”
“Yeah, but I don’t like her that way.”
“Not even a simple fuck?”
“You know I don’t do that, Teague.”
“I know, but fuck Sebastian. Who the hell are you waiting for?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“I know.”
“What…do you know?”
“The letters. The person who wrote the letters, you’re still waiting for her, aren’t you? You’re hoping that she’ll show up someday and she’ll look like some Greek Goddess and the two of you will be soulmates and all meant to be?”
“I know it sounds stupid,” Sebastian says but I cut him off. “It doesn’t,” I say. “I think it’s kind of beautiful.”
“Also stupid.”
“Most beautiful things are stupid.”
“I know but…I’m just chasing after a dream, Teague.”
“Hey. Dreams come true, Sebastian.”
This time he looks up at me. “Maybe for some people, Teague.”
“And you’re not that person?” I say. “What makes you think that way?”
“I don’t know.”
“Sebastian. Is there something I should know? Something you’re not telling me?”
There’s that look again. Nervousness. Panic. “No. No, there really isn’t.” He gets up from the bed and walks towards the dresser drawer, opens and tosses me a pair of jeans. “I went to your loft and got some clothes,” he says. “If you want me to bring more, I’ll do that on my way back.”
“Way back?” I ask. “You’re going somewhere?”
“I’m meeting Liam for dinner.”
“Oh. Sure.”
“Will you be okay on your own?” Sebastian asks. “I can always cancel. Do it another time.”
“No, Sebastian. This is work. You have to take it seriously. Already you skipped on the shoot today because of me. If he wants to sit and discuss something, then go. I’ll be fine.”
“Okay, well. There’s food in the fridge and takeout menu.”
“I know where everything is, Sebastian. It’s not the first time I’m staying here, dude.”
“Right.”
“Just because I’m sick, doesn’t mean I’ve lost my mind.”
“Okay then,” he says. “I’ll be off.”
He hasn’t gone yet when my fingers start to itch again. They hover over my cell phone for quite some time before I force them to place the phone on the nightstand and leave the room.
The Meeting
LIAM
I can’t believe how punctual he is. Exactly at eight, I see Sebastian’s car pull up from the restaurant’s large window. Who does that anymore? You do, Liam. Right. Moving on. I have to wave to him a little so he knows where I am and he smiles and starts walking in my direction.
“Hey,” he says, sitting down across from me.
“How’s your friend doing?”
“Teague,” he says. “Well, he’s fucked up. He had to lie to his girlfriend about the whole thing and he’s not taking that whole almost-killed business too well. He’s not saying it out loud but I know the way his mind works and he’s beating himself up over it. I just wish there was something I could do.”
“Sometimes, the only thing you can do is be there for people. And I think you’re doing a pretty good job of that.”
“Yeah, but I want to be able to do more.”
“Look,” I say. “This is all new right now. He’s having trouble coming to terms with the whole incident, but he will get better in time. Trust me.”
“I hope so.”
“So, how about we order first?”
The waiter brings us wine.
“I picked the wine, I hope you don’t mind.” I say but already know the answer as Sebastian takes a sip.
“Not at all,” he says, looking delighted. “You’re good at it, so why the hell not?”
“It’s strange,” I say. “But I don’t have a lot of friends. Not close ones anyway, just acquaintances. People I know because of business deals or people interested in becoming friends because they think they can use me to climb the social ladder.”
“That sounds incredibly lonely.”
“You know I’ve never wanted a lot of people around me,” I say and I don’t even know why I’m telling him all that. “I always sort of kept to myself when I was younger and that hasn’t changed much. But I do want a family. I don’t want to stay a single man the rest of my life.”
“Aren’t women dying to marry you?”
“They are,” I say. “I’m just not dying to marry them.”
“Don’t you have a girlfriend?”
“Not at the moment, no.”
“So, what do you want in a life partner?”
“Someone who can die for me,” I say, looking straight at him. “Someone I can die for.”
He smiles. “You do that too,” Sebastian says.
“Do what?”
“Chase after dreams.”
There’s something unbelievably sad about the way he says this. And that sadness lingers even after he’s stopped talking.
“Some dreams are worth chasing, Sebastian.”
He looks at me like I’ve said something he doesn’t quite believe but wants to. The waiter comes with the menus and we get busy ordering. We get more wine and Sebastian starts to loosen up. “You know I never had one-night stands,” Sebastian says, laughing. “Everyone I knew fucked everyone else but I never could. So, I always felt left out. Sometimes I used to lie to my friends, make up stories about some girl so they wouldn’t tease me but I think they all knew that I was lying to cover up the fact that I didn’t have to guts to go for what I wanted. And it was true I didn’t…have the guts to go for what I wanted.”
The food arrives and we get busy eating. “So,” Sebastian says. “Why did you call me here?”
“I just wanted to make sure everything was okay.”
“Oh.”
“You sound disappointed.”
“No…it’s just…I thought this might be work-related.”
> “Well, it is. I’m finding out if latest model is doing okay?”
“I’m not the one who got bashed last night and almost-killed someone.”
“No,” I say. “You’re just the guy who helped a friend all night and clearly didn’t get much sleep. And you’re obviously still worried about him.”
“You know, Teague and I, we’ve grown up together. He’s always been there for me. Fending off bullies in school or worrying about me when I didn’t have a date and he did. He’s done a lot for me and now he’s put me in a situation where he’s in trouble and there’s not much I can do.”
“Sebastian, you’re already doing all you can!”
“Yeah, but I just want it all to go away. Fuck, why doesn’t life come with an UNDO button?”
His phone rings and he checks the number. “It’s Mia. Why’s she calling me?”
“Do you want to pick it up?”
“No,” he says and places the phone down. He checks the time. “But I do have to get back soon. I don’t want Teague to be on his own until he…you know…gets better.”
“Sure,” I say, hoping I am able to keep a straight face so the disappointment doesn’t show. We finish dinner and head outside the restaurant.
“Thanks for dinner,” Sebastian says.
I know I can’t stop myself any longer. I just grab Sebastian by the shoulders and pull him closer, place my mouth on his and kiss him. He breaks away and shoves at me. “What the fuck, Liam!” he says. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
“Sebastian,” I say. “Quit the act, okay? I know.”
“You know?”
“I’ve kissed straight guys,” I say. “And that wasn’t a straight guy kiss, Sebastian. Straight guys don’t lean in and kiss you back before they push you away. They get right to the pushing away part.”
He glares at me for a second, and then turns around and starts walking towards his car.
“What’s the matter, Sebastian?” I say. “Afraid people are going to think of you as a freak? Well, newsflash, Sebastian. People already know you’re a freak because you’ve never gone out with a woman your entire life!”
Sebastian stops and turns to face me. There are tears in his eyes. “Fuck you, Liam. You think you know everything, don’t you? That you’ve got people down to a science? Well, you know what I think? I think you’re just too damn full of yourself.”
I walk up to him, expecting him to leave but he doesn’t. “Sebastian,” he says. “Your whole life has been a lie. You’ve been keeping your feelings bottled up because you feel the need to hide this truth from everyone. Well, you don’t have to hide it from me. Please. Let me be that one person that you can be yourself with.”
He’s listening so I keep going. “Sebastian,” I say, taking a risk and cupping his face with my hands and he doesn’t even push me away this time. “We have something. You know we do. I care about you, deeply; you’re not some one night stand for me Sebastian!”
“You don’t even know me,” he says. “We barely met two days ago.”
“We’ve known each other a lot longer than that,” I say. “Two years, give or take.”
“I don’t understand—”
I take my hands off his face and reach into pockets, search for a letter. Once I find it, I hand it over to him.
“What’s this?” he asks, opening the letter and reading the contents.
“This is the last letter I was going to send you,” I say. “I was going to end it because you never gave me an answer to my request to meet you.”
He looks up at me. “Then why didn’t you?”
I pause.
“Because,” I say. “Once I saw you, at the party, I couldn’t stop myself. I realized that day that I couldn’t just let you go, that I had to try harder.”
“I need to go home,” he says.
I kiss him again and this time he kisses me back with passion, not even caring that people are watching. But just when I think I’ve made some headway, he pulls away again. “I’m sorry, Liam. I…I’m not strong enough.”
“I can be strong for the both of us,” I say.
He stands there, our faces so close but then he just starts walking away again and I’m suddenly lost and alone.
Frightened.
And before I can convince him to rethink this, he’s already gone.
Home Sweet Home
SEBASTIAN
“Oh my God,” I say, grabbing the remote from Teague. “Are you seriously watching boxing matches again? I thought you’d have been scarred for life.”
“Hey,” Teague says. “They soothe me. Now give me back the remote!”
“This is my house, I get to decide what we watch,” I say, switching to a channel that’s showing some action-thriller.
“I’m sick,” Teague says. “Sick and depressed trumps home-owner.”
“In your dreams.”
“You know if I could walk,” Teague says. “That remote would already be in my hand.”
I grin. “But you can’t…walk. Poor baby.”
“You know you’re going to get your ass kicked when I’m better, right?”
“If you kick my ass, I’ll tell Mia everything.”
Teague glares at me. “Don’t even joke about that.”
“Teague, I’m sorry. I was joking you know I would never do that.”
The buzzer rings and I get up to get the door and throw the remote to Teague who catches it and promptly proceeds to change the channel before I’ve even left the room. I shake my head and head to answer the door.
“Yes?” I say to the face that’s partly in shadows standing outside my doorstep.
Before I can answer, he pushes his way in, grabs me by the shirt, and slams me into a wall and starts kissing me. “Liam, stop!” I say, breaking off. “Teague’s in the other room!”
“That’s why we’re making out here,” Liam says, and still hasn’t stopped trying to kiss me and I don’t know why I’m kissing him back. It’s like he’s unleashed something inside me, something that’s been asleep or dead for so long, that I’d forgotten it even existed. Something that’s making my insides melt and my heart beat faster.
I have a disease and he’s the only cure.
“Liam,” I say, trying to break off again. “We can go to my room. We can’t…here.”
“Why? Are you a screamer?” Liam asks, grinning.
“I don’t know.”
Liam looks at me. “You don’t know?” His eyebrows lift almost of their own accord and he’s stopped trying to kiss me though he still has his hands on my shirt. “Sebastian,” he says. “Is this…I mean, would this be your first time?”
I can feel the flush creeping up on my cheeks. “Maybe.”
Liam lets go of me. “Fuck,” he says. “Then we can’t do this.”
“What?” I can’t believe he’s even saying that. I have a bloody erection in my pants that doesn’t look like it’s going to go away anytime soon and he’s telling me he can’t do it? What the hell? “You got me all hot and bothered and now you’re telling me you can’t?”
He grins again. “I got you all hot and bothered?”
“Shut up!” I say and move away from the wall. “And get out!”
Liam grabs my forearm and pulls me toward him. His fingers go over my face, and he’s just looking at me, his gaze fixed on me. “Don’t be angry,” he says. “That’s not what I meant.”
I don’t know what to say so I just stand there and wait for him to talk. “You know how hard you’re breathing?” Liam whispers. “It means your heart is beating fast. Now you know how I feel every time I think about you, every time I see you.”
“Why’re you telling me all that?”
“Because,” he says. “I want you to know that this is real. I want you to know that you don’t have to be afraid of anything because I’m going to protect you and take care of you. I’ve never felt that way for anyone, Sebastian.”
“There are things about me you don’t know.�
��
“I know everything I need to.”
“Don’t be too sure,” I say. “I’m pretty sure if you knew everything about me, you’d leave.”
“Try it,” Liam says. “I’ll prove you wrong, every time. I’m not going anywhere.”
“So why did you stop?”
“Because I don’t want our first time…your first time to be like this,” he says. “Just trust me. Okay?”
I’ve waited this long.
Doesn’t make any sense to rush it now.
My phone buzzes in my pocket and I take it out. “Fuck,” is the only understandable response I can come up with.”
“What’s wrong?”
And just like that, I’m far away from this thing with Liam. “I’m sorry,” I say. “Something’s come up. Can we continue this some other time?”
“Of course,” Liam says. “Give me a call.”
“I will,” I say and he kisses me one last time before he leaves. I brace myself for what’s about to happen and head back in the room where Teague is staring at his phone, just as I suspected. “They know,” he says, and he looks so vulnerable saying this I just want to go over there and hug him but I don’t know if that’s going to be appropriate. “How do they know, Sebastian?”
“Look, we’ll fix this. So what if people know? It’s not like you killed anyone! The last time I talked to Vince that guy was still breathing and heading towards recovery, I’m sure he’s doing even better now.”
“The guy’s dead.”
“What? What’re you talking about, Teague?”
Teague looks distraught. “I’m officially a murder suspect.”
“Can’t Vince help?” I say. “He works for the mob! He’s known for being corrupt! I’m sure he can find a way to keep you out of jail.”
“Vince just texted me. Said this thing is getting out of hands and might not be as easy to handle, as we thought.”