by Kady Hunt
“Fuck,” I say, almost dropping to the couch because I need something to keep me from falling. I know I’m supposed to keep Teague positive here, but I feel like I’m having trouble controlling my own feelings.
Teague’s phone starts ringing almost instantly.
The Worst Case Scenario
TEAGUE
Just seeing Mia’s name on the phone screen makes me want to run. But I’m not that person, I don’t run from things. The only thing to do now is to own up to what I did and face whatever consequences lie ahead of me. “Mia?”
“You lied to me, Teague.” I can feel the tremor in her voice, the sadness. I did this. I feel like even more of a monster than I did before.
“Mia,” I say. “Yes, I lied. I lied to you and I’m sorry.”
“You think an apology is going to cut it?”
“I know it’s not,” I say.
“Is that guy really dead?”
I can’t believe it either but it must be the truth if Vince is saying it and if that stupid #Hashtag post is saying it. “I think so.”
“You think so? You don’t know for sure?”
“Mia,” I say. “It was just a fight, okay? An illegal, underground fight! Shit happens! I wasn’t trying to kill anyone!” I start to say that it wasn’t my fault, but that would be a lie. “I know it’s my fault, all of it. I didn’t tell you because you would freak out, Mia.”
“Yes!” Mia says. “Freaking out would have been the right response for something like this! This…what is happening just now, Teague, that’s what I would have been freaking out over. But I guess you wanted to win that fight more than you wanted to be with me, Teague. You chose this. Whatever follows, is on you.”
She hangs up.
I’m left stranded and with no idea what to do next.
Sebastian is still sitting there across from me and looking worried. “How do you not hate me, Sebastian?” I yell. “Everyone else is!”
He says nothing.
We both sit there in silence for a long time before he gets up. “I don’t buy it,” he says, picking up his jacket from the back of the couch and putting it on.
“What’re you talking about?”
“I don’t buy it, Teague. That guy was fine! Vince told me he was stable! How did he suddenly just die? Something doesn’t fit, Teague.”
“Maybe you just want to believe I’m innocent.”
“You should want that too, Teague. You hear me? You are innocent. I know you didn’t kill anyone. Okay? Even if that guy did die, Teague, accidents happen all the time! And he knew the risks going in. You didn’t break into someone’s place and stabbed a knife into them; you were at a fucking boxing match! It’s a game! Sometimes players get wounded and die; you know how many football injuries kill high school and college students every year? No one puts those guys in jail! Brutal or not, it’s considered a sport.”
“The difference,” I say. “Is that this was illegal.”
“Yeah. That’s about the only difference.”
“Legal games have rules; they have…safeguards for the protection of their players.”
“Yeah,” Sebastian says. “That’s why so many of them end up dead or with life-long injuries.”
“The percentage of dying in a legal game is lower than in some illegal match!”
“Yeah. LOWER. Not zero. Not negative.”
“What’re you going to do, Sebastian?” I yell. “Change the world’s ideas about violent sports?”
“No. But if they can get away with it, I’ll make sure that you can too.”
“How?”
“I don’t know yet,” Sebastian says. “But I’ll figure something out, Teague. I promise. And if nothing works, then we’ll just get you out of this town even if you have to run from the cops for the rest of your life.”
“I don’t run, Sebastian.”
“We can talk about that later.”
“No, Sebastian. I’m not going to run. If this does go down badly, I’m going to own up to what I did, even if I end up in prison.”
Sebastian looks at me, and I know what he’s thinking. But he has to know that’s not even an option as far as I’m concerned. “Fine,” he says at last. “Then I guess I’ll just have to find a way to get you out of this mess.”
Something About the Pain
MIA
“Maybe this is a hoax, Mia.” Selena says, still glaring at her phone screen. “I just can’t believe Teague is capable of anything like this.”
“Selena,” I say, walking over to the bed in my room and taking a seat next to her. “He told me he lied to me.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah.”
“So, what’re you going to do?”
“I don’t know, Selena!”
My phone rings and I pick it up. “What is it Sebastian?”
“Can we talk?”
“We are talking, aren’t we?”
“You need to talk to him, Mia.”
“What the hell for?”
“Mia, this is the worst time in his life! Aren’t you even worried how he’s doing?”
“Did he worry about me last night?” I snap. “Did he worry at all, about what was going to happen if things went wrong? No. He went ahead and made the decision for the both of us so now he has to live with it.”
“Mia,” Sebastian says. “I just talked to Vince.”
“Why’re you telling me that?”
“Look, I don’t want to get your hopes up, but Vince said that guy Teague beat up, didn’t die of the injuries. They think there might be foul play involved.”
“So Vincent’s going to keep him out of prison?”
“He’s trying.”
“Don’t you get it, Sebastian? Do you think I’m going to just forgive him for all this if he doesn’t go to prison?”
“Mia, I know it’s—”
“No, Sebastian! You don’t know. You have any idea the kind of pain his actions have put me through? You think I’m not worried? About him? About what he’s gotten himself into? I love him, Sebastian, you know that. But this is why I don’t trust men. The minute you think they’re not going to break your heart, they do exactly that.”
“He loves you, Mia. He needs you right now. Please.”
“What about what I need?”
“Look. Just comfort him right now. I promise everything will be fine.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“I just know that I’ll do everything possible to help him.”
“Sebastian. I’m sorry, but I’m not going to see him. I don’t think I’m ever going to see him again.”
“Mia.”
“Thanks for calling, Sebastian. I got to go.”
I hang up and Selena comes to hug me. “I’m sorry, Mia.”
I finally allow myself to cry. “I really thought he was the one, that he was the one person on this earth who wouldn’t hurt me this way or break my trust. But you were right, Selena. We’re no different from any other couple in this world.”
“Mia, maybe you shouldn’t make decisions right now. You’re angry and I get that, but you love him and he loves you, you know that.”
“Yeah. He loves me alright. Just not enough to keep from breaking my heart.”
Nothing But The Truth
SEBASTIAN
Liam opens the door and when he sees me he looks surprised. Of course he’s surprised, I just decided to go over there without any warning. There are only so many walks you can take in the middle of the night.
“Is everything okay?” he asks right away.
“Fine,” I say, even though nothing is fine.
“Isn’t it a bit late for you to be out?” Liam asks leading me to the den.
We stand in front of the fireplace and he pours me a drink. “Sit.”
“I’m fine.”
“So,” Liam says. “Tell me what you came here to say.”
“You got the new updates from that #HT person?”
“Yes. The ones about Teag
ue. I’m so sorry, Sebastian. This thing looks like it’s getting out of hands.”
“Well, it is. But here’s the thing: Vince called and told me that the cops think there was foul play involved in Bob’s murder.”
“Bob?”
“The guy…Teague injured.”
“Right.”
“So,” I say. “There might be a chance that Teague might not go to prison.”
“Sebastian,” Liam says. “You do realize that you’re talking about the murder of a person? Your friend beat that guy to death. Whether he died from the injuries or not is beside the point. Don’t you realize that he’s a danger? To others and to himself.”
“That wasn’t the response I was expecting.”
“What were you expecting?” Liam says. “That I tell you I’m okay with your friend killing someone? Is that what you wanted to hear?”
“He’s my friend, Liam. I’ve known him—”
“Since you were kids, yes we’ve all heard the story!”
I place the drink glass on the coffee table. “Maybe it was a bad idea coming here,” I say but Liam stops me.
“Wait,” he says. “Look, I’m sorry. Okay? He’s your friend and you know him better than I do. I get it. I shouldn’t be quick to judge him.”
“Liam, I came to you because I thought maybe you could help.”
“I don’t know if I want to get involved in this mess, Sebastian.”
“Mess?” I snap. “You mean my best friend?”
“You sure he’s just a best friend and nothing more?”
The words make me angry. “How long have you been holding on to that one, Liam?”
“Look, I’m sorry. It’s just that you’re spending an awful amount of energy on someone who clearly doesn’t deserve it.”
“Coming here was a bad idea,” I say, and this time I’m really about to leave when Liam steps right in front of me.
“Are you seriously trying to stop me by blocking my way?” I ask.
“You’re not going anywhere.”
“Yes. I am.”
“I’ll help your friend,” Liam says. “I’ll make sure he stays out of prison. You have my word. But you’ll have to do something for me in return.”
“What’s that?”
“Go on a real date,” Liam says. “And not in some unforeseeable future, I mean this weekend. I’ll take you to your favorite restaurant, we’ll have your favorite food and we’ll come back to my place.” He steps up closer to me. “For dessert.”
“Are you seriously telling me the only way you’ll help my friend is if I go out with you?” I say. “That’s blackmail, Liam.”
“Is that what they call it?”
I roll my eyes. “Get out of my way, Liam!”
“I was kidding, okay?” Liam says. “I’ll help your stupid friend.”
“Then I’ll go on your stupid date.”
He grins suggestively. “One date with me,” he says. “And you’ll realize that you’re making the best decision of your life.”
“Then why do I feel like I’m making a deal with the Devil?”
“Because you are,” Liam says. “But let’s face it, Sebastian. You’re sick and tired of being an angel. A little bit of the devil inside you won’t hurt.”
If that’s not innuendo I don’t know what is. “How soon do you think you can resolve the Teague situation?”
Liam actually grimaces this time. “Within the next few days.”
“You mean that?”
Liam looks right at me. “You have my word.”
Behold the Silence of Pain
TEAGUE
“Teague, you’re being an idiot!” Sebastian yells from the car.
But I don’t listen to him.
I can’t.
I have a purpose.
And a pain in my chest that’s threatening to make me do things that I don’t want to do and I want that pain to end. It’s been weeks and I’ve had enough of people telling me what I can and cannot do. If she won’t see me any other way then she will have to see me my way. No one, not even Sebastian will come in the way of that. I’m sick and tired of doing what’s safe.
I see Mia in the café and Selena and her other friends are there. When I go inside the whole place goes silent. For a minute, I’m tempted to listen to Sebastian and go back, but then I take a step forward and there’s no going back after that.
Mia looks incredible.
The dress she’s wearing is new; I’ve never seen it before. Selena gives me strange glances and so do Mia’s friends and the rest of the people in the café. Yes, I’m a freak. I don’t give a shit. Before I was a freak in silence and now I’m a freak on display. That’s the only difference. After everything that’s happened the past few weeks, I can’t delay this any longer.
“Mia,” I say. “I’m sorry.”
She gets up quietly and leaves the booth, starts walking towards the door. “Mia, stop!”
“What do you think you’re doing?” she turns and asks. “Do you think that if you create some kind of scene that I’ll just fall back in your arms? You think you can change my mind this way?”
“No, Mia. I don’t expect you forgive me, I don’t even expect you want me around. But I can’t help it. I can’t help that I’m still madly in love with you and I can’t help that I do nothing all day but sit and think about everything I’ve done, all the ways I’ve hurt you and I can’t help that I want to be with you and I want to make up for it.”
She gets tears in her eyes. “You can’t make up for it.”
“Mia,” I say, gently this time. “I know ever since you found your parents were cheating on each other and still continued to stay married, you’ve been wary of relationships. I know how much you want to fall in love with someone, how badly you want to be loved back but I know how scared you are of the very same thing. And I know I told you that I would never hurt you, Mia and that’s why you gave me a chance. And I was happy. And that should have been enough—I just—I hadn’t thought this through. I hadn’t…fuck Mia…I made a mistake.”
“I can’t trust you again, Teague.”
“Yes,” I say. “Yes, you can. This is the last time I fuck up, Mia. It will never happen again. You have my word.”
“I don’t believe you,” she says and walks out of the café so I go after her but she continues to walk away from me.
“Mia stop!” I say. “Stop or I’ll pick you up right now and fuck you in the middle of the street.”
She turns to me. I wish those tears would leave. I wish the pain in her eyes would go with them. “You think this is a joke?” she says. “That you can make wisecracks and talk your way out of it?”
“Please forgive me.”
She’s still crying but at least she’s not going away. “What do you want from me, Teague?”
“I want us to be like we were before,” I say. “I want us to move past this, so we can step into the future, Mia. Together. I just want this to be over.” Tears come to my eyes too and I slowly walk up to her and fall to my knees. “Mia, I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. It was just…just something I wanted to do! Supposed to be a little fun! It got out of hands but I never meant to hurt you or anyone.”
“I know that.”
“So why won’t you forgive me?”
“Teague,” she says. “Forgiving you is not the problem. I just don’t think I can go back to what we had.”
I grab her hand and kiss it. “Mia,” I say. “I want you in my life, whatever way you want me to be. So long as we’re together, I don’t give a shit if you fuck fifty guys!”
She laughs through the tears. “I don’t want to fuck fifty guys you idiot! I want to fuck you!” she says. “Everything was going well, why’d you have to fuck it up you asshole?”
“Can I get up now?”
“No.”
“Okay.”
“Promise me,” she says. “Promise me no more fighting. No more illegal stuff, Teague. None. No more hurting me. I won’t gi
ve you another chance, I mean it.”
“I promise.”
“You can get up now.”
I still keep my hold on her hand and stand and kiss her. Fuck, it feels like home. I have no words to describe that feeling. “Does that mean you’re giving us another chance?”
“One last chance,” she says, and starts walking away again.
I run after her. “Is that a new dress?”
I can feel her laughing again.
I see Sebastian and he smiles at me and I smile at him and gesture to Mia’s car. I mouth the words ‘thank you’ and he nods. But I can tell there’s something going on that he’s not telling me. Maybe he’s still worried. That’s probably it. I dismiss the thought for now and focus on Mia. “Can I drive?” I ask. “I promise I won’t drive fast.”
Mia stops. “You won’t drive fast?” she says. “Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to? If you won’t drive it fast then I will,” she says and gets inside the driver’s side.
I guess I will have to get used to riding shotgun.
Never-ending
MIA
I’m lying on Teague’s couch on a Sunday afternoon wearing nothing but the turquoise lacy underwear I put on when I was coming here at the start of the weekend. The living room is all large windows and there’s so much light coming in, the whole place looks warm. It makes me not want to think about anything else. But the thoughts that I’m supposed to think about are also there, waiting to haunt me in ways that scare me. Every time I close my eyes I see that dream—the fantasy of the man in the desert—it was something I’ve had ever since I can remember having dreams; it was the thing that gave me hope when I needed it the most, and made tough times that much easier to bear. That dream was my go-to place; the ever-accessible respite from just about anything; it was the one place where I could go and gain strength, where it was okay to dream for things that were unattainable, okay to indulge in fantasy, okay to escape whatever reality I was facing at the time.
When Teague became part of that world inside me, I will never know. All I know is that somewhere along the course of me not wanting to get serious about anyone and Teague pushing his way through my walls, he managed to get in. Somehow, he managed to become that person who broke through and gave me reason to think about things that I was afraid to think about before. But with all the good comes all the bad—bad like Teague getting in the middle of that cage fight incident. Bad, like Teague becoming someone I’ve started to rely on and I know I’m supposed to be careful, but I don’t know how to separate him from the dream anymore. Every time I close my eyes now, it’s not some faceless stranger anymore it’s Teague—when the hell did that happen? And why the hell did I let it? This never-ending fantasy of thinking that we’re going to end up different than everyone else, it keeps gnawing at me and it’s frightening to think that I might go through what I went through just a few weeks ago when #HT portrayed Teague as some cold-blooded monster.