by Kady Hunt
“What consequences?”
“That little secret of yours that I know about? It’s not going to remain a secret anymore.”
He looks at me and for the second time in one day, he looks betrayed. “You’re going to hold that over my head?”
“Let’s face it, Sebastian. That’s your secret and this, what you heard, is mine. Haven’t you heard about Quid Pro Quo?”
“My secret is nothing like this!”
“That’s what you think,” I say. “But are you sure the world is going to look at it the same way? Especially your ‘friends?’”
He says nothing. “You promised me.”
“Yeah well, fuck that! You promised to always be with me and understand me! But you broke it too! I don’t see understanding in your words, Sebastian. I don’t see the love.”
“You can’t force people to love you.”
“Oh please,” I say. “Love? Who even knows what it is. All I know is that I want you. And I’m willing to pay the price.”
There are tears in his eyes but he doesn’t wait for me to wipe them and rubs the back of his sleeve against his face. “Is this really what you want?”
It’s not.
How can it be?
But I have no choice.
It’s either this or being without him and I can’t let that happen, I just can’t. I’ve spent lifetimes, wanting him, needing him, and I can’t let all of that go to waste. Now that I’ve felt what it’s like to be with him, I can’t even think of life without this—without him.
So what if he thinks I’m a monster?
So what if I know that I am?
He doesn’t understand now, but he will see.
He will see I’m only doing this for him.
And maybe, just maybe he won’t think of me as the monster then.
The Visit
TEAGUE
“Teague?” Ashley says and I can’t even believe she’s there. She comes so I stand up and she hugs me so I hug her back. That embrace gives just a tiny amount of comfort so I let her hug me for a bit. “Teague, what happened?”
“Mia,” he says. “This guy he…he took everything…and then he…he stabbed me…he stabbed her…” I don’t even know the words that are coming out of my mouth but I can’t seem to stop. “They say she’s stable now, but fuck!”
“Teague. I’m so sorry. What kind of monster would do such a thing?”
“I was supposed to protect her, Ashley. I failed!”
Ashley hugs me again. “Teague. You can’t blame yourself for what happened!”
“Fuck!”
Ashley breaks away.
We both sit silently on the chairs and now she’s waiting with me. She notices the arm. “You’re hurt, Teague!”
“It’s nothing big. I guessed he must have missed or something. They stitched it up.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah.”
“I can’t believe this is happening,” she says. “Almost seems like a dream.”
“A nightmare.”
“Yes. A nightmare. A horrible…horrible nightmare, Teague.”
“But she will be fine,” Ashley says. “You just have to be patient.”
“I won’t be able to rest until I can hear that from her.”
There’s silence again.
Ashley opens her purse and takes out a flask. She takes one sip and then hands the flask to me. “No thanks,” I say. I have to be alert. She could wake up any time and I need to be awake when that happens, not smashed out of my mind.
“Teague,” Ashley says. “It’s just one drink. It will help you relax.”
Maybe she’s right.
Maybe I’m just making a big deal out of this, a few sips won’t hurt.
I take the flask from her and take that sip. “It’s like everything is going wrong at the same time,” I say. “I’m starting to think I’m cursed or something.”
“You’re not cursed,” Ashley says. “Life’s a bitch sometimes. But nothing stays forever, not even bad times.”
“You sound like an ad for Maxi pads.”
She laughs. “Oh my God, Teague! I miss that humor.”
She goes silent then. “You know the humor isn’t the only thing I miss.”
“Ashley—”
“I know…that was inappropriate.”
Somehow, I’ve ended up finishing whatever was in the flask.
“Hey,” Ashley says when she sees that. “There’s more in the car.”
“I probably shouldn’t.”
“You can’t fight pain without medicine, Teague.”
I don’t know why but I find myself agreeing. I don’t know, maybe it was the fact that I wanted to get out of that confined space or just the fact that I’d have access to more ‘medication’ but I decided to just go with it. We walked up to Ashley’s car, and the image of what happened just a few hours ago comes back to haunt me.
“Teague? Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I say, getting in the passenger side.
Ashley reaches in the back of the car and brings out a bag. She opens it and places an Altoid tin on her lap. She places the bag in the back again and opens the tin. I know what’s inside it before she’s even shown me the contents; that’s how well I know her.
Or maybe that’s how well she knows me.
“Fuck, Ashley. No. We’re not doing that.”
“What’s the big deal, Teague?”
“The big deal is that you’re asking me to do drugs in your car!”
“Since when did you become anti-drugs?”
“I’m not anti-anything! I just don’t want to right now.”
“Is it because of Mia? Have you made a promise to her or something? Is that it?”
“You don’t understand.”
She stoops and does a line. Then silently hands me the tin. I can’t believe I actually take it from her and do exactly what I’ve been forcing myself not to. “Great,” I say. “Now I’ve broken my promise.”
“Teague, no one’s telling her.”
“Secrets have a way of coming out, Ashley.”
“Teague,” she says, placing a hand on top of mine. “This is me. You can be yourself. You don’t have to pretend to be someone else.”
“It’s not pretending, Ashley!”
“You can give it whatever name, but that won’t change anything. Of course, I understand the need for denial. I won’t take that away from you.”
“This is not who I am.”
She takes the vial from me and does another line. “You just proved that you are.”
“What’re you trying to do, Ash?”
“I’m trying to make you remember who you really are inside that disguise you wear every day to please that girlfriend of yours. You can continue to lie in front of her and everyone else. I get it. Just don’t lie to me.”
“This thing, with you was another time, Ashley. It was another me.”
“Why’re you making this so complicated?” she says. “We’re just having a little fun.”
“Fun?” I snap. “My girlfriend is in there, fucked up and you want me to have fun?”
She goes quiet.
“I’m sorry, Ash. I’m not angry at you. I’m angry at myself.”
“I just want to know what it is that’s stopping you, Teague? Why’re you so distant and all? You weren’t like this.”
“Did you know I spent three months in rehab last year? Did you know it took me ages to finally leave this stuff? And even longer to convince people that I was good enough to be their friend or boyfriend or son? Or whatever the fuck? Why do you want to ruin it?”
“Teague, I’ll keep an eye on you. I won’t let this get out of control.”
“You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”
“So how often do you do this now?”
“Believe it or not, I haven’t done it since I promised her.”
“Well, then she can’t ever find out about this.”
“If she does, she wil
l leave me.”
“And we don’t want that, Teague. You have nothing to worry about.”
“What if—”
“Teague.”
“Yeah?”
“Relax.”
I place my head back on the seat. “How long has it been?”
“For what?”
“Since we last did this, Ash.”
“Well,” Ashley says. “Long. Anyway what difference does it make? Neither of us our available. We have new lives now, remember? So we don’t have to remember the old ones.”
“Right.”
“Teague?”
“Hmmm?”
“Can I ask you something?” Ashley says. “You’ll give me an honest response?”
“Sure.”
“Did you feel anything at all when we saw each other after such a long time?”
I know this isn’t something I should be lying about. “Yes.”
“I felt it too,” Ashley says. “Is that wrong?”
“We can’t help what we feel,” I say. “I think it’s normal to have some feelings for a person you’ve spent so much time with.”
“True. It would have been strange if we didn’t, right?”
“Right.”
“So, you won’t mind if I do something?” she asks.
“Like what?”
She leans over and kisses me.
I know I’m drugged, because I don’t stop her. Not just right away but not at all. Instead I lean over and kiss her back and I’m not even sure why I did it. Nostalgia. Stress. Benzoylmethylecgonine. Pick one.
There’s a loud thumping on our window and Ashley rolls it down. A woman stands there, I notice a little late that she’s dressed like a nurse, and she’s the one who has been doing all that loud thumping. “What is it?” Ashley asks.
The woman gestures to the Altoid tin and to us. “You can’t do all of this,” she says, angrily. “Here. This is hospital property.”
It’s clear that she doesn’t just mean the drugs.
She saw us kissing.
“We’re not…” Ashley starts to speak and gestures to me. “It’s not what it looks like.”
“Don’t tell what it looks like,” the nurse says. “I know.”
She angrily stomps away from the car.
“Fuck,” Ashley says.
I can’t stop laughing.
Ashley sees me and starts laughing as well.
“Why do we always get caught?” I ask.
“Because we’re not careful,” Ashley says, wrapping away the tin and its contents. “Let’s just go before she alerts someone to our presence.”
I turn to Ashley. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, I don’t know what came over me.”
“Don’t be sorry,” Ashley says. “It wasn’t your fault. I started it.”
“But we shouldn’t.”
“You’re right. We really shouldn’t.”
Mia is in a damn hospital room and you’re kissing some ex and having drugs. The two things Mia is going to hate when she wakes up.
Wakeup
MIA
I open my eyes, expecting to find Teague but there’s no sign of him anywhere.
“Mia?” Jamie says and I have to find comfort in the fact that at least she’s here. “How’re you doing now?”
“Better,” I say. “The doctor says it was just a scratch. Nothing to be afraid of. I’ll probably get discharged soon.”
“It’s still scary isn’t it?”
“It was,” I say. “I’m just glad Teague was there. If it wasn’t for him, I might have been dead, Jamie.”
“Where is Teague now?”
“I don’t know,” I say. “Have you tried calling him?”
“I did. I couldn’t get through.”
We’re still saying his when a nurse comes into the room and checks my temperature. “Where’s the guy who brought you here?” she asks. “The cops have some questions.”
“He should be here soon,” I say. “He’s my—” I’m not even finished saying this when I see Teague walking into the room with someone—it’s Ashley. It’s a little strange watching him with her but I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation for that.
“You two?” the nurse says, angrily when she sees them. “I can’t believe you’d come here in your state!”
“What do you mean?” I ask the nurse. “What state?”
“These two,” the nurse says. “They were outside in the parking lot having drugs and making out.”
The sentence hits me but I’m too shocked to actually feel the full brunt of it. “They were outside in the parking lot having drugs and making out.” “Teague,” I say, hoping he’ll say something that will kill all my doubts. “What’s she talking about?”
“I’m so sorry, Teague.” Ashley says and steps out of the room.
Teague is left looking at me but he’s not really looking me in the eye. “Teague? Is this true? You made out with her?”
“It’s not what it looks like,” Teague says. “I was stressed out so I got high. We weren’t making out, we barely kissed! It was a mistake…”
“Get out.”
“Mia.”
“Get out, Teague. Or I’ll have someone throw you out.”
Jamie goes up to Teague and says something that makes Teague gets tears in his eyes but he leaves the room. Jamie comes towards me and gives me a hug. “Just relax okay?” Jamie says. “We can deal with all this later. Right now you need your rest.”
She holds my hand.
I was wrong to forgive him.
Once a liar, always a liar.
I might have made the mistake of forgiving him before but I don’t think anything will make me forget what he’s done this time around.
Role Play
LIAM
There’s a reason I don’t get involved with these women because they make life miserable and demand stupid things at stupid hours. I would have been in my bed at this time, enjoying a peaceful sleep but instead I’m here, sitting in my car right outside the hospital and waiting for some actress to come up so I can pay her.
Ashley’s sitting right next to me and just her presence is enough to make me annoyed. “Why couldn’t you have paid her, Ashley?”
“Because,” Ashley says. “It’s not something someone like me should do. If you do it, it sounds more…dangerous.”
“And why do you need someone dangerous?”
“Because we want her to keep her mouth shut.”
I see a woman of about forty walking towards us, wearing a nurse’s attire. She stops right by the limo and stoops and I roll down the windows. Ashley smiles at her and the nurse smiles at us both. “I hope that was good enough,” she says.
“Oh it was,” Ashley says. “It was perfect. You’re a great actress, Debs.”
“Thank you. I wanted to be an actress. Never really got the chance.”
She’s talking like I’m going to give her a break in Hollywood. I take out one grand from my wallet and hand out the rolled up bills to her after counting them. “Here you go,” I say. “As promised.”
“Thank you,” she says. “And let me know if you ever need anything else, Mr. Delaney.”
“We will, Deb. Now go on. I don’t want anyone seeing us.”
“Okay, yes.” She finally leaves the side of the limo and I roll the windows back up. Ashley grins at me. “You’re awesome, Liam.”
“I know.”
“There’s no way Mia is forgiving him this time around.”
“Yeah.”
“He’s going to be mine. Didn’t I tell you he was going to be mine?”
“Yes, you did.”
I have to smile.
Despite her faults, I can relate to her obsession with this one guy. It’s a whole lot like my obsession. That’s probably one of the reasons I always want to help her.
Well, that and the fact that helping her, eventually means, helping me.
“Can we go home now, Ashley?”
She
smiles contentedly and I’m sure a lot of it is the drugs. “Yes.”
But still her contentment is contagious.
Point and Shoot
LIAM
He looks like an angel wrapped in a halo.
The white ensemble that the designer picked out makes him look even more innocent. Every shot that the photographer takes is perfect, and sure the photographer is genius but beauty like this isn’t something that you encounter every day. I don’t care about the fucking contract, I don’t care that we’re making money off him. I couldn’t care less if he quit now and stayed home with me all day, all week, all damn year, I know I’d still not get enough of him. But I have to make it look like the contract is a big deal, because that’s the one thing binding him to me. If I show any weakness now, he will think he can do this his way. And I’m not going to let that happen. He doesn’t even know what he’s doing. He’s a kid, just now finding out the truth about what happens after college ends and I know I’m not making it any easier on him but at least I care about him. With the stuff that he keeps bottled up inside, he’s going to find someone who will use him for their purposes and never give a shit again.
I might be treating him awfully right now, but I know I can never truly hurt him.
I will always protect him, no matter what.
But he doesn’t understand all that yet.
The shoot ends and the makeup artist comes over to remove the makeup off Sebastian’s face and I know he’s trying to purposefully ignore me because I can feel his tenseness making the whole atmosphere strained. But I’m not worried. Even his coldness is attractive to me.
I leave the shoot while he’s still being primped and leave a message with the assistant to ask Sebastian to come to my office when he’s done.
I have to wait a whole hour before there’s finally a knock on my door.
“Come in,” I say, as though I haven’t been waiting for every single moment of the sixty minutes that it took for him to come to me.
He walks in, comes towards the desk and looks at me but doesn’t even sit. “You called?”
I drop my pen and the documents I was pretending to look at and get up. I take off my suit and place it on the chair’s back, walk up to the door and lock it. I can feel him tensing up even more so I go towards him and start massaging his shoulders under the shirt. “You need to relax,” I say. “I’m not going to eat you up.”