by Kady Hunt
He says nothing.
I stop with the shoulders and instead push him onto the desk. He resists but eventually leans forward, his hands clutching the desk nervously. I run a hand over his ass, knowing that he likes it, knowing what to do to him to make him mine again but he won’t stop resisting my touch. “I haven’t touched anyone since I met you,” I say. “I’ve never done that before for anyone.”
Still nothing.
I want to scream at him to say a word to me, fight with me, scream at me but he won’t. He just stands there, letting me touch him. I unbuckle my belt and unzip. He’s turning me on just by being there; I don’t understand why my body reacts the way it does when I see him. “You know,” I say. “I don’t give a fuck about your consent. You know that, right? You belong to me. I could do whatever I wanted and no one would stop me. No one. Definitely not you.”
Not a single word from him.
“You’re a stubborn piece of shit,” I say. “I don’t know why I loved you in the first place! You’re nothing but trouble!”
This time he tries to get away and I don’t let him. “Liam!”
I can hear him crying.
“I could tear you up right now,” I say, pushing him back down more forcefully this time. “I could fuck you up so bad no one would be able to get you again! No one! You’d be left begging for my mercy in some cold, dark room in my basement!”
I push my cock against him and he flips out. “I can give you so much pain, you have no idea. You don’t know what you’ve gotten yourself into you stupid piece of shit! You’re nothing but a good fuck! No one will love you! Not even me. And certainly not that jackass whose love you want so badly.”
“Liam, stop!”
A huge part of me wants to destroy him, this weak little shit-for-brain pathetic little creature and I almost do it—
“Liam! Please!”
I zip up my pants, buckle them up and pull Sebastian up so he’s facing me now. “You’re pathetic,” I say. “I don’t know why I ever loved something so weak. You’ll never be happy; Sebastian because you’re too weak to do what it takes to find that happiness. You’re not capable of loving someone. You’re not even capable of protecting yourself. You’re a weak little puppy dog lost without a master. You need me. Sooner or later you’re going to realize that the world doesn’t give a shit about people like you. Its survival of the fittest not survival of the weakest! You know that, right? And here I am, trying to be that guy, trying to protect you but you don’t even know how to be a god little dog. You’re foolish enough to love someone you can never have well guess what, Sebastian, I’m not! I love you. And there’s nothing in this world that I’ll let come in the way of you and me. You can non sooner get out of this relationship than you can get out of that contract you signed. So, here’s a thought: Forget the past and accept what I’m offering you here.”
“That’s never going to happen!” he yells.
I grin. “It will.”
I go back to sit behind my desk. “That will be all, Sebastian.”
The Key
TEAGUE
Ashley has been calling me with almost the same frequency as I’ve been calling Mia. And Mia’s been ignoring me with the same coldness that I’ve been using to ward of Ashley. I’m sure Ashley means well but the constant fear of doing something I might regret will not let go of me. It was a mistake to hang out with her in the car, it was a mistake to try those drugs after leaving them for so long because now the cravings have come back and it’s hard not doing anything especially when things are going to shit. I’m still fucked up and angry and tired as hell because I haven’t even had any sleep. Mia’s out of the hospital, Jamie called and told me that, but she’s still mad at me and won’t even let Jamie take a message. So I got nothing to do but wait and waiting is not exactly my strong suit.
Someone rings the buzzer and when I go to check the door there’s no one.
Upon further inspection there’s a white envelope on the floor mat and I pick it up, wondering who’s going around leaving letters for me.
I tear it open and there’s a note inside:
“Sebastian hasn’t been a very good friend to you, Teague.
Friends shouldn’t keep such secrets from other friends.
Here’s a key to the secret.
But where’s the door?”
I shake the envelope and something falls out.
It’s a tiny key.
Nothing special, just a regular key that probably opens some door.
Here’s a key to the secret.
But where’s the door?
I open the note and read it again.
Sebastian hasn’t been a very good friend to you, Teague.
Friends shouldn’t keep such secrets from other friends.
I think I know what door the message is talking about.
Darkness Overload
SEBASTIAN
I leave Liam’s office building and don’t stop until I’m home and the minute I get here I raid my apartment for whatever liquor I have and find a few bottles of tequila that I’ve kept aside for entertaining purposes and never touched.
But now is a good time as any to start becoming an alcoholic.
Suddenly, I see why Holden does it, why Teague does it too, it’s fucking cathartic. Every word that Liam spoke I can still hear it, over and over again inside my head like a bloody metronome and the fuck of it is that he’s right. He’s right about it all. I am weak and pathetic and a whole lot more. I’ve been this way since I was born. I’ve never been able to stand up for myself and I’ve only let people walk all over me because I care too much. And people do it because I let them. I’ll catch you before you fall, he said! I’ll love you like no one’s loved you before, Sebastian! Lie! Lie! Lie! He doesn’t love me! He’s just obsessed with me. He wants me like a prize, something he wins and then keeps aside as a trophy; he wants me to be another reminder of his greatness! As if he doesn’t have enough of those already! No, he wants to add one more to the collection! That’s what I am to everyone! A part of a collection. No one is with me for me, my friends they don’t even know the real me so how can they possibly be with me for me? They think I’m some nerd, hotshot who has it all together and who sleeps with girls!
The more I drink though, the more the pain becomes familiar. It doesn’t hurt any less but it becomes a little faded.
The fuck of it is that I was falling in love with that bastard.
I don’t know why, but today when he was trying to arouse me I was getting aroused! But I forced myself not to, how is that for normal people? How’s that for love? Happiness? There’s no such thing. Not happiness. Not love. At least not for me. This will be my life, watching my friends pine over their loved ones and I will sit on the sidelines forever.
I’m looking for some more tequila, when I find something.
It’s a switchblade.
A gift from Teague that I’ve kept ever since he gave it to me last year. It’s supposed to be branded or some shit, I don’t remember. I’m not good with weapons, that’s Teague’s thing. I push the button and the blade pops out. I don’t know if it’s all the alcohol or what but the thing looks beautiful.
I down more tequila shove the switchblade in my pocket and dial Mia’s number. She picks up on the second ring. “Hey Sebastian.”
“Mia,” I say. “How’re you?”
“Better.”
“I’m glad to hear it.”
“Yeah. The doctors say I must have passed out from the fear. It’s not really that serious. I guess that guy wasn’t really trying to hurt me.”
“He was Mia,” I say. “He was trying to hurt you. Maybe he missed or Teague didn’t give him enough time, I don’t know but he was there to hurt you severely.”
“Sebastian?” she says. “How do you know?
“Because Liam sent him,” I blurt. “Well, Liam and Ashley both. Ashley loves Teague, not surprisingly, even though she hides it front of you. And Liam…well…he has his own moti
ves that I can’t really get into right now. But suffice it to say, they wanted you out of the picture, Mia. They wanted Teague to be free so Ashley could move in. It was all a plan. And it looks like it worked, because I know for a fact that you and Teague aren’t talking anymore.”
“Why aren’t you going to the cops?”
“Come on, Mia. Liam can bribe all the cops he wants.”
“Why’re you telling me?”
“Because,” I say. “You and Teague have something beautiful, Mia and you’re constantly fucking it up!” I know I’m yelling now but I can’t seem to stop myself. “I mean someone like me would kill to have a relationship like that, Mia! You need to put more effort into making this work you can’t just break up every time shit hits the fan!”
“Sebastian, I have to go.”
“Teague loves you,” I say, getting tears in my eyes. “He loves you, so very much you have no idea. Even now, he’s missing you and I bet he’s really hurt and wondering how to get back with you so please. Just hear what he has to say.”
And then I hang up and start drinking again.
The Door
TEAGUE
I knock incessantly and consistently until he opens it. “Teague?” Sebastian says when he sees me. I push right past him, the key that I received in the envelope still in my hand and rush towards the one locked room in Sebastian’s place.
“Teague?” Sebastian says. “What’re you doing?”
“What’re you hiding behind that door, Sebastian?”
Sebastian’s face is showing emotions that I wasn’t expecting to see. “I told you,” he says. “It’s just some random stuff. Nothing of importance—”
I take out the key and push it in.
“Teague don’t!” Sebastian says, running towards me when he realizes what I’m doing but he’s no match for my strength.
The door opens with a click.
I fumble for a light switch and turn it on.
The room gets bathed in dim lights.
“Sebastian…”
“Teague, listen to me—” but I cut him off.
All around me, plastered on every fucking wall of the room are pictures.
Of me.
“Teague, I can explain.”
“I don’t think you can, Sebastian.” I don’t know why but it’s like watching a train wreck. I can’t fucking stop.
“You know what, you’re right.”
I turn to face Sebastian and realize that he’s drunk. Like really pissed drunk like I’ve never seen him before. His eyes are all watery and swollen, bloodshot like he’s been crying for hours. “Sebastian what the hell is going on with you?”
“Fuck this,” he says. “I’m sick of keeping this secret around! Here it is Teague!” He dramatically throws his arms out and gestures to the pictures. “You know what this place is? It’s a fucking shrine. This is where love comes to die, Teague!”
“Sebastian you’re drunk.”
“So?” he says. “Do you have any idea how many times I’ve had to haul your drunk ass out of bars and clubs and underground fights? Is it really so bad if I’m the one who’s drunk today for a change?”
“You’re nuts,” I say.
“Yeah, obviously!”
I start to leave because I know I need to get the fuck out of this place but I can’t do it. Seeing the way he is right now, I remember all the times in the past he’s taken care of me and this stupid secret that he’s been holding to, we’ll figure out a way around it. But even I know that’s going to be a tall order. How do you forget something like this?
“Are you leaving?” Sebastian asks. “Then leave! Please! I know I make you sick now. You wanted to know the secret so bad, here it is Teague! The secret is you.” He walks up to me. “It’s always been you.”
“Sebastian,” I say. “Sleep off the tequila and we’ll talk.”
“How did you know it was tequila?”
“Because you reek of it!”
He starts to laugh. “Fuck. I never wanted any of this!” he says. “I wanted to be normal you know? I wanted to be free of this stupid abnormality! This thing that makes me a freak! But every time I see you, Teague I can’t help myself. I can’t help being in love with you. I can’t help that every time you tell me about some woman or even about Mia that a part of me wants you to break up with her. I can’t help that there’s always going to be a part of me that’s going to want you this badly. But I’m sick of keeping it from you all! I’m sick of being this person!”
“Sebastian, there’s nothing wrong with being gay. There are plenty of gay guys in the world!”
“Yeah. Like Liam.”
“What?”
“You heard it,” Sebastian says. “I thought Liam and I were perfect together. I was almost about to forget you, and I was happy! For once in my life I had the hope of finding love! And he said he loved me he was the one who wrote all those letters, Teague! He said all that but he lied. He lied to my face.”
“I thought Liam was your friend.”
“Yeah. I thought so too,” Sebastian says. “Until he basically tried to rape me today! He’s been threatening me. And I can’t stop seeing him because I’m afraid he’ll hurt me or any one of you. He’s dangerous, Teague. He was the one who killed that guy you almost-killed. He poisoned him, I heard him talking on the phone to someone and bragging about it! He keeps telling me that if I don’t do as he says he will tell everyone about me and my secret. He was the one who brought in Ashley so you would break off with Mia.”
“Why?”
“Who the fuck knows?” Sebastian says. “For the fun of it I’m guessing? A guy like Liam doesn’t want anything! But when he does, he will do anything to get it.”
“What does he want now?”
“Me. But not in a good way. He wants me to be his fucking slave and at his mercy. So he can torture me and do whatever the fuck he wants without me complaining!”
“Why didn’t you tell me all this?”
“Oh come on, Teague. You’re the straightest guy I’ve ever known. I’m surprised you’re not already running.”
“Just because I’m straight doesn’t mean I hate people who aren’t.”
Sebastian stares at me. “It’s too late, Teague.”
“What do you mean?” I say. “Too late for what?”
He comes towards me and places his hands on my chest. His one hand reaches my neck and then my hair and I grab both his hands and hold them away from me. “I love Mia, Sebastian. I’ve loved her for most of my life and it’s not going to change.”
I let go of his hands and he has tears in his eyes again. “I’m not asking for love,” Sebastian says. “I’m not asking for some fucking commitment. I don’t want any of that.”
“What do you want then?”
He says nothing at first and then he tries to kiss me and I shove him, hard. He almost stumbles and falls. Suddenly, the anger that I’ve been trying to keep at bay, comes up and I can’t help hating him. All my rage is directed towards him and I don’t even think when I say the next words. “Fuck you, Sebastian!”
“You hate me, don’t you?”
“Oh, hate is a small fucking word for what I’m feeling for you right now!”
He looks hurt. “Leave,” he says.
“Sebastian!” I realize right away what I just said wasn’t fair. “Look, just fuck…listen to me okay? We’re best friends, right? We have been since we were kids! That means something to me and it should mean something to you. I know you’re confused right now, but that’s because Liam’s been playing with your mind, Sebastian. He’s been abusing you in more ways than one! I know people like him. He’s a manipulative bastard. You can’t take what he said seriously.”
He turns his back to me so I can’t see his face. “I said leave.”
I can feel him shaking.
Something’s not right I know it.
And then I see something drop to the floor, and it’s bloody.
I know it’s the same switch
blade I gave Sebastian for his last birthday. “Sebastian!”
I run towards him and pull him towards myself and he’s shaking even harder and crying. There’s blood all over the place and I know he’s done some serious damage. He staggers to the floor and I catch him before he falls and haul him towards my car.
The Door
TEAGUE
We’re sitting out in the waiting room once again, all five of us; Mia, Holden, Daniel, Jamie and me of course. Sebastian’s out of danger now but he hasn’t woken up. Vincent is standing by the threshold of his room talking to one of the doctors, probably finding out what’s going to happen to Sebastian now. Or maybe he has a good idea himself and as usual, he’s trying to alleviate the damage.
I can’t stop thinking about it.
My best friend, the guy I’ve known since I was a kid myself tried to take his own life right in front of me. He’s never shown such tendencies before, he used to be the happiest guy we’ve ever known. For him to do something so drastic it proves there’s something more going on. More, like Liam Delaney and all that stuff that Sebastian told me Liam said or did to him. I’ve already told my friends and they all think that’s some twisted stuff and they’re all angry that Sebastian never so much as mentioned that all this was going on.
“You know what,” Daniel says. “We’re just as responsible for this as Liam.”
“How do you figure?” I ask.
“He’s our friend, Teague. How could we not see what he was going through?”
“Daniel’s right,” Mia says. “We all played a part. We were so wrapped up in our stuff we never really gave much thought to what Sebastian was doing. You know before you went to him, he called me and told me the truth about Liam. That Liam was the one who tried to break us up with Ashley’s help, that’s why I was calling you! He told me that you loved me. That I would be a fool not accept your love because we were meant to be.”