Officer Stuart shook her head. “No. I wouldn’t say that. I just need to speak with her on a private matter.”
Gwen decided to push a little harder to see what the officer would tell her. She needed some answers. Andi’s disappearance and the officer’s visit couldn’t be a coincidence. Andi didn’t have friends and she never had visitors. “You say you’re a friend of Andi’s, but I haven’t seen you around here before. How do you know Andi?”
To her dismay the officer didn’t take the bait. She just turned and looked around the house and gardens as if analyzing something.
Gwen felt like her head would burst if she didn’t get some information soon. “Look, I know something’s wrong. It isn’t like Andi to just disappear like this. If she’s in some kind of trouble, I want to help.”
“Thank you,” the officer replied as she stepped aside. “But like I said, I just need to talk to Andi about a personal matter.”
Gwen was frustrated. Things just kept getting weirder and weirder, and she needed some answers.
The officer turned back and faced Gwen, her gaze curious, as if she were studying pieces of a puzzle. “You say Andi took off last week? Did she say where she was going?”
Gwen shrugged. “No. That’s just it. She left without a word to anyone, except covering the shifts at the store. Look, I’m worried sick here. What the hell is going on?”
“I appreciate your concern and your help, but there really isn’t anything I can tell you. I’m sure Andi’s fine.” The officer handed Gwen a card. “Here’s my number. If…when Andi comes around, have her call me.” The officer nodded her head, turned, and went back to her cruiser.
Gwen stared after the officer with a new pain growing in the pit of her stomach. She pulled out her cell phone and dialed Andi’s number. The same as every day for the past week, the call went to voice mail. Gwen left a message, pleading with Andi to give her a call. She mentioned the officer and prayed it would be enough to get Andi to call her back. That new fact gave Gwen hope, but it also stung. Why wouldn’t Andi at least return her calls? She had gone so far as to plead with Andi to let her know she was okay. But there had been nothing. At this point, she would feel better if Andi just called to tell her to get lost. Anything would be better than this not-knowing questioning limbo she was stuck in.
*
Andi sat alone in the old rustic cabin only a few miles from her home. When she’d gathered her things, and she and Goliath had set off, she had no real idea where she was going. She needed time to think, and isolation was the only thing that made her feel safe. She stared at the phone as it vibrated on the small hand-hewn table. Gwen’s number was vividly displayed on the screen. She reached for the phone, wanting to answer, needing to hear Gwen’s voice, but afraid of not knowing what to say. How could she explain to Gwen that they were over?
A single buzz of the phone told her Gwen had left another message. Andi sighed and pushed the button to check the message. Her heart ached at the anguish in Gwen’s voice. She missed Gwen and hated that she was the cause of Gwen’s pain.
Andi’s hands clenched into fists and her stomach threatened to be sick when Gwen mentioned that an officer had been to her house. Oh, God, they’d found her already.
She said her name was Melissa Stewart and her card says she’s with the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Department. She said she was a friend of yours and needed to talk to you.
Andi’s hands began to shake. Melissa was here? Of course she would come. She would have received the same letter. Christ, would any of this ever be over? Melissa would need her help getting through this, but Andi wasn’t sure if she could do what she needed to do.
She paced the cabin. Gwen had met Melissa. What had Melissa told her? Gwen’s voice sounded so desperate, so hurt. Andi sighed. Gwen was already drawn into this whether Andi liked it or not, and she was angry with herself for putting Gwen in harm’s way. She stopped her pacing and looked out the cabin window into the woods, resigned to what she needed to do. Ignoring the problem wasn’t going to make things any better. And it wasn’t fair to keep hurting Gwen this way. It was time to go home.
The next evening Andi pulled her Jeep into the garage and gathered her assortment of things. She tucked Goliath under her arm and walked down the steps onto the back patio. She was shocked to find Gwen asleep on the lounge chair by the door. Her heart stopped at the sight of her. Andi didn’t want to move. She just wanted to stop time and watch Gwen sleep. As long as she didn’t wake Gwen, she wouldn’t have to say the words that she knew would hurt her.
Goliath shifted uncomfortably and Andi moved to open the door and set him inside. When she did Gwen jerked awake.
“Andi?”
Andi slipped the cat inside and shut the door. She walked over to the lounge chair and sat next to Gwen. There were dark circles under her eyes, and her skin looked a little pale.
“What are you doing out here?” Andi asked.
Gwen frowned and reached for Andi’s hand. “Waiting for you. I’ve been so worried about you.”
“I’m sorry, Gwen.” Tears began to cloud her eyes and she blinked rapidly trying to hold back the wave of emotion that threatened her resolve.
“What’s going on? Where have you been?” Gwen’s words were not accusing, simply hurt and filled with concern.
“I needed some time to clear my head. I’m sorry I worried you. I should have called.”
“Why didn’t you?” Gwen sat up, wincing at the stiffness in her shoulders. Something in Andi’s expression told her that she wasn’t going to like what Andi had to say.
When Andi didn’t answer right away, Gwen put her hand on Andi’s knee. “Talk to me. Please.”
Andi swallowed and shifted away from Gwen. She drew in a trembling breath. “I can’t do this anymore.”
“Do what?”
“We can’t go on seeing each other.”
“What?” Gwen choked. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Please, Gwen. I don’t know how to explain. I just need some time to work some things out, and I need to be alone. I don’t want to hurt you, but there is no other way.”
“This is insane. You can’t mean this.” The thoughts swirling around in Gwen’s head made her dizzy, and she desperately searched for some reasoning that would make sense of what was happening. “Does this have anything to do with that cop that was here? Is she your ex or something?”
A memory flashed in Gwen’s mind and she flinched. Instantly she was back in a hotel room. Miranda striding to the door, her purse clenched in her hand, her hair perfect. The only sign of the sexual encounter that had taken place only minutes before was the rosy pink hue flushing her cheeks. Otherwise she was as poised and cold as a statue. Really, Gwen, you couldn’t possibly think this could go anywhere. What could you possibly offer me other than a good roll between the sheets?
A car door slammed, sounding like it came from the drive. Andi and Gwen both jumped at the sound. A few moments later there was a persistent pounding on the front door. Andi moved to go inside and Gwen followed her, uninvited.
Andi peered out the glass. Her hand shook as she opened the door.
“Hello, Andi,” the officer said in a low, sad voice. “Sorry to just drop in on you.” She hesitated. “Can I come in?”
Andi still hadn’t spoken, but she stepped aside and allowed the officer to enter her home.
Andi placed a hand on the arm of her chair as if to steady herself. “Melissa, what are you doing here?”
“I’m really sorry, Andi. I wanted to talk to you before…” The officer’s—Melissa’s—words broke off.
Gwen watched the exchange between her lover and this stranger, and the tension in the room was palpable. At first she’d thought they were friends, old lovers perhaps, but as she watched Andi struggle to maintain control, she realized something was very wrong.
“We received word—you’ll probably be notified too.” Melissa glanced at Gwen. “We need to talk. It can’t wait.�
��
“What’s going on?” Gwen couldn’t stand the suspense any longer, and her voice was hard with concern.
Andi looked at Gwen, uncertain what to say or do. Her new, perfect world had just been turned upside down, and she wasn’t ready. She had wanted to believe the past was behind her and that she was safe and could be happy again. But as she took in Melissa’s defeated look, she knew it had all been an illusion. She had been wrong to allow Gwen into her life. She had been wrong to bring another person into her dangerous, painful world.
Andi turned to Gwen. “Let’s go outside.”
Gwen nodded.
“Excuse us for a moment, Mel. I promise I’ll be right back.”
Andi led Gwen out onto the back porch, leaving Melissa alone in the house. Gwen followed without question.
“I know you don’t understand any of this, and I’m sorry, but I can’t explain everything right now. I need to ask you to give me some time. I have some things I need to talk to Melissa about. Some things I need to work through.”
“You keep saying that. What things? Why can’t you just tell me?”
Andi shook her head. There was too much to explain and she had run out of time.
“Gwen, please.”
“You want me to leave,” Gwen said, making it sound like a statement, not a question.
“Yes, for now. I’m sorry. Once I have a better idea what’s going on, I’ll explain everything.”
“Please, Andi, just tell me what all this is about.”
“I can’t right now. It isn’t easy to explain and it’s a long story. Please don’t make me do this now.”
Gwen could see the pain clouding Andi’s eyes, and she was desperate to understand. Andi was tying her hands, shutting her out. When Andi lifted a trembling hand to her face, Gwen felt her heart breaking. She wanted to put her arms around Andi and keep her safe, but that wasn’t what Andi was asking of her.
“I don’t want to leave you.” She kissed Andi’s lips and squeezed her trembling hand. “Whatever this is, I want to be here with you.”
Gwen placed her hands on the sides of Andi’s face and kissed her again. She felt as if a wall had suddenly been flung up between them, and she wanted to pound her fist against the surface, to scream for someone to tell her what was happening. She wanted Andi to let her in.
Andi’s fingers wrapped around Gwen’s wrists and pulled her hands away from her face. “I need you to go.” Andi’s eyes were filled with pain, and Gwen could see her resolve when she looked away, severing their connection. Gwen stood frozen, unable to believe what was happening. She felt Andi’s hand slip away, and without another word, Andi turned and went back inside, leaving Gwen standing alone, peering after her.
Chapter Twenty
Andi stepped back into her living room after walking Gwen out. She felt like something inside her was dying, and she had to push her way back into the room, her body heavy with fear and loss and regret.
Melissa looked up at her, meeting her gaze. “I’m so sorry, Andi. I just didn’t want you to be alone when you found out. I didn’t know what else to do.”
“You’re here about Kevin James. I got the letter last week.”
Melissa nodded. “Yes. A parole hearing has been scheduled. They’re considering letting him out.”
It had only been four years since she had sat in a courtroom and told her horrific story of how Kevin James and Curtis Boyd had abducted her and Melissa. How she had been raped, Melissa beaten, and how Kevin James had tried to kill her. “How is that possible? It’s too soon.”
“I know. I thought the same thing. Nothing makes any sense to me. I’ve felt so confused since I got the letter.” Melissa’s voice was pained and her eyes were hollow and shadowed with haunted memories.
Hearing the pain in Melissa’s voice, Andi felt her barriers break. She crossed the room to where Melissa sat. “I’m sorry,” Andi whispered as she wrapped her arms around her.
Melissa let her head fall against Andi’s shoulder. Andi vacillated between fear and relief to finally have contact with the one person who understood her pain. The one person who knew what the nightmares were about.
They sat together for a long time, just holding each other. Finally Andi broke the silence.
“He wasn’t supposed to be eligible for parole for another ten years. Why do they want to let him out now?”
Melissa shrugged noncommittally. “Overcrowding, financial problems, who knows.” Melissa’s tone was flat and tired. “I’ve been trying to figure out an answer myself since receiving the notification of the hearing. But no matter how hard I try, nothing makes any sense.”
Tears flooded Andi’s vision, and she felt the familiar tightness in her throat as the memories of that terrible ordeal came flooding back. She felt Melissa’s arms tighten around her, rocking her gently back and forth, trying to soothe her. Andi placed a shaky hand against Melissa’s chest and pushed her away.
“Does Jimmy know?” Andi asked, looking into Melissa’s eyes.
Melissa gave a slight nod, looking away from Andi for the first time.
Andi noticed the change in Melissa’s posture and wondered again what else she was missing, what she didn’t know. She felt impotent and helpless as she watched Melissa struggle.
“She wanted to come with me, but I needed to see you first. I needed to tell you that Jimmy and I are…”
“Oh,” Andi whispered in understanding. Something settled inside her and some of her guilt was replaced with gratitude. “How long?”
Melissa looked up at Andi again, a new hope beginning to glow in her eyes.
“Two years.”
Andi smiled faintly. “That’s good.”
“Really?”
Andi smiled, genuinely happy for Melissa. “I saw how she was with you through the trial. I guess I just assumed you would…”
Melissa stared at her.
Andi had refused to see Melissa or anyone else that had been a part of the ordeal surrounding Curtis Boyd and Kevin James and the attacks. It had been over three years since she had last seen her friend. Andi had tried to shut out the past and in doing so had left Melissa to deal with her demons alone.
“I’m glad she was there for you.” Andi dropped her gaze and pulled away. “And I’m sorry I wasn’t.”
Andi tucked her hands securely under her thighs to hide the trembling.
“What can we do, Mel? I can’t go through this again. Not this soon. I’m just starting to get my life back together. I can’t let him destroy it all over again.”
Melissa stood and placed both hands on Andi’s shoulders and peered into her eyes. “Hey, slow down. We need to talk to Jimmy. She’ll have some ideas about what to do.”
Andi sighed in exasperation. “Okay. That sounds good.”
“In the meantime, I’ll do some digging and find out what’s going on. Just don’t panic. Just because they have a hearing, doesn’t mean he’ll get out. Just hang in there. We’ll figure this out.”
Andi still felt overwhelmed, but knowing she had Melissa’s and Jimmy’s help gave her hope. “Oh, Mel, I’ve missed you so much. I’m so sorry. I know this is hard for you too.”
Melissa shrugged and wiped tears off her cheek. “I’m okay. It helps to see you.” She dropped her head and looked at her shoes. “Most of the time, I just need to know you’re okay.”
“I understand. I really am so sorry, Mel. I just wasn’t strong enough to face it. I had to have some time.”
“I know.”
Andi’s head was spinning, and she felt like her life had been hijacked. She picked at her fingernails nervously and had worried a sore spot on the inside of her lip from biting it. When the silence seemed too much to handle, she clapped her hands on her knees and said with more strength than she felt, “Let’s call Jimmy. We need a plan.”
*
By eight o’clock that evening, Gwen was worried sick. She kept telling herself to give Andi some time and space, that she would talk when she was r
eady, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong.
The look on Andi’s face when she had seen Melissa Stuart at her door had been one of shocked terror. Whatever had happened in the past, Gwen knew Andi was scared, and she felt helpless and shut out.
She thought about what she knew about Andi. She knew she didn’t have any family, she owned her own business, stayed close to home, had few friends, and didn’t like to talk about herself. She had grown up in the care of the state as an orphan and had no sustained relationships from her childhood.
They had talked vaguely about growing up gay, their past relationships, and college days. But even those discussions had been guarded, and Andi had often changed the subject when Gwen’s questions became too personal. Andi’s vague responses and avoidance hadn’t seemed like a big deal at the time, but now took on new meaning.
Frustrated and worried, Gwen shook herself and decided it wouldn’t help to speculate about what was going on. She knew her imagination would likely be worse than the truth. She had no choice but to wait for Andi. She had called three times and gotten no answer. What else was left for her to do besides wait?
Her heart ached. Andi’s words came back to her over and over again, telling her it was over. Had Andi meant what she said? Did she really want to end their relationship?
Gwen cradled her head in her hands and rubbed her temples, trying to message the tension away before the headache could set in. She felt sick to her stomach and couldn’t sit still. She didn’t know how she could ever let Andi go. But how could she convince Andi to stay?
*
A persistent knocking roused Andi from sleep. She had been up most of the night, trying to get a grip on what was happening. When she had finally gone to bed at four in the morning, she had slept fitfully. The dreams were back with a vengeance.
The knocking continued. She climbed out of bed, pulled on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. She shuffled down the hall to the door.
No Boundaries Page 17