I knew what he meant. I just needed to hear him say it.
He stared into my eyes. "I mean that I love you, Jay. I love everything about you. When I'm not with you, I feel incomplete. I meant it when I said that the highlight of my day is your smile. I know that I fucked up. But I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you." He laced my fingers with his and kissed my knuckles. "You're it for me, Jadia Galvin."
My heart was pounding. Alex wanted me. And I wanted him. So badly. "I love you too, Alex. I always have." It was pretty much true. It was love at first sight for me. Even though he didn't notice me for 6 years.
He grinned down at me. "Yeah? You love me?"
"So much," I whispered. "But..."
He nodded in understanding. "I know. You need time. I'll give you all the time you need. I'd wait forever for you." He kissed me on the nose.
My perfect moment was ruined when I thought about what David had done to me. How could Alex want me after that? My eyes filled with tears.
"What's the matter?" Alex asked softly, wiping away my tears. I shook my head. I didn't know how someone as perfect as Alex could be in love with a mess like me. "Please tell me what's wrong. You can talk to me about anything."
I sniffed. "I just...I don't know how you can want me after..."
"After that bastard raped you? You think that would change the way I feel about you?"
I looked down. "I don't know," I whispered. "But I feel...ruined. He ruined me," I said bitterly.
He pulled me to his chest. "You are not ruined, Jay. You're hurting. And you're a survivor. Not a victim."
"I know. I just...I just need more time. Until I can give you all of me. Not just the pieces that David left behind."
He kissed my head. "I'll give you all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere."
We laid on the grass holding each other until it grew dark.
==========================
David Hayes laid in Kate Lawson's bed, staring at the ceiling. He wished she would fall asleep already. "Tommy, what are you thinking about?" She whined.
Choking the life out of you.
He rolled over and smiled at her. "Just how pretty you are."
She giggled an obnoxious cackle. "Oh, Tommy."
After David had driven home on Monday, he saw sirens and police cars on his street. He fled past his house, ditched his car and hitched a ride with a trucker to a cheap, shitty motel a few towns over. Kate was working the counter. He told her that his name was Tommy Callahan and that his wife had cheated on him and kicked him out, cancelling his credit cards. After staying there and flirting with her for a few days, he ran out of money and convinced her to let him stay with her.
It wasn't fair. He should be with his princess, starting a new life together. Not with this raggedy bitch. With her bleached blond hair and bright blue eyes, Kate was probably attractive at one point. Years of crack and probably crystal meth had quickly taken care of that.
Kate rolled over and hugged him. "Do you want to go again?"
Ugh. Please God, no.
He ruffled her hair. "Sure, baby."
He closed his eyes and pretended it was Jadia underneath him, writhing and moaning. Kate was good in bed. He had to give her that. Probably from too much experience. He was pretty sure that it had been a profession of hers at one point. He pictured Jadia in her hot pink lingerie and grunted, finishing inside her. He rolled off of her, staring at the ceiling.
"Mmm, Tommy, that was amazing."
Jesus Christ, he wished she would stop talking.
"So I was thinking," he said as she lit a cigarette, "how do you think I would look with blond hair?"
She wrinkled her nose. "Nah. I like your hair. You're so sexy the way you are."
It was true. Women stared at David everywhere he went. He knew he was a good looking guy. But the less recognizable he was, the better.
"Yeah, I know. But after the divorce, I need a change. Come on, baby. Can you pick me up a bottle of dye tomorrow?"
She sighed. "I guess."
He rolled over and kissed her. Gross. She tasted like an ash tray. "Thanks, baby."
Where the fuck had everything gone wrong? He had tried to keep Jadia happy. But she kept disrespecting him. Surely she knew why she had to be punished. Maybe he had gone too far a few times, but there were ups and downs in every relationship. For awhile he wondered how she had gotten loose, then he read the news and found out that her stupid ex boyfriend had broken into his house and taken her out. He seethed with anger at the thought of Alex Lipton. He had ruined everything. Jadia was his fiancée. How dare he interfere with their relationship? And David was sure that he was trying to fuck Jadia. If he hadn't already. The thought made him see red. He took a deep breath. He couldn't lose his cool in front of Kate. He needed a place to stay until he figured out his next move.
David Hayes was certain of one thing. He was going to get Jadia back.
==========================
I woke up the next morning thinking about Alex. After a nightmare free night, I felt amazing. I rolled out of bed and stretched. For the first time in weeks, I had an appetite. I jogged down the stairs and ate a grapefruit with half a cup of multi grain cheerios. I had been eating so little lately that I was barely able to finish. I watched TV for half an hour then put on my yoga pants and tank top. I jogged on the treadmill for about half a mile until I was exhausted. I used to be able to go for over 2 miles. Until now, I hadn't really realized how badly I had deteriorated physically and mentally. I tried not to feel dejected. I was going to have to work hard to bring myself back up.
Since my conversation yesterday with Alex, I felt the need to put more effort into my appearance. Before yesterday, I didn't really care if Alex saw me in my old sweats and no make up. But since he had confessed his feelings for me, I wanted to look better for him. I took a long, hot shower, shaved, and curled my hair. I still had awhile before Alex came over, but getting back into a normal routine made me feel better than I have in a long time. It was a gorgeous day outside, so I decided to get some sun. I put on shorts and a sports bra and laid out by the garden. After about an hour my phone buzzed. I knew it was either Alex or Carly. I glanced at the screen and smiled. It was from Alex.
Can't wait to see u today. Miss u
I texted back.
Miss you too. <3
At around 2, I went inside and got dressed. Not many of my clothes fit me anymore, but I put on a short black skirt and a hot pink tank top that I had borrowed from Carly and never returned. I looked in the mirror and realized how much weight I had actually lost. My hip bones were pretty prominent. My stomach was almost concave. My legs were thin. It's funny to think that a year ago I was chubby. My breasts were still pretty large, and they looked even bigger compared to the rest of me. I was clearly too thin now. I should try to eat more and get my curves back.
I put on some eyeliner and mascara and a light coat of black eyeshadow, starting to feel more like my old self again. The doorbell rang and I practically flew downstairs. I swung the door open and saw Alex smiling at me. He grabbed me in a bear hug and pulled me in for a kiss. "You look amazing," he murmured into my hair.
He held me at arms length and looked me up and down. "You're not allowed to look like this in public. I'll have too many asses to kick." I rolled my eyes and laughed. "I wouldn't worry. I'd never go out in public like this."
He raised his eyebrows. "So you wore this just for me, huh?"
I smiled shyly. "You know I did."
"Well, you look stunning. But I have an idea that involves you changing into some pants."
"Oh God, what?"
"What do you think about going for a walk?"
"A walk?" I repeated. "Like, in the street?"
"Yeah. But only if you want to. If you're not ready, I understand."
I thought for a second. I really wasn't sure if I was ready to make myself that vulnerable. But if I was ever going to free myself from David, I had to try. Besi
des, I had just started my anti anxiety medication. I was curious to see if it would actually help me.
"Sure," I replied. "But just a quick one. I'm kind of nervous."
He hugged me. "I'm so proud of you, Jay. And don't worry. You know I won't let anything happen to you."
I changed into some wide leg yoga pants and threw on my sneakers. "Just around the block, ok?" I asked nervously. He nodded. "Whatever you want." I grabbed his hand and he led me out the door. We got to the street and I actually felt pretty ok until I saw a car driving towards us. I stopped and clutched Alex's hand harder.
"Alex," I gasped.
"Sweetie, it's ok. It's just a car."
I closed my eyes. All I could think about was the crunching of gravel as David pulled up next to me, pretending to be concerned. The car passed us without slowing. I breathed a sigh of relief. I opened my eyes and grinned sheepishly at Alex. "Sorry. I'm ok."
Alex held me closer to him. "Don't worry, Jay. I won't let anything happen to you."
We walked around the block. The more cars that passed us, the less I cared. By the time we got home, I was feeling great. "Where's your mom?" Alex asked as we headed inside.
"She had to go to work for a few hours."
"Oh. I was wondering why it was so quiet in here."
I giggled. My mom did seem to have the presence of 20 people.
"So what do you want to do now?" Alex asked me.
"I don't know," I replied. "We always do what I want. What do you want to do?"
"This," he whispered, pulling me in for a kiss.
"I should have guessed," I whispered back. "Let's go sit down." I laughed as he picked me up and ran into the living room, laying me on the couch. He climbed on top of me, kissing me gently. I wrapped my legs around him as he kissed my neck. I'm not sure if I felt invigorated because of the walk, but I was feeling extremely bold. And I wanted Alex.
Badly.
"You can't wear a shirt like this and expect me to be able to keep my hands off of you," he said, rubbing his hands down my sides.
I arched my back to him. "You can touch me if you want," I whispered, grabbing his hand and rubbing it over my breast.
He gasped and snatched his hand away. "What are you doing?"
"I want you, Alex. I want you to touch me."
He sighed. "Jadia..."
"Please, Alex. I need you."
"Are you sure?"
I sat up and pulled my top off. "Yes."
He unhooked my bra and tossed it aside, squeezing my breasts gently. He took my nipple in his mouth and gently sucked. I moaned in pleasure.
"Jesus Christ, Jay," he groaned.
He moved his hand to the waistband of my pants. "Tell me to stop," he muttered.
I arched my hips up to him.
He pulled my pants off and sat back. "You're so beautiful," he said softly, running his hands up my thighs. He leaned forward and kissed me deeply, making his way down my chest. We were interrupted by a rumble.
"Shit!" I exclaimed. "That's the garage. My mom is home." I jumped up and yanked my pants on. "Where's my bra?"
Alex laid comfortably on the couch, watching me with a smirk on his face while I scrambled to get dressed. I threw on the rest of my clothes. "Glad you think this is funny," I muttered, sitting down next to him.
"I'm just enjoying the view," he replied, adjusting his pants. "But I probably shouldn't move for a few minutes."
I boldly reached over and rubbed his erection through his pants. "Jadia!" He laughed. "I don't know what's gotten into you today, but I like it."
The kitchen door opened and my mom called out. "Hi kids!"
I snatched my hand away and Alex adjusted his pants again. Mom came into the living room. "Jadia, you look great. I haven't seen you wear makeup in months. What are you two up to today?" I smiled at her. "Alex took me for a walk around the block."
Her eyebrows shot up. "In the street?"
"Yeah," Alex intervened. "She did awesome." I smiled at him. The only reason I was able to go was because Alex was with me. I felt like a different person with him.
The front door slammed shut and I glanced up in surprise.
"Jadia! You in here?"
I jumped up and ran into the kitchen. "Carly!" I cried, wrapping my arms around her. "I missed you!" She laughed and hugged me back. "I was only gone for four days."
Carly had been in Washington. D.C. for a student council trip. Being stuck at home all day with only two people to come and visit me made it seem like she was gone for a month. "I have so much to tell you!" I squealed. "And I want to hear all about your trip."
Alex got up and stretched. "That's my cue to go. I'll give you two some girl time." I hugged Alex. As much as I didn't want him to go, I needed to talk to Carly without him there. "I'll text you later," he whispered in my ear. "Bye, girls" he called as he shut the door.
"Come on," I said, grabbing Carly's hand and dragging her up the stairs. "We need to talk."
"Carly, are you staying for dinner?" My mom called.
"Sure!" She yelled back.
"Alright," I said, plopping down on my bed. "Tell me all about the trip."
"It was awesome," she replied, her eyes sparkling. "We got to see so much cool stuff. There is SO much amazing art there."
I tried to listen as she told me about the rest of her time there. Carly was big into politics and art. Art was semi interesting, but politics bored the crap out of me.
"So," she said, grinning at me, "What's going on with you and Alex?"
"What do you mean?" I asked innocently.
"I mean, when I came in, your face was flushed and you were both acting guilty."
I rolled my eyes. "No, we weren't."
She raised her eyebrows at me and pulled at the front of my shirt. "Yeah, also, your shirt is on inside out."
My face turned bright red.
"HAH!" She cried, noticing my telltale blush. "I knew it! So what were you guys doing?"
"We were just kissing and…stuff."
"Stuff?" She asked. "What do you mean, "stuff'"?
I shrugged. "On top stuff. Also he took off my pants."
"WHAT?!" She shrieked.
"Carly, be quiet. My mom will hear!"
"Jay, he took off your pants?? Were you guys going to do it?"
I shook my head. "No. Honestly, I don't know what would have happened if my mom hadn't come home. But…I'm sick of it, Carly. I'm sick of relating anybody touching me with the thought of David. When I think of sex, I don't want to think about him anymore. I can't. It's killing me," I said, tears forming in my eyes.
Carly pulled me in for a hug. "That makes sense. But you can't sleep with Alex if you aren't ready just because you want to replace memories of Mr. Hayes. It's just going to make it worse."
I sniffed and nodded. "I know. I wouldn't have gone all the way with Alex. I'm just so sick of David consuming my every thought."
"I know," she soothed me. "It'll get better." She held me for another minute then let me go and said, "So, tell me why you look so tan. Have you been outside?"
I laughed and told her about laying out on the grass with Alex and our walk today.
"He told me that he still wants me. I want him too. I just don't know if I'm ready for anything that permanent yet. I don't really feel ready to be in a relationship."
"Well, if he's really serious about you then he'll wait for you."
I sighed. "I know. Part of me feels ready to commit. Part of me still feels like David's prisoner."
She smiled sympathetically. "No more news on him?"
I shook my head. "They keep telling me that he's gone and never coming back. That he would be crazy to show his face around here because he grew up 10 minutes away and was a teacher. Because he would be recognized in a heartbeat. I want to believe that. Part of me does. But there's another part of me that's certain that he's coming back for me. They tell me that he would be crazy to come back, but they don't get it. He IS crazy." I sniffed. "The look in
his eyes when he was hurting me…when he proposed to me…was like nothing I've ever seen before." I shuddered. "And I'm so fucking tired of being afraid of him. It's not fair. I want to have something of a normal life and not be afraid of every single fucking thing." I sighed. "I just…I just wish they would catch him."
Carly hugged me tight. "I know, Jay. Don't worry. They'll find him. He can't run forever."
I hugged Carly back. I told her about my therapist and how she seemed to be helping. "So far, at least. I've only seen her once. But she helped me realize that having sex with David the first time wasn't really my choice. I did what I had to do to survive."
Carly rolled her eyes. "Yeah, Jay, I've told you that before. It's not like you wanted to do it."
"I know, I know. But I can't help but feel guilty. Speaking of…Carly, you don't feel guilty about David taking me, do you?"
She was silent for a minute. "No, not really. I mean, at first I did. But when I realized that he had been stalking you and he would have gotten to you either way, I stopped blaming myself."
I nodded. "Good. I just wanted to be sure."
We chatted for a bit more until my mom called us down for dinner.
Laying in bed that night, I decided to make a mental list of what I wanted to accomplish. First was to go back to school. I still wanted to go to college and be a teacher, even more so now that David had so badly violated everything that a teacher stood for.
Second was to go on a date with Alex. In public. Not just in my house or in my backyard. A nice dinner maybe. I pulled out my phone and texted Alex.
Wanna go on a date tomorrow nite?
After a minute my phone beeped back.
Date? Like a real date?
I giggled and texted back.
Yea. Real date. Dinner or something
My phone beeped.
Pffff yeah. I have football after school. Pick u up at 6. 1st date recreated.
I smiled. Our first date had been at a popular Italian restaurant. I bet that meant he was taking me back there. I couldn't wait.
==========================
Kate Lawson unlocked the door to her apartment, cautiously walking in. David was sitting on the couch, watching TV. He looked up at her. "Hey, baby," he said with a false smile. Kate ignored him, putting groceries away. He sighed and got up, wondering why she was being such a bitch today.
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