“Of course they did. They’ve done a lot of covering for me on the panels when I didn’t know how to answer fan questions.”
A deep line appeared between Army’s brows. “Why would they go along with this?”
Brit’s eyebrows hit his hairline. “You spent ten minutes in Tanner’s company at the last convention, and you never wanted to see him again. Trust me, everyone around here was damn relieved Tanner wouldn’t be part of the tour. At least as long as he was using, anyhow.”
Army shook his head. “I just don’t see how you’ve gotten away with this.”
“Money,” Brit said, taking it to the bare bones. “The show is on its last season and the cast makes a ton of money on these conventions. Tanner is a huge draw. Not to mention, body doubles are a common thing in this business. Actors can’t be everywhere at one time.”
“You know I’m in love with you. How could you wake up next to me every day and lie like I meant nothing?”
Army’s question came from left field and sucker punched the air from Brit’s lungs.
Unfortunately, Army wasn’t finished. “How could you kiss me with someone else’s lips? How could you make love to me when you knew you’d have to come clean or leave?” Army’s eyes filled with tears. The shards left of Brit’s broken heart shattered at the sight. He hated knowing it was his fault. “Don’t bother answering,” Army said, shoving the final knife in Brit’s chest. “Because I don’t know how to believe anything you say.”
Army stood.
Brit flew to his feet. “Please, don’t leave.”
Army was the picture of devastation. His eyes were bloodshot and the tip of his nose was red. He visibly struggled for air. “Why?”
Brit couldn’t take the space between them any longer. He overcame Army, grabbing two handfuls of the man’s shirt. Army didn’t pull away. “Stay, because I love you. If you can’t believe anything I say, then look at me and see the truth.”
Army’s gaze moved over Brit’s face, as if seeking the answers he needed. “I bought you beer.”
A snort escaped Brit. He couldn’t help it. “The legal drinking age in England is eighteen, so—in a way—you weren’t completely wrong.”
The small smile touching Army’s lips gave Brit hope. “I can’t believe I fell for a nineteen-year-old.” He swiped a hand over his face. “Oh, god. I just realized you had a birthday while staying with me. I fell for an eighteen-year-old who only recently turned nineteen.”
Despite the situation, a laugh escaped Brit. Still, he didn’t release Army. The bloke was a runner. “It was inevitable. You’re a librarian who loves books—old and new. I’ve been a theater actor since I was seven. We were meant to be.”
Army dropped his hands and met Brit’s stare. “Are you serious?”
Brit nodded. “I’m quite sought after at the Royal Exchange, you know. I’ve done more than two hundred appearances in my years on stage.”
“Already?” Army asked, sounding blown away.
Brit warmed to the topic now that he could finally be honest. “I had private tutors in my downtime and finished school by fifteen.” A sharp pang of loss hit Brit. There was no hiding it from his voice. “I thought I knew exactly where I was headed until Tanner called. When I dropped everything to come here, I never expected my life would become his. The things we do for family, I suppose.” He smoothed his palms down Army’s chest.
Army stared at him, wearing a solemn expression. “I think I’d like to kiss the real Brit for once.”
Brit’s mouth went dry. “Even though he’s only nineteen?”
The space between them disappeared. Army’s arms wrapped around Brit’s waist. His smile bordered on wicked. “Especially since he’s nineteen,” Army said, lowering his head. Brit met him halfway. Their lips brushed. Army somehow managed to shift even closer. He grabbed Brit’s ass and hauled him against his body as he deepened their kiss. Army dominated Brit, as always. “Goddamn,” Army growled between kisses. “There’s the man I love.”
Brit’s heart squeezed in his chest. Army wasn’t finished with him yet. There was hope. Army held tight to Brit’s jaw while he licked and nipped at Brit’s mouth. As par for course, Brit could only hang on for the ride.
“Bloody hell, mate. This is by far the hottest kiss I’ve ever seen. You lucky wanker.”
At Tanner’s appearance, Brit buried his face against Army’s throat to hide his blush. The way Army kept his arms wrapped around him warmed Brit’s heart.
“I feel we should be properly introduced,” Tanner said, as if he hadn’t interrupted an intimate moment.
Brit turned his head while still clinging to Army. “I feel you should wait until later.”
Tanner dropped the hand he’d extended for Army to shake. “Um. Yeah. That’s probably best. I’ll just...” He shuffled toward the door. “...find something else to do.”
Brit held tight to Army, in case he thought to get away. He also kept his gaze locked on Tanner, ensuring the man really left them alone.
Army kissed the shell of his ear. “When will you go home?”
A new pain hit Brit’s chest. His hold automatically tightened on Army. He couldn’t lose this man. “That depends.”
“On?”
“You,” Brit answered honestly. “If you don’t want me, I’ll head home.”
“And if I do want you?” Army asked, his expression gave nothing away. “Does that mean I’ll be the new reason you don’t get to live your dream?”
A smile tugged at the corners of Brit’s mouth, and he shook his head. “Where do you think home is?”
“I’m assuming some place in England, and—well—you know my financial situation. It’s not like I could afford to go see you there, but I’ll be damned if I’m the reason you’re not back on stage.”
The more Army said, the bigger Brit’s grin grew. He loved this man. “First off, I thought my home was with you. I can’t imagine going from living like we’re married to pretending the past four months didn’t happen. As it is, I haven’t slept more than three hours a night without you. Secondly, even if you decide you’re done, I live in Atlanta.” He paused. “Well, I guess—technically—I lived in Atlanta, and now I’m homeless. My lease was in Tanner’s name, but there was some nonsense about the contract stating the apartment couldn’t be unoccupied, so he let it go when we realized this body double thing would take longer than anticipated. I’m rambling again. Why are you the only person on the planet who makes me babble on like a complete prat?”
Army’s smile made the confession worthwhile. “It’s adorable. Keep going.”
“That was it, really. I lived in Atlanta before this, working with the Shakespeare Company. I suppose I’m homeless now if you don’t want me. The more I think about it, I feel kind of sick at the thought of ever going back to Atlanta.”
Army sat back down.
A spike of fear ran through Brit. “Are you okay?”
Army met his gaze, looking lost. “I had this whole speech in my head when I came here about how I know you. I mean, I thought your birthday was in June and you were twenty-six, but I know you. When I walked through the door, it was on the tip of my tongue to tell you I know all the important things—like how you taste and what your skin smells like when we make love. All the things you can’t fake. Instead, what left my mouth was that you’re a complete stranger to me.” Army’s voice cracked on the last word, breaking Brit’s heart. He cleared his throat. “I really just want to go home, climb in our bed, and forget the last three weeks ever happened, because—yes—I fucking want you.” He shook his head. “But I don’t know how to get there from here, Brit.”
Brit squatted down between Army’s knees. “Give me your keys.”
An uncomfortable-sounding chuckle escaped Army. “Why? Are you calling in your loan?”
“The car was a gift. Give me your keys.”
Army handed them over.
Brit’s fingers closed around them. He traded Army for the set by handing
the man his phone. “Here. Take this. If you don’t know the way home, I do. While I drive, you can scroll through my photos, pepper me with questions, and search my name online. You can cyber stalk me and learn all about me. When we make it back to our little town no one has ever heard of, you’ll learn on the job. Just as I had to do when I first moved in with you.”
Army stared at Brit for so long Brit feared he was about to get shut down. Finally, Army turned the phone Brit’s way. “You’ll have to unlock this if I’m going to do all that.”
It was hard work swallowing down his triumph, but Brit managed it. “The code is 755600. You’ll need that in the future.” As he pushed to his feet, Brit pressed a quick kiss to Army’s lips before rushing to grab his bag. He wanted to be on the road before Army found anything about him he couldn’t live with. All he had to do was make it home. Once he was instilled in Army’s bed again, Army was never getting rid of him.
Twenty minutes into their drive home, Brit couldn’t take it any longer. “Are you okay over there?”
“Sort of thinking about leaping from the car,” Army said, sounding unsure. “Your hair is a lot darker in these images of you online.”
With his gaze locked on the road, Brit nodded. “I had to dye it to match Tanner’s.”
He could feel Army’s stare boring into the side of his face. “You’ve been with me for months. How have I not noticed that?”
Brit shrugged. “You work all day. My stylist travels. He always came while you were at work.” Being honest was a calculated risk. Brit needed Army to see him telling the truth. No matter how many past lies it revealed.
Army didn’t rage. Instead, he went back to scrolling through Brit’s phone. “I can’t believe you do ballet. Please tell me you still have some of these tights. That’s sexy as hell.”
Brit bit the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling like an idiot. “I’m sure I have a pair somewhere. You still haven’t explained why you’re considering jumping from a moving car.”
He saw Army shrug from the corner of his eye. “I can’t compete with this, Brit. For fuck’s sake, your dad is Euan Murray. I grew up listening to his music. You were born in Los Angeles before your dad took you to Keston, London, and you have a dual citizenship. It would take me all day to put together a list of the places you’ve lived and performed. Every new thing I learn about you puts you farther out of my reach. Hell, you might be even more out of my league than Tanner.”
A snort escaped Brit before he could call it back. “Well, that’s complete bullshit.” Brit took advantage of having Army trapped. “I’m in love with you. You get that, right?” Brit said, glancing over and holding Army’s gaze for a moment. “Nothing and no one can compete with you, because you own me. Why are you having such a hard time grasping that? Maybe I couldn’t tell you I’m not Tanner, but I know for a fact I showed you every day that you are everything to me.” Silence filled the car in the wake of Brit’s rant. Brit fought the urge to look Army’s way again. He couldn’t force the man to forgive him or accept to him for himself.
“In a way, I feel like I lied to you too,” Army said, making Brit’s stomach cramp with dread. “When Tanner showed up, and I realized what you’d done, I was relieved.”
Brit’s throat threatened to swell closed. He tightened his grip on the wheel. “Why? We’re you glad to be rid of me?”
“No,” Army said so quickly and fiercely there could be no doubt he told the truth. “I was glad the Brit Murray I’d separated in my mind from Tanner was a real person. Every time I thought about you going back to filming or working conventions—to being Tanner, you stopped feeling real to me. I wanted…” Army paused and started over. “I want a real life with you. It wasn’t an option with Tanner. All the times I pretended I could let you leave me, I lied to you and to myself. I had a whole other plan in mind for us.”
Brit was too scared to hope. “What plan?”
Army brushed his fingers through Brit’s hair. “I wish I’d been brave enough to go through with my plans for you on Valentine’s Day,” Army said instead of answering.
“Valentine’s Day was awesome,” Brit said, flashing Army a smile.
Army looked entirely too serious for Brit’s comfort. “It was,” he agreed. “But it might’ve been even better if I’d had the courage to ask you to marry me like I planned to do.”
Brit stared at the road and fought not to react. He wanted to jerk the wheel, steering to the side of the road so he could capture Army’s lips. They needed cool heads and rational thinking right now. Before they got home, Brit wanted all the air cleared so he could hold Army with no more secrets between them. He cleared his throat. “In a way, I’m glad you didn’t ask. If you had, I would’ve had to say no, because it wouldn’t have been me you were asking, but Tanner.”
“Oh,” Army said, sounding hurt. “Then I guess it’s a good thing I—”
“But if you were to ask me now,” Brit said, interrupting. “I’d probably wreck in my hurried attempt to get us home, so I could make love to my soon-to-be husband.”
“I didn’t know then that you’re only nineteen. Maybe I should wait until you’ve had time to figure out if you’re settling with me.”
Army’s response cut through Brit’s heart like the sharpest blade. He tried swallowing the bitterness, hoping it wouldn’t show in his voice. “Do you know how old I feel? Probably closer to fifty,” he answered without giving Army time to guess. “I’ve been working nonstop since I was seven and I’ve lived alone since I was fourteen. My mom traded me to my dad for a price I’ve never been told. All I know is she was thrilled to learn she’d be set for life when she found out she was pregnant with a celebrity’s baby, but less than thrilled to be pregnant with me. My dad thinks money equates love and replaces his presence. He pumps my account full of money, and—to him—that’s all I need in life. I guess, in a way, he’s been right. I had a driver to take me to rehearsals, shows, and to the next audition. Tanner taught me how to drive and brought me to the US when he moved here. My life has been work and watching my only real family member slowly disappear, becoming an addict and nothing else. I’m a tired old man in a young body.” Brit signaled his lane change before getting off at the next exit. He didn’t say anything else, nor did he want to. They needed gas if they planned to make the final thirty-minute drive of their trip.
He watched the numbers tick by on the pump while trying to cool his temper. Army was hung up on age. Seriously? Of all fucking things. Brit wanted to beat his head against a wall. He didn’t know how much more he could take of life kicking him. His brain itched inside his head, making Brit want to scream. Army had planned to propose. Jesus, the longing in Brit’s gut was crippling. Army had been on the verge of offering Brit the home he’d never had, and he’d changed his mind. Brit shoved his hands in his pockets to keep from punching out the window of Army’s car. Every move he made was exaggerated. He slammed the gas nozzle back in its place before tightening the cap until his hand cramped. His footsteps slapped the ground as he stormed back to the driver’s side. Brit took a deep breath before opening the door. It wasn’t Army’s fault Brit craved more than he’d ever have. When he climbed behind the wheel, Army turned sideways in his seat.
He held a ring out. “Will you marry me?”
Brit blinked. He stopped breathing. It was a gorgeous gold band with three small diamonds sunk inside the gold. Considering how Army struggled for every dime, it must’ve taken everything for him to pay the ring. “You brought it with you.”
Army didn’t drop his arm. “I’ve taken it everywhere with me since I bought it, hoping I’d have a burst of courage. If you want to say no, I won’t be angry. It’s not like everything has been amazing the past few weeks. If nothing else, maybe this bullshit has proven that—no matter what—we’ll be okay. I might not be in your league, but I love you more than anyone else ever could.”
Brit heard the love and honesty in Army’s every word. The rest of his life stared him in the fac
e. He’d never known more hope and love. Brit was also scared as hell Army was only doing this to prove a point.
Army held his breath and the ring without letting up. He knew there was a real possibility Brit would turn him down. If he did, Army would accept Brit’s answer. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with Brit, but he equally needed to prove there was nothing he’d learned since Tanner turned up in their lives that was enough to drive Army away. When he’d fallen for Brit, he’d fallen for Brit—not Tanner nor the idea of Tanner. He loved the man who wanted a Christmas tree and rarely let Army sleep from staring at him. Brit’s past and age—everything was secondary to the way Brit made him feel. Tanner hadn’t done that.
Brit eyed the ring. “Why are you doing this now? I don’t want you to do this only because you think it’s what I want.”
The mistrust in Brit’s voice hurt Army’s chest. “This is because I love you, and as much as I wish I could’ve made my proposal a grand moment for you, the truth is I don’t have much else to offer other than my heart.”
“Then, yes,” Brit said, snagging the ring and putting it on. There was no happy celebration or kisses. Brit accepted and started the car.
Army stared at the man’s profile with his bottom lip held between his teeth. He wanted to laugh. Brit truly was an old man in a young body. Laughter won. It bubbled in his throat before escaping. The way Brit’s cheek curved let Army know the man was smiling.
“I love it when you’re happy.”
Army’s smile grew even brighter at Brit’s confession. “I love you.”
Brit reached over and grabbed Army’s hand before bringing it to his lips. He held it there. Army felt the man’s breath catch against his skin.
“Are you okay?”
Brit nodded. Still, he kept his lips pressed to the back of Army’s hand. “I thought I’d lost you.” Brit’s voice came out in a harsh whisper—like he was on the verge of tears. “The idea almost killed me.”
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