Full-Figured Vampire 1 - Real Vampires Have Curves

by Gerry Bartlett

  "You weren't wounded, were you?"

  "Slightly. I healed."

  Slightly. Which could be anything from a nick on the arm to a gut shot. No wonder he sounded tired. Vamps heal when they sleep but it takes a lot out of them.

  "Where are you?" Of course Mara was with him and how sick to be jealous of a grieving widow. She was Blade's friend. His beautiful friend. With the kind of flaming red hair and green eyes that any Scotsman would kill for. Certainly the Campbells loved her. And she was thin, of course. Next to her I'm an overblown English rose.

  "Lake Charles. In Louisiana. I have a casino here. It's just across the Texas border. Forget Austin. You will join us. I can protect you here. I've got state-of-the-art security and guards around the clock. Now that we know about Westwood, he won't be able to get near us in the casino."

  A casino. Why not just stake me now? I'd never told Blade about my little gambling problem and wasn't about to now. Being under Blade's protection… I'd never felt safer than when I was with him.

  But he hadn't asked. He'd issued an order. And I quit following his orders over a century ago. Because I also tended to revert to a Glory I didn't particularly like with Blade. Dependent, giving up my power… Can you tell I read self-help books?

  Damn it. Techno freak vamp hunters. No wonder I felt chilled to the bone and more than a little tempted to get to Lake Charles as fast as my aging Suburban could carry me. I sucked it up.

  "I'll be with Freddy. He's as strong as you are, maybe stronger." A dig, but baiting Blade beat the full-out crying jag I felt like going for.

  "Is Valdez with you?"

  I glanced at my dog who was checking out the countryside.

  "Of course."

  "Keep him close until you get here. You are not going to Frederick. I will expect you—"

  I hung up on him. Just like that. I turned off the phone before flinging it onto the seat.

  "The big boss givin' ya grief, angel face?" Valdez. Obviously not your ordinary companion animal.

  "He's not my big boss and I'm giving him grief." I grabbed a tissue from the console and blew my nose. "But I know he's your big boss. In your next report, tell him to kiss my—"

  "Tell him yourself, sweet cheeks. Right now I gotta go."

  When Blade and I parted ways, we'd argued until he wore me down and I'd agreed to let him provide protection for me. I'd expected bodyguards. Instead he'd sent dogs. Not ordinary pups, but creatures with special abilities. This was Valdez number one hundred and twenty-five. They had all been willing to give their lives to keep me safe. And they had. These dogs were usually mortal and it broke my heart each time I lost one.

  I have no idea how he did it—vamp magic, I guess—but Blade had made each Valdez more powerful, more… interesting. Besides being able to create a circle of safety around me, the last dozen or so had been able to communicate. Not out loud, but in my head and inside any head within range. Impossible to tune out. And impossible to explain in a crowd. That's why we had strict rules about when and where Valdez can speak.

  It amuses Blade to surprise me. The last one had sounded just like the Chihuahua in the fast food commercial. This one is a thug, Travolta in Get Shorty. What ever happened to the strong silent type?

  "You gonna ignore me or what? I don't wanna hear no whinin' when I lift my leg on your CD player."

  "All right. All right." I jerked open the door and hopped out. "Hurry. We're miles from nowhere."

  "Don't I know it. Seems okay though." He sniffed his way to a bush and took care of his business. "Next gas stop, I want a bag of Cheetos and some Twinkies."

  Typical. "I should get you a can of Alpo. That other stuff's bad for you." Can you believe this dog? I think he eats those things to torment me. I haven't had a bite, of food, that is, since 1604 and while I always liked my meals back then, I would have killed for something that smelled like a Cheeto.

  "I ain't no ordinary dog. I'm a Labradoodle special and I got needs. You have any idea what they put in canned dog food?"

  "Cheetos and Twinkies aren't—"

  "So stop for a Big Mac and fries. And you owe me. So far I've listened to Evita, Phantom of the Opera and Oklahoma. And," he gave me a long suffering look, "you ain't no Chiquita Rivera if you know what I mean. "

  "Chita Rivera. Chiquita is the banana." I know my pop culture. It's a survival skill. And, yeah, I knew what he meant. I can dance, and act, but sing? A girl can't do everything perfectly.

  "Chill out, fur face. I could go back to 'We Are the Champions.'" My fave. And one I knew Valdez was really sick of. I'd heard him howl through it more than once to drown it and me out.

  "I thought you were in a hurry." Valdez settled into his seat with a sigh. If he wasn't being so aggravating I'd bury my fingers in his soft fur and scratch his ears. Don't get me wrong. I love dogs. They're great company. Normal dogs anyway. But no way was I letting him eat fries in my car again. Talk about torture. And the delicious smell lingered for days.

  "I am in a hurry." And I was seriously creeped out and seeing a wild-eyed hunter behind every scraggly bush. I put the car in gear.

  "Then get the lead out, Blondie. You got three hours till daylight. And we're not stayin' in no cheap motel with a hard mattress. I've checked it out. Next big town's got several nice places that take dogs."

  Like I'd let my dog pick a motel. Though he probably had checked it out. I've given up trying to figure out what this Valdez can do. He's part canine, part computer and all weird. And he reports to Blade so he's a damned spy. How? Some kind of mind-meld, I guess. But this Valdez and I have bonded enough that I know he won't rat me out about certain things. Like the gambling problem or the night I stayed out too late and almost got fried in the morning sun. That one cost me a case of Cocoa Puffs.

  Pain in the butt or not though, I feel safe when I have Valdez sacked out on the foot of my bed. I heard a snort and glanced over at him. Did I mention he can read my mind? How irritating is that?

  "What?"

  He gave me a look and, yeah, I did feel that circle of safety wrap around me like a warm blanket.

  "I've got your back, kid. Isn't that worth a Twinkie stop?"

  I had to laugh. That voice in my head, big brown eyes and a wagging tail. "Whatever, fur face." We passed a sign. "Twenty-two miles to Twinkieville."

  Safe or not, I kept checking my rearview mirror. Hunters are like rabid beasts. There's no reasoning with them. They're convinced vampires are all demons from hell who play Jack the Ripper all night and sleep in coffins all day. How wrong can they be? I prefer a pillow top mattress, Egyptian cotton sheets and Valdez curled up on the foot of the bed.

  I sighed and glanced at my faithful companion who kept staring alertly out the window. Blade had never liked a dog in the bedroom. Valdez or Blade? Unfortunately, right now Valdez was the only contender in the sleep with Glory contest.

  Chapter Two

  "Incoming. Pull over."

  "You're kidding. Now?" I'd hung up on Blade. Of course he wouldn't just calmly accept that. Oh, no. He'd want a face to face. And it had taken him only, what, one hour and a Twinkie stop to fly to my side. Yep, fly. Did I mention he can shape-shift?

  The black bird swooped in front of the car just as I was slowing down. I knew better than to ignore him and keep driving. Blade was relentless when he was on a quest. And his current quest was to make me do his bidding. My stomach knotted. I was not wimping out. I had plans.

  I stopped the car and turned off the engine as bird became man. Okay, it's always kind of cool to watch. I could shape-shift, but I can't, if you know what I mean. A personality defect. Something about the whole now you're a bird or bat or, God forbid, even a dog, now you're a person thing freaks me out. Loss of control maybe. Or just plain fear. What if I forget how to do it and get stuck?

  I glanced at Valdez. The idiot was grinning and wagging his tail as Blade popped open the driver's side door even though, of course, I'd locked it.

  No one can do the vamp whammy l
ike Blade. Before I could get a grip, I was out of the car and wrapping my arms around him. No. No. No. I shoved him away and pressed my hands over my eyes.

  "Look at me, Gloriana." Blade's deep voice rumbled into my mind.

  "No. Go away." Hah. How was that for willpower? If only I couldn't smell him, his totally male vampire come-and-get-me smell. I opened my eyes.

  He was on his knees, rubbing Valdez's head and talking to him in a low voice. I didn't bother to tune in. Instead, I enjoyed the view. Leave it to Blade to show up in full Clan Campbell regalia, including broadsword. But he'd always had the legs for a kilt. Don't ask me how he can be a bird one minute and a fully clothed man the next. Much less how he can travel at warp speed. Just call it more vamp magic. A magic that still pulled me right to him.

  "What's with the kilt? Surely you don't run a casino like that. Not exactly blending here, Jerry."

  He stood and faced me while Valdez trotted off into the bushes. Blade's dark hair was a little wild and it was all I could do not to reach out to brush it into place.

  "Customers love it. Think it's an act. Nothing like trying to win money from a tight-fisted Scot." He moved closer, his dark eyes roaming over me. I pulled down my "Elvis lives" T-shirt and wished I'd had a chance to throw on some lipstick.

  "Why are you being so stubborn?"

  "It's not stubborn. I just want to live my own life. Not yours." To hell with lipstick. I lifted my chin. "You can turn into anything you want. Maybe a gorilla. Then you can thump your chest and drag me back to your tree. But the minute you turn your back, King Kong, I'm outta there."

  "You try my patience, lass. You're in danger."

  "So what's new? I'm, no, we're always in clanger. Hunters come and go, this one will go too."

  "Westwood's different." Blade turned as Valdez loped toward the car. One nod and the dog took off again.

  "Leave all this"—he swept a disdainful look over my packed Suburban and U-Haul—"shit and come with me."

  "This shit is my shit." I hit him in the middle of his broad chest. Not that it did any good. I'm strong, but Blade's a rock. "Will you ever get me? I like my stuff around me. And I need my independence. If I'm going to live forever—" I shuddered. I'd stopped being grateful for that little gift a long time ago. "Then it has to be my way. Not yours."

  "What's so wrong with letting me take care of ye, lass?" He put his hands on my shoulders. Oh, yeah. He thought the Scottish thing would melt me. There was a thaw going on, but this was too important to let my always interested libido take over.

  "Everything."

  He tried to pull me to him. I dug in my heels. He could have forced me. I knew it and so did he. Instead, he dropped his hands and stepped back.

  "I am no' your enemy, Gloriana."

  "Yes, you are," I whispered. Damn me for feeling ashamed when his frown hardened. I knew it hurt him when I asserted myself. It was a rejection. Again.

  "Will you promise to call me if you need me?"

  No soothing Scottish tones now. I felt his withdrawal as surely as if he'd morphed into bird mode and flown out of there.

  I couldn't help myself. I moved close to him, slipped my arms around his lean waist and rested my head on his chest. I filled my lungs with his scent and felt his breath against my hair. He slid his arms around me and just held me. So many years together, so much history. In my own warped way, I love him, okay? I just don't like him very much. Not when he's doing his "me Scottish Highlander, you little woman" thing.

  "That's that then?"

  "That's that." I stepped back and watched as he whirled, a blur of motion, until a raven with blue black wings shrieked his displeasure then flew up and out into the night sky.

  "You ever gonna cut the guy a break?" Valdez pushed his head under my hand and I rubbed his silky ears.

  "If I went with him, you'd be out of a job."

  "I could live with that." He yawned and jumped into the car. "Ain't nothin' wrong with a dog's life. Eat, sleep, chase a few cats. Sounds good to me. I figure you'd still slip me a few Cheetos."

  I looked up at the clear night sky filled with a thousand stars and a sliver of moon. Somewhere a dark bird flew so fast only another immortal could see it. Was I insane for rejecting Blade again? I got in and started the car. Probably.

  Austin. Finally. I'd taken quite a few road trips in my time, but this one had to qualify as the trip from hell. Love my old Suburban, but, especially when you're driving at night, you need reliable transportation and decent gas mileage. As soon as I start making some serious money, I'm trading this sucker in.

  Lost a fan belt in Arizona. Overheated in the middle of the desert outside of Roswell. And the worst, the absolute worst, was the blowout in west Texas. You ever try to change a tire with a U-Haul and a lifetime (very, very long lifetime) worth of junk piled on top of the spare? I've got the vamp strength thing going on but it was an hour before sun up. Thank God for friendly truckers.

  Enough griping. I like the look of Austin. Pretty capitol building. Hills. The city's bigger than I thought it would be, and even at three a.m. there's some traffic on the freeway. I find Freddy's house without much hassle. You've got to love numbered streets.

  Freddy flung open the door of his two story brick bungalow as soon as I pulled up in front. "Glory! You made it."

  "No thanks to this clunker." I let Valdez out and watched him mark Freddy's bushes before he bothered to check out Freddy. "It's good to finally get here."

  "Still traveling with a beast, I see." Freddy bent down and eyed Valdez. They had a quiet man to man conversation that ended when Freddy got up to give me a hug. "You look wonderful."

  "So do you." Vampires do change over the years, you know. Not age, exactly. But fashions, hair, cosmetic stuff can make a difference. Freddy knew how to blend in and in this college town he'd decided to go with a graduate student look. He wore his jeans with a T-shirt that advertised of all things a Willie Nelson Fourth of July picnic. I had to smile.

  "A picnic?"

  "It's a local tradition. Doesn't really get going till the sun goes down. Next summer you'll have to go with me. Great music." Freddy was tall, lean and could have been the love of my life if he hadn't decided to come out of the closet a few decades ago. Just as well. He was more like Blade than either of them would ever admit. Strong, hard headed and macho, despite the sexual preference.

  I sensed more vamps inside just before a familiar throaty voice bellowed a greeting.

  "Gloriana, darling, give us a hug."

  Us. Us as in Freddy's mother, the Countess Cecelia Hapsburg von Repsdorf. The countess had become vampire after she discovered her only son had turned. No way was she letting him live forever without her "guidance."

  "CiCi." I was enveloped in a cloud of the exotic perfume the countess favored, her special blend and really quite wonderful. I sniffed and held onto her for a moment, my cheek against her soft cheek.

  My own mother was a very distant memory and not a pleasant one. She'd turned her back on me and consigned me to hell just because I'd loved an actor. Not that she'd ever approved of anything I did anyway. I can't even imagine how she would have reacted if she'd ever found out I was vampire.

  CiCi was the mother I wish I'd had, warm and loving instead of cold and judgmental. Okay, maybe a little judgmental. She held me away from her and looked me over.

  "You look like hell, darling. What have you done to your skin? Is that a tan?" She was clearly horrified. "Own what you are, Gloriana. You should be pale, ethereal. I must give you a makeover immediately."

  "Mother, let the woman sit down first, will you?" Freddy had his hand on Valdez's collar. "And say hello to her latest companion. Valdez, I assume?" He looked the question at me.

  "Of course." I was relieved to see my dog wagging his tail. You never knew how animals would take to CiCi. With her strange perfume and booming voice, she'd sent more than one of my pups running for cover. Of course none of them sensed any danger to me in CiCi, just to themselves appa
rently. This one seemed to have developed an instant crush on her and was actually speechless.

  "My, he's a big one, isn't he?" She leaned down to pat his head and give him a searching look. "Good. You need a protector since you are too stubborn to settle down with Jeremiah."

  Jeremiah, Jeremy, Blade. This was CiCi as usual. "Jerry and I do fine on our own. Leave it alone, CiCi." I turned to Freddy. "Where's Derek?"

  "Out." Freddy lost his smile and gestured toward the curb. "Shall I bring in your bags? At least what you need for overnight?"

  "Sure, thanks. Just the tote on the backseat. We can worry about the rest later." I watched Freddy stride down the brick sidewalk.

  "He's miserable, Gloriana." CiCi actually managed a whisper. "Derek is out hunting. He will not give it up."

  "They are still together though."

  "Oh, yes. Except for this little disagreement, they are quite devoted." CiCi led the way into a cozy living room. It was full of the kind of antiques I love and I exclaimed over them to CiCi's delight.

  "Yes, I do love beautiful things. Frederick tells me you plan to open an antique shop. A good idea. Who else would know so much?"

  I ran my hand over the front of the beautiful tiger maple buffet loaded with porcelain figurines. "I never had anything this fine back in the day, but maybe you can help me." CiCi looked startled. "Oh, not to work, of course. But to give me your opinion from time to time."

  "Why yes. I would love that. And perhaps then I might consign a few things." She gestured around the tastefully jam-packed room. "Frederick says I have too much."

  "Not as much as I do. Trying to cram it all into the car and trailer wore me out. And gave me the idea to do this shop thing. I'm actually ready to let go of some of it." I turned as the door slammed and Valdez growled. Freddy with my bag and another man, Derek. Think Hugh Jackman in The Boy From Oz. Yum. I recognized him from e-mail pictures.

  Another myth exploded. You can photograph a vampire, but the mirror thing, yeah, that's true and a real pain in the butt for someone like me who wants to look good. I'd had to use the vamp whammy to get one of the other dancers to do my stage make-up. She's the one who'd talked me into the tan. Now I was rethinking it.