Full-Figured Vampire 1 - Real Vampires Have Curves

by Gerry Bartlett

  I put down the book I'd been reading—How to Get What You Want and Keep What You Need. Easy to see why it was a best seller.

  "Flo, listen to me, I've had an epiphany."

  "And you sold it?" Flo put down the remote. "Tell me it wasn't one of those cute little bracelets. Just once I'd like a lover who buys me good jewelry."

  Valdez winked. I swear he did.

  "No, not Tiffany, Flo. An epiphany. A revelation. I figured something out about myself. This is big,"

  "So what did you figure out?" Flo pulled out polish remover and attacked her nails. "I hate brown polish. What was I thinking? Red, pink, coral. From now on, I want pretty colors."

  Was it too much to ask for an attentive audience? Like I said, this was big. Flo put down her cotton ball and looked at me.

  "Spill, girlfriend." She grinned. "Love the CW."

  "Maybe we should cut back on the TV watching."

  "No, I'm learning more English. It's fun." She focused on me. "I said spill."

  Now I was embarrassed. Even Valdez had quit scratching his left ear to stare at me. "It's about me and Blade. Our relationship." I got up and paced the living room.

  "This should be good." Flo sat back and put her bare feet on the coffee table. "He's been dropping by a lot lately." She looked at Valdez. "And I don't think he's coming to see us. Right, doggy?"

  "Hey, he doesn't need to check up on me."

  "Forget Blade. This isn't just about us. It's about the whole vampire culture."

  "We have a culture?" Flo picked up her cotton ball again and doused it with remover. "I'm way past worrying about that stuff. I had my artist period. A few composers. A rock star in the sixties. But now—"

  "Will you stay with me here?" I wrinkled my nose. My enhanced senses kicked in again, unfortunately. "And please quit giving Valdez bean dip."

  "Don't tell her that. You should see the way she scoops up some on a chip and slides it into my mouth." Valdez walked over to lean his head against Flo's knee. "She's my hero."

  "Ooo, doggy." Flo fanned her face. "Glory's right. Maybe onion dip, caro." She rubbed her bare foot against his chest, then pushed him away. "Sit by Glory, guard her."

  "Thanks a lot. Maybe you should guard both of us from the next room." Obviously Flo wasn't interested in my big reveal. Who else could I tell? I don't keep a diary, you never know when it might fall into the wrong hands. But I was bursting to share.

  "Reveal!" Flo pushed Valdez away again. I swear he was trying to look up her pink miniskirt.

  I sat down. "Okay. I realized that Blade treats me like a helpless female because I've been acting like one."

  "Cara, I could have told you that centuries ago. When we met in Campbell Castle." Flo gave in and stroked Valdez's head. " 'Oh, Jeremiah, I can't shape-shift. What if I get stuck?' I heard you."

  "Shape-shifting is scary. I may have a bat's hearing and a bat's night vision, but does that mean I want to hang upside down in a cave, eat mosquitoes and give up cute shoes?" There, surely Flo couldn't argue with that logic.

  "You don't have to be a bat. I prefer birds, cats—"

  "You're breaking my heart, Florence." Valdez lay his head on her feet.

  "I'm not ready to shape-shift. But I'm ready to embrace being vampire. No more whining about what can't be changed." I looked down at the book I'd tossed on the coffee table. "This is about power, Flo. I want to explore my powers."

  Flo's eyes lit up and she winked at Valdez. "No whining. Good. And we know you embrace vampires. Especially one in particular."

  "Forget embracing. Think power. For defense. Okay? We start with some little things and work our way up. Baby steps."

  "Of course. I will be your mentor. And I think you have more power than you know. Remember in church? You were singing up and going up, without even trying. Even I have to concentrate to move like that."

  "I don't want to make a fool of myself." That floating business had been pretty cool.

  "Of course not." Flo jumped up. "What do you want to learn first? There are so many things."

  "Okay." I had a mental list. "First, how do you move so fast? You know, here one second, over there the next?"

  "Like this?" And before I could blink, Flo was behind me.

  "Yes! How do you do that? Blade, Damian, even Derek does it."

  "Easy. Just focus on where you want to be and, voilà, you're there."

  "Focus." I looked around.

  Valdez hopped up on the love seat. "This is going to be good. We got any popcorn?"

  I stuck my tongue out at him. Then I looked past him to the kitchen. Kitchen. I concentrated and, bam!

  "Uh, Glory." Flo and Valdez were looking up at me. "Did I mention you need to see the exact spot where you want to be?"

  "You don't think I picked the top of the refrigerator?" I reached behind me. "See? The microwave popcorn is up here."

  "Nice save, Blondie." Valdez wagged his tail and watched me climb down. Maybe I should have put on a different outfit for this. My long blue skirt got tangled in my legs and I fell into Flo's arms. Thank God for her vamp strength or we both would have landed on our butts.

  "You'll get better. Give me that." She grabbed the popcorn and stuck it in the microwave. "Come here." She steered me to our front door. "Now look at the love seat. Your usual spot. See yourself there. Just like you were a few minutes ago."

  I felt her hands on my shoulders. "No cheating now, Flo. I've seen you move everything from a purse to that chair over there."

  "No cheating. You do this all yourself." Valdez barked, the microwave beeped and she let me go. "Think now. The exact spot where you want to be. Picture it. In your mind."

  I closed my eyes. I could hear Flo dumping popcorn into a bowl. Warning Valdez that it was hot. I made myself tune them out. And I saw myself. Sitting on the love seat, usual spot. I opened my eyes. Hello, I was there.

  Flo clapped.

  "Way to go, Blondie." Valdez caught a fluffy kernel in his mouth when Flo tossed it. "It's good defense. Some slimeball gets the drop on you, blink and you're outta there."

  "Wow! I did it." I picked up my book and closed my eyes. I was in my bedroom, lying down with my book in my lap.

  "Practice, Glory." Flo went back to her nails.

  I sat up. Specific. The bedroom floor was not exactly my pillowtop. But I was making progress, gaining powers of my own. Could I move anyone or anything else? I laid my book on the bed, closed my eyes and saw it on the coffee table. I opened my eyes.

  "Bravo, Glory! You go, girlfriend."

  I had to get my "girlfriend" turned on to some new TV shows. But her admiration was the real deal. And how cool was that?

  I walked to the bedroom door and stared at Valdez, seeing him on the end of my bed. Nada.

  "You're not moving me, Blondie." Valdez quit eating popcorn long enough to look at me. "And whatcha wanna bet Flo here don't go either?"

  "Don't try it, Glory." Flo brushed Pink Persuasion polish on her left thumb and examined it critically. "I'm not your book to land, plop, on a table."

  "Okay, okay. You're both off-limits." I walked back into the living room. "Could you move a mortal? Like Westwood?"

  Flo shook her head. "I don't think so. It's better you move. Like Valdez said. If you can't shape-shift, at least you can get behind him, run like the wind."

  "Yes, that's good."

  "There are other limits, Gloriana." Flo frowned. "I wish there weren't. But only very old, very powerful vampires can move through walls and doors. I've only known one who could do that."

  "Okay. So I need to see a clear path."

  "Right. And if you're being held by anyone, mortal or vampire, you won't be able to move either. It interferes with the energy flow you need. Of course I would hope you could knock a mere mortal over on his ass with your vamp strength."

  "I would hope." I sniffed and stared at Valdez's bowl. That popcorn smelled so good. I know I've vowed to adjust my attitude. But that smell… That was the worst about being
vampire. Not being able to eat.

  Flo looked up. "You want to eat?"

  "Sure." I sniffed the air. "Doesn't this delicious smell bother you?"

  "Some vampires can eat." She added color to her little finger and held out her hand, flapping it to speed the drying like she hadn't just uttered magic words that could make my whole existence into nirvana.

  "You're toying with me." I picked up a kernel that had landed on the coffee table. "You think I could learn to eat? Can you?"

  Heaven on earth. Eat whatever you wanted and then, vamp magic, you wake up the next morning still exactly the same weight and size. This was huge.

  "I tried it once." Flo made a face and began to work on the nails on her right hand. "Not for me."

  "Why not?" I got up and went into the kitchen to pull out Cheetos from Valdez's stash. I hugged the bag to me. I left it unopened. If I smelled and couldn't taste…

  "Are you hungry?" Flo had finished with the polish, now she waved both hands in front of her.

  I thought about it. Hunger, real hunger that starts in your churning gut. Nope. Hadn't felt it since the change.

  Bloodlust. That's another hunger altogether. It's centered more in your, don't laugh now, nose. You smell the blood coursing through a mortal's veins, hear it pumping their life force through their bodies. Your fangs run out, ready to rip when the craving becomes an obsession. Then you feed—either from a person or a canned substitute.

  "I'm not hungry. It's a mental thing. Like if someone said you absolutely could not wear cute shoes ever again. You were doomed to wear clunky orthopedic shoes and athletic socks forever. And you could look at Ferragamo slides, touch them, even smell them, but you could never, ever wear them."

  Flo looked startled. "Even my lover Dante couldn't have imagined such a level of hell. Better to get staked tomorrow."

  "Exactly. See? Do you wonder I get depressed once in a while?"

  "Once in a while?" Valdez bumped his head against my hip. "Until we got here, Blondie, you were lower than my blood sugar when I need a Twinkie fix."

  "Excuse me? What do you know about blood sugar?" I looked from Valdez to Flo.

  "My fault." Flo grinned. "We watched the Health Channel while you were in the shower last night. When I saw the program was about blood sugar…" She shrugged.

  "I've never found human blood to be sweet." I said. "But even I wouldn't mind a treat now and then."

  Valdez bumped me again. "You gonna open those Cheetos or what? I think I'm bavin' a sinking spell."

  "You'll live. Give me a minute." I sat down next to Flo. "Valdez is right about one thing. Between my sucky love life and my lack of crunch, I've been down for centuries."

  "Then we must do something about it. The love life may be complicated." Flo got out her clear top coat and began on her left hand again. "You don't want Damian, he's no good for you. You've had Jeremiah, he drives you crazy. Was there anyone at the meeting the other night who made you hot?"

  Hot? I'd spent the whole evening with a headache the size of Kansas. Blocking Damian was wearing on me, but I sure wasn't going to give him a shot at playing virtual sex games again.

  Flo looked up, her eyes narrowed.

  "Forget my love life." I ripped open the bag of Cheetos. I put one to my nose. Inhaled. Oh, God, was there ever a better smell? I put it to my lips. The texture. I'd heard Valdez often enough crunching his way through a bag. To bite into something with texture…

  "Wait, Glory." Flo snatched it out of my hand. "Before you do this, I must warn you."

  I swear my eyes watered. So close… "What? Is it like poison? Will I… die?" Yep, I was truly over that "Woe is me, I'm immortal" crap.

  "No, but you might wish it so." She popped the Cheetos into Valdez's mouth. "I remember… I had a lover. Ari was a handsome Greek who owned his own island in the Aegean." She sighed.

  "But he was mortal and didn't want to know I was vampire. I read his mind. So I pretended I was mortal too. Staying in my own room all day because I preferred the nights. Cooler, less interruption from the staff." She waved her hand. "Details. Anyway, I went so far as to eat with him. I would pretend of course. Push my food around my plate." She smiled at Valdez. "Drop some bites down to his little dog."

  "I knew I liked you, Flo." Valdez wagged his tail, but his eyes were on that Cheetos bag.

  "One night he insisted he hand feed me tidbits from his plate. He thought he was being sexy." Flo shuddered. "I chewed. I swallowed. I suffered agony. Pains in my stomach. I could not stand. I told him it was food poisoning. From something I'd eaten in my room before dinner."

  "That's terrible." I fondled the Cheetos bag. "How long did the pains last?" Was I hopeless, or what?

  "Days, Glory. The healing sleep didn't fix me. Can you imagine? From a few tidbits." Flo looked at the bag. "Worth it?"

  "Maybe not tonight." Not with Westwood gunning for me and a business to run. I couldn't afford to be laid low for the sake of a few Cheetos. Could I? "Maybe we should work on my love life first."

  "Love." Flo clapped her hands. "Now you're talking, girlfriend."

  "I still haven't met a cowboy." I threw a handful of Cheetos into Valdez's popcorn bowl, then reluctantly returned the bag to the kitchen.

  "Why a cowboy?" Flo really seemed interested.

  "I've been partial to Stetsons and boots since my California gold-rush days. I'm not much of a singer—"

  "I can vouch for that." Valdez had polished off his Cheetos.

  "Would you not interrupt?" I gave him a look. "Anyway, back then I could have howled like Valdez and sex starved miners would toss gold nuggets in my direction. Of course they loved checking out my boobs in low-cut gowns."

  "Use what you have, I always say." Flo sighed and leaned back. "Is this a love story?"

  "Of course." I picked up a throw pillow and hugged it. "One miner in particular, the hat and boot type, caught my eye and swept me off my feet. Randy O'Banyan."

  Flo rubbed her hands together. "Was he a good lover?"

  "Incredible." I squeezed the pillow. "And full of fun. Like your Ari, he never knew I was vampire, though I fed from him. Young, healthy, O positive." I never used to think twice about feeding from a mortal. You get an incredible high. Then I got a conscience. Thought maybe I was taking advantage…

  "Glory, mortals have plenty of blood. They never miss what we take as long as we aren't greedy." Flo grabbed the pillow and tossed it across the room. "Are you going to finish this story?"

  "Okay. Randy and I'd meet every night for mind-blowing sex, with a little bite action on my part. Then I'd zap his memory and he'd go off to the mines every day. Until a mine shaft collapsed and buried him."

  "No! You should have made him vampire, Glory." Flo wiped away a tear. "This reminds me of my lover in St. Petersburg. I waited too long and he was killed. Ungrateful peasants."

  "I don't make people vampires, Flo." And that was one power I had no interest in picking up. "So I cried for weeks. Refused to hunt. I was so weak, I figured I might just die. And that was okay with me. I loved Randy."

  "Of course you did." Flo patted my hand. "I have had many wonderful lovers. And lost many. But you must feed. Keep up your strength."

  "That's what Blade said when he found me." I got up and headed into the kitchen to get a Bloody Merry. All this talk of feeding… I took a deep swallow and told myself for the thousandth time that it satisfied me. Yeah, right. I settled on the love seat again. "You know Blade has this uncanny telepathic ability where I'm concerned."

  "I call it love." Flo looked wistful. "A great love. He is your life mate, Gloriana."

  I wasn't about to get into the love versus possessiveness versus responsibility argument now. "Whatever he is, he came roaring into town. He scooped me up, literally, along with the Valdez du jour." I looked at my current Valdez. "A fierce protector who never talked or read my mind. I loved that dog."

  Valdez gave me a reproachful look. Okay, that was mean. He'd saved my life, a little over a week
ago.

  "I'm sorry, Valdez." I smiled slightly. "I love you too."

  "You'd better. He saved us both. Eh, doggy?" Flo rubbed Valdez with her bare toes and he was glad to turn to her, presenting me with his backside.

  "What did Blade do after he scooped you?"

  "He took us to a villa in Mexico. He was alternately sweet and bossy, forcing me to feed from him until I got my strength back."

  "Your hero! He must really love you to be so generous."

  "He was generous like a fox. You know feeding makes hot, hotter. And with the right person… One bite and I was jumping his bones. Again and again. God, I'm so freaking easy where Blade is concerned."

  "Of course you are." Flo willed me to meet her gaze. "So are you going to just sit back and let Mara have him now?"

  "Quit doing the whammy, Flo. I don't know." I picked up my book from the coffee table. "I don't know what I want. That's part of my problem."

  Flo smiled. "I think you do know what you want. And that's your whole problem."

  Chapter Fifteen

  Whether I wanted him or not, Blade showed up the night I was going for my bra fitting.

  "Florence tells me you're making your own protective gear and are supposed to pick it up tonight." Blade stood at the door jingling car keys. "Let me go with you. I want to see this Kevlar."

  Why not? Through Flo, I'd arranged to use the hearse. Hey, Damian owed me. But this was better. Flo didn't need to be running her mouth about me to Blade, though. Matchmaking, no doubt.

  "Can Valdez stay here? The seamstress got a little"—I looked down at my dog, who was wagging his tail and grinning at Blade—"nervous around him. She's got young kids."

  "Sure. Stay here, Valdez." Blade waited for me to grab my purse.

  "It's not far." We walked downstairs, stopping at the threshold to sniff the outside air. In a little over a week it had become a cautious habit. No olive wood, thank God.

  We stepped outside and of course Blade had driven that Mercedes convertible. I held out my hand. "I'll drive."

  Blade grinned. "I think you want this car. And Florence tells me the last estimate to fix your old car was over a thousand dollars."