Rainbow Gap

by Lee Lynch

  “Oh, you. You’re poking fun at me. At least we know it’s not Eddie watching us from the woods, bless his tarnished soul.”

  “If he had one,” Jaudon said.

  “And if it didn’t take Lari’s over.”

  “You don’t believe that, do you, Berry?”

  “No. Yes. I don’t know, angel. Some man in a noisy rig has been spotted. I’ve heard the truck idling on Eulalia and Samantha saw it, saw the driver. In her description, he sounded like a thousand men around here—including Eddie.”

  “Maybe one of his church friends? But why?”

  In answer, Berry put her arms around Jaudon’s firm, untapered waist from behind. Berry asked herself if she believed these demonic things she was saying. If so, she needed to exorcise them from her head. They were so ingrained in her. She grew up hearing sayings like: Don’t keep a chair rocking once you’re up or you’ll soon get sick and A howling dog is a sign of death.

  Then again, Zefer did howl half the night when Eddie died. She made herself think of the Great Spirit, made herself breathe deep as she could five times: five seconds in, five hold, five out.

  Jaudon was lulled by Berry’s sleepy embrace. Outside the window was a pure white half-moon on its back that gave no illumination.

  Berry whispered, “The moon is only a pearly half disc watching us sail by.”

  She turned and kissed Berry until the air around them seemed to pulse with pleasure. Berry slept like she was in hibernation the rest of the night.

  By seven a.m., Berry was at work. She wanted to catch Dr. Gara before patients started arriving.

  “There isn’t anything I can do, Berry,” said the doctor, after a call to the hospital. “Miss Hand was released after observation. She should improve with medications, but it sounds as if she’s not taking them. That’s part of the illness, of course. Patients grow suspicious of the very medications that can help them.”

  Berry brought up the leprosy issue.

  “That’s not likely. You can try contacting the health department, Berry, to determine if there have been incidences. The other possibility is calling the police out there when you know she’s on your grandmother’s property.” Dr. Gara smiled. “We can’t go capture her and put her in a straitjacket anymore.”

  “It’s not okay to call the police on her. She can’t help being sick.”

  “Now that’s where you’re wrong, Berry. She needs that medication. If she’s not taking it, we’re going to have to intervene.”

  She called Allison, who’d been hired by the Four Lakes Health Department.

  “Poor Lari. I’ll come by tonight,” Allison said, “and we’ll discuss strategies and an intervention. My coworkers will know what’s done in these cases. Can you start the phone tree to round up the group at your place? We need to locate some help for Lari.”

  The day went by too quickly. At noon, she called Jaudon to tell her what Allison proposed.

  “Aw, heck, Berry. I’ll go over to Rigo’s after work.”

  “It might be no one but Allison and me and Gran. I need you.”

  Figures, Jaudon thought, amused and aggravated when she got home and saw the driveway full of cars. The whole gang was there to work on a loving, feminist, communal way to help Lari.

  Fists at her hips, she looked up and saw Cullie’s truck creeping into the driveway at about the speed of dirt.

  “I don’t want to hit anyone else,” said Cullie through her open window.

  “Get out here and let’s go find Lari.”

  “How? When no one else can?”

  “I’ll bet my bottom dollar some one of these women tried to reach her about the meeting hoping she’d show up and she’s behind some brush watching, close enough to listen.”

  “If so, I’ll hoist a root beer to you. That woman is scared.”

  “You won’t get an argument from me, but what’s she scared of?”

  “Herself. She’s scared of herself. And of us dashing lesbians. What’ll we do if we find her?”

  “Providing she doesn’t shoot us…”

  “Which is a big providing. We ought to call in an armored car.”

  She gave Cullie a playful shove. “You’ll want the Marines next.”

  “At least as reinforcements.” Cullie returned the shove with a laugh.

  “Shh. Okay, here’s the plan. Berry says Lari needs help. If we find her, we’ll take her to the hospital. With any luck they’ll keep her long enough to fix her this time.”

  “I can hear the women going on the warpath if Lari isn’t given the appropriate care. I’ll blame this plan on you and recommend we take away your lesbian badge.”

  Her fists came up and she play-growled. “Never. Berry will calm Allison down. This is the only kind solution they can come to in their meeting, but it’ll take a lot longer.”

  Cullie lifted Kirby and put her in the truck, windows open. “I need to tell you this, Jaudo, before Lari kills us both.”

  Cullie funny was entertaining, but Cullie serious was commanding, thought Jaudon.

  “I’ll be remembering Berry’s gran the next time I’m tempted to beat gay-hating parents over their hard heads, which I expect to happen at least a thousand times over the rest of my life. Gran might never understand gay love or understand that we don’t have the rights of a field of peppers, but there’s not a doubt in my mind that whatever you two do, that woman will be there for you. I wish Lari had that. I wish we all had that.”

  Jaudon was all warm inside. “Gran’s a fine lady and she’s raised a swell granddaughter. You couldn’t stop Gran coming out here to track down Lari with us if we told her.”

  “What are we waiting for, you bowlegged slug?”

  Bowlegged, thought Jaudon. Am I bowlegged on top of everything else?

  Cullie inched one way and Jaudon tromped the other, her insides bubbling with trepidation. They circled around the house to enter the thick growth behind Gran’s trailer. There was no sign of Lari.

  Jaudon surveyed the land toward the pond. No one was on the old bench. She looked up.

  Lari sat on the edge of the tree house deck, legs dangling, facing the house. “Of course,” said Jaudon, gesturing for Cullie to look. She hadn’t been up in the tree house for a long time. Lari must be using it, as well as the woods, for a hideout.

  When they reached her, tears were rushing down Lari’s mournful, exhausted-looking face. Skeletal, she wore a man’s T-shirt. Jaudon saw bruises, scratches, scrapes, and the red circles of bug bites on her arms. Her black hair was braided, bits of leaves and twigs stuck to it. Her stained shorts were wet and her sneakers were sodden as well as torn. She was sockless.

  Jaudon tried to imagine Lari’s discomfort, sleeping in swampy land or under the rotting, leaky roof of the tree house. It was troubling, the way she looked, but she didn’t find it in herself to have much sympathy for her. Oh, no, she thought. Some of Momma’s coldness had settled in her own heart.

  She held the ladder and Cullie climbed to put her hands on Lari’s shoulders. “Hey, Lari,” Cullie said. “Everyone’s worried about you.”

  Lari peered around Cullie to see the Vicker house. She snorted mucus up her nose and wiped it off her lip. Her voice was a mere rasp. “Why didn’t they invite me?”

  “You’ve been out of touch, Lari. How were they supposed to invite you?”

  Lari looked up at Cullie. “Oh,” she said.

  They eased her to her feet. She twitched, like she was about to bolt, but Cullie embraced and rocked her. “Let’s find a way to put you together again.”

  Lari chanted in a dry voice, “I’m lost. I’m so lost.” She let herself be guided down the ladder and to the van.

  Jaudon drove, anxious to call Berry, while Cullie sat behind her holding Lari until they arrived at Tampa General. Kirby leaned on Lari’s other side. They stayed with her while she signed herself in. Once Lari was taken to an examining room, Jaudon found a phone.

  Jaudon heard the relief in Berry’s voice and held the p
ay phone for Cullie to listen in. “I was going to go looking with Allison. The others wanted to let Lari be. Her freedom was most important to them, that she should be able to choose to die out there if that’s what she wanted.”

  Cullie blew out a long breath through clenched teeth. “That’s heartless, Berry.”

  “Allison used the same word: heartless. The others said we’re putting her in the hands of patriarchal doctors who will rape Lari’s mind. They have no understanding of female emotional problems. To tell you the truth, Jaudon, I think they’re ill at ease with any mental illness.”

  Cullie muttered, “Or else they’re egg-sucking dawgs.”

  “Be serious, Cullie. Either way, I know I’m on my true path, Jaudon, studying psychology. Doctors can help people with brain tumors or heart attacks or anything other than a mental illness.”

  “She seemed beyond sad,” Jaudon said.

  “That woman’s gone through every known emotion these few weeks and experienced them more intensely than the rest of us ever will.”

  “You’ll have to explain that to me someday.”

  With a laugh, Berry said, “As soon as I understand it, I will. Come on home so I can thank you properly.” Jaudon snatched the phone away from Cullie.

  Cullie’s eyebrows waggled over her glasses.

  Berry went on. “I’ll tell the women your news. If Lari can’t be well, at least she’s warm and dry, and she’ll be hydrated and nourished. Oh, and by the way, Jimmy Neal called. He’s coming to work early tomorrow to talk to you. ”

  “Aw, heck, Berry. I hope he’s not quitting.”

  Chapter Thirty-eight

  She was jittery all day, waiting to hear why Jimmy Neal called. He wasn’t scheduled until three p.m. and it didn’t help that Momma had the inventory crew in for the second time that month. Had Momma forgotten the schedule? They hired the company quarterly, but two of them were working their way along the shelving, mouthing numbers and poking keys on their handheld machines. She didn’t know what Momma was worried about. Her inventory was over, more often than not. It came down to Momma not trusting her as usual. If she lived forever, Jaudon thought, it was doubtful she could turn Momma around on that point.

  Jimmy Neal rode in on his bicycle; Rigo usually drove him. She thought he could double as a circus bear on that thing. His face was wet with sweat—and were those tears?

  “This sweat stings my eyes,” he said, looking away. In front of the fan, he blotted his face with a tissue, blinking. As he tried to put his store jacket on he had trouble finding the opening to his sleeve.

  She scrambled to the cooler and delivered a six-pack to a customer. When she returned, Jimmy Neal slid the counter chairs together to sit with her. He cleared his throat. She jounced from one leg to the other. When he patted the chair, she sat.

  “I don’t know whether to stay with him.” He looked mournful as a hound.

  “With Rigo?”

  “I know he’s better looking than I am. And more, uh, sociable, so I never expected him to be mine forever, though he promised forever. I’m head over heels with Rigo, Jaudon, and he says he loves me, though goodness knows why.”

  She patted his arm, ready to find Rigo and skin him alive if he put Jimmy Neal through hell.

  “Rigo has hepatitis B.”

  “Oh.” She was both relieved that Rigo wasn’t breaking up with Jimmy Neal and concerned for him. “He’s sick?”

  “Yes and no. He’s so yellow-looking and piddlin’ he doesn’t always make it to class, but he’s close to scooping up that master’s. He hurts in places it makes no sense to hurt. He can’t keep anything down. He’s not sick in bed or anything, but he went to the infirmary and they tested him. They sent him to a specialist.”

  “Jimmy Neal, Rigo needs you more than ever. Why in the devil are you thinking about leaving?”

  “Do you know anything about Hep B?”

  She rubbed her ear. “I guess not.”

  “It’s an infection. You catch it from someone’s blood or spit or whatever fluids.”

  “How did he do that?”

  “Sex with a guy who was infected, I guess.”

  “But how—?”

  “Don’t ask.”

  “He cheated on you.”

  “We’re not married. We can do what we want. But I don’t go outside, Jaudo. Rigo is everything I need in a man.”

  “And he sees other guys.” She made a face. “That’s crummy.”

  Jimmy Neal looked at her. “Do I stay with him? I know it’s a selfish thought, but what if he infects me? I don’t want to protect myself against Rigo of all people, but I’ll have to. Who’ll hire an infected nurse? There’s no reason they shouldn’t as long as I use normal precautions, but if they knew—it might be a problem. Can someone work in a food store when you catch it?”

  She couldn’t help herself, she grimaced. Did this mean she had to fire Rigo?

  She said, “We don’t test, Jimmy Neal. And you know how careful we are about cleanliness. That’s why there’s a sink behind the office. But tell me this, you’re not jealous when he goes out?”

  “Of course I am and I don’t know if I can live with that the rest of my life either.” He sniffled. “Or the rest of the week.” He looked at her again. “You know?”

  She remembered her own panicked jealousy about Berry straying. Rigo helped her, and she wanted to help his lover, but how? Were guys this different from women? No, there was her quick lust for Lari, once. Now she knew she was susceptible, she’d never be caught off guard again. Weren’t men able to stop themselves?

  “Rigo is my dream husband, Jaudo. I can’t give him up. I’m what he needs, but he craves his excitement.”

  She checked: no one was in the driveway, the inventory crew had waved good-bye. Jimmy Neal sat behind the counter. She put her arms around him and patted his fleshy back.

  “There, there,” she said. “Did you tell him you’re upset?”

  “I have no call to object. He set the terms when we got serious about each other. He doesn’t see sexual restraint as realistic. We’ll talk about it when we’re older, he told me. I’m such a sissy for not being able to handle this.” His tears broke through and soaked into her T-shirt. “I don’t want to share him, but I don’t want to go through this pain every time he goes out.”

  “I’m the same about Berry. If someone else touches her, I’ll cut their hands off.”

  “There are no good choices. I wish I was a lesbian. You girls aren’t as flighty as pretty men.”

  She wondered if he was right and pulled away when a car drove in, followed by another and another. She looked at the new oversized watch Berry gave her for her birthday, enthralled as always by its digital glow. “Factory shift change. Pull yourself together. Momma tells me work is the best medicine.”

  They got busy. During the rush, she heard Jimmy Neal’s sighs from clear across the store.

  “You can’t be sighing like that at home, Jimmy Neal. It can drive a body crazy.”

  They were restocking the cooler when he did it again. “I guess I do sigh loud. I’ll quit it as of this second. What if I lost weight? Do you think Rigo would stay home with me if I got smaller?”

  She didn’t want to say the wrong thing. “He might work harder at keeping you home. Can you imagine being as lean as Rigo since he started working out? Or if you had his muscles?”

  “And his stellar coloring.”

  “Nothing wrong with your coloring, Jimmy Neal. You’d look great with a tan.”

  “I don’t know where I’d find the time to lie on the beach for a tan plus go to the gym at the Y.”

  She realized she was desperate for Jimmy Neal and Rigo to work out, the way Berry wanted Cullie and Allison to make it, as if the survival of other couples assured her own with Berry. “Haven’t you ever seen bodybuilders at the beach? Go join a muscle club.”

  “I can’t pay their fees. And that’s another thing. Rigo won’t let me pay rent. If I left him, there goes school�
�” The sniffing began again, but stopped when a car drove in. “Who knows if getting skinny solves anything.”

  She hung out while he searched for the pricing gun and loaded it with tape. “There is,” he said, “a bodybuilding team at school.”

  “Well, shut my mouth. That’s your answer.”

  “The school offers a weight-lifting class for phys ed credits.”

  “If Rigo goes for new men, nobody would be newer than you.”

  “I wouldn’t be new forever.”

  “Men will be after you like ducklings trailing their mothers into a pond. You have those long lashes and bright blue eyes. You’re blond. You’re tall. Heck, you have this smooth almost-hairless body. Guys will catch on once they’re not distracted by your weight. You won’t be as dependent on Rigo.”

  “You think I can make him jealous?”

  “I bet it’ll be harder for him to share you. He’s such a vain boy.”

  That got a yearning look out of Jimmy Neal. “He surely is.”

  “Uh-oh. Here comes Momma. Go dust some shelves. Or no, go fill the ice cream. We had a delivery today.”

  “Thanks, Jaudon. It never occurred to me that it isn’t Rigo who needs to change.”

  His gratitude warmed her.

  Momma didn’t park; she drove in and stopped the Caddy at the sales counter.

  “Momma?” When had Momma’s hair turned all gray?

  Without a word, Momma handed her a sheet of paper.

  It was a shopping list. “Momma, what is this? You don’t shop at the Bays. You always go to the Winn-Dixie.”

  Her mother blinked at her and retrieved the list. “Daughter, if a customer comes in and hands you a list of puppies she is considering buying, I want you to bring her those puppies.”

  She stammered yes, confused and sort of frightened. This was strange behavior. Was it a test? There was an acrid unwashed smell coming from inside the car. Was that Momma?

  As she spoke, Momma’s hands floated over the steering wheel, stopping to pick at it here and there. “Customer service, Daughter. Unless you understand customer service you might as well marry and give me grandchildren.”