Evermore

by Brenda Pandos

  I opened my mouth to tell her, then closed it. All I’d ever wanted was a close relationship where I could tell my mother anything. But with this, I didn’t even think I could tell Fin.

  Then my heart stopped. Pearl. I had to stop her from saying anything before it was too late.

  “I just remembered something.”

  Darting out of the house, I ran down the path to the beach toward Fin’s dock. Heart pounding, I scanned the houseboat, not seeing them. I let out a groan, then slumped to the sand.

  Nothing was working out as expected, and though it would disappoint everyone, I knew we shouldn’t hold the wedding. What we should be doing is figuring out how to erase me from history.

  “Ash?” Fin called from the houseboat.

  I twisted toward him, barely keeping my tears inside. A frown disfigured his lovely face. He’d been working so hard to make everything as normal as possible for me, even to the point of convincing his dad to build us a cottage.

  He crossed the yard and walked over to me. “What’s going on? Where did you drive off to?”

  “I…” I swallowed down the lump growing in my throat.

  He moved closer, then gently took my shoulders between his hands. My muscles stiffened under his palms.

  “What’s wrong? You’re scaring me.”

  “Nothing.”

  His blue eyes were intent on mine. “What did Pearl say to you? Is this about the wedding?”

  I ground my teeth together. If I told him I was pregnant, he’d want to sing my problems away and elope. “Where did Desirée go?”

  “They went back home.”

  I let out a soft sigh. Knowing the closeness of their relationship, Pearl would tell Desirée everything and then my secret would be out.

  “You don’t want Girra here, do you?”

  I tried to think, but couldn’t. “It’s not that.”

  “It’s Tatchi, isn’t it?”

  I shook my head, my heart racing.

  “It is. Just tell me, Ash. I’ll do whatever to fix it.”

  “It’s not something you can fix,” I blurted out.

  His jaw grew taut. “What do you mean?”

  My eyes prickled with tears. “I don’t think we should have the wedding.”

  “What?”

  “Let’s just elope and be done with it.”

  His expression hardened. “Wait, what?”

  “I don’t need all of this fuss.”

  “Okay,” he said slowly, eyes tight. “I don’t know what’s going on, but eloping won’t solve anything. We’re technically already married in mer culture though we didn’t have a ceremony. But that’s the reason we’re having a wedding. To satisfy your human culture along with the mer.”

  “Our human culture,” I corrected.

  Fin took my hands. “Ash, I’m not human, and technically, neither are you. I only live here. Everything else is… pretending for us.”

  “I see.” Though he was right, his words cut me like he’d rejected a part of me. I dropped his hands and swiveled away from him.

  “Ash, please,” he begged.

  My mom appeared on the trail, waving at me.

  I pushed the tears off my cheek, then grated. “Don’t you dare sing to her. You hear me?”

  I popped to my feet and left him there to greet my mom.

  “Hey,” she said as she approached. “I’ve been calling…”

  She stopped and frowned.

  “I don’t have my phone on me.”

  “Ash, what is wrong?” she asked. “You haven’t been the same since you’ve been home. Is everything okay at school? With Fin?”

  She put her arm around my shoulders, and something inside my stomach fluttered. Was it the baby? I withheld my gasp and held my tummy. “I’m nervous about everything, Mom.”

  “There’s nothing to be worried about. You’re growing up. This is part of life. Moving out, going to college. Responsibility.”

  I sniffled. “What if I don’t want to go away to school? What if I just wanted to stay home?”

  “That’s fine, honey. We’re not forcing you to leave. There are good schools here.”

  “What if I wanted to go to school here and marry Fin?”

  Mom pulled her head backward. “I…”

  “We’ve got it all planned. Fin will work for his dad at Captain Jack’s, and I could help you run Tahoe Tessie’s Treasures.”

  Mom’s eyes crinkled at the corners. “The world is your oyster, Ash. Don’t sacrifice your freedom because you’re worried about me. We’ll be here when you’re done with school, and then you can decide where you’ll settle down.”

  I took her hands. “I want to marry Fin. He’s got a good future ahead of him, and… ” I’ll make it work, somehow.

  “You’re set on this?” Mom asked, face concerned.

  I nodded. “I love him with all my heart. He’s the one. You knew with Dad, too. Right? High school sweethearts. I mean what did you tell Gran and Papa Frank?”

  Mom sighed and pressed her lips together. “I told them the same thing you’re telling me.”

  “So you made it work.”

  “We had help, yes.”

  “And we have help, too. Right?”

  “You do,” she said, apprehensively. “It’s just… it’s not easy.”

  “So you’ll talk to Dad. Butter him up?”

  Mom gave me a forced smile, and I braced myself for her true self to emerge and be angry. “You know your dad loves Fin, as I do, too… it’s just you’re so young—”

  “I know we’re young, but it’s like he has an old soul. And he knows me. He’s killing himself to make me happy as we speak, and… he has my heart. Please.”

  Mom folded me into a hug, squeezing tight while she let go of a long breath. I waited to hear the condemnation, the plea to wait. “And that’s all I could wish for my little girl.”

  I startled at her words, and then my heart bloomed with warmth. I’d blamed our disconnection on the fact I wasn’t her biological daughter, never having felt bonded to her, that was until this moment. I trembled with a sob.

  “Okay,” she said, petting her hands down my arms. “None of that. Don’t worry. I’ll talk to your father.”

  I collapsed with relief, sobbing more. “Thank you, Mom.”

  She touched my hair, then my chin. “I don’t know where you got this red hair, but… you’re just so radiant. You’ll make such a lovely bride.”

  A tear trickled down her cheek.

  We hugged one more time, then she smoothed her hands down her apron. “Invite Fin for dinner. I’ll set up some time afterward for Fin and your father to talk. Okay?”

  I blew out a breath. “Perfect.”

  When I turned to tell Fin the good news, he was gone.

  TEN – FIN – May 20 – 5:10 p.m.

  Snapping my tail, the cold water felt cool on my scales after the heated argument on the beach. Once Ash had stormed away from me, taking a piece of my heart with her, I couldn’t stand there, waiting around like an idiot.

  Why did I say that about being human?

  I’d caught enough of Ash’ conversation with her mom, college and me proposing, but I didn’t think that was what this was all about. She’s become impossible to please, and I was getting sick of the constant change. At least I’d thought to mind-mojo her mom to be nice to her, but I couldn’t hack it anymore. I needed the one person who’d know what to do.

  Once I cleared the Tahoe Gate and swam into Natatoria, my heart picked up speed. Where would my sister be? Just then, a mermaid crossed the ridge, mad as a hornet fish.

  Tatchi! I called out in my mind

  She looked up and frowned. Oooh. You give them a fathom, they take a freaking nautical mile.

  Nicole squirmed in her arms, squealing to be freed from her tight grip. Tatch swam closer, and from her irritated look, I knew I needed to get out of her way.

  “Having a day?” I asked.

  “A day?” She shook her head. “Girra�
��s been parading it in my face all afternoon at the palace. That Desirée and Pearl visited to get permission for Girra to plan the wedding. Girra! My fin, she gets to plan my best friend’s wedding! I want to hear it from the seahorse’s mouth that that’s the truth!”

  “No, it’s—”

  Nicole opened her mouth and sirened.

  I clutched my ears and fell over, paralyzed by the sound.

  “Nicole, honey, Mommy needs to talk to Uncle Fin. You be nice.”

  The girl looked mischievously over at me and started to giggle. I struggled to right myself, my head spinning. This wasn’t good that she was already sirening at such a young age.

  “Something’s wrong with Ash,” I bit out.

  “What?” She let out a groan. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I’m telling you now.” Needles of pain stabbed into my temples. “And another thing, when Desirée came and asked, Ash agreed, I mean, it is her mother, but just now she told me she wants to call the whole thing off.”

  “What?” Tatiana shrieked. “You’re together without me for one week! One week! And you’ve let it come to this?” Tatiana ran her hand through her hair. “Oh, the poor thing. She must have wedding jitters.”

  “You’ve been busy.”

  “Yes, being a mom!” She gestured to Nicole. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t come find me!”

  I backpedaled, hands up. “I know, and that’s why I haven’t bothered you. It’s been a little crazy for me, too.”

  Nicole gave me an evil smile and for a moment I saw Azor. Chills ran up my spine.

  “Crazy? This was worth bothering me for!” Tatchi hit me with her tail, spinning me sideways before she darted off to the Tahoe Gate.

  Wait.

  Nicole looked over my sister’s shoulder, and sirened again, freezing me in the current.

  Stop her from doing that will you?

  Can’t you see she’s just a merling?

  Merling? She’s a terror. My eyes rolled backward in my head. Thankfully, Ash and I had thought to use protection when we made love. I couldn’t deal with this.

  By the time I’d recovered, Tatiana had already disappeared through the gate. I followed behind slowly, taking my time. We needed my sister, yes, but bringing a merling into the public was asking for trouble.

  I cleared the gate, but Tatchi was chasing after Nicole.

  “You get back here,” she said.

  The giggling merling zipped past me, dark hair flying behind her.

  Fin! Tatch whined in my head. Help me.

  Why did you bring her with you? I mind-talked but still kept my distance.

  Because, she cries when I leave her.

  Nicole zipped by again, waggling her tongue out of her mouth like a dog.

  And you think you’ll be able to plan a wedding?

  Shut-up and help, she yelled in my head.

  Nicole turned, then swam right for me, arms wide, and as soon as I reached for her, she sirened.

  I doubled over, grabbing my ears, groaning.

  “Caught ya!” Tatch said.

  Nicole yelped, then giggled some more. The two turned in a circular hug of bubbles.

  Good thing she’s not a boy, I said, meaning to say it to myself.

  Tatch frowned. After everything, I can’t believe you’d say that!

  “No, I… ugh.” Clearly, I wasn’t winning any contests today. “Just the tail barb issue. He’d cut you to ribbons. I’m not trying to start a fight. I just need you to talk to Ash.”

  She landed a glare on me, and Nicole opened her mouth like she was going to siren again.

  “Please.” I moved backward in the current, wanting to distance myself from the merling’s vocal chords. “I can bring Ash to you.”

  “No.” Tatchi sculled forward with her free hand. “Get Mom. And… where are you “staying” while Dad fixes the house, by the way?”

  “Dad got a houseboat.”

  Tatch’s eyes brightened. “Oh, that’s perfect.”

  She swam ahead and I hung back, terrified of Nicole’s vicious lungs.

  When I surfaced by the houseboat, I could see Mom holding Nicole. Tatiana was already running down the beach, wearing jeans and a T-shirt. Not soon after, the child’s shrieking started, but at least it wasn’t a siren. I leaped onto the edge of the dock and quickly put on my jeans, breathing a relieved sigh. At least I’d made someone happy today.

  ELEVEN – ASH – May 20 – 6:00 p.m.

  On my phone, I stared at the empty text box addressed to Fin. My stomach, both hungry and nauseous, balled up once more. I’d been hard on him when this wasn’t his fault, and I needed to let him know if he wanted to ask for my hand, tonight was the night.

  “Dinner’s ready, Ash,” Mom called up the stairs “Your dad should be home any minute.”

  “Okay.” Though I’d been starving because of my pregnancy, I’d lost my appetite.

  A knock at the front door made my stomach lurch, and I froze mid-step. He was here. Mom wiped off her hands and answered the door.

  “Oh… Tatiana?” Mom said. “My. What a pleasant surprise. I haven’t seen you in… a long time. Come in.”

  My lungs seized, then my legs took off, hitting the stairs in rapid succession. I tackle-hugged her neck before Mom could let her fully inside.

  “You’re here!” I said, gasping.

  Tatchi smiled, but not as brightly as I’d expected. “Of course I am, silly. I promised I’d come.”

  “So… should I set another plate?” Mom asked.

  Tatchi shrugged. “Sure, why not, Mrs. Lanski.”

  “Good. And let Fin know, too. I don’t want the food to get cold.” Mom left to go to the kitchen.

  Tatchi twisted her head. “She’s taking this well.”

  “She doesn’t know anything yet,” I said between my teeth. The wedding was one thing, but a baby? That could set off world war three.

  “Oh.” Tatchi’s eyes tightened. “So what’s this I hear about Girra being your wedding planner?”

  My breaths grew shallow. I was certain she’d come because Pearl would blab.

  “She’s not,” I blurted out.

  “Well, she thinks she is.” She cocked her head. “That’s if your wedding is still on.”

  I ushered her outside on the porch. “Shhh.”

  “What is wrong with you? Fin came in a rush telling me the whole thing is off.”

  I paused for a moment, guilt settling in. “If you want to plan this wedding, it has to be in three weeks.”

  “What?” Tatchi let out a huff. “I can’t plan a wedding in three weeks. Why?” Her face fell, and then her mouth gapped open. Eyes wide, she said, “You’re not…”

  I bit my lip and nodded.

  Tatchi screamed, startling me, then scooped my hands into hers and danced around. “Oh, my STARFISH!”

  I let her pull me with her in a circle, trying not to burst into conflicting tears of sadness and joy.

  “This is the best news! No wonder you’re all over the board.” She froze. “Fin doesn’t know, does he?”

  My eyes became transfixed on the worn paint on the deck. “Not yet.”

  “Why not?”

  I held my breath. “I just found out.” The lump rising in my throat wasn’t helping things. “Tatchi, I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.”

  She grabbed onto me and had us sit on the swinging bench. “What do you mean? This is good news.”

  “Is it?” I collapsed backward into the cushions.

  She touched my knee. “Do you not want a baby?”

  “I…” the tears slithered down my cheeks. “I… just… how am I going to explain all this to my parents?”

  “Oh, honey,” she said, patting my knee. “With mojo.”

  “I don’t want to. I want them to be happy for me for real.”

  “I know…” She took a deep breath. “Look, it’s hard, mixing two worlds. I get it—”

  “Hard? We came home to two arrest warrants. How�
�s that for an early wedding gift?”

  Tatchi pressed her lips together as if to hide her smile.

  “What?”

  “It could have been worse,” she said. “Your sister could have been mer-jacked by Alaster.”

  My body convulsed in full shivers, remembering his slimy lips on mine. She was a complete brat, yes, but I didn’t wish that on her, or anyone. “Oh, don’t say that.”

  “Look. The mojo is there to smooth it all over and protect the secret. If humans found out about us, it would just be bad. So… you have parents who love you, my parents who love you, your birth mom who loves you, a mate who loves you, and I love you… we all want you to be happy. This is about your dream. Don’t let the timing of a child get in the way.”

  I shook my head. “It’s just a wedding. I don’t need it.”

  “No. It’s not.” Tatchi said sternly. “It’s a commitment. It’s a promise inside of the promise. And it symbolizes your parents’ trust. They’re giving you to Fin, for him to protect and take care of you for life. It’s part of your transition to becoming a mer citizen, too. Believe me. You’re the talk of Natatoria right now. This wedding symbolizes freedom.”

  The pressure felt like too much, and I pinched my eyes shut. “Why does it feel like a lie? Like I’m cheating?”

  “Because in your culture, people don’t rush this. It’s to prevent making a mistake. But you and I both know you’re not making a mistake. You and Fin love each other, and this is a good thing. And having a baby is a totally awesome thing.”

  “Shhh…” I looked around to make sure no one was listening. “I don’t know if I’m ready to be a mom, though.”

  She put her arm around me. “I didn’t either, but you have no idea how much love you have inside of you. It’s powerful, and Nicole isn’t even my flesh and blood.”

  “Yeah, but it’s just a party.”

  “Just a party? Were you not listening just now? It’s not!”

  I sniffed. “I don’t even know how far along I am.”

  “Well, you’re not showing yet, so… we have three weeks.”

  “Three weeks,” I repeated.

  “So we’re doing it?”

  I closed my eyes and sucked in a cleansing breath. I wanted to say yes but worried about what my human friends and family would think. I couldn’t agree. It was just too much.