Designing Hearts

by Robin Strachan

  She sighed. “That might be your most frightening costume yet.”

  “Oh, good, you got it. Don’t you think it’s funny?” He leaned in and gave her a peck on the cheek.

  She rolled her eyes. “David, I feel certain that environmentalists and climate experts all over the world would be horrified at your light-hearted approach to global warming. But, yes, I think it’s very clever. Go make sure Tom isn’t doing too much, will you?”

  David headed for the living room to say hello to Tom, who had the bar set up and was perched on a high-backed stool. Jill had made him promise not to overdo it. She figured that seeing Trish would be about all the excitement the man could handle for one night.

  Within minutes other family members arrived. Missy and Finn were dressed as babies, complete with diapers, bibs, bottles, and pacifiers. Liam and Brian were glam rock stars wearing platform shoes and black wigs. Even Nancy and Hal Brenneman got in on the act and made their royal entrance as King Henry VIII and one of his doomed wives.

  “Mom, that’s disgusting,” Jill said to Nancy, whose head appeared to be fastened on her bloody neck with black yarn stitches.

  “Hi, Dad,” she said, hugging her father as tightly as her cereal boxes would permit. “Nice tights. I see Mom overcame your usual resistance to dressing up.”

  “As usual, I had no choice.” He chuckled as he took his wife’s coat to the guestroom. With his laidback good humor and inexhaustible patience, Hal Brenneman was the perfect mate for someone as strong-willed as Nancy. They had celebrated their fiftieth wedding anniversary over the summer, just before Hal retired from his dental practice. Now the two were rarely apart.

  Joel and Diana were also among the first guests to arrive. They were dressed as rosebushes in dark green turtlenecks and pants with silk roses pinned to their shirts. Joel had added cardboard thorns to his costume. Zoe was an adorable bumblebee with springy gold antennae.

  “It’s nice of you to invite us,” Diana said, embracing Jill. “Joel and I haven’t been anywhere in ages. My mom isn’t with us this week or we would’ve left Zoe with her.”

  “My daughter-in-law, Missy, will be thrilled to meet Zoe. She’s expecting her own baby in May, and she’s a pediatric nurse, so Zoe will be in good hands.” Jill stood back to take a good look at Diana. “I’m so glad you’re feeling well enough to come, Diana. You look wonderful, by the way.”

  Diana did look well in a short, wispy blonde wig that gave her the appearance of a wide-eyed pixie. “So far, so good,” she said with a smile and a quick thumbs-up.

  Joel’s eyes opened wide when he saw David standing by the bar talking with Tom. “I guess I’m behind on all the big news. Are you and David together again?” he asked under his breath as Jill ladled cups of punch.

  “David and I are in a sort of transitional time,” Jill said carefully. “We always have this Halloween party, and after so many years, I didn’t want to give up on tradition.” Her response sounded hollow even to her own ears.

  Missy gravitated toward the group when she saw Zoe. “Is it okay for me to give her juice and cheese crackers?” she asked Diana.

  “She’d love that. Thank you.” Diana accepted a glass of punch. “I hope this is fortified,” she said. “It’s time to live again.”

  “Well, just be careful of that stuff. It’s stronger than it tastes,” Jill said. “There’s also wine, beer, and soda, if you’d prefer. Or Tom has just about every other liquor behind the bar.”

  Joel went in search of a beer. When he returned, he sidled up next to Jill. “What about Denny MacBride?” he asked in a stage whisper behind his hand.

  “Joel, it’s none of your business.” Diana elbowed him. “Don’t mind him, Jill.”

  Jill glanced over at David, who was engaged in conversation with a few of Jill’s neighbors. He was punctuating what looked to be a serious discussion with broad hand gestures. She wondered what he was saying, since several of them kept giving her surreptitious glances.

  “Denny is a good friend,” she explained, and added, “We work closely together.”

  “Will he be here tonight?”

  “Not tonight,” Jill said. “It would be fun to have him here, though.”

  “Apparently, things are going well with David, or he wouldn’t be here,” Joel persisted.

  Diana rolled her eyes. “Joel, for heaven’s sake, stop it. Jill, please forgive his nosiness.”

  Jill brushed off Joel’s observation with a quick smile as David made his way across the room to stand beside her. She introduced him to Joel and Diana, and then to Trish, who had arrived dressed as a Southern belle. Pam, who appeared just behind Trish, wore a witch’s costume, with red-and-white striped stockings and glittering red shoes.

  “I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too,” she said to Jill with a cackle.

  David laughed, flashing his newsworthy megawatt smile. “It’s nice to meet all of you. Sounds like you have quite an interesting bunch in that class.”

  When Tom saw Trish, his face lit up, and he motioned her over. Jill was delighted to see him greet her with a quick hug. Trish beamed as Tom handed her a glass of white wine, his gaze never leaving hers.

  I’m glad all the enhancements to my romance area have worked for someone, Jill thought as she observed fondly, and a trifle wistfully, the glow of budding romance. She was relieved that the party was a success so far, despite a few awkward silences and the inevitable questions about David’s appearance, especially from the neighbors. She hadn’t expected David to show up at all. As the evening wore on, and he continued to refill his glass of scotch at the bar, she wished he hadn’t.

  “Hey, buddy, why don’t you get something to eat and then I’ll fix you another one,” Tom said, meeting David’s eyes with a look that didn’t allow for discussion or argument. Tom’s imposing height was deterrent enough.

  “You’re a guest in my home,” David said. “Don’t tell me what to do.”

  In response, Tom picked up a bottle of wine, made firm eye contact with David, and poured a glass for another guest. David turned and walked unsteadily toward Jill, an anesthetized glaze in his eyes. Tom’s face registered disapproval and something more that Jill couldn’t quite identify as he turned and said something to Trish.

  “Tom sheems to think he’s the co-hosht of this party,” David remarked thickly as he returned to Jill’s side, latching onto her arm.

  “David, just let it go.” Jill’s face reddened. “It’s been good for him to be here this week.”

  “Don’t ge’ mad,” David said. “I didn’t mean anything by that. What you did for him was a nice gesher … gesture.”

  He belched slightly into his fisted hand, then excused himself and headed unsteadily toward Liam and Brian, who were standing in a group that included Nancy and Hal. Jill saw Liam’s back stiffen noticeably when David slapped Brian on the shoulder. Embarrassing Liam by drinking too much was not a good way for David to make amends with his son.

  Jill caught the look of alarm on her mother’s face as David’s knees swayed and quickly fixed a plate of food. Placing it next to David on a table, she said, “David, please sit down and eat something. This buffet is too good not to taste a little of everything.”

  Jill’s eyes opened in alarm as her mother silently mouthed the words, “He’s hammered.”

  “David, would you come with me for a minute?” Jill took him by the elbow and guided him to his feet and toward the hallway.

  “Hey, honey,” David said, laughing. “If you want me that much, we can go upstairs.”

  “You’re behaving like a complete jerk!” Jill said. “You need to stop drinking and eat something before you make yourself sick.”

  She body-blocked him as he leaned forward, nearly falling. David placed his hands on the sides of her face and tried to kiss her, but Jill pushed him away. Her anxiety increased as he laughed and swayed, bumping twice against the wall. Holding onto his arm, Jill guided him down the hall into the den. Perhaps she
could get him to lie down in there. His arm was around her as he patted her on the backside.

  “Nice ass. You’ve always had such a nice ass,” he said.

  “Dad, let’s go.” It was Liam’s voice Jill heard now. Relieved, she turned and saw Liam and Brian coming up behind them. They each took one of David’s arms.

  “I think he needs some air,” she said weakly, relinquishing her hold on him.

  “And he’ll get it,” Brian said as he and Liam escorted David back down the hallway to the kitchen and onto the back patio.

  Tom excused himself to join Jill in the kitchen. “He can’t drive back to the city like that. He’ll have to stay here tonight.”

  “I know. This really isn’t like him, Tom. He’s usually in complete control of himself.” Jill knew that she had no need to apologize for David, but the truth was, this was uncustomary behavior. David had a public reputation to uphold.

  “I haven’t seen him like this since freshmen days at rush,” Tom said. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine. No, actually, I’m not fine. I’m mortified.”

  “You’re not the one who ought to feel embarrassed.” Tom laid a large, steadying hand on her shoulder.

  “Is there anything I can do?” Trish asked, joining them in the kitchen.

  “Thanks, but I think this is my problem to deal with.” Jill let out a deep breath and headed toward the patio to assess David’s condition. She was intercepted by Brian.

  “He’s past saving, and unfortunately, so is that butterfly bush beside the porch where he just puked,” Brian said. “Liam and I are taking him home. I’ll drive David’s car.”

  “Liam is driving David home all by himself?” Jill’s eyes widened with surprise.

  “Don’t you think he should? David’s his father, not mine.” He rolled his eyes. “Thank God.”

  “Actually, I think that’s the best of all possible outcomes,” Jill said, shaking her head at this unexpected but welcome turn of events. She grabbed David’s keys from the kitchen counter and handed them to Brian. “Thank you. I’m sure you had something to do with this.”

  Brian hugged her. “Actually, it was entirely Liam’s decision. Don’t feel bad about what happened tonight, Jill. David messed up, and he knows it. What’s making him crazy is that he can’t control what’s happening in his life. Men don’t handle that very well.”

  Jill looked into Brian’s kind gray eyes. “Control is an illusion, anyway,” she said grimly.

  A few minutes after David was whisked away, Tom said, “I think I’ll head home tonight instead of tomorrow morning. Trish has kindly offered to drive me back to my house. Besides, I think you probably deserve a little time to yourself after putting up with me all week.”

  Jill embraced him. “Don’t be silly. I’ve loved having you around, and I’ll miss our dinner conversations.” She leaned into him and whispered, “Trish is a good woman. Be nice to her.”

  “Count on that. You’re a good woman, too,” he said, his expression pained. “Don’t settle for less than the man you deserve, pal.” He went to pack his bag.

  Nancy and Hal came in search of her. “We’re going to head out now, too. Dad is homesick.”

  Jill hugged her parents. “Sorry about what happened with David. I’ve never seen him behave like that. Liam is taking him back to his apartment now.”

  Nancy’s eyes widened and she bit her lower lip, grinning. “I guess things happen as they’re meant to.” She planted a kiss on Jill’s cheek.

  Jill was relieved that most guests weren’t aware of the David situation. By eleven thirty, after everyone had gone home, she went around the house picking up stray glasses, plates, and wadded-up napkins. When the living room and dining room were in order, she finished straightening up the kitchen. Then, feeling adrift, she wandered into the guest room, which still had the aroma of Tom’s citrusy aftershave. She sighed, thinking how nice it had been having him there.

  She was glad he was taking an interest in Trish. Even if witnessing a blossoming new love brought a twinge of pain, she was still happy for him. He and Trish were good people who deserved each another. Stripping the bedclothes off the mattress, she carried the linens to the laundry room as she considered the events of the evening. David’s drunken behavior was so out of character, she had no trouble believing that he was miserable—probably already regretting his actions. Although she sympathized with his desperation, she felt nothing more than that. Even more amazing, the sexual chemistry she once believed immutable had lost its hold over her. Quite simply, she no longer wanted to be with him.

  As this astonishing realization took root, she also knew there would always be fondness between them for all the years they had spent together and for the sons they shared. But she couldn’t think of anything that could sustain them if they resumed the marriage. Clearly they had no interests in common anymore, and she could no longer carry on a conversation with David without constantly biting her tongue.

  She remembered her mother’s question, “What reasons would you have for wanting David as your husband?”

  Leave it to Mom to always know just what to say, she thought. Nancy always knows. Suddenly, a thought struck her, and she understood the answer to her question about why David had cheated. His infidelity had been a symptom of a much bigger issue. Over the years, the interests they’d shared in college had disappeared and they’d grown in separate directions. Without common ground other than their home and their sons, the deeper connection between them had weakened. Although his affair had been a shock, it had helped her see the truth about her relationship with her husband: there no longer was one.

  She thought of Tom and their strong friendship and shared creative interests. In many ways, their friendship had taken the place of the closeness and compatibility that should have been present in her marriage. Then she thought of Denny and the easy, uncomplicated way they related to each other, both on and off the job. She was much closer to Denny than to David, even at the earliest stage of getting to know him. Although it was too early to be certain of any long-term potential, Jill recognized that she hoped there was.

  Even more telling was the pure, green-eyed jealousy she felt watching Mona flirt with him. It was a clear sign that she cared for Denny. The first thing to do was to tell David of her decision to proceed with the divorce. Then she could reach out to Denny and let him know she was ready to move forward with her life, and with him. She hoped it wasn’t too late.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  The phone rang on Jill’s desk a little after nine o’clock, followed by two short beeps on the intercom and Monica’s voice. “It’s David on line two.”

  Jill picked up the phone, her heart pounding. She had been thinking all morning of calling him, but had not yet summoned the necessary courage. No matter how thoroughly she had outlined her thoughts, it surely wouldn’t be easy to speak the words. “Hello, there,” she said, trying not to sound flustered.

  “Are you still speaking to me?”

  “Of course, I am. How are you?”

  “Sorry for my behavior at the party. I was a little uptight and got carried away with the most available antidote for stress.”

  Jill sat back in her chair and took a sip of tea. “It wasn’t your finest hour, that’s for sure, but I’ll bet your body punished you enough the next morning.”

  David groaned. “I lost most of Sunday. It was a good thing Liam took me home. We couldn’t really talk much, but I want to take him and Brian out for dinner to apologize.”

  “That’s a wonderful idea, David. It’ll mean a lot to them.” Jill picked up the phone, stretched out the cord as far as it would go, and nudged the office door shut with her foot.

  “The reason I called is because I’ve cleared my schedule for next weekend to do whatever you want,” David said. “Your wish is my command.”

  “David ….” Jill’s heart dropped like a stone. She hadn’t been prepared to have this discussion on the phone, but knew it was time to be h
onest with him. Her plan had been to call and suggest they meet for coffee somewhere.

  “I know, I know. I didn’t check your schedule. But as I’ve said, I’ll work around whatever you’ve got going on. If you want to take off somewhere, I’m sure the kids will understand and can make other plans for Sunday dinner.” His voice trailed off.

  For hours the night before, Jill had played over and over in her mind what she would say to David when the time came. But now that he was suggesting a weekend together, the sick, sharp feeling in her stomach was all the guidance she needed. The time was now. She had to let him know how she felt and what she intended to do. There was no turning back. Her stomach did another sickening flip-flop, a gut reaction she had learned to heed. “I don’t want to have this discussion over the phone, David. Could we meet later and talk?”

  He was silent for a moment. “If you’re planning to end our marriage, what’s the point of dragging things out? Just say it.” His voice had become clipped and cold.

  “I don’t think anything I say will come as a surprise. We know things haven’t been good between us for a very long time. I’ve just been a little slow about recognizing that.”

  “Jill,” he interjected with exasperation. “I know things haven’t always been easy for you, especially when my job took me away from home so much of the time. But you knew what I wanted in my career, and you wanted that, too.”

  “I did at the beginning, yes. But it isn’t just your career that’s been an issue.”

  “I know that having the affair was wrong and that it changed the way you feel about me. I don’t blame you for being hurt and for wanting to get back at me.”

  “Is that what you think?” Jill rubbed her eyes, suddenly feeling weary. “This isn’t about revenge. I believe I’ve already come a long way toward forgiving you.”