The Lady's Blessing

by Liz Botts

  “The enemy has retreated. Lord Blessington has given the all-clear for you ladies to return above board.” A voice drifted down into the darkness.

  “Thank the Lord.” Mrs. Saunders hugged me tighter before she clambered to her feet.

  I had to sit still a moment longer before my equilibrium returned enough for me to stand. Splinters dug into my fingers as I felt my way along the rough wood walls. Perhaps the rest of our journey would be blissfully uneventful, but I was learning that my life was not destined to be such.

  When we reached the deck, a blaze of sunlight caused me to squint. As my eyes adjusted, I looked around the deck for signs of damage. Surprisingly the only thing I saw was a broken plank of wood from the ship’s rail near the stern. Given the amount of cannon fire exchanged, I had envisioned complete demolition.

  Graham hurried over to us as Mrs. Saunders stretched. I realized that my back ached, as well, from crouching in the hold. Indeed, it felt good to be in the open air, no matter how long we had actually been inside.

  “I must ask you ladies to hurry to your cabin,” Graham said as he approached. “The men have quite a lot of work to do, and your presence makes them nervous and distracted.”

  Despite the veracity of his claim, the words still stung. Foolishly, I had hoped that Graham would be relieved to see me after the ordeal. After everything he had said, and the way he had promised to look after me, well, I had thought… I had no idea what I had thought. These feelings were so new to me that I could not even put a name to them.

  “Come along, dearie,” Mrs. Saunders said.

  She put her hand on my elbow to guide me across the deck, but I pulled away. Mama would have been appalled at my abruptness, but at that moment I did not care. Being stuck in the darkness below deck had reminded me too much of being stuck in the root cellar. Going back to the cabin was the last thing I wanted to do.

  “We will not be in the way, my lord,” I said, my tone full of pleading.

  “Do not allow it, sir.” The first mate sidled up to us and frowned. With a scowl, he spat onto the deck. I grimaced. “Women have no place on a seafaring vessel.”

  Before anyone else could answer, I felt the anger I had held at bay for weeks bubble up in my throat. “So you say. What of the pirate Mary Read?”

  The first mate narrowed his eyes at me. “How do you know about her?”

  “My father told me many tales of the sea. He believed that my brother and I should know many things. And as far as what I know of the pirate Mary Read, well, I know that she was fearsome and fearless and she was a great sailor. And she was a woman.” I crossed my arms over my chest and briefly wondered what sort of punishment Father would dole out for such a breach of decorum. A shiver raced along my spine. I was quite glad he was not aboard to witness my defiance.

  “Despite that, my lady, I am sure you understand that these men have a job to do. Please comply, my lady.” Graham’s words rankled me, but when I looked at him I saw a twinkle in his eyes that made my heart beat faster.

  “Since you asked so nicely, my lord, I shall go. Please fetch me when I am able to enjoy the fresh air again.” I let my lips quirk up into a small smile as I moved past Graham. For the first time in my life, I found myself wishing I had a fashionable dress.

  Back in our cabin, Mrs. Saunders settled herself into a rough wooden chair and opened a copy of The Lady’s Magazine. I had yet to look at the odd book. Her daughter had sent a copy at the beginning of the year. That day, however, I found my interest piqued. As she flipped through the well-worn pages, I caught glimpses of lovely dresses. So I edged closer.

  Mrs. Saunders looked up at me with a startled expression on her face. Then she smiled. “Bring up a chair, dearie, and we will have a gander together.”

  My curiosity overcame my embarrassment. While I knew there was nothing to be ashamed of in just looking at clothes, the experience and the expectations felt overwhelming. Mama talked every so often about the beautiful gowns she had worn during her youth, but my own clothes had always been made of coarse cloth, so I had a hard time imagining how the sumptuous materials must have felt. Even the dresses I wore at the fort couldn’t compare to the garments contained in the pages. As I seated myself beside Mrs. Saunders, I felt light-headed.

  “Now, you must realize that the fashions in this magazine are out of date, because this is from last year. I am sure your grandmother will have a closetful of new dresses for you when we arrive. She always had a pulse on the current trends in London.” My guardian turned a page and sighed at the lady in the picture.

  “Do you know my grandmother?” I tried to keep the eagerness out of my voice. Guarding my heart needed to be second only to keeping myself physically safe in regards to my new mission in life. The last thing I wanted was to hear something horribly disappointing about my mama’s mother.

  Mrs. Saunders chuckled. “Heavens, no. Your grandmother is well known throughout London as quite the society woman. You will have a splendid time during the Season.”

  My brow wrinkled. “The Season?”

  “Well, gracious, of course. You will be expected to attend balls and other society functions. Your grandparents’ status in society dictates that you do.” Mrs. Saunders went back to studying the magazine, and I settled back in my chair while I tried to digest this new information.

  Chapter Eight

  The weeks melted into a month. By the time we were approaching our port of call, I felt as if I would lose my mind if I did not see dry land soon. The men onboard had not become accustomed to my presence, so my days were limited to the confined area near the cabins. I took to walking the deck at night. Oftentimes I would run into Graham.

  Our encounters became friendlier, but also confused me all the more. One night the heat from the day had abated, and I could not sleep despite a breeze coming through the porthole. Mrs. Saunders’s snores created a symphony with the lapping of waves against the hull of the ship. I tossed and turned, but my restless spirit would not allow me respite. Earlier that day I had scratched out a letter to Father, though I had no idea when it would even be sent to him.

  As quietly as I could, I slipped out of bed and wrapped a shawl around my nightdress. The door creaked as I opened it, but I knew Mrs. Saunders would continue to slumber. The night air held the soft note of summer on the tumbling wind. I could hear the crew calling to each other as the night shift worked to keep course. A three-quarters moon illuminated my path as I made my way to the deck rail.

  My mind churned as I stared out at the endless expanse of inky black water. Graham assured me that I could post my letter to Father the moment we dropped anchor in Britain, but that meant he would not receive it for another few months. By then anything could have happened to him and James… or to me. I listened to the splashing of the waves against the ship, and wondered what my new home would be like.

  “Good evening, Felicity. How are you this evening?

  My pulse picked up speed at the low, even sound of Graham’s voice. When I turned, he bowed slightly, which made me giggle. I wrapped the shawl closer around my shoulders. Mrs. Saunders had been coaching me in the ways of a society lady, and I feared I would not make much of an impression. Still, I knew I had to try, because the last thing I wanted was to disappoint my grandmother. Being out with Graham at night unsupervised violated every rule my guardian had imparted to me. I found myself drawn to these meetings no matter how much I tried to tell myself I wanted to learn to be a proper young lady.

  “Delighted, my lord. I am delighted.” My giddiness bubbled up inside of me.

  “Indeed you are.”

  A flush crept up my neck. I could feel the burn of it under the thick wool of my shawl. To give myself time to think, I turned toward the water. Even from the periphery of my vision, I could tell that Graham had chosen to stand just a touch too close to me. That fact alone made my heart race, but combined with the fact that I could feel the warmth radiating from his body, well, I thought I might swoon.

 
; Finally I said, “How much longer until we arrive at the port?”

  “Perhaps a week.” Graham’s voice held a deep note of something I could not identify.

  “Do you like being at sea?” It seemed odd that I had been on the open water with him for the past two months, and yet I did not know if he enjoyed being out there.

  Graham cleared his throat but did not answer me. I caught my breath and held it while I counted the seconds before he answered. Had I somehow asked a question that breached some etiquette I was not aware of? The question throbbed in my mind as I focused on Graham’s fingers clutching the rail of the ship.

  “I used to like the solitude,” he said in a voice so quiet I had to strain to hear him. “I craved the solitude. My soul needed the peace. Now, though…”

  As he trailed off, I tried to hear what was behind the words. When I cast a glance up at him, I noticed how very far away he looked. An overwhelming desire to know what was causing him to look so wistful consumed me. The words tangled on my tongue as I tried to sort through the confused thoughts.

  “Now, though, I long for something different. Truthfully it is time for me to get back to London. I have some — obligations there which certainly need my attention.” Graham cleared his throat again.

  A rush of jealousy clouded my vision. Could the obligation be another woman? How childish and silly of me! Graham certainly had a lady waiting for him at home. Good Lord, I prayed, do not let him be married. I could not stand the thought of being such a trollop.

  “I must admit that I am nervous to meet my grandparents,” I said.

  Graham made a noncommittal noise and continued to stare out to sea. Voicing my fear seemed to calm me, but I wanted Graham to reassure me further. My father had trusted him to guide me through this voyage, to select a guardian for me, and to deliver me safely into the arms of my kin. That fact alone had made it easier for me to trust him. The feelings that pulsed through my heart whenever I was near Graham terrified and elated me, and nothing I had ever experienced could compare to it.

  “Your grandparents are well known in society circles for their generosity. I think you will find them both to be quite kind and welcoming. Your father would not have sent you to them if he had not believed it to be the best decision.” Graham’s voice held a hard edge that I had never heard before.

  I shivered and wrapped my shawl tighter around my shoulders. Any words that I had wanted to say caught in my throat. What had I done to change Graham’s mood so drastically? Perhaps I was imagining the transformation, but I could have sworn that when he approached me there had been a twinkle in his eyes and a note of happiness in his voice. What had changed to blacken our interaction?

  While confusion played through my mind, I turned my attention out to the seemingly endless expanse of ocean that lay before us. I still could not fathom how Graham could know how far we were from our destination.

  “How does one go about determining the distance to port?” The question spilled forth before I could stop myself. Though innocuous enough in subject matter, I feared that with our rapport shaken, Graham would not welcome the continued conversation.

  Thankfully I was wrong. Graham smiled at me, and I allowed myself to breathe a sigh of relief. His mood had nothing to do with me. “Celestial navigation. Did your father ever show you how to read the stars?”

  I shook my head, suddenly painfully aware of my loose hair. Another silly thing to worry about, I chided myself. “I have a vague memory of Father trying to teach James something about the stars when we were young, but I had no interest.”

  “I suppose that would not be very interesting to a young girl. Well, if you look up at the sky, you can see groups of stars that seem to form pictures. We have charts that show us the position of each constellation during various times of year. By reading them, we can gauge our direction and position in relation to land.” He took a step closer to me as he pointed out a few of the star patterns that he had mentioned. My mind went blank at his nearness, and I could focus on nothing that he said.

  As it began to grow difficult to take a breath, I forced myself to take a step backward. “I… I must get to bed now.”

  “Felicity,” Graham said. I turned to look at him. He reached out and took my hand. As if in a trance, I watched as he drew it to his lips and pressed a kiss to my palm.

  Heat flooded my face as I stumbled away. Graham called my name once more, but I did not stop. I knew I should not have allowed such behavior, and yet I longed to go back to Graham again and again. When I crawled into my bed, I pressed my tear-damp face into my pillow so as not to wake Mrs. Saunders. For the umpteenth time, I wished Mama was alive to guide me through this treacherous sea of emotion.

  Chapter Nine

  “I heard tell that we shall be in port within a day or so,” Mrs. Saunders said as she poured me a cup of tea.

  I chewed the inside of my lip as nerves threatened to overtake me once again. Of course Mrs. Saunders was excited to arrive on shore. She would be reunited with her daughter and the rest of her family, including a grandson she had never met. The thrill of that alone had kept her giddy for the past week. Me, on the other hand, well, I was to be introduced to grandparents I had only ever known through stories. I worried once again that Father’s letter had not reached them in time, and they would have no idea I was coming. What a rude awakening that would be, but then I supposed my presence would be awkward no matter what, given that Mama had died and I was a living reminder of her.

  Since the night Graham had curtly reassured me I would like my grandparents, I had not seen much of him. When we passed on the deck, he gave me a brief nod, but he had not spoken a word. In the deep of night, I replayed the feeling of his lips upon my skin. As I lay in bed, wicked thoughts took over, and I imagined the feel of his lips on other places that I was too embarrassed to actually name, even in fantasy. Though the images that popped into my head made guilt wash over me, I had begun to feel comfortable indulging in them.

  I cleared my throat, took a sip of tea, and set the cup on the saucer, where the liquid swayed with the rocking of the ship. “I suppose my grandparents will not be there to meet me.”

  Mrs. Saunders clucked her tongue as she patted my arm. “Nothing to worry about, dearie. Lord Blessington will deliver you safely to your kin.”

  “I wish I could stay with you.” A fresh wave of emotion washed over me as I caught my guardian’s arm.

  She smiled at me kindly, and I thought I could see a damp sheen in her eyes. “I wish you could, too. I have grown quite fond of you these past few months. I feel as if you were my own daughter, but your father wants you with your grandparents and that is how it shall be.”

  I took another sip of tea so as to have a chance to collect myself. A grown lady would not allow herself to cry, and she would face her fears head on. That was what I must do.

  “Would you mind taking this to Lord Blessington’s quarters for me? My back is giving me a right good bit of pain today. There must be a storm coming.”

  Mrs. Saunders held out a folded sheet of paper. I nodded my assent, and tried to quell the fluttering in my stomach at the thought of seeing Graham. With a quick nod, I hurried across the deck to the narrow corridor that contained all the officer’s quarters.

  I hesitated a moment before knocking on Graham’s door. He barked a rough order to enter, which I obeyed but not before irritation washed over me. What had happened to the debonair gentleman I had met at the fort? Or the comforting confidant who had befriended me? The brutish version of Graham that lurked behind his closed door bore no resemblance to either of the others. My heart squeezed a bit as I thought about how deeply I felt for him despite his recent behavior.

  Given the fact that I had never been in Graham’s quarters before, I felt an overwhelming sense of nervous energy encircle my head. My vision dimmed to black around the corners as I stepped over the threshold. With a deep breath, I propelled myself forward, then stopped several feet from where Graham sat behind
a large desk strewn with papers. He had his head bent so his wavy dark hair fell over his forehead, shading his eyes from my view. From the set of his jaw and the purse of his lips, though, I knew he was deep in concentration over some problem. In that setting, he reminded me quite a lot of Father. I sighed as thoughts of my family swirled through my head.

  “Felicity?”

  I snapped back to reality at the puzzled sound of Graham’s voice. Shaking, I took several steps closer to the desk and held out the paper that Mrs. Saunders had wanted me to deliver. When I tried to explain the purpose of my visit, my tongue grew sluggish and the words would not come. I could only mumble incoherently while Graham read the paper. The ghost of a smile tugged at the corners of his lips.

  “Please, have a seat, my lady.”

  I collapsed into a hard-backed chair as I narrowed my eyes at him. It seemed we were back to formalities, which might have suited me just fine if I was not still playing the fool when it came to my feelings for the blasted man.

  “Yes, my lord?”

  Graham smirked, and I knew that he knew what game I was playing at. Heat colored my features at the realization. Despite the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, I also felt a wave of confidence wash over me. So I smiled.

  “I have a note from Mrs. Saunders reprimanding me for my recent behavior, though she does not mention anything specifically. Would you happen to know what she is referring to?” He sat back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. My heart pounded out a wild rhythm as he took me in.

  With a quick shake of my head, I catalogued the many conversations Mrs. Saunders and I had had recently, but I knew I had never told her about the kiss. That information had been tucked away securely just for my own consumption.

  “I can assure you, my lord, I have no knowledge of what dear Mrs. Saunders might be referring to. I remind you, sir, that she is a woman with a mind of her own.” I squeezed my fingers together in my lap.