by Jenika Snow
It had been so long since she had allowed herself the pleasure of company, male company to be exact. There was just too much at risk, but even though she was being logical, she also wanted to be a little selfish.
“Listen, I’m sorry I put you on the spot. I feel like a dumbass now.” He chuckled but she had a feeling he didn’t find any of this funny.
He started walking past her and instinct had her reaching her hand out and grabbing his thick forearm. “Wait.” When her hand touched his warm, hard flesh, Brea found it hard to breathe. He instantly stopped and looked down at her. A small crease formed between his eyes. Letting go of his arm, she was the one that felt like a dumbass now. “I’m sorry.” What was she supposed to say? If he didn’t think she was whacky before, he had to now. She had grabbed onto him, stopping him when he obviously wanted to leave. A small gasp escaped her when she felt his big hand take her much smaller one and clutch it. She brought her eyes up, not knowing what to expect to see in his expression, but what she saw left her dizzy and breathless.
Chapter Five
Adrian was a fucking fool. A dumb motherfucker for even entertaining the idea that there could be something between them. If his past hadn’t been a good enough reason to stay away from her, his aggression and hatred of himself should have sealed the deal. It was clear she had past issues as well, especially after he saw her reaction to being touched by the drunks. Sure, any woman might have reacted like that, but when he had looked into her eyes both times he had seen honest fear that she knew from experience. The way she had almost told him so was enough to have every part of him wanting to beat the shit out of the person that had hurt her. Even the thought of someone hurting Brea had his hand that wasn’t holding hers curling into a tight fist.
They stared at each other for several long moments and he wondered if she could see all the need and want he had for her. The feelings he had for her were crazy and so unlike him, but they were powerful and all consuming. Nothing was said and then she pulled her hand away and walked past him.
“Please, Brea.” Was he actually begging her to go out to dinner with him? He hadn’t been on a date since Addie, and the very idea of doing so with this petite, beautiful woman had him feeling fear for the first time in years. She stopped and looked at him, indecision sweeping across her expression. Never in his life had he wanted something as much as he wanted her. Even if all she did was allow him that one dinner, he would accept it with a smile and a “thank you.” The thought had guilt slamming into him when he pictured Addie’s face. The emotion was fresh and raw and had a building storm of turmoil growing inside of him. This woman before him, who he hardly knew, made him feel things he had never felt, that he thought he could never feel again.
“Okay.” Her whispered agreement had his pulse accelerating. Who knew one little word could make him feel so much?
“Okay?” It was stated as a question even though hers hadn’t been.
“Yes, okay.” The smile that touched her lips was endearing and a little on the shy side.
He couldn’t help his grin as he looked down at her. “Can I have your number and I’ll give you a call tomorrow so we can set something up?” He felt like a damn teenager asking a girl out for the first time. She looked unsure for a split second and he had to remind himself that whatever problems she had in her past would make this very sensitive for her. He had to be patient.
“Here.” Digging into his pocket he searched for a scrap of paper and pen. When he came up empty he glanced at the small black apron tied around her waist. He could see her pen and order tablet sticking out from one of the pockets. “Mind if I use those for a moment?”
She glanced down to where he was looking at. “Sure.” When she handed him what he wanted, he tore off a sheet of paper and jotted his number down on it.” When he gave her everything back he noticed how her hands slightly shook as she took it out of his grasp.
“Hey.” He waited until she looked at him before he continued. “I don’t want you to feel like you’re being pressured into anything. You are in control here, okay?” After a long moment of her staring at him, she visibly relaxed. At that moment he wanted to find the guy who had hurt her, that had her feeling like she wasn’t in control, and beat him until all his rage and all her pain were gone.
She glanced down at his number and he saw a touch of a smile cover her lips. She shoved it in her pocket and started writing something on a blank page. When she tore it off and handed it to him and he saw her number written on it he couldn’t help his smile or the way excitement coursed through him. Yup, he was becoming a damn teenager again.
“Thank you.” He was thankful for a lot of damn things, but right now, at this exact moment, he was so very thankful that she trusted him enough to give him those ten little digits.
* * * *
Since giving Adrian her number Brea had contemplated if that had been the best course of action. Since moving away she had done everything in her power to go unnoticed, and here she was, at the very first opportunity, giving away pieces of herself. One more look in the mirror confirmed she was ready for her date tonight. Was she that desperate for a man to notice her? Did she really want affection so badly that she would risk everything she had worked so hard for?
Adrian had offered to pick her up but she had declined, knowing it was a stupid move to allow him to know where she lived. They were to meet up at a little Italian restaurant on Hickory Ridge Street. Her nerves were shot to hell and she couldn’t stop her palms from sweating. Grabbing her keys and purse, she double-checked to make sure her pepper spray was safely stashed away in the inside pocket. Smoothing her hands down the front of her jeans, she headed out the door.
Primos was a renowned restaurant that specialized in homemade pasta and sauces. When she walked in, the smell of garlic and tomatoes wafted around her. Her stomach cramped in hunger and she looked around the small, almost intimate interior. The two-seater tables were situated in the center of the room with the booths pressed up against the walls. She didn’t see Adrian right away, but several of the booths faced away from her so it was possible he was seated in one of them.
“Do you have reservations?”
Brea drew her attention to the hostess booth to her right and the young, extremely attractive redhead behind it. “I, uh…I’m meeting someone here.”
The hostess raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow at her. “Name?” The way she said that one word was so condescending that Brea felt her cheeks heat with embarrassment. Maybe this had been a horrible mistake.
“Brea?” Adrian’s deep and gravelly voice had her turning around and all thoughts of fleeing leaving her mind. Just one look at him had her common sense taking a vacation. The dark jeans and loafers he wore were casual but sophisticated. He wore a crisp, light-blue button-down shirt that matched his eyes. The sleeves were rolled up to his forearms, showing a few sharp lines from his tattoos, making him appear a little on the bad boy side. He came up beside her and smiled broadly down at her.
“I’m sorry I’m late. There was an accident off of Cedar and Broadview. I had to take a back way.” Now that he was closer to her she could hear him slightly out of breath.
“You didn’t walk here, did you?”
He chuckled. “No, but there wasn’t any close parking so I had to park two buildings down and run up here.” Her heart just melted a little more. He turned toward the hostess. “Two for Adrian Holden.” The waitress took a moment to drag her seemingly awestruck gaze from him and look down at the sheet in front of her.
“Uh, yes, of course, Mr. Holden. Right this way.” She cut Brea a rather nasty glance before she turned and led them toward one of the empty two-seater tables.
“Actually we’d like a booth, if you have one.” Brea knew if she had requested that from the hostess she might have gotten her eyes clawed out, but when Adrian had asked all he got was a dreamy-eyed look and a nod.
“Is there anything you and your sister would like before I leave?”
His sister? Really? Why, because he was so incredibly gorgeous that the only way he would be seen with her was if they were related? She didn’t expect Adrian to correct her, but his next words surprised her.
“No, thank you. My beautiful date and I will wait for our waiter.”
The hostess left and Adrian watched her wearing a lopsided smile. Sitting right across from him made her acutely aware that she couldn’t escape his gaze. The look in his eyes told her he found her embarrassment slightly amusing. Her cheeks still felt warm from the hostess’s comment, and they only became hotter the longer he watched her. She took that time to stare at him as well. His dark hair was short but long enough that he pulled off the slightly messy look. Maybe he didn’t like being the one under examination, because a moment later he brought his attention to his menu.
Clearing her throat she let her attention fall to her menu. Everything sounded incredible, and although she had never been to this restaurant, she knew that the reviews raved about this “hidden gem.” Their waitress came by and took their orders. Adrian ordered a bottle of Moscato, and despite knowing she shouldn’t drink alcohol, she couldn’t help but sample some of the sweet liquid with her dessert. The conversation stayed fairly safe, with them talking about current events and the weather. To sum it up, they didn’t talk about anything personal which led Brea to believe that maybe Adrian had a few of his own secrets.
“So, how did you start fighting in the underground?” Voice pitched low so no one but him would hear, she cast a glance at Adrian. Brea had been contemplating sticking to neutral subjects, but her curiosity had gotten the better of her. Despite all her internal admonishments to keep her distance, she found herself wanting to know more about him. The fork that he was bringing to his mouth stopped before it got to its destination and he lifted his eyes to hers. When he cleared his throat and set his fork down, she couldn’t help but feel like she had maybe crossed the line. “I’m sorry, that really isn’t any of my business.” Everyone had their own reasons for doing things, especially her, and his silence told her she might have just asked the wrong question. Maybe he fights because of his past? It wasn’t an implausible concept. She assumed a lot of the fighters had pent-up aggression that they released in the cage.
“No, you didn’t say anything wrong. It’s just—” He took a sip of his wine before looking at her again. “I started fighting because I lost someone very important to me a long time ago.”
Oh. She should have known there was an ex. She had her own issues with an ex so she knew exactly where he as coming from, but she doubted his ex was anything like Cameron. Maybe she cheated on him and he kicked people’s asses while imagining it was the guy his girlfriend had fucked? That might be the reason, but she sure as hell wasn’t going to ask to confirm it.
“Well, I know all about exes.” She could have slapped herself right then and there. Why had she said anything? Closing her eyes and dropping her head, she needed to remind herself that it didn’t matter how sweet Adrian was and how much she liked him. Nothing could ever start between them.
Chapter Six
The way she looked dejected pulled at Adrian’s heart. “Hey now, don’t close up on me now.” He moved out of his seat and slid into hers. She visibly stiffened, but when he didn’t make a move to touch her she relaxed and looked up at him. His breath stalled at the hopelessness reflected in her gaze. What the hell happened to her that would make her look so lost? A large lump formed in his throat and he swallowed it, forcing it down. He lifted his hand, moving it slowly toward her face so he didn’t spook her, and brushed a lock of hair off her forehead. Her eyes looked impossibly big and blue on her face, and her creamy skin glowed under the soft lighting. The urge to kiss her was stronger than anything he had ever felt before. The question was, would she let him or would his actions scare her away?
He wasn’t sure any longer because what his brain was telling him he should do and what his heart was telling him he needed to do were throwing fists at each other. He leaned in slowly as he held her eyes and stopped right before his lips touched hers. She hadn’t pulled away and her breathing had changed to short, quick pants. Everything inside of him roared out at the knowledge that she was just as affected as he was.
“Brea, I want to kiss you.” He could feel her warm breath sweep across his lips. She smelled like the chocolate cake she had just eaten, and damn if he didn’t like chocolate. “I want to know it’s okay to kiss you,” he whispered against her mouth, needing her to say it was okay before he went any further. He heard her swallow, and when she whispered “yes,” he didn’t waste another moment.
When his lips finally pressed against hers he groaned. They were just as soft as they looked and tasted better than his imagination had conjured up. As her mouth opened for him, he slipped his tongue inside and brought his hands up to frame her face. God, she tastes so fucking good. Her tongue against his was hesitant at first, which was okay because he could take control until she was ready to take the reins.
He let his thumbs caress the skin covering her dainty cheekbones and felt her lean into him more. Yes, that was what he needed. Tilting her head more to the side with his hands, he deepened the kiss until a little sound of need and want came from her throat. He could have been classified as a fucking saint right then for the self-control he exuded. The little sounds she made drove him crazy. His pants were unbelievably tight from the erection that was screaming to be let free.
“Adrian.” The way she said the word against his lips, all breathy and needy, had his cock throbbing against the fly of his jeans.
“Does it feel good, Brea?” That’s all he wanted to hear, that she felt good, that he made her feel good. She didn’t respond with words. Instead she pressed her mouth against his, giving him the answer he had been seeking. He moved his hands into her hair, gripping the silky blonde strands in his fists and bringing her impossibly close.
“Mmmm.”
Fuck. Yes. Had anything ever sounded sweeter? He didn’t think so. The sound of someone clearing their throat had Brea pulling away. He looked at her, her cheeks painted a pretty red color. She was embarrassed and he couldn’t help but smile. He turned and accepted the check from the waitress who looked just as embarrassed as Brea did. When they were alone again he took Brea’s hand in his and brought it to his mouth, laying a soft kiss on her palm.
* * * *
The dinner with Adrian had been nice, very nice, to Brea’s amazement. There wasn’t that angst feeling in the pit of her stomach, the fear that she might do something to upset him. There had always been those feelings when she was with Cameron, and it was refreshing to just be able to relax in the company of another human being.
Brea closed her car door and cranked the engine. She was proud of herself for opening up to someone after everything, and now here she was going to have lunch with Tristan, the woman that had saved her from a past that threatened to take control. This was a big step for Brea, and although she knew she needed to stay away from people so they didn’t get hurt, she owed some courtesy to Tristan.
She pulled into the parking lot of the small coffee shop where she was meeting Tristan. She could see the woman through the large front windows. Brea made her way inside and was immediately flagged down by a very smiley Tristan.
“Hey, girl.” Tristan stood and hugged Brea. It was strange have contact with someone after being isolated from it for so long. It was welcome but also set Brea’s nerves on edge.
“Hi.” Brea pulled the seat out and sat across from Tristan. The waitress came and they both ordered. The silence that descended at the table make Brea feel awkward, but she knew it was a stupid feeling. The woman sitting next to her had helped her far more than she probably realized.
“How are things going?” Brea was thankful when Tristan started the conversation because she knew if left up to her the awkwardness would have just increased.
Had she been isolated from people for so long that she didn’t even know how to communicate w
ith them? “Good, thanks. What about you?” Brea knew Tristan was dating a fighter named Kash. The rumor mill at the club was notorious, but it was clear she was happy by the continuous grin on her face.
“Good, very good actually.” Their drinks came and there was a comfortable silence that descended at the table as both women enjoyed their coffee. “How are you really doing, Brea?”
Tristan’s question caught her off guard and she choked on her drink. “What do you mean? I told you I was fine.” Brea wiped her mouth with a napkin. “Listen, I didn’t ask you here today to pry, but I want you to know that if you ever want to talk I’m here.” She reached her hand across the table and placed it over Brea’s. The touch was soft but held a lot of emotion. “I don’t know what’s going on in your life, but I know a frightened woman when I see one. The pain and fear are written all over your face, sweetie.”
Brea had to look away as tears started to form in her eyes. Was she that transparent? She wasn’t ready to discuss her past with Tristan, but she wanted the woman to know she appreciated it.
“Thank you for the concern. You have no idea how much it means to me.” She lifted her eyes and saw the sympathy on Tristan’s face. “I’m not ready to talk about what happened, but if I need someone to turn to I’m glad I have you.” She smiled, hoping it seemed genuine even though a tidal wave of emotion and doubt was swimming through her.
Tristan returned her smile and squeezed her hand. “Anytime, day or night, okay?”
“Okay.” The rest of the visit was not spent talking about the past. Surprisingly she had a lot in common with Tristan. For the first time since she had been with Cameron, she was making friends. Albeit it was only one, it was still a step toward her future. A very uncertain future, but one nonetheless.