by Lilah Grey
And I missed him more than I’d like to admit.
A tangle of nerves knotted in the pit of my stomach as I walked down the dark hallway toward the gym. There was a glow from the open door to the gym. James had kept his schedule, even though I had stopped working out with him.
I wasn’t sure what I was going to say when I saw him. I hadn’t even told him that I’d be coming back. The closer I came to the open door, the more light-headed I became.
Just as I was about to turn the corner into the doorway I heard a laugh. Female. A flash of déjà vu. My throat closed up as I tried to swallow.
“Harder,” the voice begged, “I can’t feel it yet.” A long string of giggles ensued as sharp pains jabbed me in the middle of my chest. Against my better judgment, I peered around the corner and saw Rylee on the floor, James leaning over her, pinning her right leg against her chest.
My field of vision shrank and darkness crept in. I couldn’t think; I couldn’t breathe.
I found myself back in my apartment, comforter pulled over me without any recollection of how I got there.
Over the next few days, the grief I’d felt had morphed swiftly into anger that I could do little to direct.
“What in the world has gotten into you?” Chloe asked me after practice one day.
“Nothing,” I said, shrugging her off. “I just want to win this season.”
“Yeah, but you’re acting crazy. You’re making Rylee look like a reasonable, well-adjusted person.”
I snorted as I unlaced my cleats, shoving them in my bag before working on my socks and shinguards.
“You need to get yourself under control. Remember last—”
“You need to back off,” I snapped, regretting it immediately.
“Fine,” Chloe said, her face bereft of any emotion. “Good luck.”
I stared at the ground in front of me. I was losing my grip on this season, on my future, on my life. Nothing had turned out how I’d planned, and I felt like nothing ever would.
I raised my gaze and my vision focused on two figures standing in front of me: Rylee and James. Practice had ended but they’d been milling around, chatting with each other like usual.
The anger that had receded into guilt when I lashed out Chloe returned.
Fuck James.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck him!
The final whistle blew, bringing another game to a close. Another loss.
The winning streak we had at the beginning of the season was a distant memory. Ever since the UVA game, it had been an uphill battle to win consecutive games again. Win. Tie. Loss. Tie. Win. Loss. We were consistent at being inconsistent. We’d lost the ability to play as a team, and if nothing changed, we’d lose all hope of making the post-season. We’d have to win out the rest of the season, and win convincingly, if we wanted a shot.
I wasn’t holding out much hope.
I sat on the grass, panting, exhaustion seeping into every cell in my body. I’d never been this tired before. I’d never felt this ill-prepared for a soccer match.
James, who had reverted back to his stolid, hands-off coaching style, had hit a breaking point in the middle of the match after I turned the ball over. The possession led to another goal, cementing our loss. He lost it. He went off on me in front of the rest of the team.
It was embarrassing, and if it happened a month early, I probably would’ve broken down right then and there. But I didn’t. I just stared at him, taking his tirade in stride without flinching. ‘Yes, Coach,’ is all I said after he finished, which sent him into another fury.
By the time I finally stood up, I was the only one on the field. I rubbed my arms which were chilled and covered in goosebumps. I hardly noticed how cold it had gotten since the sun went down. I jumped up and down, rubbing my muscles, trying to warm up as I made my way to the locker room.
The hallways were empty apart from the custodial workers who were beginning their nightly cleaning routines. I nodded and smiled as I passed by an older woman who was grabbing supplies off of a cart.
I pulled out my phone and turned around the corner, walking down the hallway that led to the locker room.
Thud.
My phone and everything else I was carrying, including myself crashed to the floor.
I don’t recall a brick wall being installed in the middle of the hallway…
As I rubbed the back of my head, I noticed the feet standing in front of me. My eyes slowly followed the feet up until I found James’s face glaring down at me.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I said as I collected my things and got to my feet.
“So you’re talking to me again?”
I groaned and pushed by him.
“Yeah, run away Corinne. That’s working really well for you.”
I spun around on my heel, heat rising in my chest as I balled my hands into tight fists. My front teeth cut into my bottom lip as the rest of my body trembled, adrenaline coursing through me.
“Did it ever cross your mind that not everyone is interested in the wonderful James flame? I’m not running away,” I spat. “I have more important things to do.”
He was smiling. The asshole was smiling at me. He looked at me as though I were a child in the midst of a breakdown, rolling around on the floor screaming after being denied a second scoop of ice cream. It took every ounce of energy I had inside me not to react.
He arched his brow. “Like your grad apps? After that performance, you’re going to need a back up plan.”
A sound that closely resembled a rabid animal’s growl escaped my lips as I dropped my bag and threw myself into James. I slammed my fists into his chest, pushing him. “You! Asshole!”
James pulled me into a bear hug that pinned my arms against my body, immobilizing me completely. My upper body at least. I rammed my knee into him, but it glanced off him.
“Easy, Corinne,” James said, letting me loose. “Take it easy.”
I stared him down like a bull about to charge a matador. I’m pretty sure puffs of smoke billowed out of my nostrils with each exhale.
“Just give me a chance to explain—”
“Explain what?” I snapped. “I don’t need an explanation. I saw that kiss. I saw…” My words trailed off as my mind turned to the photographs of James and Marybeth. Some of the girls on the team had been looking at them on their phones a few days ago, passing them around. Against my better judgment, I looked. It was clear that there was something between the two, even though James had been denying it. I could see it in the way they looked at each other, how he held her in the images.
And then him and Rylee. Rylee… of all people. Again.
“I was stupid for thinking…” I muttered, finally. My throat closing up on me before I had the chance to finish speaking. Tears began to roll down my cheeks as I looked up at James. I swallowed hard. “I was silly for thinking there was something between us.”
I felt like an idiot, standing here in front of James while he said nothing. A silly girl breaking down in front of him. He’s probably used to it—all the girls he slept with and turned away afterward. I was just another one to add to that list, but I didn’t even manage to sleep with him or kiss him before he broke my heart.
I couldn’t stand the silence any longer, so I turned around and bent over to grab my things. Before I had finished turning, James grabbed my wrist. He tugged on it with enough force that I spun around and collapsed into him.
He cupped my face in his hands and looked down at me with wet, green eyes. He thumbed the tears off my cheeks in one moment, and in the next, his lips were on mine, kissing me roughly.
33
James
Corinne’s nails dug into my back as I cradled her head with one hand, the other latched firmly around her waist. Her muscles, tense and resistant when I first pulled her into me, had relaxed, pliable to my every whim. Corinne’s lips felt and tasted even better than I’d imagined. Neither of us wanted to pull away, not even for air.
“
Fuck,” I breathed as Corinne bit down on my lip.
“That’s for being an asshole,” she rasped.
She gasped as I gripped her hair and pulled down harshly. Lust filled her eyes as her tongue slid across her lips, wetting them, anticipating the next kiss. The ferrous taste of fresh blood covered my tongue; I was going to let her wait, prolong the agony.
Both of our eyes widened as we heard whistling come from down the hallway.
“The janitor,” Corinne said. “I saw her—”
My lips closed around Corinne’s mouth, silencing her as my tongue tasted her again. Fuck, this was heaven, and we’d only just begun. She pounded her fists against my chest and then opened them to grab my shirt, tugging, urging me.
I hadn’t planned for this. All I wanted was a chance to explain myself. I was tired of the silence, tired of tip-toeing around Corinne during practice, tired of stretching myself so thin over these past few weeks that nothing I did was enjoyable; everything felt like an annoyance, and I found myself snapping at people for no reason at all.
I needed to say my piece. Whether it fixed things or not, I had to get it out. I couldn’t go on like this. So I waited for Corinne; I waited for hours after the game. I was about to leave when I saw her turn that corner, head down, eyes on her phone.
She still thought there was something between Marybeth and me. She refused to allow me to explain. When she turned to leave, I grabbed her without thinking. If she wasn’t going to let me explain with words, I was going to show her with action.
Those long, restless nights. The rise in my pulse each time I saw her. The steady thump of my heart. Her scent, her lips, her smile. How she danced around in my head all day. How nothing felt enjoyable without her anymore. I loved Corinne, and it had been tearing me up inside to see her disregard me as though I were nothing to her.
“Someone—will,” Corinne said, pulling back from my lips, returning to them after each word. “See us,” she said, finally separating from me.
I studied Corinne’s face; I’d never been this close to her, and my gaze slid over every inch of her beautiful face. Her nose, her lips, the small, singular dimple on the left side of her cheek. All of it was perfect to me. She sucked in her bottom lip, slowly releasing it again as her front teeth scraped along its surface. Fuck I wanted to taste those lips again.
The whistling down the hall was growing louder, and Corinne’s eyes darted over my shoulder and then back to me. I brushed one of her eyebrows with my thumb as her eyes implored me to move.
“We need—”
I kissed her, deeply. She seemed to melt in my hands. I was being greedy. I knew that, but one taste of Corinne wasn’t enough; it would never be enough until I had her, completely. Until she was mine. Now that I knew what I’d been missing, I’d never be the same; I’d never be able to go back.
I broke away from her lips, smiled at her as she took in slow, labored breaths.
“Let’s go,” I said. “In there.” I pointed to a door a few feet away. Corinne turned around, and I brought my hand down swiftly on her ass, letting out a crack. She jumped, flung herself around, and squealed as she grabbed her ass.
Her eyes bulged and her cheeks flushed. “You’ll pay for that.”
“I hope so.”
“But we have to go… Now!”
The wheels of a cart rattled and whined as it was slowly pushed down the hallway. It was just coming into view when I pushed Corinne and her bag inside the room, closing the door behind us.
I leaned against the door, my eyes trained on Corinne. She hopped on the large wooden desk in the center of the room, legs swaying from side to side. My cock twitched as the thought of them wrapped around me flitted into my mind.
The lock clicked into place behind me, echoing in the empty room. “I’ll take my punishment now, Cori.”
Corinne slid off the desk and walked slowly over to me. I could feel my heart pounding as I waited for her to reach me. When she did, she placed her hand on my chest, let it slide down my torso as she leaned in.
“Don’t you worry,” she breathed into my ear, standing on her tip toes. “It’s coming.”
I had to fight every urge to tear her clothes off right there and pin her to the floor. Fuck I wanted her. I needed her.
Both her hands were on my chest, feeling every ridge and groove. The rational part of my brain begged me to stop, before something happened that both of us might regret. But it was already too late. We were far past the point no return; there was no—
“Fuck,” I gasped. Corinne’s fingers massaged my cock through my pants, rubbing my length.
She looked up at me with those bright pools of blue, a contented grin on her face.
“Mmm…” she whispered. “It doesn’t look like you’re enjoying yourself. Maybe I should stop.” Her hand stopped moving, and I grabbed her by the nape of her neck and pulled her lips to mine again.
She let out little gasps into my mouth as her hand again returned to my cock. This time, she slid her hand under my waistline, against my bare skin until her hand found my throbbing cock, encircling the entirety of my girth.
My head flung back, striking the frosted glass with enough force that I thought it would break. Corinne knelt down, tugging my pants, letting them fall to my feet. Seconds later, her lips were wrapped around my cock, her tongue tasting the length of my shaft.
My entire body seized and then shuddered as Corinne’s tongue and lips glided back and forth. I grabbed a fistful of her hair while my other hand latched onto the door handle, trying to keep balance; I wasn’t going to last long, not at this pace.
“Fuck,” I rasped. My voice seemed to urge her on, her pace quickening. “I’m going to—”
My eyelids snapped shut as an electric current flooded through every nerve ending. My legs trembled, overwhelmed with the sensations coursing through me. My mind went blank, and when I finally came to, I found Corinne’s grinning face staring back at me.
“If that was my punishment,” I said, “then I think I’ll have to misbehave more often.”
CORINNE
“No…” I said. “Do you really think Nina would do something like that?”
I lay on my stomach, propped up by my forearms as I gaped at James. His shirt was off; I’d banned him from putting it back on. I’m not letting him hide those muscles. Not anymore. He banned me from wearing anything but my bra and panties, a proposition I quickly accepted because I thought I was getting the better end of the deal.
James’s better end. Mmm. He had one firm butt.
The expression on James’s face made it clear that he not only thought that my mother had stolen the letters he’d sent me, but that she’d likely shredded them, doused them in gasoline, and burned them in a barrel, dumping the ashes into a urn which she subsequently tossed into the ocean while she sailed off the coast of Antarctica on a scientific vessel.
Or something like that.
“There’s no way all my letters got lost in the mail,” James said, shaking his head.
I agreed with him, which was why I’d always thought that he didn’t respond. It had never crossed my mind that my mother might have had something to do with it. I didn’t want to think that it was a possibility.
I dragged my fingertips along James’s chest as he stroked my head. The inked sleeve on his arm spread to part of his chest, but there was an empty space, near his heart, where none of the intricate patterns touched.
“When are you going to finish this?” I asked, dragging my fingertip across the empty space.
James looked down at me, a half-smile on his lips. “I’m saving that spot for when I find someone special.”
“I didn’t peg you as the romantic type.”
He kissed the top of my head. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Cori.”
I didn’t have much time to consider it, because a few seconds later, James wrenched himself away.
“The dining room is collapsing,” James screeched, pointing to the end
of the makeshift fort we’d created in the weight room. “I’ll make the repairs,” he said, rolling over onto his stomach as he crawled on his hands and knees to the other side of the pillow fort.
What a view…
The night had been wonderful. We’d spent most of it dodging the custodial staff, darting in between rooms, sneaking down corridors, making a game of it. Not that it mattered if we were caught anyway; everyone who could recognize us was long gone. Still, it was a thrill to pretend. And even more thrilling were the times we spent behind closed doors…
After a few hours of that, I suggested we go back to James’s apartment. I was starving and wanted to have James all to myself on a comfortable bed. He agreed, and we crept out of our current hiding place toward the exit.
We turned a corner and found ourselves staring at the group of janitors that we’d been dodging all night, milling around the main exit.
“This might take a while,” James had said, dragging me back behind the wall. He leaned into me, kissed me with the same fervor he’d had all night. As though this was it; as though the second this night ended, what had happened between us would end, too.
I felt a door handle behind me, turned the knob, and pulled James into the room. I tripped on something and fell backward, taking James with me.
Thankfully, we both landed on a mass of towels and sheets and pillows.
After going for yet another round, James came up with an idea.
“Let’s spend the night here,” he’d said. “Go to Geno’s and grab a pizza. When you come back, I’ll have everything ready.” I was confused about what he meant, but not wanting the night to end, I did as he said.
When I came back, I’d found sheets strewn over the machines in the gym and underneath, a bed of pillows, on which James lay. I was in love with a man-child.
After he gave me the grand tour with child-like enthusiasm, he looked at me, waiting for a response. I kissed him and told him that I loved it. And I did. No one had built me a pillow fort before.