Savage Urges

by Poppy Deveaux

  “That’s a load of crap Mark. I’ve got a good job, I’m independent, I’m not with you so you can provide for me or protect me. We’re partners. We’re supposed to trust each other and help each other when we need to, not keep secrets.”

  “I messed up, okay, I admit that, but the longer it went on, the longer I didn’t tell you, the harder it got. You have no idea how difficult it was to lay next to you in bed. All those interviews messed me up badly. I felt so low, and I couldn’t even tell you about it.”

  “I just wanted to help you.”

  “I know…”

  “So did you ever find a job?”

  “Not yet. And it made me think about things. It’s been tearing my soul apart, clawing at me, and I thought it would stop over time but it hasn’t. I don’t want to mooch off you and I know we’ve been talking about moving in together but I’m not sure I can be with you if I don’t have a job. I don’t feel myself, I don’t feel like I can be the man you deserve.”

  “Well you shouldn’t really have a say in that. I get to choose who I love. I want to help you. I want to work through this together. You can stay here for as long as you want.”

  “I can’t, because nothing’s going to change.”

  “You’ll get a job eventually.”

  “I don’t want to be relying on your charity.”

  “It’s not charity for God’s sake, I’m your girlfriend, and I’m helping the person I love. Where are you going to stay if you can’t afford to pay your rent?”

  “That’s the other thing I wanted to talk to you about,” he said, and took another deep breath. By this point Natalie’s nerves were frayed and she felt herself trembling. “I’ve been doubting myself longer than this. Losing my job was just a symptom I think. I’m not sure if I want to be a chef anymore. I haven’t been able to get a job, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get one in the same line of work, and I don’t really know if I even want to.”

  “What will you do instead?”

  “That’s just it, I don’t know. I feel like I don’t know anything, like I have to start all over again,” he said, his words choking in his throat. He started shuddering and then crystal tears rolled down his cheeks. Natalie still loved him and she hated to see him in so much pain, and despite her anger she felt compelled to comfort him so she sat beside him and went to wrap her arms around him, but he pulled himself away, as if the slightest touch brought him actual physical pain. When he recoiled she knew that there was a deep-seated pain in his soul, one which wouldn’t be easily dealt with, and she didn’t feel she had the tools necessary to help him through it. Perhaps if he’d have come to her when he was first dealing with these things it might have been different, but he had left it too long and his soul had started to rot away. He’d started into oblivion by himself, and without anyone to pull him back he had been sucked into it, and could see nothing but the dark despair surrounding him.

  “So what are you going to do now?” she asked. He wiped a tear away, and when he spoke his voice was cracked and trembling.

  “I’m going to go home for a little while. I don’t know for how long, and just try and get my equilibrium back.” There was a silence between them, and the air was pregnant with tension. Natalie wasn’t sure what to say. She didn’t want to say anything, because she knew that anything she said wouldn’t be able to salvage the situation. Instead, she tried to remind him what he had to live for. She leaned into him and wrapped her arms around him, drowning him in her sweet feminine scent. At first he tried to resist and shrug her off, but she clung onto him and made soothing tones, and kissed him on the cheek. Natalie tilted his face so that she could pluck a kiss from his lips, but it was a weak kiss, and his soft lips were unresponsive. That was the moment when she knew that there was no hope. The flame that burned in his heart had been extinguished, and she wasn’t sure how to re-light that fire.

  She got up and wiped away a tear herself, and turned her back to him.

  “Do you expect me to wait for you?”

  “I don’t know how long I’ll be, or if I’d ever come back.”

  Another silence lingered between them. Natalie turned around, her eyes blazing with the anger of a hurt lover.

  “If you walk out of here you know you can’t just walk back into my life once you’ve sorted yourself out. If you leave now I’m not sure we can ever go back to the way things were. You’re not just saying goodbye to this city you’re saying goodbye to me as well. Are you really prepared to do that?”

  “I feel like it’s the only thing I can do. I’m sorry Natalie. I’m just…I’m not the man that can be with you…or anyone right now. I have to sort my life out.”

  The words were crushing, and losing him felt like she was losing a part of herself. He moved his things out and they shared a tearful goodbye, but things had changed irrevocably between them, and the man she said goodbye to was not the man she had fallen in love with. It almost felt like the Mark she knew had died, such was the drastic change in his personality. The nature of their breakup made it difficult for her to trust anything, and in the wake of it she found herself plagued with doubt about everything in her life, because she really felt that she knew Mark and could count on him to be there for her, but when it came down to it he wasn’t, and this crumbling foundation made everything else in her life seem fragile.

  Hence why her mother was so worried about her. Natalie went through life in a daze. She worked, but her eyes were glassy and when she spoke to people her voice was dull and monotonous. Cindy tried her best to get her out of her funk, but it was only now that Natalie was getting back to feeling like her old self. She pulled herself off the sofa and started tidying her apartment. There was mess everywhere, but once she finished she felt better about things, although while she was tidying she found a t-shirt of Mark’s and it reminded her of everything she had lost.

  She slumped down in the sofa again and waited for Cindy to come over. Her best friend was the only one that she was letting witness her misery, and who she had told the whole story too. Anyone else only knew that she and Mark had broken up and that he had moved home, for she didn’t want people meddling in her business. But Natalie was teetering on the brink of a crisis, because she was starting to feel like the city wasn’t home anymore, and that she had put her energy into something that had been a complete waste of time.

  Two

  When Cindy arrived it was with sweet treats, although Natalie wasn’t in the mood for them.

  “How are you doing today dudette?” she asked. Natalie shook her head at the pity evident on Cindy’s heart-shaped face. Natalie leaned her head back, letting her brunette hair fall over her face.

  “That good huh,” Cindy continued. Natalie grimaced.

  “I still haven’t come to terms with it all.”

  “Have you heard from him at all?”

  “No, I tried calling him but there was no answer. I’ve tried not to look at his Facebook page.”

  “He hasn’t put anything up of interest, in case you were wondering.”

  “That’s a small comfort.”

  “You know you have to stop this, it’s not doing you any good. I’ve indulged you enough but you have to pull yourself out of this misery.”

  “And do what? How can I trust anything anymore? I thought we were going to end up together.”

  “But this isn’t doing you any good. I hate seeing you like this.”

  Cindy came over and took hold of Natalie’s arms, dragging her up. She had to use all her strength because Natalie wasn’t at all responsive, but eventually she got to her feet, and Cindy held her to prevent her falling down again.

  “I’m your friend, and I’m telling you this for your own sake, you are falling apart right now and I’m not going to let it happen,” Cindy continued in a determined tone, “I don’t care what you say to me but I’m not going to let you languish in this place. Life is happening right now, and you’re too much of a good person to not enjoy the best years of your li
fe. There’s so much else out there for you to do, and you can’t let him ruin your life for you. We live in the best city in the world and if you can’t enjoy that then I don’t know what hope there is for you.”

  Natalie pouted and let her tongue hang out, for she did not have the energy to do anything. Cindy sighed with exasperation and let her fall back to the sofa. She turned and started sorting out a few things in the kitchen.

  “You know, I’m trying my hardest here but you’re not making it easy,” she said. Natalie heard the frustration in her friend’s and realized that she was getting serious.

  “I’m sorry,” she called out, “it’s just…it feels like everything I’ve known has been taken from me and I have no idea what to feel anymore. I don’t even know if I want to move on, I don’t know what I want.”

  “All the more reason why we should go out and do something!” she prompted, and was met with a groan. Natalie was refusing to do anything, and Cindy stomped around the apartment, feeling frustrated. Eventually it got so bad that Cindy went into Natalie’s room, took some clothes out, and threw them onto her. Natalie pulled them off and protested.

  “You’re either coming out now or you can find a new best friend, because I’ve had enough of you sitting around here like you have nothing going for you. You’re young, you’re hot, and you can do anything the hell you want because you’re single again. Now, I loved Mark, and I loved you when you were with Mark, but it’s been ages since we’ve both been single and I’m not going to have it be filled with you moping. We’re going out to meet some guys, or I’m going to leave you alone to end up rotting away in here.”

  With no other choice Natalie reluctantly acquiesced to her friend’s demand, and got ready. The two of them hailed a taxi and went down to the local strip of bars. Cindy was wearing a short blue dress that sparkled, and it clung to her slim, slender figure. Natalie was a little shorter than Cindy but had a fuller, hourglass figure. She was wearing a black dress that perfectly suited her curves and had a plunging neckline. She looked a million dollars, and as she walked along she turned many heads, although romance was the last thing on her mind. When they reached the bar they got a couple of drinks.

  “First things first we have to establish some ground rules for the night. There is going to be no talking about Mark because I’ve heard enough of that, this night is supposed to help you move on.”

  Natalie agreed, but the rule was soon broken as she became tipsy. They were approached by a few men, but each time Natalie asked them what they would have done in Mark’s situation, and they were soon scared off. Cindy shook her head and blew out her cheeks as she realized that things were not going to be easily fixed. They danced a little, but Natalie’s heart wasn’t in it, and Cindy soon gave up on trying to give her friend a good night out. They retreated to Natalie’s apartment with ice cream, and Cindy listened to Natalie rant about Mark. Cindy had heard it all before, and she hated the fact that Natalie didn’t seem to be moving on. After Natalie had poured her heart out once again Cindy held her and came up with a suggestion.

  “Look, maybe the problem is that you’ve been in this city for so long now that wherever you look you see reminders of him. Maybe we should go for a long weekend away somewhere, it might help take your mind off things?”

  “But where?” Natalie asked, wiping tears away from her face. Cindy shrugged.

  “I’m sure we can think of something,” she said, and after that the two women made an effort to find a place to go.

  Cindy’s first instinct was to ask whether Natalie wanted to go home, but she said she didn’t, because she didn’t want to be made to feel helpless by her mother. That would have to come later, when she felt more able to cope with everything that happened. Cindy went away and did some research, and eventually came back with what she thought was a good idea. She slapped down a brochure in front of Natalie, who started to idly leaf through it. The pictures were of a rocky mountain and a lush green valley, with tall trees, a waterfall out of a fairytale, and it all looked like someone had taken the most desirable parts of nature and put them all in one place.

  “It’s a hiking holiday,” Cindy began. Natalie grimaced when Cindy mentioned the word ‘hiking’, but Cindy continued in the hope of persuading her. “Look, it’s not that bad. The hikes are all guided so you get a little bit of the history of the place, and if you don’t feel like hiking there’s a log cabin where you can stay and just relax with the beautiful scenery.”

  “I suppose it might not be the worst idea,” Natalie conceded.

  “And it would be a nice change of pace from the city. It’d be good to get away for a few days, turn our phones off, and not have to worry about work or Facebook or anything like that. It’d be like stepping into the past, we can escape everything.”

  Natalie smiled as she thought about the prospect of forgetting about her pain, and the more she looked through the brochure the more it seemed like a good idea.

  “There is just one thing though,” Cindy added, and this made Natalie look up in concern. “Look at the back of the brochure.” Natalie turned to the back and her eyes darted across the page, and then her jaw dropped, and her head began to shake.

  “It won’t be that bad,” Cindy said, “they haven’t had an incident for a number of years, it’s probably more of an urban legend really. I bet they just put that in there to drum up interest.” What had gotten Natalie so worried was the warning that bears had been sighted in the area, and there had been a point where a number of bear attacks had been recorded.

  “I don’t want to die,” Natalie said.

  “Neither do I, but do you really think they’d advertise this if there was actually a chance that anything could happen?” Natalie thought about it, and decided that Cindy was probably right. After all, it wouldn’t be good for business if people died while on the hike, and Natalie did really need to get away from things. Being in the city was gnawing at her soul, and she couldn’t forget about Mark and everything they shared while she was there. It was a horrible feeling, and she was already feeling a bit happier at the thought of being surrounded by the peace of nature. She had been so busy at work that she hadn’t had the slightest hint of a vacation for years, so she was certainly due one. Cindy immediately called to book up a few dates, and as they started planning their trip Natalie grew more excited by the second.

  Three

  The place where they were going was called Langley Falls, and it was a little way out of the city. When they drove it was a warm summer’s day, so they had the windows down and the air whipped through the car. The music was cranked up loud, and they were in good spirits.

  “This reminds me of that trip we took for spring break in the first year,” Cindy said.

  “The one where we tried to buy alcohol, got refused, then the car broke down and we had to call Michelle’s granddad to come and tow us to safety?”

  “That’s the one,” Cindy said.

  “That was a disaster.”

  “Well, it ended up to be a disaster, but I mean when we first left, the feeling that anything could happen, it makes me think of that. I just feel good you know, it feels like we’re actually taking control of our lives, like we are masters of our destiny!” Cindy cried, and followed it up with a loud shriek. Natalie burst out laughing.

  “Now there’s something I haven’t heard for a while,” Cindy remarked, and Natalie had to admit that being away from the city was providing a certain level of excitement that had been absent for a long time. They drove along the highway, leaving a trail of music behind him, and the sun gleamed off the car. The weather was beautiful, and it felt good to leave the city behind.

  The drive took a couple of hours on the highway, and then they had to wind down side roads and country lanes that looked as though they had been plucked from the old English countryside. Trees and bushes stood on either side of the road, and there were barely any other cars there, and it made the women feel as though they were the only two people in the world.
As they drove on they went through a tunnel made by the trees overhead, and the sunlight was filtered through the leaves on the trees, casting them in an emerald glow. It felt almost magical, and they were filled with a sense of awe. This was only intensified as they emerged from the tunnel and saw what lay before them. They both gasped as they looked at the towering mountains in the distance and the valley that lay below. Birds flapped their wings and cried out as they soared through the clear sky, and the two women marveled as they had previously had no idea that a place so beautiful had existed so near to them.

  The winding road took them down to the bottom of the valley, where they passed through a small town. It was only made up of a few buildings; a general store, a bar, a couple of restaurants and some houses, and the people walked by without a care in the world. Natalie was instantly jealous of them. They followed the road and it eventually led them to a small hut, where there were a few other cars parked. They got out and went into the hut. There was a small group of people huddled around, and then two tall, burly men they greeted them with warm smiles. One of them was clean shaven while the other one had a thick dark beard. Cindy and Natalie were instantly struck by how handsome they were. The clean-shaven one introduced himself as Dan, while his colleague was Philip, and then he took the women's details before showing them were to sit. Natalie and Cindy weren’t alone in their admiration of the men, as they noticed a few glances being tossed in their direction, but they seemed unmoved by it all. After a couple more people came in Philip made a note on his sheet, and then Dan clapped his hands together to get everyone’s attention.

  “Right then, everyone’s here so that’s good. We’d like to welcome you to this hiking tour. It’s beautiful weather this weekend so you guys have already proven you have good timing, so there shouldn’t be any problems this weekend. Just to go over a few things, if any of you missed it or forgot, I’m Philip and this is Dan. We’ll be your guides this weekend, and we’re here for anything you need. First we need to offer safety information. We will be doing a lot of walking, and some of the terrain we’ll be covering is going to be rocky, so just be careful and keep an eye out. Stay close to us and you’ll be fine, but if you do find yourself getting tired and you need a rest just talk to one of us and we’ll slow the pace or take a break. There are scheduled rest stops, and there’s plenty of opportunity to get water so don’t worry about that.”