by Ho, Jo
Where the kitchen had been, a long dining table now stood. Exotic flowers grew in pots along the window ledge, giving the air a spicy aroma. Several doors lead from the living room, through one, I could see the new, much-expanded kitchen. I wasn’t much of a cook — that had been Emma’s wheelhouse — so our quaint setup had suited me fine but this new number came with marble islands and chrome fittings that even I could appreciate. I stopped myself from going inside, however, feeling drawn to the one room that had been our haven.
I stepped into the main bedroom now. A king size bed stood in place of where ours had been, but other than that, the room was unrecognizable. There were plush new carpets and furnishings, even the cream curtains we had made from fabric we had picked up at the local flea market had been replaced with something much more upscale.
With a fresh coat of paint and a drape of designer fabrics, our life had been completely erased.
It was painful and yet a relief at the same time. I couldn’t see us in here anymore. This wasn’t my home.
And with that realization, there came a sudden lifting of my heart.
10
Sully
I rejoined the others to find them sitting around the kitchen table in the clinic below, drinking cups of coffee and nibbling at what looked to be a delicious homemade carrot cake. I was touched by how much effort Florence had made ahead of our return and mentally affirmed to eat a slice despite how little appetite I had.
Florence stood up the second she saw me, inclining her head to the office next door. I shot Sam a smile, letting her know everything was fine and followed her to the other room. She greeted me with a pile of correspondence.
“These came for you after you left. I tossed out the obvious trash, leaflets and such, but these looked personal so I left them here for you.”
“Thanks.” I took the pile from her, quickly sorting through the envelopes. Most were letters from medical suppliers or final bills from the electric company. Nothing of any interest. I contemplated just throwing the whole pile into the bin when one envelope caught my eye.
It was plain but made from a good quality paper. And unlike the others, my details were handwritten in a neat, flowing script. I frowned, trying to place the familiar handwriting, but it escaped me so I tore the envelope open. Inside, there was a simple note made of the same stock and weight of the envelope. Only three words were written on it in that same familiar script.
“Always and forever”
Those were the three words that had been inscribed on our wedding rings. And suddenly, I recognized the writing.
It was Emma’s.
11
Sully
I looked up at Florence.
“What is this? Why is this here?” I demanded.
Startled, she leaned across so she could see the note. The color drained from her face as her eyes became muddled. “I’m sorry, I should have checked first.”
“Where did this come from?”
She twisted her hands in apology. “I don’t know. I thought it came in the mail with the rest of the letters…”
“Well, that’s not possible, is it? That’s Emma’s writing so you must’ve gotten this mixed in with the mail.” I couldn’t keep the anger from my voice. Those written words had hit like a truck making me feel suddenly guilty over what I was here to do — and that was the last thing I needed. I knew my anger was irrational. It was obviously a simple mistake, but I was unable to rein my feelings in. Florence took the note from my hands.
“Yes, I know. There isn’t a stamp on it so I must have picked this up elsewhere. Let me get rid of it for you… unless you want to keep it?”
Her question hung in the air.
Every muscle in my body was tense. It wasn’t that long ago when I couldn’t throw a thing of Emma’s away, but then that choice was taken from me when her things went up in a cloud of smoke. Now here was something tangible, a physical link to our past. I could feel my hands moving towards the note of their own accord.
“No. I don’t want it.”
Even as the words came out, I felt sick to my stomach. A part of me wanted to scream at her, that of course, I wanted to keep it, but it took every ounce of my willpower to let it go.
Maybe this was a test. If so, I was determined to beat it. I pictured Sam’s smiling face and forced myself to look away from the note.
“Get rid of it.”
She nodded and hurried out of the room with the note.
And I let out the breath I had been holding.
12
Chase
Something was happening.
One minute we were laughing, drinking coffee, and hearing stories of Sully’s animal patient escapades and the next Sully had returned to the room looking pale and subdued.
Sam had gone to him immediately, but Sully just shook his head. Whatever it was, he wasn’t ready to talk about it in front of all of us. Recognizing this, Sam just kissed him on the cheek and gave him a supportive smile. But me, I wasn’t respectful like that. I went over to him, Bandit by my side. He must have picked up on my concern as he whined softly at me.
“What happened?” I asked Sully.
He looked at me, weighing up whether he would tell me the truth but he must have realized it wouldn’t do any good to keep things from me, I’d get it out of him, eventually. He filled me in briefly. His voice was flat as if he didn’t feel any emotion about the subject which I knew was just his way of deflecting pain.
“Well, that sucks,” was my eloquent answer. “Good job on letting it go though. Must have been tough.”
He didn’t answer. Finally, Florence came back into the room. She came up to Sully hesitantly, afraid to make any further mistakes. “We were hoping to surprise you, but under the circumstances, I think it’s probably best if I run our plans by you.”
“What plans?” Sully said, unable to hide the concern in his eyes.
“Mark is coming by tonight, to surprise you, we’re going to throw a barbecue. Matt and Izzy will be joining us too after the clinic closes, but if you want us to cancel, we still have time.”
Sully opened his mouth to answer but then he hesitated. His eyes flicked over to Sam, watching him quietly from a few feet away. She didn’t move or say anything, but her presence alone seemed to be enough for Sully to make up his mind. “No, that’s fine. Keep it. It’ll be fun.”
Forgetting himself, Bandit barked once. He adored a good barbecue. We all knew he was agreeing with Sully, but Florence didn’t. She just thought he was being cute. She bent down to stroke him. “Who’s a good doggy? Would you like a treat? I think I’ve got some in my jar over there?”
It took a moment before I remembered that Florence had no idea how intelligent Bandit was, hence the way she was speaking to him. I could see that the last thing on Bandit’s mind was food, but we needed to keep up his cover of “normal dog” so I nodded, silently telling him he should go with her. Faking enthusiasm, his tail swished back and forth as he allowed Florence to lead him away. Sam slipped her hand in Sully’s. “So Mark’s coming over? That’s good, I’ve been wanting to meet this old friend of yours. The stories he must have…”
“Don't believe everything he says. Guy has a way of exaggerating,” Sully said, looking alarmed now that he realized the two would be meeting.
Catching his expression, Sam became amused. “Got some stories you don’t want me to know about, huh?”
“There’s no need for you to know everything is there? Some mystery is sexy,” Sully said, a little desperately I thought.
Sam laughed. “You’re cute when you panic.”
And that was my cue to leave. Sully being upset I could handle, but flirting with Sam?
That was just gross.
13
Chase
The party was happening in the back yard.
A bank of outdoor kennels stood on one side but they were empty right now, their inhabitants having been moved inside so that the noise and smoke from the grill w
ouldn’t bother them. We sat on a pretty terrace where roses climbed across a trellis and the outdoor grill glowed a cheery orange as the coals heated up.
Sully’s friend Mark had arrived with a giant bowl of potato salad and some beef skewer things that had Bandit salivating at the smell. Before Sully could get excited at the prospect of Mark learning how to cook, however, Mark revealed that he had picked up both at his favorite deli. Sully made a joke about that being a first since he usually just got whichever poor soul he was dating to do all the cooking.
I had to admit, Mark wasn’t what I was expecting at all. He had slicked back hair that shone from the amount of product he had up in there, thick black-rimmed glasses that I wasn’t convinced weren’t just for show and was the kind of guy who wore shoes with no socks. He was a hipster and unapologetic about it. He seemed like a nice enough guy but I find it hard to trust any man whose nails were so neat. After some badgering, he finally admitted that he had regular manicures. He literally had nothing in common with Sully but you wouldn’t know it, to see the two of them laughing and joking around. Sam must have thought their relationship curious too as she asked how they had met. Turns out, it wasn’t long after the clinic had opened.
Mark had been dating this girl who had a cat with a sensitive tummy. Unfortunately, he didn’t know about that, or how to treat cats in general and had been feeding her milk and all sorts of human food — both of which are no no’s since cats are lactose intolerant and human food contains too much salt, something which caused kidney problems in cats. After weeks of toiletry issues, the cat finally decided she’d had enough as she left several protest poops around their bed. When Mark’s girlfriend found out he was the cause of her cat’s distress, she dumped him, but he became friends with Sully in the process.
He and Sully were knocking back beers now, talking about things I didn’t understand like stock markets and bonds. The current vets, Matt and Izzy, had also joined us. Matt smiled a lot and had a booming and infectious laugh while his girlfriend Izzy was a dainty thing with a wicked sense of humor. They seemed like really good people and I was glad they were the ones running this place now.
Gideon, Zeb, Sam and I sat around the garden table as Florence brought out an old file of hers. “I thought you might like to see some pictures,” she began as she showed us a leaflet of Sully opening the clinic to a crowd of well-wishers. “This was our first day here. It was a very proud moment for us,” she said.
“You’ve worked with him since the clinic started?” Zeb asked, surprised.
“Oh yes. I had known the two of them a while. Well, I actually knew Emma first. She was my friend Irene’s granddaughter. When they decided to open the clinic I had recently lost my job to a younger, prettier model. When Irene mentioned this to Emma, she forced Sully to hire me. I suspect I wouldn’t have been his first choice for the job but she just wouldn’t hear of it. She was quite the campaigner for justice. Couldn’t bear any wrongdoing.”
Zeb fell quiet. I suddenly realized how much of Sully’s life he had missed since the two had fallen out. He’d never met Emma so it must be hard to be faced with her memory like this. I remembered how, when we’d first turned up at the ranch, Zeb had blown up at Sully, letting him know that he didn’t care to meet her or go to their wedding, as he was angry at Sully for tossing away his promising career as a surgeon. I think he somehow thought she influenced him on this, though anyone who knew him now could see that Sully loved saving animals. I couldn’t imagine him doing anything else.
Sam stared at the leaflet. I realized then that this might be the first time she’d ever seen Emma’s face. Her expression was stoic so I couldn’t tell what she was thinking, she just stared at Emma, taking it all in.
Florence looked up at Sam suddenly, smiling. “I’m so happy Sully found you, my dear. It wasn’t that long ago when I thought he would never get over losing her. I’m just so relieved he has found happiness again.”
Sam gave her a warm smile. “I’m sure he would have moved on eventually, even if he hadn’t met me.”
“I don’t know about that. Sully couldn’t even get rid of Emma’s things. Why, it was just before he left when Mark and I tried to help him, that their big fight happened. I felt it was unhealthy to be surrounded by memories of his dead wife like that so we tried to force his hand. It wasn’t just her pictures you understand? Sully had kept her clothes, toiletries, everything… for a year. We’d tried unsuccessfully many times to help him rid them to no avail when we finally decided enough was enough. But when Sully saw Mark packing up Emma’s things, he attacked him and wouldn’t speak to him for a long time.”
Something about her comment caused Sam’s smile to waiver. I saw it, but, caught up in memory lane, the older woman didn’t pick up on Sam’s emotions. “Wasn’t that only six months ago? ”
“Why, yes. I guess it was.”
“I didn’t know that,” Sam replied quietly. Her eyes turned thoughtful, but she didn’t say anything else. Zeb too, looked as if he were struggling with his own feelings. He’d lost his wife himself so he, better than anyone, should know what Sully had gone through. I thought about how much time the two had wasted through being mad at each other. If they had both gotten over their issues, they could have supported each other through those painful times. Hindsight, right?
Florence rifled through the file until she came up with another image. It was a newspaper article about a dog Sully had saved from death.
“And this is Sully with the first puppy he delivered. The mom was found dumped in an alley. She had been someone’s pet until they decided they didn’t want the puppies — probably didn’t want the added cost of feeding them — so they just left her to fend for herself instead. Poor thing was starving when a local found her and brought her to us.”
I felt anger at the people who could do this to her. “When there are so many shelters and charities that will take your dog for free, why do people still do this?”
Florence sighed. “Because many people are cowards, Chase and they don’t want to face up to their responsibilities.”
Bandit barked yes, but I gave him a sharp look, silently warning him not to do anything else that might reveal his specialness. Despite how Sully felt about Florence and Mark, despite how he trusted them, it was safer all around if we didn’t tell them about his abilities. Catching my warning, Bandit lowered onto all fours before settling back down. To anyone else, it might have looked as if he were simply stretching but I knew he was being submissive and saying sorry.
“Well, people who do that shouldn’t be allowed pets in the future,” Gideon said. His face was firm, and he had one hand on Bandit. It made me think how much he had changed during our time together. When he had first met Bandit, Gideon hadn’t seemed all that interested in him. Then again, he hadn’t seemed interested in anything other than Zeb. Florence pulled out some other newspaper clippings now but her face fell and she hesitated, not sure whether she should show them to us.
“What is it?” Zeb asked.
Finally, Florence took out the clipping. I looked down to see images of the nearly destroyed clinic on that fateful night when I had turned up unannounced on Sully’s doorstep. The fire had fizzled out but smoke still curled in the air. The picture must have been taken just hours after the blaze. Gideon had heard the story before but faced with the pictures, he looked shocked.
“It probably looks worse than it is. I mean, the building didn’t fall down and what could be fixed has been rebuilt.” I don’t know why I said that or why I was trying to make him feel better. It wasn’t like he had any experience of it. He wasn’t there that night.
“I didn’t know it was that bad. I know you told me, but, I didn’t really know…” He trailed off. “It must have been terrifying.”
“Oh you know, I’ve been through worse,” I shrugged, trying to play it off.
“I sincerely hope not!’ Florence said, cutting into our conversation.
Of course, I wasn’t going to explai
n what I had meant by that, but my own words got me thinking of a time I chose to forget. My thoughts went to a place they seldom visited, and a familiar face I tried not to think about flashed up in my mind. I shook my head, trying to erase the picture, but it was no use. Once it was there, it refused to go away.
Mom.
14
Chase
Things had gotten heavy there for a moment.
As usual, whenever a situation became uncomfortable, I would get out of there so I excused myself and made a break for the restroom. I splashed cold water on my face, hoping to feel refreshed but I couldn’t shake the black cloud that now hovered over me.
It was weird. When I usually thought about my mom, I felt only anger. I was mad at how she’d let Tubs into our lives, how she didn’t protect me from him, and how she had let that jerk dictate how we lived. Although our lives were far from perfect before him, we had always had each other, but, as soon as she had let him in, it was like this giant Tub-sized wedge had pried us apart.
And suddenly, everything had changed.
I’d thought about leaving for at least a year but I didn’t have any money and there was no one I could run to. And while the beatings at home were bad, he’d mostly left me with only bruises or some missing hair — I’d suffered no broken bones so I figured I could tolerate it. But then my appearance started to change, and I found myself growing in places that had been previously flat. When Tubs started noticing me in a different way, I knew I had to get out of there. He loved to drink, and I knew I was one drunken session away from something that would scar me forever.
Maybe it was all the revisiting and talk of old days, but I found myself with the sudden urge to hear my mom’s voice. Since I had left home, I hadn’t spoken to her, not even once. Hadn’t really wanted to either so this took me by surprise. I wanted to know if she regretted not standing up for me. Was she missing me now I was gone? There was a time — a long time ago yes, but it happened all the same — when she put ribbons in my hair and bought me ice-cream along the beach. Was there any part of that mom left?