by Ho, Jo
“Chase… your mom’s at the door.”
And just like that, the relief I was feeling was ripped out of me.
41
Chase
“What do you want me to tell her?” asked Gideon.
When the rushing sound faded from my ears, I looked at Sully, speechless. His brow had creased into a worried line but his expression was resolute.
“I guess she’s not going away so we’ll have to deal with this sometime. Might as well be now.” He looked at me as he spoke, waiting for my response. Despite his words, if I disagreed and said I wasn’t ready, I knew he would have told her to go away, but seeing Sam’s guilty expression, I knew my small family couldn’t keep going through this every day, so I steeled myself.
“It’s fine. Let her in.”
Moments later, we were all in the living room, watching as my mom came in. She’d changed her clothes since yesterday and was now wearing a yellow skirt, white t-shirt and flip-flops that showed the chipped blue polish on her toes. Despite that, and the stain on her shirt, she looked more presentable than she’d been throughout my life, when her outfits usually consisted of the skimpy leopard-print mini-skirts Tubs liked her to wear.
I didn’t know what to think. This mom clashed so much with the one I remembered. Even her hair was clean as if she were truly making an effort. For some reason, this made me super uncomfortable. I would actually have preferred it if she looked the way I expected her to.
Across the room Sully stared at her. He had yet to speak but I could see he was thinking the same things I was. Having heard all the stories about what she was really like, I'll bet he was wondering how that monster could be hiding under such a boring appearance.
Mom tossed a quick look around the room, giving them all a timid smile before she focused her attention on me. I watched the corners of her mouth turn up even more as she took a hesitant step towards me.
"Chase..." Her voice cracked, and she seemed to struggle for words. She reached out a hand towards me but I took a step back. It wasn't even conscious. I just didn't understand what she was doing here and being so close to her physically was filling me with all kinds of unpleasant emotions. Picking up on my feelings, Sully moved to stand in front of me. He was being protective. Bandit must have picked up on our vibes too as he went to join his side.
"I'm Sully. Chase has been living with me for these past six months."
Mom’s hands fidgeted by her side. I think she was debating whether to offer it to Sully to shake but she must have decided against it. They stayed clenched down by her side.
"I'm Tracey. Tracey Blueman. Thanks for looking after Chase for me.”
Sully didn't reply, not knowing what to say. An awkward silence blanketed the room until Zeb wheeled forward, offering his hand.
"I’m Sully’s father, Zebediah. It’s good to meet you, would you like a drink?" He was being purposely pleasant, like this was a normal visit from a friend, popping in from out of town.
“Have you got soda? Something sweet?”
"Yeah, we have it." This was from Gideon. He was staring at her with eyes that were hard with hate, unable to hide his loathing for this woman. Seeing him come to my defense like that filled my heart with love. Gideon didn't always show what he was really feeling, so this was a bit of a surprise. Zeb frowned at Gideon, shaking his head reproachfully.
"Gideon," he said. “That's not how we treat guests."
"Well, she hasn't exactly been invited, has she? Let's not pretend anyone wants her here."
“Gideon!” Zeb snapped sharply. His angry tone shocked me. I had never heard Zeb reprimand anyone before.
“I don’t wanna cause any trouble,” Mom said. "He's right. You must be hella surprised, but I swear I don't mean any harm. I just wanted to see my little girl.”
"Why don’t we sit down in the living room. There's a lot to catch up on. Come on through," said Sam surprising everyone. No one moved. Sam sighed. "Look, clearly there is a lot to talk about, it’s silly for us all to stand here. Go inside and sit.”
Realizing no one would move before I did, I nodded and let Sully lead the way. I sat on the couch, Sully and Gideon flanking my side as Bandit sat in front of my feet. I was in a triangle of protection, yet despite being surrounded on all sides, I was still feeling super vulnerable and this made me mad. She couldn't do anything to hurt me now. She was just one person and Tubs wasn't anywhere in sight, so why was I feeling so scared? Why was there a chill in the pit of my stomach?
Sam pulled out a chair and Mom perched on it. She sat opposite me clasping her hands in her lap. "You’re Sam?" Mom asked. "You're the one who called?"
Sam nodded. "It wasn't my intention that you come here like this. I only called you, woman-to-woman, to let you know your child was safe with us. I had no idea you would come here like this. I really wish you had phoned first and given us a heads up."
A flush crept up across Mom’s face. "I was afraid none of you would be here if I called first.”
"Well, we are," said Sully. "So what is it that you want exactly? What's your purpose for turning up like this?” Now Zeb turned his frown on Sully but Sully just ignored him. "You may be her legal parent but you are no longer her guardian."
It was impossible to miss the challenge in his voice. He was daring my mom to say something different.
"I only want to spend time with her. I wanted to see her face myself is all, not just take a stranger’s word for it.”
After she spoke, the relief from Sully was palpable. I myself felt the tension leave my shoulders and Bandit relaxed against my legs. She wasn’t here to drag me back home. There would be no court case. Zeb smiled.
"Well, let's get Tracey a drink and we can catch her up on the last year or so of Chase’s life."
42
Chase
After we had gotten over the shock of my mom’s appearance, we spoke for a while letting her know how Sully, Bandit, and I had first met. Of course, we left out any reference to Bandit’s super intelligence, and we changed Forbes’ men to criminals, but we kept most of the story the same. Mom had listened to it all without saying a word, letting out just the occasional gasp or so. I left out our whole confrontation with Forbes and anything about Platinum Industries and ended simply by saying that Sam and Sully had met and now we all lived together. Mom had asked a few questions here and there like where did Gideon come in? But that was about it. Occasionally I caught her staring at Bandit but she'd never been very keen on animals so I figured she was just keeping a wary eye out on him.
Once Sully and the others realized that she really was just here to talk they relaxed and left us alone. We now sat on the porch while Bandit snored softly by my feet. There were things I wanted to say but hadn't yet broached. I stared out into the distant green horizon letting the sounds I loved wash over me. When I finally worked up the nerve, I voiced the question I’d been meaning to ask since her arrival here.
"Where's Tubs?" I asked, deliberately keeping my voice as emotionless as possible.
“Home. He… he doesn't know I'm here,” she replied.
"He doesn't?"
"No. I didn't say where I was going, he would only have stopped me. He hasn’t gotten over all the money you took.”
I looked at her and saw the way her hands tightened in her lap and lines creased her forehead. She was worried, thinking of the reception she might receive when she finally went home.
"If he doesn't know you're here, where does he think you are?"
"I didn't tell him. I left a note and said I was going out of town but would call when I could." A normal person might think she was being respectful to my wishes to stay here anonymously, but I knew she was too scared to tell him the truth — that she was coming to find me. Although Tubs had never liked me, I think he liked having power over me, liked having his own personal punchbag, but after I had taken off, the only one left for him to rule was my mom, so her disappearing like this? He must be furious.
We sat
there silently for a while neither of us saying anything. My mind was a mess of emotions and I just didn't know what to think. One thing struck me about her being here though — I had never seen her so calm. Then again, I had never seen her without Tubs all these years. He had always been by her side or behind her, towering over her like an immovable mountain. Without him, she seemed almost happier. It made me wonder for the millionth time why she didn't just leave him, but I wasn't going to say anything about that. I didn't want her to think that I cared.
“You really ate food from the trash?” She frowned, unable to comprehend it all.
I nodded and shrugged. "The first weeks were the hardest. It takes a while before you get used to sleeping on hard ground and the first few times you look for food in a dumpster, the smells make you vomit, but after a while, the hunger takes over everything else so you don't even smell the rottenness or taste it anymore."
She looked down at the ground at my words. “It’s good you have these people now, they seem like good folk.”
"They're the best," I said.
She looked down at Bandit. "And you have a dog too. You've always wanted a pet."
At the word pet, Bandit pricked his ears towards her even as he kept his eyes closed, snoozing. "Yeah, he's much more than a pet though. He’s my best friend and family."
"Well," she said. "He's just an animal, don’t go humanizing him."
It was on the tip of my tongue to correct her but I knew there wasn’t anything I could say that wouldn't reveal Bandit’s secret so I bit down on my tongue and refrained from replying.
We'd been out there on the porch for a while before I was suddenly aware of noises coming from inside the ranch. The others were getting ready to go out. Sully suddenly popped his head around the door.
"We’re going into town. You wanna come with us or stay talking with your mom?" Though it was a question, Sully didn't look too comfortable asking it. I was pretty sure Sam had put him up to it. My mom shot me a hopeful look, but I really didn’t want to be left alone with her. Despite how much nicer she seemed suddenly, there was a wall around my heart and it wasn’t coming down anytime soon. I jumped up to my feet.
"I'm coming with. We’re done here."
Sully nodded, looking relieved. Mom got to her feet awkwardly, knowing that she was being dismissed.
"I'm only here a few days. Can I come back to see you?" This, she directed at me. I couldn't answer. My throat constricted, and it felt dry and uncomfortable. They both waited for an answer but all I could manage was a shrug. She smiled, grateful for the crumb I had given her.
"Thanks, Chase." She turned to Sully next. “You too. For all you've done for her.”
As Sully escorted her to the door, I didn’t move. I stood there watching until she disappeared out of sight.
43
Chase
A little while later, Sully, Sam, Bandit, and I were at the Four Seasons Mall. It was an hour out of town, and we generally only came here on special occasions, when we couldn't pick up what we wanted in our local stores. Sam and I liked to do our clothes shopping here as there was so much more variety, also bonus, there was a Starbucks! I guess this trip was her way of apologizing to me because it certainly hadn't been planned.
On the drive here, Sam had tried to make basic chit chat, and I had responded, not because I was particularly interested in what she had to say but because I wanted her to know that I wasn't mad at her anymore. I had gotten over the initial shock of seeing my mom and though we'd only spoken a little on the porch, some of my bitterness had faded. I was relieved to see that she and Sully also seemed to have fixed whatever issue had been going on between them, or at least they were pretending to in front of me. They seemed almost normal. I say seemed because it was all a little forced.
The bright colors and sounds of the mall were blinding. I couldn't get used to the sudden noise as chatter and music exploded in my ears. Although I had come from New York which was so much louder with its sirens and traffic, Montpelier was only a small town with just 10 or so shops on its high street. Noise to me nowadays was an owl hooting outside my window at night.
We made a beeline for the pet store, which was around ten times bigger than the one back home. We always came here first, to allow Bandit to choose a toy for himself. It was here where he had picked up his Frumpy Rabbit. Sully went to the same section where we had found Bandit’s though all the rabbits were sold out, there were only cats and fish left. He picked up a cat to show Bandit.
"This is to replace the one Pixie destroyed. And let’s get her a fish so she can have one of her own," he said to him. He probably expected Bandit to agree but he only whined instead. We grabbed basic provisions for the dogs before the three of us went into a J.C. Penny's. Fall was approaching and with it, the air had become distinctively cooler. I needed a few sweaters so I grabbed some that were on sale and paid for them with my allowance. Sully and Sam had gone off to get him a new phone since his old one was still not working. It was hugely frustrating for him as he was desperate to show us that phone message.
When I was done, I finally found them wandering around in the baby section. Holding onto a baby grow, Sam's eyes had misted over and she was smiling at Sully. The weariness he had been wearing for days left and he too seemed suddenly wistful. And the thought hit me like a punch in the gut.
They wanted a baby.
I felt shaken to the core. Why had I never considered this before? Now that they were getting married a baby was obviously in their future. For some reason, the thought filled me with dread. I was happy with the way things were, I didn't need a screaming baby in the picture, and I was ashamed to admit that I was afraid. If they had their own child would they still want me? Especially now my mom had turned up.
I must have moved and caught Sam's attention because her eyes suddenly drifted over to me. She set down the baby growth and smiled at me. "Hey Chase, you done?"
"Yeah," I said. "What’re you guys looking at?"
"Nothing," Sully said. "Just looking."
He tried not to make a thing of it but I could see he was caught out. "I'm parched, let's go get a Frappuccino.”
Ordinarily, I would have whooped at the thought of that sweet and creamy coffee goodness.
As it was, I silently followed them as I felt like my whole world was falling down.
44
Sully
We came back from the shopping trip with Sam happy, feeling that she had mended some of her issues with Chase, but I still had residual issues I needed to face. The visit from Chase’s mom had left me on an uneven keel that even now, hours later, I was still reeling from.
Alone in our bedroom, I could hear Sam and the others cooking in the kitchen. They had only just started but Sam was determined to make her infamous lasagna tonight. It was a favorite of all of ours; she had gotten it from a celebrity chef’s recipe book. From start to finish, the entire process took three-and-a-half hours but it was well worth it. I excused myself from kitchen duty but the others didn't seem to mind, knowing I had things on my mind.
I shut the door. My laptop sat as it always did on a small desk by the window with a view looking out across the fields of green. I pulled the chair away from the desk, sat down, and turned on the laptop. Since my visit to the deputy's office, I had tried my best to not think about the messages I had received from beyond the grave. Though I had done a pretty good job not speaking about it to anyone, every night when my head hit that pillow and I closed my eyes, the words would appear one-by-one searing into my eyelids, followed by an image of that hair clip.
I was back to not sleeping again.
More than anything, I wished I could go for a night run but I knew Sam would know what was bothering me if I did, and I couldn’t stomach another fight with her. I’d been wanting some time when I could collate my thoughts, but now that I was finally alone, I found they were a mess.
Sighing, I activated Google. Almost without my meaning to I typed in “possible reasons f
or a disturbed grave”. I wasn’t expecting to find much, but several hits came up. There was a report from the UK, of badgers, digging around a cemetery who accidentally unearthed human remains. I guess an animal could have dislodged dirt on Emma’s grave, like Sam had mentioned, but that wouldn’t explain the clip or the text. Other reports talked of grave robbing and superstitious beliefs. Another mentioned the retrieval of mementos buried with the body. Frankly, the longer I read, the more the possibilities grew even more far-fetched. I probably should have stopped when a related article of people seemingly coming back from the dead was suggested to me, but I was too far gone and had to see this thing through. Of course, I knew how crazy that sounded but I was living with a super intelligent dog so I was willing to suspend some disbelief.
I found some fifty or so cases of people who were declared dead only to spring back to life — sometimes in their own graves, other times in the morgue — the stories were unbelievable but apparently true. I found myself rereading one account in particular, of a woman who had died of cancer only to come back to life inside her coffin after being buried. Passer-bys had heard her screams, but by the time she was rescued, she had died of suffocation. Every case had a similar fact, one that I couldn’t hide away from — the survivors were all recently declared dead. Unsurprisingly, I could not find stories of people waking up from the dead a year later.