by Ho, Jo
I could see in Sam's eyes, in the way that she had become so gentle with me of late, that she was treating me with kid gloves and it infuriated me. I wasn't going insane, and I was determined to prove it. For the millionth time, I glanced at my new phone hoping for a missed call or message from Brad — who I’d given my new number to almost the second that I’d activated the phone — but the screen stayed stubbornly blank. I carried on with my research, finding more and more elaborate tales of ordinary people coming back from the dead.
I had no idea how long I had been reading. My mind was agog with facts and possibilities but I hadn't come up with any concrete evidence that would help explain my situation. I was still researching when there came a knock on the door followed by Sam's appearance. Seeing that I was hunched over the computer, Sam looked surprised.
"I thought you were napping?"
Quickly I exited Google and closed the laptop. "No, just needed some alone time. Wanted to process today is all.”
She looked over my shoulder at the laptop. "What have you been up to?”
I ran my hand through my hair trying to keep as natural as possible. "Nothing much, just seeing what I could find out about Chase’s mom.”
Sam looked surprised. "You know I ran a check on her before I called right? But there was nothing of interest, nothing that we didn't already know."
"I figured as much still, no harm in trying."
I stood up and tucked the chair back under the desk then made my way over to her, sniffing the air appreciatively. "Thanks for cooking tonight."
"Sure. Dinner is ready."
"Okay," I agreed and went past her to the kitchen, relieved that she wasn’t going to plague me with many more questions.
45
Sam
Sam watched Sully walk down the hall, but she didn't follow him.
Despite how the air smelt so tantalizingly of her food, Sam found herself without much appetite and wasn’t in any hurry to eat. She waited until he disappeared around a corner before going into the bedroom.
When Sam had appeared at the door, she'd seen how quickly Sully had snapped the laptop shut. She recognized that guilty expression on his face; it was the same one her perps wore whenever she’d catch them in an embarrassing act. All Sam wanted now was to see what Sully had been up to for the past few hours.
She opened his laptop and looked through the recent hits. Seeing the hundreds of searches he had made in the past few hours, Sam felt a mixture of fear and anger. They had talked about this. She thought he was over the Emma-texting-from-the-grave-scenario, but clearly, he had been lying to her.
Feeling duped but knowing now wasn't the time to bring this up, Sam went to the kitchen where she sat down at her place at the table. She tried her best to seem normal, especially for Chase’s sake — God knows the girl had been through enough today — but the only way she could get through the meal without exploding was by not looking at Sully. She felt so betrayed, so hurt, she could not look him in the face.
Sully, for his part, didn’t notice or was dealing with unresolved issues of his own. He made appreciative sounds over his food but didn’t say much otherwise. In fact, they were all quieter than usual.
Looking at Sully over the top of her glass of water, Sam steeled herself for what was to come.
Tonight Sam thought.
Tonight she would resolve this once and for all.
46
Sully
Dinner went down like a pile of rocks.
Despite this being a favorite meal, the pasta clung to my throat, and I found it difficult to swallow. Even the spicy tomato sauce that usually had my tastebuds doing a dance seemed overly sweet tonight, giving it a sickly taste. As Sam had spent three hours in the kitchen making this, I did my best for her benefit, but I was pretty sure she could see through my act. Even Chase, who was usually able to eat anything, spent most of the meal pushing the food around her plate.
To think it was only three days ago when everything was fine.
If Zeb noticed our moods, he didn't show it, keeping up a decent level of conversation. He even mentioned Chase’s mom. While he didn't go as far as to say she seemed nice, he managed to convey that he didn't find her a monster either. Gideon, however, could not be swayed. He didn't like her and made no qualms about it. He didn't believe people could change and there was nothing any of us could say that would make him think differently.
Picking up on our vibes, Bandit had spent the entire meal under the dining table running between each of us, pressing his nose into our hands. He was doing the rounds to check on us, making sure we were all okay. Poor thing was working overtime. Pixie, who had still not warmed to him, stayed in the den while we ate. Gideon wasn't happy with this arrangement as he wanted Pixie with us at all times but I explained that it was better to let her have some space so she could come to us of her own accord.
I took a sip of my water and noticed that Sam was watching me. When I caught her eyes, however, she looked away from me. I knew from experience this wasn't a good sign. Something was up and I didn't think it was the visit we had had from Chase’s mom.
When the meal was finally, blessedly over, I went to do the dishes as was normal whenever Sam cooked, however, tonight she came up beside me as I was setting the dishes in the sink.
"Hey, you think we could chat about something?" It wasn't really a question and her tone implied that.
"Sure," I said. I tapped Gideon on the shoulder. "Can you guys finish up here?"
Gideon shot me a long-suffering look. "Oh, I see what's going on here. Eat and run. That’s nice.”
I gave him a distracted smile. "“You know me." But my eyes were already following Sam, who was heading into our bedroom. I went after her, dragging my feet a little. A sixth sense told me I was about to get a scalding and I wasn’t looking forward to it.
A few seconds later I joined her in the room. "What's up?" I asked.
"Can you close the door behind you?" she replied.
I did as requested and went to join her on the bed where she was sitting. She turned to me, eyes searching my face.
"Sully, I’m not sure how else to say this so I’m just going to come out and say it. I need you to be silent and just listen to me, okay?"
Baffled by what was happening, I nodded.
"I know you've been keeping things from me. Ever since the day you visited Emma's grave you have not been the same. Now, I know you said you received a text message from her phone but there isn't any proof of that, however, despite how you were behaving I was willing to let things lie, but you're still fixated on this thing and I think it's a really big problem."
I was actually relieved she was bringing this up. The two of us had been tiptoeing around each other for days now and the pressure had been mounting. Now at least we could talk about this.
"I didn't mean to keep things from you but I know how crazy it sounds. I knew you didn't believe me. I was just trying to find some proof that I could show you or at least an explanation for what might have happened."
She didn’t answer, moving instead to her bag which hung on a hook on the wall. She took something out of it, a sheet of paper.
"The thing is, I know that's not all you did. You went behind my back and asked my deputy for help."
"Well, he wasn't supposed to tell you that." I couldn't help feeling angered by Brad’s betrayal. So this was why he hadn’t called back, the little snitch.
"He didn't. He covered for you but I figured things out when Lana mentioned you had dropped by.”
Of course, Lana and her big mouth. I should have known.
"What were you thinking Sully, dragging them into your madness?"
My eyes hardened. "So you finally admit you don't believe me?"
She threw up her hands exasperated. "How am I supposed to believe you, do you know how this sounds? You passed out on her grave, Sully! She’s dead! How can you keep ignoring this fact? Have you any idea how scared Chase was when she found you?"
"You don't get to ask me that. I know better than anyone how Chase feels."
"That's crap and you know it. You've been so fixated on that supposed text you've barely been there for her at all."
“What about that clip then? That’s something, but you keep conveniently ignoring that!” I didn’t want to sound like a jerk, but she was getting me riled up something fierce.
She laid the piece of paper she had fished out of her bag onto the bed. The logo across the header announced it as a forensics lab in Baltimore. Brad’s friend must have come good after all. I raked my eyes over the page, but the results were as good as gobbledygook. It made no sense at all.
“What does it say?”
“It says that the blood is inconclusive as it is more than two days old,” Sam replied. “For the study Brad mentioned to work, the blood needs to be fresh. What it did reveal is that the owner of the blood was a woman with an ‘O’ blood type.”
“That was Emma’s blood type!” I said excitedly, more loudly than I had intended to.
“So does something like forty-seven percent of the world, Sully. It’s the most common blood-type there is,” she answered warily.
“You’re going to find fault with whatever I say, aren’t you?” I shot at her, at my wit’s end. “Fine, the clip is inconclusive. I don't know how many times I have to explain it to you, but that text was real. The message was real. I actually think the bigger problem is how you won't believe me.”
Sam opened her mouth to argue then must have thought better of it as she stayed quiet. Suddenly her eyes teared up, and she looked at me, broken.
"The problem isn't whether or not the text is real. The problem is you're still hung up over your dead wife and you are not ready to marry me."
I scowled, wondering where she was getting this from. "“No, that's not what's happening here."
She nodded fiercely. "Yes, it is. You think it's a coincidence that this all started after we decided to get married? We were fine, then you proposed, and I said yes. All this started happening immediately after."
“It started happening because we went back so I could tell my friends of our good news. I went back to make peace with the dead as you damn well know. If anything, this should prove how much I love you, how ready I am to get married."
She shook her head at me sadly. "I really think you believe that."
"I do," I said emphatically.
"Then you need to do something for me. You need to see someone."
"You mean, like a shrink?" I asked, incredulous. She nodded. "No way am I seeing some quack."
Sam jumped onto her feet, suddenly furious. "Then you obviously don't care about this as much as you say you do."
With that she stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her.
47
Chase
I had just finished the dishes and was going to my room when I saw Sam heading out of their bedroom and into the back porch. She sat on the swing, looking lost and alone, while Sully sat on the edge of the bed not faring much better.
I'd been meaning to talk to him all day but there never seemed to be a chance. My head was a whirlwind of emotions and I didn't know what to do with my mom. I really needed Sully’s help, so I was relieved to find him finally alone. I went up to him and knocked on the door
“Sul?” I said.
He looked up at me but didn't say anything so I continued. "I kind of need to talk to you." But Sully wasn't really looking at me. He stared past me, his eyes dazed.
"Sully?" I asked again.
"Yeah," he answered distracted. "What did you wanna talk about?"
Although he had asked me the question, I could see his heart and attention wasn't in it. Whatever was going on between him and Sam had taken everything he had. There was no point talking to him now, that much was obvious, so I just shrugged. "You know what? It can wait.”
He finally looked at me. "You sure?" He couldn't hide the hopefulness in his voice. Knowing he couldn’t wait to get rid of me, I felt an insecure pang in my chest.
"Yeah. I'll find you later," I said already backing away. Sully didn't even respond, thoughts already somewhere else.
I went out to the front yard and found myself walking towards the vegetable plot. Tending to it had become one of my responsibilities since Gideon now worked at Warrey’s most of the time. Originally Zeb’s pride and joy, he now relied on us to look after the upkeep as he couldn’t do it easily from his wheelchair. We had planted some cool weather loving veggies a little while back so now our patch was thriving with kale, spinach, peas, and beets. Seeing some weeds sprouting up between the radishes, I knelt down onto the grass and absently began to pluck them. I was so focused on the task at hand I didn’t hear the whir of Zeb’s wheelchair until he was almost upon me.
“I was just coming out here to check on the plot myself. How is it looking?”
“Good. I’m getting rid of the few weeds that seemed to have grown overnight.”
He wheeled to a stop opposite me. “That’s the thing with weeds, leave them alone for just a second and they grow back, bigger and stronger than ever. It’s the way with most unwanted things, unfortunately. That is why it is best to cull them before the unwanted effect takes root.”
I stopped to look at him, wondering if he had a second meaning, but I couldn’t tell by his face.
“How are you coping anyway, Chase? Lots going on today.”
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak straight away. With horror, I found that my eyes were tearing up, and I had no idea why. I focused on the weeds as if there were suddenly something of the utmost importance tangled inside them. I took a breath, then when I spoke again, I was relieved to find my voice held steady.
“I don’t know how to feel. I’ve been so angry with my mom, you know? But then she turns up, looking so unthreatening, so pathetic that I almost feel sorry for her, which then makes me furious! I mean, how can I feel sorry for her after all the things she’s done? The things she allowed Tubs to do?”
I fell silent then, done with my enraged outburst. Zeb surprised me by taking it all in his stride. “You feel sorry for her precisely because she is a pathetic person. She has been with an abusive drunk for years, letting him berate not only you but her. All that time spent with him would have eroded any confidence that she had. She is only a husk of a person now, but you, you are kind and strong and loving, despite what she has done to you. You should feel proud of yourself for being that way, Chase. You know better even when your own mother doesn’t. That takes real character.”
I blinked back my tears, touched by his words.
“You shouldn’t worry about how you are feeling. It is what it is. You are going through what you need to in order to get to the other side. The only thing you need to remember is that you are not alone. We are all here for you. Got that?” he grinned, suddenly.
I smiled, unable to be miserable any longer
“There you go, there’s that smile. Gideon thinks you’re pretty when you smile, did you know that?”
“What?” I managed to blurt out ungraciously.
“It’s true, he told me,” Zeb said. Smiling wickedly, he winked at me then headed back into the ranch leaving me wondering at what he meant by that last comment.
48
Bandit
No matter where he went, the air was filled with tension.
Dinner was usually the happiest time for Bandit, but tonight he had exhausted himself from constantly having to check up on everyone. Though nobody said anything, Bandit knew they were all desperately unhappy. He could smell their misery like it was a dirty pair of Gideon’s socks.
Chase had been very quiet since the visit from her mother. She had already explained about her past so Bandit knew Chase was very confused over her mother’s appearance. Wanting to cheer her up, Bandit went to his bed and fetched Frumpy Rabbit meaning to give it to Chase to cuddle. Maybe if she had Frumpy she wouldn’t be so sad. He had it in his mouth when he suddenly smel
t Pixie’s undeniable scent behind him. He spun around to find the other dog standing in the doorway. She didn't do anything, just stared at him, in that unnerving way of hers. Bandit sniffed the air once again, not liking her smell. He didn't know what it was that disturbed him, but something about it wasn't right. He wished that the others would believe him even though Bandit wasn't able to explain it himself.
He whined at the other dog now hoping that she would speak to him. Back where he was from, he was always able to get along with the other dogs. They knew he was special, and though he hardly ever saw them, on the odd occasion when he did, they would clamor around him, wanting his favor, so Pixie’s dislike of him was extreme. The other dog kept staring at him eerily. She didn’t blink or move until Bandit found himself suddenly afraid. If she didn’t move away from the doorway, he was trapped in this room.
He whined, wagging his tail at her in a show of friendship. He was hoping the gesture would be echoed, but Pixie’s tail stayed frozen like the rest of her. Suddenly there came a low growl in her throat. Pixie flattened her ears on top of her head and bared her teeth at him. She took one step towards him into the room.
Bandit stopped wagging his tail. He stood frozen, worried, and concerned, as Pixie advanced snarling and growling threateningly. Bandit dropped his toy and braced himself. Everything about her screamed danger. Though he hadn't done anything to cause her to become so angry, Bandit knew that Pixie was seconds away from attacking him.
The other dog advanced, getting closer and closer, until she was within leaping distance of Bandit. Feeling suddenly territorial, Bandit bared his own teeth in warning. Though he didn’t like to fight, it didn’t mean he wouldn’t protect his home if push came to shove. This was his special space that he shared with Chase, and Pixie had to learn that she couldn’t bully him away from it.