by KB Winters
“Is it mine?”
I wanted to scream at him for asking that question, but I held my anger back and tried to see things from his perspective for once. I had been selfishly considering only my thoughts and feelings for far too long.
“Yes.”
Cole looked up at my answer, his grey eyes murky and unsure. “Are you positive the baby is mine?”
I swallowed thickly and spread my arms. “There’s been no one else—only you.”
He closed his eyes at my answer and I stood still as I saw him take several deep breaths in and out. My body was practically trembling with the need to run away and hide from this conversation, but I forced myself to wait patiently for him to speak. When his eyes opened again, they looked determined and I wondered what exactly he’d decided.
“I know that this isn’t what you wanted or planned for, but…I’ll pay anything and everything you need if you’ll just…” His voice trailed off and I frowned. I didn’t understand what he was trying to say. “I know you don’t want to be with me and I’ll respect that. I’ll promise to take care of him or her and never ask you for anything ever again.”
I blinked trying to process his words. “Are you, what are you saying right now?”
Cole stood up from the couch and walked over to me. He stopped a few feet away and made a motion as if he were going to reach out a hand and then decided against it. “It’s a big thing to ask of you, I know, but I promise you won’t have to lift a finger for anything and when the baby is born, we’ll get out of your hair.”
His words finally lined up in my head. “Wait, what? Cole, I’m not having an abortion.” My volume rose as I finally comprehended what he was trying poorly to say. “I believe in the right to choose, but I wasn’t planning on having one myself for Christ’s sake!”
He winced before holding his hands up. “Okay, thank God. That’s good.”
“Geezus,” I huffed. I walked around the coffee table and collapsed down onto the couch. Cole quickly followed, sitting closely beside me. “Why would you think that—?”
“I didn’t—I mean…I wasn’t sure, Savannah. I didn’t exactly get a chance to ask you anything before you passed out.”
This time I winced. “Sorry about that. I haven’t been feeling the best lately.”
Cole nodded. “It can happen when you’re pregnant. You should probably eat something too.” He stood up abruptly, and I had to crane my head back just to maintain eye contact. “I can make you something to eat if you have some food in the kitchen.”
I stared at him, totally confused as to how we had gotten to this moment. A part of me wanted to kick him out, but an even larger part of me wanted him to stay. “Why did you come back?”
He sighed softly before sitting back down beside me. Cole put a hand over mine as if he needed to touch me and reassure himself that I was there. His warmth was familiar, and I turned my hand around to tangle our fingers together. He looked down, expression shocked before looking back up at me. I lifted my eyebrows prompting him to answer my question.
“I came back because I just couldn’t stand the way things ended with us.”
This time it was me who sighed. “The way things ended wasn’t your fault, remember?”
He gave me a small sad smile. “I remember. I remember me surprising you with my new job and then abruptly asking you to leave your whole life behind and come with me.”
“You remember me running and hiding in the bathroom like a coward then too, right?”
Cole’s hand squeezed mine. “I remember me not trying to stop you.” His voice grew quiet. “I remember putting my clothes on and leaving instead of trying to talk to you and understand why you were so afraid. It was a big thing to ask, Savannah. Not only was I asking you to leave your job, friends, and family, I was also asking you to move in with me and my baggage.”
I shook my head. “You don’t have—”
“Savannah, I have a chronically ill mother who is in constant pain unless heavily medicated, and a teenage sister who broke some kid’s nose because he looked at her the wrong way.”
“I reviewed the CCTV footage, your sister didn’t do it on purpose, the boy really did run into her fist.”
“Regardless,” Cole continued. “I have a lot of things going on in my life and asking you to be a part of it with no notice wasn’t fair to you at all. I should have told you that I applied for the job after we got together so both of us could have been prepared.”
His words were true, I should have had more time, but still... “I shouldn’t have run away and hidden in the bathroom though. I should have explained more how I felt.”
He nodded. “Fine, I’ll concede that point. Both of us weren’t thinking clearly and obviously we both need to work on communication, but I just had to come back and see you.”
I had to fight against my need to hide myself away. Being vulnerable was always terrifying, but appearing strong and escaping hurt had obviously not been working for either of us, and to keep going about things in the same way would no doubt yield similar results. I was tired, and now with this baby, I knew I needed to work on not running when things got uncomfortable.
“I missed you.” The words were quiet, but to me it felt as loud as if I’d yelled them. I could tell by Cole’s response that he hadn’t expected them at all and something in me broke. “I missed you so fucking much, and I hated myself for hiding away and not answering your call. Every day I looked at my phone and berated myself for being such a stupid coward for letting you go.”
“So why did you?” Cole asked. His tone wasn’t at all accusative, only curious. “Why didn’t you call me back?”
“I didn’t know what to say,” I replied, honestly. “After my ex, I vowed to do things my way and not be caught vulnerable like that again, but it backfired the night I met you. You weren’t at all like I was expecting, and you challenged me.”
Cole brought one of my hands up and kissed the back of it. The feeling of his lips on my skin made me shiver. “That’s probably what drew me to you as well.”
“What? Me being a difficult person?” I joked.
“No. You knowing what you want and doing everything you can until you get it. I like that you’re feisty—”
“Oh, that’s what they’re calling it these days?”
“—and I like that you’re strong,” Cole continued with a smile. “We both have some baggage, but nothing insurmountable.”
I smiled back at him leaning closer. “What are we going to do about our living situation though? I won’t be able to convince another school to give me a chance, especially since I’ll end up going on maternity leave soon after.”
“Well, that’s really up to you, baby.”
I pulled back to look at him. “You don’t want me to move in with you any more?” My heartbeat faltered at the thought.
“No,” Cole exclaimed. He dropped my hand and reached up to cup my cheeks in his palm. “Don’t get me wrong. I want you to move in with me. I would love nothing more than to wake up every day with you beside me, and I think you’d be pleasantly surprised by how much Candice misses you.”
“She does?” That was news to me. I knew most of my students liked me, but I had no idea I’d be thought of after they’d left my school.
Cole’s smile was wide. “She does. She said you two had a good talk and you gave her advice without making it seem like you were talking down to her.”
“Oh,” I breathed out, pleased to hear that. It wasn’t a lie. I was truly happy to know that Cole’s sister liked me at least a little bit, but it didn’t change the facts. “So what are we going to do about the distance?” I asked. I couldn’t imagine being away from Cole, especially not while being pregnant, but I also knew that we had to be realistic. I couldn’t just up and leave my job with no notice. Burning bridges in the education world was akin to career suicide. “As much as I want to pack up and go now…”
“I know,” Cole replied when my words trailed off. “I know
how important your career is to you, and I’d never ask you to give it up. I just want you to be happy.”
I nodded, grateful that Cole understood how much having a career meant to me. Still, it left us both in a bit of a pickle in terms of our relationship. “I want you to be happy as well.” Cole pulled me into his embrace and I fell into it without a thought. I took comfort from him even as I felt his arms tighten around me. It was at that moment that I realized I wasn’t the only one drawing comfort from our embrace. Cole was a tall, muscular man with an intimidating face and a presence that screamed fuck off at times, but in that moment, I saw a vulnerable side of him. It was then that I knew I wasn’t the only one who really wanted this to work.
My ex had made it hard for me to trust other men, and I’d always thought being in control would keep me from being hurt again like that—but I quickly realized there was a big difference between being cautious and being closed off. I didn’t want to look back at my life and regret my choices. What I felt when I was with Cole was different from anything else I’d ever felt before. I didn’t know if we would last forever—but I knew I would always regret not giving us a real chance.
Still, there was one more thing to consider. “What does your mom think about all of this?” It was strange to be asking about a woman I’d never even met.
“Well, she knows that you make me happy—happier than I’ve been in a long time.” I smiled at that, but stayed quiet as he continued. “She also knows that I asked you to move in and she bitched at me pretty good about that one.”
I could feel the smile melt off my face when I heard that. I shouldn’t be surprised at all, but the thought that Cole’s mom wasn’t happy about me moving in with him definitely put a wrench in the plan I’d been forming in my head. “Oh, I…I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. It’s not like we’ve known each other all that long after all.” I moved to pull away from his embrace. “We should definitely consider how your mom feels, especially in her condition and—”
“No, no baby, don’t get the wrong idea.” Cole let me pull back, but his grip halted me from pulling completely away. I looked up at him, my face surely showcasing a myriad of emotions. “My mom wants you to move in with me, especially since she’s moving out.”
I blinked confused at what I was hearing. “Moving out? But…why? I thought you said she had and incurable disease and needed constant help just to make it through the day.”
“She does have a disease and there isn’t a cure for it,” Cole confirmed. “However, there are many treatments and one in particular, psychotherapy, combined with certain drugs has lessened her pain for the past few weeks. It’s amazing to see her go hours without wincing in pain and I know she’s hopeful that one day she can go pain free most of the time. But even more importantly, I think she’s tired of depending on me.” He sighed and ran his hand through his blonde hair. “She qualified for a home care nurse and wants to give moving out on her own a real try. Candice will still live with her and they won’t be moving far away from me, but both she and my mom are excited.”
“I…” My words ran out and I tried to come up with something to say. “But you can’t let her, Cole. She needs you too much—both of them need you too much.”
He nodded sadly in agreement. “Baby, like you, my mother is an incredibly strong-willed woman who, despite her ailment, is equipped with a mean right hook. I seriously doubt I could stop her from doing anything.”
I was flattered at being compared to his mother in such a positive way, but I was still worried that the want of my presence was pushing out an important member of Cole’s family.
“I can see you thinking something and I know it’s not good.”
I looked up at him with a worried expression. “I just don’t want you to think that you have to get rid of your family just to be with me. That’s not what I want at all.”
Cole chuckled. “Baby, if I thought you were trying to push my family out, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation because I’d never let that happen.” He squeezed my arms before his hands covered mine again. “My family is the most important thing to me, and I would never let anyone hurt them, and you’re not. You aren’t a mean person, nor are you one to just push someone’s family out of their life. Things change. people change and move on. My mom was the one to bring up moving and that was without her even knowing about how serious I am about you.”
“How do you know?” I asked. “How do you really know that I’m a nice person?” I pulled my hands away from his and stood up. “I pushed you away multiple times. I ignored your phone call even after promising to communicate better. How do you know I won’t just do it all again?”
Cole looked up at me with a calm expression. I didn’t understand how he could be so unruffled when I was practically quaking with my feelings.
“I don’t.”
That was not the answer I expected, and my shocked expression must have shown that perfectly. He stood up and looked down at me earnestly. “I don’t know if we’ll last forever. I don’t know if our communication will break down again, forcing one of us to chase after the other. Life is unpredictable that way.”
“Then how can you want to try again?” I just didn’t get it. Why was Cole so eager to put his heart on the line for me?
“Because I’m falling for you, and I know that even though you are terrified at being hurt again, you are falling for me, too.”
I swallowed against the terror I felt at having my feelings so easily known, and yet hearing Cole say that he knew how I felt was a bit of a relief. “I’m afraid you’ll hurt me, or I’ll hurt you.”
He stepped forward and placed his hands on my shoulders. I forced myself to meet his grey gaze. “I’m willing to take that chance for a shot at happiness…with you.”
“Cole,” I whispered, my gaze going watery with tears threatening to fall. How could I say no to him? Did I really want to deny myself a shot at happiness just because I was afraid? My fears hadn’t led to anything other than being alone and envious of people like Kelly who’d found their own person to love and be loved by in return. What I had seen between Kelly and her husband, Cliff, was real love—the type of love that could get through infertility and heartache. It was the type of love I’d always thought I’d found with my ex, and it was the type of love Cole was offering now. “I want to take that chance too.”
“…Really?” He sounded shocked and I gave him a small smile at the unrestrained look of joy on his face. “You want to take a chance and be with me?”
The shocked tone of his voice made me giggle as I nodded vigorously. “Of course, with you.”
“Oh my god, baby!” Cole leaned over placing kisses on my face and forehead as I giggled at his reaction. “You have just made me the happiest fucking man alive.” He placed more smacking kisses to my cheeks, and I reached up to grip his shirt.
“Well that’s good. It’ll make things easier when I move in then.”
He nodded. “Yeah, that’s true—wait, you’re going to move in with me?”
“Well, I don’t want to raise this baby alone, and I don’t want to be separated from you for too long. I think if I start looking now, I might be able to secure a principal position for the following school year which should start about three months after the baby is born.” My voice rose into a shriek as Cole pulled me up and into his arms. I laughed as he spun me around, his face split with a blinding grin. His grey eyes twinkled and I didn’t even try to fight my desire to kiss him.
Our mouths met in a soft, sweet kiss. It was as if we were both apologizing for our distance. “Are you sure about this?” Cole asked when our lips parted. “I don’t want you to do this just because of the baby. Regardless of whether you move in with me or not—I will always take care of both of you.”
“Why do you keep trying to convince me not to be with you?” I joked. When he set me down, I put my hands on my hips. “Do you not really want me to come?”
“Oh no, no take backs.” Cole gathere
d me close again. He leaned his head down until our foreheads rested against one another. “I want you however I can get you.”
I smirked. “Oh? Is that so?” I reached up and gripped the back of his neck, pulling him down again and slipping my tongue between his parted lips. The groan that echoed against my lips made me shiver with pleasure, and I loved that I could affect him so strongly. Cole’s hands slid down my sides igniting my sensitive skin, and I moaned softly. His hands slid around until they both gripped my ass and pulled me up against him. I loved how he could so easily take my weight, and my soft moan rose in pitch. I wrapped my legs around Cole’s hips, grunting at the feeling of power in his frame. My sweat pants were loose enough to stretch easily, and I swore I could feel the heat practically radiating from his groin. I wanted that heat all over and inside of me.
“You know,” Cole said pulling back slightly as we both worked to catch our breath. “They say that pregnant women are much hornier with all of the hormones going through them. Any truth to that?”
I smirked before rolling my hips against him. Cole let out a soft grunt as his grip on my ass tightened slightly. The feeling of his hardness rubbing so close to my cunt was exhilarating, and I tilted my head back slightly as I let out a breathy sigh. When Cole’s lips slid over my jaw and down my chin, I whispered his name and held on tightly. The feeling of his teeth pressing softly against my pulse was enough to make me whimper, and I didn’t even bother to stop him when his lips started sucking hard enough to leave a bruise. I wanted everyone to see it and know that I was taken. I whimpered and arched my back as much as possible, gasping Cole’s name and begging him for more than just a tease.
“I suppose we’ll find out,” I gasped out as his lips and teeth moved to the other side of my neck. For my part, I held on tightly and just let myself enjoy the feelings his actions elicited. Soon though, it wasn’t enough and I knew we needed to move things to the bedroom as I had no desire to be taken on the hardwood floor. “Let’s move this to the bedroom,Cole.”