Don't Try This at Home

by Ellee Hill

  “Knew you’d taste good, but I want to….” Shane pushed Kyle against the counter and stared at him for a moment, his glistening, red lips tilted into a smirk. “Chase the taste.”

  “Chase the—” Kyle stopped breathing when Shane dropped to his knees, hands busy getting Kyle’s jeans open. “Oh God, that’s corny, but don’t stop.”

  Shane nipped at Kyle’s hip. “Shut up, Kyle.”

  Kyle’s laughter dissolved into a long sigh as Shane took the tip of him into his mouth, teasing him with flicks of his tongue. Kyle gripped the edge of the counter so he wouldn’t just grab Shane’s head and go for it. When Shane took him in deep, Kyle had to lock his knees, and he prayed to the gods of orgasms that he could hold off longer than the two-point-two seconds he figured he was good for.

  It really had been a while, and Shane was very good.

  “This is going to be over in—”

  Shane pulled off, noisy and wet, grinning up at Kyle. “Not without me.” He stood up, one hand curling around Kyle’s cock, the other plucking at the button of his jeans. “Help?”

  Shaking hands were not the most dexterous, especially when one of them was injured, but Kyle was determined to get his hands on Shane’s dick, and when he did, Shane shuddered and bumped his forehead against Kyle’s. Kyle only took a moment to spit in his palm before fisting Shane’s cock, jacking him fast and hard, as he felt his orgasm building.

  “Close?” Shane was panting, and Kyle moaned his response, trying to get Shane’s mouth back on his. “I want to see it. Come on, gorgeous.”

  “I’m not….” Kyle couldn’t finish the sentence, all power of speech leaving him as he came. He buried his face against Shane’s shoulder, hiding even as he enjoyed one of the best orgasms in what seemed like forever. Best of all, it was with another person and not his hand. He was shaking, spine tingling even as it seemed to have melted away, and he slumped against Shane, forgetting about any kind of reciprocation. “Fuck.”

  “Good?”

  “God yes. I needed that.”

  “Mmm.” Shane tugged on the hairs at his neck until Kyle looked up at him through half-closed eyes. “You’re welcome.”

  Kyle grinned, his lips stretching wider when Shane gave a mini hip thrust as a hint. He looked down at his hand still loosely wrapped around Shane. “Oops.”

  Shane chuckled and kissed the top of Kyle’s head. “Wanna help a man in need?”

  Kyle decided actions would speak louder than words and folded down on his knees. It would have been a little more graceful if he hadn’t knocked his head on the counter on the way, but he was still enjoying the afterglow and pretended it didn’t happen. Besides, who cared when he was about to get his mouth on Shane’s dick? All blood-flushed and wet-tipped?

  Kyle had never been very sure of his skill at giving head, no matter how much he liked it, but he hoped the stories were true and enthusiasm truly did make up for it. Ray had always waved him away when he offered, preferring to just get to the fucking, but Kyle missed doing it, and from the way Shane was moaning, Kyle was either doing something right or—

  “Don’t. Fucking. Stop.” The hand on the back of Kyle’s head backed up the breathless demand, and Kyle would have smiled if his mouth wasn’t otherwise occupied. He rubbed his fingertips over Shane’s balls, hard and drawn up tight, and farther back, just the barest scrape of fingernail along Shane’s perineum. Shane jerked and Kyle grabbed his hips. He wanted to do it again, tease Shane into fucking his mouth, but then he was too busy swallowing and trying not to choke. He pulled off and used his hand to finish Shane off.

  “Sorry, oh fuck, that was….” Shane leaned over, elbows on the counter, head hanging. Kyle could feel him still shaking, and he tugged on his pant leg. Shane gave a huffing laugh before slowly lowering down to sit on the floor beside him. Kyle opened the middle drawer on his left and took out two dish towels. He handed one to Shane, who looked at the pink pigs staring out from the white background and shook his head before wiping at his shirt. Kyle wiped his mouth and said, “Good?”

  “Very.”

  Kyle tipped his head back too far too quickly and banged it on the cabinet door. He heard Shane sigh, but neither mentioned it. It was a strange moment, sitting there on the kitchen floor with a virtual stranger, someone he’d just had sex with after knowing him for five minutes, cocks still poking out of their jeans.

  What the fuck was he doing?

  “Did we just—”

  “Yup.”

  “And I—”

  “Oh yeah, you did.”

  Kyle inched away from Shane, who was watching him carefully. “You—need to go. Right, zip your pants up, Jesus Christ.” He struggled up and almost broke his dick trying to stuff it back into his jeans.

  “You were the one who unzipped them,” Shane said, frowning as he stood and fixed his pants. Kyle glanced down at the floor and blanched when he saw a tiny puddle of semen on the linoleum. On his mother’s kitchen floor. There was probably a special hell for guys like him who took strangers home and fucked them on their mother’s linoleum.

  “Kyle, I don’t—”

  “I have work to do. Important work, like bleaching the floor, oh my God. Please, go, just….” Kyle shoved his hands into his pocket, ignoring the small flash of pain as long as he didn’t flail around like he wanted to. “Please?”

  Shane tossed the dishtowel on the counter and crossed his arms over his chest, staring at Kyle silently until Kyle felt like his skin was on fire, before sighing. “Fine, whatever. Thanks for the blow.”

  “You’re wel—oh, shut up.”

  “You’re weird, you know that?”

  “Yes! Now, go and like, rescue some other damsel or whatever.”

  “Or whatever. Right.” Shane stopped, his hand holding the sliding glass door open. “Take care of your hand, okay? Don’t let it get infected.”

  “Oh yeah. I won’t. Thank—” The door slide firmly shut behind Shane and Kyle leaned against the counter. “You. Fuck.”

  “YOU kicked him out.” Andy’s voice over the phone spoke volumes regarding his disappointment.

  “I asked him to go.”

  “Dude, you told him to zip and go. What the hell is wrong with you?”

  Kyle groaned and stretched out on the couch, flinging an arm dramatically over his face. He was alone, and drama was necessary in this situation. “My mother baked cookies in that kitchen!”

  “Are you still in high school?”

  “Andy—”

  “Dude, you’re thirty-five, got like ten degrees—”

  “It’s a doctorate!”

  “You bought the fucking house from your parents. It’s your house, which means if you want to full-on fuck on the kitchen floor, you can!”

  Andy was right, but there was no way Kyle was going to tell his best friend since college. They’d lived together after graduating, and Andy had even helped Kyle when he’d decided he’d wanted to go back for his grad work, his goal to be a professor at the college where he’d made so many good memories. Unfortunately, there hadn’t been any openings in the English department, and he’d taken a position at the local community college instead. He’d loved it, teaching both traditional students and writing courses to adults during the summers, but after the breakup with Ray, moving back in with Andy just hadn’t seemed like an option.

  When Kyle’s parents had finally decided to stop with the snowbird routine, sell the house, and live in Florida full-time, he’d paid them their asking price—over their arguments that he just “take the house”—and moved back home. Four states and six hours gave him the air to breathe without Ray around, but was entirely too far from Andy.

  “This is about Ray, isn’t it?”

  “No!” He hadn’t even been thinking about Ray when he was with Shane, had he? Kyle sat up and tiredly scrubbed a hand over his face.

  “Oh yeah it is. You have got to get over him.”

  “I am over him, I just don’t think blowing some random guy
in my mother’s kitchen is the best way to do it!”

  “Kyle, that’s the perfect way. Actually, I think you should find this guy—”

  “Shane.”

  “Shane, hot neighbor that you’ve been drooling over for two weeks, and tell him you’re available for sex whenever he wants.”

  “I’m not a slut.”

  “Well, you should be. You’ve got like that whole blond, doe-eyed, adorable klutz thing going on. Makes guys crazy. Use it. Let him fuck the thought of Ray right out of you, then move on and find something more… permanent.”

  “Use Shane? Then what? Tell him to zip and go?” That seemed like a shitty thing to do. Again. As bad as finding out your boyfriend didn’t understand the meaning of monogamy. Shane had been so nice to him, and while quick, the sex had been pretty hot.

  “Kyle, I love you, but it has been almost a year since Ray, and you said you’d get back to dating once you moved, remember? I mean, the guy was an asshole, but not worth all of this. Go bake a fucking pie or something and bring it over to Shane. Apologize, then ask him what he wants to eat more.”

  “I can’t bake.”

  “Then go buy one. Whatever gets you over there.”

  “Why didn’t we ever fall in love and adopt babies?”

  “Because I’m too good for you.”

  “Oh, right.”

  KYLE spent the next three days obsessing over what to do about Shane. He should have been preparing for starting at his new job at the small private school his parents had always wanted to send him to when he was a kid but hadn’t been able to afford. He was still holding out high hopes for finding a position at a college nearby, but the pay at Montford Academy was more than he’d made at the community college, so he wasn’t complaining.

  The day after his ladder humiliation and kitchen sexcapades, he saw Shane’s truck leave for parts unknown down the street and hightailed it over to Mrs. DeAngelo’s house to get the dirt on Shane. It was only fair, since Shane had gotten the grand highlights version of his own life before they’d even met.

  Over very good coffee and very bad shortbread cookies, Kyle learned that Shane worked as a bouncer at a club in town at night, was restoring a 1970 Chevelle SS he kept safely in his garage, and had no problem telling Mrs. DeAngelo he was gay when she asked if he was married. And he’d been more than interested when she’d mentioned that Kyle was gay.

  She’d giggled over Kyle’s blush, actually giggled, and began teasing him for having “such a handsome admirer.” He’d always been fond of Mrs. DeAngelo; she’d never been anything but nice to him, even after he came out, even when there had been some problems with a few people in the neighborhood until he’d left for college. He was grateful for her open-minded attitude, but when she patted his hand and told him he was a good boy who needed another good boy to take care of him, he knew it was time to take his flaming red face back home.

  That night, after he unwrapped the gauze around his hand, he considered what to do about Shane. The man was gorgeous, interested, and gave great head. And Kyle had tossed him out like he’d been afraid of catching cooties. Andy was right: he was acting like a confused teenager. He wasn’t about to call him and admit it, though.

  Just like he’d never confess to trying to peek through the hedges to catch a glimpse of Shane when he heard him outside cutting the grass the next afternoon.

  When he’d decided to take a drive to find something for supper, he’d seen Shane’s garage door open, a pair of jean-clad legs sticking out from underneath a gleaming, silver car. Unfortunately, the garage door was closed and the pickup was gone when Kyle returned home. He went to bed that night, jerked off to the memory of Shane’s hands on him, and fell asleep calling himself an idiot.

  “JESUS CHRIST! You’re a fucking menace, Kyle! Get out here!”

  Kyle jumped a foot and grabbed the edge of the sink, gasping in the air he lost when Shane’s yell scared the life out of him. Then the words penetrated the “what the fuck” cloud in his brain and he ran for the open sliding doors that led out to the patio where Shane was attempting to put out a fire.

  “My burgers!”

  “Your fucking briquettes,” Shane countered, once he’d gotten the flames down and could scoop the blackened pieces out of the coals and onto the plate Kyle had left on the patio table. “They fell apart, and the meat caught fire when it fell into the coals. Shit.”

  “I, uh, don’t use the barbeque often.”

  “At all.”

  Kyle threw up his hands. “Okay, fine! My father always lorded over the damned thing!”

  “Well, the king should have shown the prince how not to burn down the kingdom.”

  “How did….” Kyle looked at the hedge between their houses, knowing neither of them was tall enough to see over it.

  “Lucky for you I was looking out of the upstairs bathroom window.” Shane shook his head. “I think I’ll be chopping down that damned hedge. Just to keep an eye on you.”

  “Thank you for putting out the fire,” Kyle said, hands curled into fists at his sides. “Now go away.”

  “I don’t think so, princess. I want my reward.”

  Kyle’s face, already hot from embarrassment, felt volcanic when he realized what Shane meant. “You son of a bitch.”

  “Pot, kettle, Kyle. You sent me home before I could even bask in the fucking afterglow, for fuck’s sake.” Shane stood with his hands on his hips, eyes narrowed, a scowl darkening his handsome features.

  “Have a seat, I’ll get you a beer. You can bask under the sun,” Kyle muttered, turning on his heel and heading back inside. “And keep your pants zipped,” he called back, a noise of frustration escaping him when Shane laughed.

  THEY made sandwiches using the burger buns and added chips for a feast. Shane was on his best behavior, accepting his beer and the offer of “thank you” BLTs using the bacon left over from breakfast without even a leer in Kyle’s direction. He’d inspected the cut on Kyle’s hand, which was healing up fine and didn’t need to be covered with a bandage anymore, and declared Kyle out of danger of gangrene and losing a limb.

  Shane asked about Mrs. Contin’s gutters; Kyle confessed to hiring the paperboy to do it for twenty bucks and rolled his eyes at Shane’s laughter. “Little bastard wouldn’t take anything less. Twenty bucks!”

  It was nice; relaxing. Shane had a way of asking questions about Kyle that he found himself answering without thinking too much about it. They discovered a mutual love for mindless action flicks, but disagreed on horror films. Kyle admitted to watching cooking shows, even if he never planned on making any of it. Shane was grinning when he flicked a look at the still smoking grill and said that was probably for the best. Kyle was enjoying himself, but before he started talking about why he’d moved and Ray, he wanted to learn more about Shane.

  “So what’s your story?” Kyle asked after his second beer.

  “’Tis a sad tale,” Shane said before popping a chip in his mouth and chewing noisily. Kyle rolled his eyes.

  “Make me cry into my beer.”

  “Thirty-six, Gemini, eight inches cut—”

  “You sure about that? I’d say seven, but…” Kyle hid his grin by taking a swig of his beer.

  “It’s eight, rulers don’t lie. Kicked out of the Army for sucking cock, got a job at my buddy’s club as a bouncer. Renting this place until I find something else less suburbia.”

  “Before DADT was repealed?”

  “Yeah.” Shane frowned down at his beer, fingers picking restlessly at the label. “Second home I was kicked out of. Guy might get a complex.”

  Kyle thought about how he’d essentially done the same and guilt made him sink down in his seat. “Sorry.”

  “I was, too, for a while. Sorry fucking sack of….” Shane shrugged. “Now I’m not.”

  Kyle could see that Shane was uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was taking and decided to lighten it up again. “Now you just rescue damsels in distress?”

 
“Only the hot ones.”

  “If I wasn’t hot you’d have left me on the ladder forever?”

  Shane just grinned.

  “Good thing I meet your standards, you dick.”

  “You really do,” Shane said softly. He tilted his head back to look up at the darkening sky, and Kyle nibbled the inside of his cheek, watching him. “If I suggest going inside to watch a movie or something, with the intention of getting you naked and horizontal, will you throw me back over the hedge into my own yard?”

  “It’s….” Kyle rubbed at the back of his neck. “It’s just, I don’t do this? Fuck around in the kitchen after saying ten words to a guy.”

  “What if I use the classic yawn maneuver to get things going? I won’t even use tongue for the first five minutes.”

  Kyle snickered and got to his feet, picking up his plate and the open bag of chips. “Do I get to wear your class ring if I put out?” He stepped into the kitchen, Shane behind him, carrying his own plate.

  “Never got one, but I’ve got a sterling silver cock ring you can wear.”

  Kyle started to laugh.

  “It’s very pretty.”

  “All the boys will be so envious!”

  Shane crowded Kyle up against the counter, hands gripping the counter’s edge on either side of him. “I’m going to steal a kiss.”

  “Is it stealing if I already know about it and can choose to give it to you?”

  “Kyle—”

  “Shut up?”

  Kyle matched Shane’s smile, then they were kissing—teasing, closed-mouth pecks that made his stomach flutter happily. He slid his arms around Shane’s waist, linking his fingers at the small of Shane’s back. The kisses grew longer, pressed a little harder, until Kyle willingly opened his mouth, licking at Shane’s lips until they too parted.

  “I’m not really in the mood for a movie,” Kyle said, ending on a gasp as Shane nipped his earlobe before sucking on the sensitive bit of flesh.

  “I was going to use my best moves to woo you,” Shane whispered, breath hot in Kyle’s ear.