Don't Try This at Home

by Ellee Hill

  “Um, sorry, guys, family emergency,” Ari told the table at large. His mother looked at him blankly.

  “Ari, you are sitting with your family. What emergency?” She gestured at his father and his sisters sitting around the large kitchen table.

  “Sky needs me. I gotta go.”

  “What’s wrong? Is he okay?” His mother sounded concerned. She probably was. Ari was convinced that if Sky were younger and motherless, she would have adopted him. Ari shuddered at the thought of Sky as his brother.

  “I’m not sure. But I have to go check on him.” He stood up carefully, hiding behind the back of the chair while he patted his pants down checking for his wallet, keys, and phone. Fuck. His phone was on the table where he had dropped it, still open to the text screen with the photo. He quickly grabbed it and leaned over to give his mom a kiss on the cheek. “See you next Sunday.”

  “Bring Skylar! Especially if he’s broken up with that Rick!” she shouted after him.

  Ari gave an acknowledging backward wave as he raced to his car. Luckily he had Sky’s keys on his key ring and wouldn’t have to take a detour back to his own apartment before he headed toward Sky’s. Ten minutes and a whole lot of unaccustomed swearing at the traffic later, he was pulling into the parking garage underneath Sky’s building. He parked quickly, taking up two spots since he didn’t give a damn about accuracy or the subsequent ticket. He raced to the elevator, hit the button like he was one of those experimental mice craving cocaine, and tried to calm down. “Breathe. Breathe,” he repeated to himself. The door finally opened and he slammed his back against the back of the elevator after hitting the button for the sixth floor. He opened the text app again and stared at the picture. He was torn between sheer unadulterated lust and major confusion. What the hell was going on in Sky’s head? He never did anything like this in real life. In Ari’s fantasies, hell yeah, but in real life his best friend, the mild-mannered accountant, was so shy about sex he had practically been a hermit until Rick the dick came along.

  The incident when Stephanie plastered Sky’s dorm room with gay porn was the first time Ari had a clue that he even might have a chance with his friend. It also had him doing some discreet rearranging of his junk after he saw some of the racier pictures. When he saw how hard Sky blushed, Ari took pity on him and tabled the pass he wanted to make for the future. He’d often second-guessed that decision, had wondered what would have happened if he had just pushed their friends out of the room, locked the door, and kissed the hell out of Sky while he was sober.

  It looked like he was getting his third chance tonight. Sky and Rick must have broken up. He hoped this wasn’t just a rebound thing. If it was, he was going to change Sky’s mind. This was it. He wasn’t throwing Ari back when he was done with him. Ari was keeping Sky, every fussy, anal-retentive, sweet, hot part of him. He let himself in the apartment. Oh fuck. A trail of clothes led to the bedroom. He followed it and stood in the doorway, gaping at the most debauched sight he’d ever seen.

  Skylar lay sprawled across the bed. His left arm was cuffed to the headboard and his right hand lay near his half-hard cock. His right leg was bent, giving Ari a good look at the round, zebra-printed circle of a plug. Sky’s eyes were closed as he lay surrounded by roses. Ari pulled off his T-shirt and unbuttoned his jeans. He struggled with the buttons as the fabric warred with his straining erection. Seriously, why had he bought button front jeans again? Oh yeah, Sky had said he looked good in them. He pulled so hard the rivet gave on the last button, and he kicked them off. He couldn’t be bothered with pulling off his boxer briefs as well; he needed to crawl up that bed and do something to Skylar. Do what exactly? It was like being at an all you can eat buffet and trying to decide whether to start with the shrimp or the steak. He could decide when he got there. He knelt on the bed and started to crawl up Sky’s body. Oh God, Sky smelled like sex. Ari lay down next to Sky, slotting his leg over Sky’s straight one. Ari cupped Sky’s face and leaned in, softly kissing him.

  “Wake up, Sleeping Beauty.” He licked along Sky’s bottom lip, seeking entrance. Sky groaned, opening his mouth wider, letting Ari’s tongue tangle with his. They lay together languidly exchanging kisses while Ari caressed the right side of Sky’s body. His hand strayed to Sky’s firm chest, flicking his nipples lightly and then harder at the answering moan. Ari moved his hand lower, through the flaking cum on Sky’s abs.

  “I see you started without me,” Ari murmured as Sky’s eyes flew open. “You have been totally holding out. I’m assuming you finally broke up with that asshole.” He kept kissing Sky in between sentences.

  Sky just nodded with something that looked like panic. “Yep, definitely broken up,” Sky said in a rush, stumbling over his words.

  “Good. That means I’m definitely free to do this.” Ari kissed his way down a chest and abs no accountant should have unless he spent hours at the gym each week, which Sky did in the absence of having any kind of hobby. He traced his tongue over one hipbone until he reached his goal. “Hmm… cinnamon. It looks like I’m having you for dessert.” Ari took one long lick, searching for that hint of Sky under the flavored lube. Maybe next time he could convince Skylar to lay off the lube until after he got to the sucking. He wanted to taste Sky, not cinnamon. “You know, you nearly killed me, sending that text and picture during Sunday night family dinner.” Ari hooked his arms around Sky’s thighs.

  Sky arched his hips at the feel of Ari’s mouth. “P-picture?”

  “That was the hottest thing I have ever seen, baby. I don’t know what got into you, but I’m hoping you’ll let me into you too.” Ari glanced up and wiggled his eyebrows at Sky.

  “Whatever you want.” Skylar pushed Ari’s head back down. “Just keep doing that! Oh, and that!” Skylar’s hips bucked. Ari moved his mouth from Skylar’s cock and worked lower.

  “How about if I want this?” Ari licked around the base of the plug and then tugged on it gently before pushing it back in.

  “Yes, yes, God, please.” Skylar moaned.

  “Have you ever bottomed, Sky? I know we’ve never talked about your sex life much and I want to be absolutely clear on what you want here, because I am not going to mess this up again. I’m keeping you and I want to keep you a very—” Ari continued licking around the plug as he moved it in and out of Sky’s grasping hole. “—very happy man.”

  Skylar gasped for breath. “N-never done it. Want it so bad. Only with you.” Skylar seemed to tense for a moment, then apparently decided to lay back and enjoy the ride. “Ever since graduation night.”

  “You have been holding out on me. You never wanted to talk about graduation night.” Ari gave Sky’s ass a smack, followed by a soothing caress.

  “Can we stop talking now? L-later, we can talk later. Oh my God. I need you.” Sky gritted his teeth as Ari eased the plug all the way out. “Oh God!” He moaned when Ari replaced the plug with two fingers and used the pads to hit his prostate. “Right there! Oooh… fuck me now. Please,” he pleaded.

  “I’ve got you.” Ari knelt on the bed and carefully rolled on one of the condoms from the nightstand. He slipped his fingers back in and carefully stretched Sky, fighting against the tight inner muscle. Ari was considerably bigger than the plug, and he needed this to be good for Sky. “Breathe for me, honey,” he murmured as he slipped his sheathed cock into Sky’s warm, tight heat.

  Sky gasped when Ari’s girth stretched him, and Ari paused for a minute until Sky demanded, “Move, damn it!”

  Ari grasped Sky’s hips, tilting him up as he pulled out almost all of the way and then started rocking forward, moving harder and faster at Sky’s incoherent urgings. He wanted to stroke Sky’s erection but couldn’t hold him up one handed. He bit his lip, trying not to come too soon. He wanted to live in this moment forever. He had dreamed of seeing Sky come apart like this under his hands for so long, and the reality was so much better than the fantasy. He changed the angle of his thrusts, trying to hit that magic spot, and was rewarded by even lou
der gibberish from Sky.

  “Stroke yourself, love. Come for me!” Sky’s hand grabbed his cock, jerking furiously. Ari watched as ropes of cum jetted from Sky. The sight put him over the edge and he gave into his own orgasm before falling, sated, on top of Sky. Sky felt so warm. He felt like home. Sky ran his hand up and down Ari’s back for a minute.

  “Ari, don’t take this the wrong way, but I’d really like to hold you with both arms, and preferably clean up before I do that, so could you? “ Sky jiggled his left arm, still in the cuffs.

  “Oh, right.” Ari carefully held onto the condom as he gently pulled out of Skylar. He sat up and rubbed his hands through his hair. “Where’s the key?”

  “Um….” Sky blushed. “In the pocket of my jeans in the living room?”

  “What? That was pretty dumb. What if I hadn’t gotten your texts right away? You could have been cuffed to that bed for hours!” Ari went to grab the key from the jeans and turned around, seeing Sky’s sheepish expression from the doorway of the bedroom. He also flicked his eyes at the nightstand, where an almost empty bottle of white wine stood with a large red velvet cupcake on a plate alongside it. Ari hated red velvet cake on principle. It was just a chocolate cupcake disguised by red food coloring. Sky hated red velvet because it stained.

  “Sky?”

  “Yes, Ari?”

  “When did you break up with Rick the dick?” Ari asked softly.

  “About forty minutes before you got here,” Sky replied, cringing.

  Ari silently leaned over and opened the cuffs. Without saying anything, he started to gather up his clothes. He had been so colossally dumb. He should have questioned why Sky had done such a one-eighty as to send him that picture. The whole scenario he had walked in on had obviously been set up for Rick. Not him. The ache in his chest got bigger. He could not deal with the whiplash of his emotions. Not now. If he didn’t get out of here, he’d cry or say something unforgivable to Sky. He turned to leave.

  “Wait!”

  Ari turned at the sound of Sky’s voice.

  “Don’t you dare leave without talking to me about this. We’ve done the not talking after sex thing, and it doesn’t work for us. Please, can we just… talk?”

  “Fine. Let’s talk about how apparently I’ve blundered into a scenario that was obviously meant for your asshole of a boyfriend.” Ari yanked on his underwear.

  “Ex-boyfriend,” Sky said quietly.

  “Well, he hasn’t been an ex long enough, if you’re setting up romantic scenarios for him,” Ari hissed.

  “Look! Stop being a jerk and just listen. This was meant to appease Rick because he thought….” Sky hesitated.

  “He thought what?” Ari prompted.

  “He thought….” Sky took a deep breath. “That I was bad in bed,” he finished in a rush.

  “He what? You did sleep with him, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Then what the hell was he thinking?”

  “He was thinking that I never wanted to bottom for him. That I was boring, unspontaneous, etcetera, etcetera…. I think I wrote the entire list down somewhere if you want to see it.”

  “So this was what, meant to win him back? Prove him wrong?”

  “Prove him wrong, yes. Win him back, no. He didn’t actually dump me until I was cuffed to the bed.”

  “Wait, he saw you cuffed to the bed and dumped you for being boring?” Ari asked incredulously.

  “No, he dumped me by text.”

  “By what?” Ari felt like a broken record.

  “By text. Here.” Skylar grabbed his phone, scrolled through the texts, and handed it to Ari.

  “Ouch!”

  “Yeah, and that’s when I texted you because I left the keys in my jeans like an idiot. It was either you, Mom, or Stephanie. Do I really have to explain why I chose you?”

  “No. But that doesn’t explain the picture you sent to me.”

  “Yeah.” Skylar winced. “That might have been meant as a ‘fuck you’ to Rick. It was supposed to go to him to show him what he’d given up.”

  “How did I get it, then?”

  “You and Rick were next to each other in my recent contacts?” Sky swept his hand toward the almost empty bottle of wine. “And I might have had a little coordination problem by that point?”

  “Why didn’t you say anything? I jumped you! Why didn’t you stop me?”

  “Are you insane? I woke up into the best dream of my entire life. I have been in love with you since sophomore year in college. I was terrified you’d come to your senses.”

  “And here I thought you’d finally come to yours.”

  “But you’re… straight!”

  “Bi, actually.”

  “No such animal,” Skylar quipped.

  “Don’t be a dick, you know better than that. I’ve dated guys before.”

  “Why did I only see you with girls?”

  “Because I didn’t keep dating guys after I kept calling out the wrong name.” Now it was Ari’s turn to blush at Skylar’s look of disbelief. “Dating girls was easier. I wasn’t going to accidentally say your name. Two of the guys were cool and understood, but one of them actually decked me.” Ari rubbed his jaw in sense memory.

  “Why didn’t you say anything?”

  “Why didn’t you? I thought putting my hand down your pants graduation night was a pretty clear declaration of intent!”

  “There was alcohol involved. I crossed it off as a drunken, bi-curious pity job.”

  “And that explains my orgasm how?” Ari argued.

  “Friction?” Skylar shrugged.

  Ari sat down on the edge of the bed next to Skylar. “You are an idiot. I’ve been in love with you since freshman year. Even before I knew you were gay. Please, please be my idiot.” He leaned over and gently kissed Sky’s mouth.

  “Yes. I’ll be your idiot.” Sky kissed him back before he seemed to realize he was still covered in drying bodily fluids. He crinkled his nose. “As long as we can clean up first.”

  “Deal.” Ari pulled Sky up off the bed and toward the shower.

  One Year Later

  ARI drummed his hands anxiously on the bar. Sky was never late, and it was their anniversary. Where was he? He went ahead and ordered a beer while he waited. As he took his first sip, he felt the buzz of his phone in his pocket.

  This is so embarrassing but I need you. NOW! Oh, that was cute. Did Sky have plans to recreate their getting together? Another text came through. Check your inside pocket. Ari reached into the little-used inside pocket of his leather jacket and pulled out a ball chain necklace with dog tags and a key on it. The first dog tag read You have the key to my heart…. Ari mentally melted; Sky could be surprisingly sappy for such a buttoned-down kind of guy. He looked at the next tag. And my cuffs. Ari choked on his beer. A photo came up on the phone’s screen. Ari threw a ten on the bar and walked very quickly to the door. He hesitated and then approached the hostess.

  “I’m sorry, I had reservations for two at seven, under the name Aristotle Jones. Can you cancel them? There’s been a family emergency.”

  AC VALENTINE is a New Yorker who recently traded her quiet bohemian life in the Village for the wild metropolis of Vermont. She dragged with her a tattooed corporate husband, a small child, a neurotic dog, and several libraries worth of books. She can’t clean or cook but can throw a mean party. She can always be found bemoaning the lack of a day job while happily reading or writing m/m fiction or fiddling around with some craft project to add to the pile that is threatening to take over the dining room. She believes in true love, marriage equality, and happily-ever-afters. She’ll continue to write about them until someone pulls her laptop away from her cold dead hands.

  She would love to hear from readers and can be contacted at acvalentineauthor@gmail.com.

  OUTBURSTS

  Bell Ellis

  “I FUCKING hate you.”

  The first time Matt said that to Theodoro was after they presented their first campaign
launch together.

  Theodoro’s his head snapped back a little, as if slapped. “Wow.”

  Matt felt his face go suddenly hot, and he fumbled out, “I mean, you’re just… you’re really good, and you didn’t seem nervous at all.”

  Theodoro seemed to relax a little, but his expression was still quizzical. “Well… you have my thanks. I think.”

  Matt nodded and tried to smile, briefly contemplating an explanation and discarding it. Best to just leave it alone. “You’re welcome.”

  Theodoro smiled at him, an ivory flash of elegant good will. “Then I fucking hate you, too, because you were brilliant in there, especially when the icon redirected and you had to fix it on the fly. Very smooth, very capable.” His voice was warm and earnest, nearly seductive. Theodoro was an ad man, and unlike Matt, he was capable of skillful manipulation, but he had little reason to manipulate a coworker. It had to be kindness. Or maybe interest in something more.

  Probably kindness.

  Theodoro continued, “By the way, Matthew, we haven’t had a chance to really get to know each other, so I haven’t had the opportunity to tell you… my friends call me Roe.” His smile widened a little, a hint of a wink crinkling his dark eyes.

  “My, uh, friends call me Matt. Roe is unusual, I would have expected Theo or something, but when you’re named Matthew, it always turns into Matt, unless you really want to be Thew or something, but using the second part sounds really fucking ridiculous, you know?” Matt laughed nervously, and then felt himself pale. “Not that Roe is ridiculous. Far from it. It’s a… it’s a great name. I think your name is really….” There was no option but to finish the sentence, and so Matt resigned himself to his doom. “…great.”