Wolf Moon

by A. D. Ryan

  Okay, so I didn’t totally hate being spoiled by him.

  Back at the manor, Nick helped me carry everything in, and I went to work hanging it all up in our closet. While I organized everything, Nick excused himself to go and check in with Marcus.

  “I’ll be right back,” he promised.

  “Sounds good.”

  After I finished hanging everything up, I went into the bathroom to freshen up. I brushed my hair and fixed my makeup a little before heading downstairs to see if Miranda needed help with dinner. I had just opened my bedroom door a crack, when voices in the hall caught my attention:

  Jackson and Nick.

  They were purposefully keeping their volume down, which naturally only made me more curious. I kept the door open just a crack. I couldn’t even see them, which meant they were a little further down, possibly near the stairs, but I could hear them as though they were right outside the door.

  “Is that an order?” Nick demanded with frustration while Jackson remained silent. “You think I don’t know that? You don’t think I’ve tried?”

  “It wasn’t an order,” Jackson hissed, his angry tone mirroring Nick’s. “In case you’ve forgotten, you outrank me. But you know you have to tell her. You owe her that.” Heavy footsteps descended the stairs as I assumed Jackson retreated, and I closed the door gently.

  Were they talking about me?

  Confused, I sat on the bed and tried to figure out what their conversation was about based on the last little bit I heard. True, I could probably just ask Nick, but I didn’t want him to think I had been eavesdropping—even though that was exactly the case. Whatever he had been keeping from me had to be for my own good, right? Like everything else…

  Then it occurred to me: he must have received another message from Gianna’s coven and was trying not to worry me. Maybe I wasn’t the only one who sensed something at the mall, and he was just really good at distracting me while evaluating the situation.

  Chapter 10 | threat

  Nick never did say anything about whatever he and Jackson were talking about for the entire evening. I didn’t exactly prod him for details either. I’d hoped that he would just open up to me on his own. When he didn’t, I tried to think of a way to bring it up without admitting that I’d been listening to his conversation.

  By the time we went to bed, I still had nothing.

  Nick knew something was up. He was better at sensing these things than I was. He propped himself up on one of his elbows, resting his head in his hand, and looked down at me. “You okay?”

  I flipped over in the bed to face him and nodded. “Yeah. Fine, why?” Yes, I told a little white lie, but I didn’t want to run the risk of upsetting him when he found out I’d been eavesdropping earlier.

  “You seem tense. Have all night, actually. Even at dinner. Is this about what happened in the shower?”

  Shaking my head, I sighed. It was then I realized just how bad I was at hiding anything from him…no, not just him; David was equally perceptive about this sort of thing too. It was what made him such a great detective.

  Maybe I was just too damn easy to read. I’d have to work on that.

  Nick laid his other hand on my abdomen briefly, his thumb moving slowly over the fabric of my shirt. “Talk to me. Whatever it is, let me help you work through it. Is it your upcoming shift?”

  “Partially, I guess.” There, that wasn’t a lie; I was worried about that as well. “But I’ve also been feeling off since the mall.”

  Nick smiled, looking at me like he understood what I was talking about—though, if he did, he wouldn’t be smiling. “Brooke, if I didn’t want to spend that kind of money today, I wouldn’t have offered.”

  I shook my head. “Oh, no. That’s not what I meant.” His eyebrows pulled together and his smile disappeared. “Periodically throughout the afternoon, I felt like we were being watched.”

  Nick looked alarmed, and that was when I knew he hadn’t experienced the same thing.

  “You didn’t?” He shook his head, and I decided that if he didn’t notice anything unusual, then maybe I was right to assume it was just residual paranoia from the night before. “It was probably nothing then,” I tried to tell him. “Maybe I’m just overly stressed about the full moon and what happened last night.”

  Nick’s expression fell, and I immediately chastised myself for being an inconsiderate asshole.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I didn’t mean what happened with you. I meant about the wolf and the body.”

  “Which triggered what happened with me,” Nick cut in, his voice low and sounding ashamed.

  I scooted closer to him on the bed, my feet brushing his, and smiled up at him. “From what I can tell, and from personal experience, loss of control has a tendency to happen when our emotions are all over the place. Please don’t beat yourself up over it.”

  “I could have hurt you.”

  “True. But you didn’t.” I paused. “And honestly? The fact that you lost control because my life was threatened is kind of flattering. It proves that you care enough about me that the thought of something bad happening drives you mad. I get it…” A rock formed in my stomach and then waves of nausea crashed all around it as I remembered experiencing the same thing. “It’s how I felt when Samantha killed David.”

  Instead of looking annoyed like he used to when I brought up David, Nick looked sympathetic. “Brooke, I’m sorry.”

  “No,” I interjected, shaking my head. “It’s fine. I’ve accepted what happened to him, and while I still wonder if I could have saved him had the situation been different, I’ve come to realize that he wouldn’t want me to remember his death, but his life…our life.”

  Nick smiled, stroking my cheek with the back of his index finger. “I think you’re exactly right, and I’m sorry I didn’t know him better.”

  I smirked. “No you’re not.”

  “No, really. I am.” His eyes held mine as his finger stroked the length of my arm, inviting a new wave of goosebumps to chase after it. “He was there when I wasn’t, and he got to watch you become the amazing woman you are today, Brooke. You’ve never been the type to go on and on about yourself and your accomplishments, but I’d have liked to hear all about it through the eyes of a man who obviously loved you.” Pausing, he looked away. “And I’m sorry if I cheapened that love this morning in the shower. I never meant to push you into something you weren’t ready for.”

  I smiled as fresh tears warmed my eyes. These weren’t tears I was accustomed to, though. I’d shed so many sad tears over the last couple weeks, but these were definitely linked to the happiness that swirled around my heart. The sincerity behind Nick’s sentiment was exactly what I needed to hear. I’d always hated the resentment he harbored for David, given he didn’t even know him. Once I’d recognized it as jealousy, though, I’d secretly hoped he would just accept my relationship. And he did—the same night that David was killed, and again just moments ago.

  “You don’t have to apologize,” I assured him. “What happened didn’t cheapen what David and I had. I wanted you…want you.” His eyes met mine again, hopeful. “It just all happened so fast, and I got what I needed—a reprieve from my grief. I didn’t expect it all to come crashing back the way it did. I felt claustrophobic. Like my grief and guilt were suffocating me from all sides.”

  “That’s understandable. But you have nothing to feel guilty about.”

  I bit my lip. A moment of silence filled the room as I contemplated telling Nick something I’d been keeping from him since that night. Something that went against Pack Law. Finally, I spilled. “He knew what I was,” I whispered, wiping my tears with the back of my hand. Nick didn’t look surprised, but he remained silent, allowing me to continue. “He watched me change, and I think it terrified him.” Some of the weight lifted off my chest. While I knew this wasn’t the main source of my issues, keeping this from Nick for so long definitely contributed.

  Nick chuckled, but not because he found
humor in my confession. Or at least, not a lot of humor. “Of course it did, baby.” The pet name he’d always kept for when we were alone slid off his tongue with an unforgotten ease that made me melt. Over the course of our relationship, he’d built up an arsenal of pet names for me—babe, love, honey—but “baby” was one he never shared in front of others. And I had preferred it that way. Still did, as it turned out.

  “It would only be natural for him to be afraid upon witnessing the one he loved transforming like that. It’s not exactly a smooth and seamless transition. I hate watching you struggle through the pain.”

  I shuddered, remembering all too well just how excruciating and difficult it was—the sounds my body made, how it must have looked to him. All that fear had been wiped from his face by the time my consciousness returned. David had known, and while it scared him initially, there was something in his eyes that told me he still loved me. Accepted me.

  I’d buried that memory, though. Buried it behind all the guilt and horror that plagued my mind. All I could seem to remember was that he looked at me like I was a monster.

  Nick used the back of his index finger to lightly stroke my cheek, drawing me from my thoughts. “Where did you go just now?”

  I laid my hand over his, smiling. “I think he accepted it,” I said, my voice cracking slightly. “Had he lived, I think we would have been fine.”

  “I don’t doubt that,” Nick replied, though I couldn’t be sure if he meant it or if he was just saying it to placate me. “He’d have been a fool to let anything come between you. Believe me.” Leaning forward, he pressed a kiss to my forehead. He hadn’t kissed me on the lips since that morning, and that was fine with me. We were supposed to be taking things slow and testing the waters, not diving into the deep end without some kind of life preserver. “Should we try to get some sleep?”

  Nodding, I rolled over and let Nick wrap his arm around me as he molded his body to mine. His breath tickled my neck as his fingertips danced on my stomach, making my muscles flutter. My thoughts drifted back to the look in David’s eyes in his final moments and felt a little more of my grief and guilt release. Perhaps that really was all I needed to start moving past this. There was still going to be some healing in the days to come, but knowing he could have accepted this new part of me meant I didn’t have to feel guilty about everything I’d kept from him. This could have been exactly what I needed to find the peace I’d been so desperately seeking.

  As I thought about this, I also thought about Nick and my feelings for him.

  “You know I never stopped, right?” I whispered, turning just my head. He opened his eyes and looked at me questioningly. I bit my lip lightly out of nervousness. “Loving you. After you left, I never stopped.” His lips twitched, but he kept his smile hidden as best he could. “I mean, I hated you because I didn’t understand, but I always loved you. It lessened over time, making it easier to shut out.

  “When you came back, all of that came with it. My hatred, my confusion…my love. I tried to deny it, because I was happy for the first time in years. I loved David with all my heart, don’t get me wrong, but I loved you too. Always have. I just tried not to think about it, because when I did it was all I could do not to fall apart when I remembered what you’d done.”

  Nick kissed my bare shoulder, his arm tightening around me like he was never going to let go. “I really am sorry for leaving the way I did, but it was what I believed was right at the time.”

  “I get that now,” I replied softly, understanding how he felt like a danger to others. After what happened with David, I had experienced the same feeling. I couldn’t imagine someone else getting hurt because I’d lost control. I needed to learn about this part of me if I was going to have any kind of relationship with my family again.

  “I’d like to think we could get back to where we were in time,” Nick continued. “If and when you’re ready.”

  “I find myself hoping for that more and more lately, too,” I confessed softly, both happy and ashamed to be saying it out loud. “Why don’t we use this time to get to know each other again? We’ve both changed so much.”

  Nick’s excitement practically vibrated off him, his skin warming my own through my clothes. It was nice to get this all out in the open, and again, my grief and guilt seemed to dissipate further. It still lingered, but I suspected it always would. I’d never truly be over David’s death, much like I still struggled with losing Bobby.

  Nick and I settled in to prepare for sleep again when my stomach rumbled unexpectedly. I tried to ignore it, but soon it became a relentless complaint. Chuckling against my shoulder, Nick swatted my hip lightly. “Come on. Let’s go get you something to eat. I don’t want you gnawing off your arm in your sleep,” he teased.

  “Why don’t you stay?” I suggested sitting up. “I’ll just grab a quick snack.” In truth, I was suddenly so hungry that I didn’t want to embarrass myself when he watched me pack a ridiculous amount of food away.

  “You sure?”

  I slipped from bed, grabbing a pair of knee-length sweat pants from my dresser to cover up my skimpy sleep shorts. “Yeah. It’s fine. I’ll be right back.” I opened the door and looked back at him. “Keep my side of the bed warm.”

  “So demanding,” he quipped, spreading out on his stomach and following orders.

  I closed the door behind me and made my way for the stairs. It was late and almost everyone had turned in already, so I tiptoed down the hall. I could hear various noises coming from almost every bedroom on this floor from snoring to whispers to those of happily reunited couples reconnecting. Those ones affected me carnally as I walked through lust- and pheromone-thickened air, and I was thrown back to the memory of my time in the shower with Nick.

  With the full moon approaching, and after this morning, I completely understood the impulses behind their heightened sex drives.

  The house was dark and eerily quiet as I made my way through each room on my way to the kitchen. This seemed like a blessing because I was likely going to be able to satiate my ravenous appetite without being judged by others.

  The sight that greeted me in the dark kitchen surprised me, however.

  There, standing at the island, surrounded by a counter full of containers, was Colby, a turkey leg gripped in her hand and mid-bite.

  “Oh,” she said, her cheeks turning crimson even in the dark kitchen. “I didn’t think anyone else was up.”

  I shrugged. “I was feeling a bit peckish,” I admitted warmly, hoping to ease her embarrassment. I recognized the look in her eyes as the same one I must have been wearing. “Full moon, you know?”

  She laughed after swallowing the food in her mouth. “All too well,” she replied, waving her hands over the food.

  “Mind if I join you?”

  Colby shook her head, looking more than willing for a late-night snack partner. “Not at all. Plates are in the corner cabinet, above the coffee maker.”

  I grabbed a large plate and pulled out the stool next to her. “What are we having?”

  “Um, there’s turkey, potatoes—they’re not so good cold, and I don’t feel like reheating anything—some ham, leftover roast from a couple days ago that I’m surprised the guys haven’t polished off yet…” As Colby listed our snack menu, my mouth watered. It all sounded good—even the cold potatoes.

  I loaded my plate up until it rivaled her own “snack,” and we ate for a couple of minutes in silence before I decided to see how she was doing after the night before.

  “Better, I suppose,” she responded. “It’s still kind of freaky, but I’m trying to forget about it.”

  “You know,” I said around a mouthful of cold potatoes—Colby was right, by the way; they were only subpar when not reheated. “In my experience, it’s best not to forget about that sort of thing completely. This isn’t advice I’d give just anyone, but since you’re part of this Pack, I think everyone’s involvement is essential. There could be something you could contribute that nobody else ca
n.”

  Colby regarded me curiously, letting what I said settle before rolling her eyes and letting her shoulders slump in defeat. “I can’t even master shifting on my own most days, so I don’t know what kind of help I could ever offer to this Pack other than to cook and clean up.”

  “Come on, now. I’m sure that’s not true.”

  “Corbin could shift on demand before he was fifteen,” Colby griped. “Here I am, seventeen, and I’m still waiting for the damn moon to force it so I can feel even the slightest bit relieved for the rest of the month.”

  Nodding along my sympathy, I agreed with her. “I’ve shifted twice when it wasn’t a full moon,” I confessed, making Colby look at me with a mixed expression of shock and envy. “It wasn’t the best experience. The first time was the night my partner died. I went into a blind rage and was in and out of consciousness.”

  “Ugh. That’s the worst.”

  “You’re telling me.”

  “And the second time?”

  “Was with Nick in the desert. He was trying to teach me how to channel it. I struggled for hours before he instigated the change by exposing me to the scent of the vampire that killed my partner.”

  “Whoa,” Colby exhaled. “Heavy.”

  I laughed at myself humorlessly. “So, in hindsight, I guess I haven’t really shifted on my own yet, either. Both events were brought on by stress and survival instincts.”

  “Those ones aren’t actually so bad,” Colby said, tearing a chunk of ham off in her fingers and eating it. “I find the change happens a little quicker if you feel like you’re being threatened.”

  “I guess.”

  “When doing it on your own, it can be a long process, which means more time to live with the pain of your body changing.” She must have caught the look of abject horror on my face, because she was quick to tack on, “Oh, shit. I didn’t mean to make it sound that bad…I mean, yeah, it sucks, but I hear it gets easier. It’s just rough to be in that vulnerable in-between stage during the transformation.” She groaned and pushed her face into her hands. “I’m making this worse.”