Wolf Moon

by A. D. Ryan

  The second we walked through the door, Nick—now dressed in a pair of low-slung jeans and a button-down shirt—darted out of the dining room, his eyes wide with a mixture of concern and relief. “Brooke,” he exhaled. “Thank God.” He reached for me, and I flinched, backing into Miranda. I felt bad about my reaction, but it was purely reflexive. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me, but my brain was having trouble making that connection.

  “She’ll be okay,” Miranda assured him, moving her hands up and down my arms when I shivered and refused to meet his eyes. “Let me take her and get her cleaned up. You just deal with the situation and figure out what needs to be done.”

  Again, Nick seemed hesitant to this idea, but he agreed, taking a heavy step back. I glanced over my shoulder as Miranda and Colby accompanied me up the stairs. The worry on his face was eclipsed by the hurt he felt regarding my reaction to him. Ashamed, I dropped my head and watched the floor as we walked.

  In my bedroom, Miranda sat me on the end of the bed. I couldn’t seem to kick the shiver. “You’re chilled to the bone. I’m going to start the shower for you, all right?”

  Unable to form words right now, because my mind was still flipping through the events of the last couple hours, I nodded. Colby sat with me, one hand on my back and the other on my arm as I clutched my blanket around my body tightly. Images flashed like a slideshow, each one worse than the one before it.

  I heard the shower start a few seconds before Miranda exited the washroom. “I realize you’re fully capable, but do you want either of us to stay? We wouldn’t mind, would we, Colby?”

  “Not at all,” Colby said softly, running her hand up and down my back. She was such a mature soul for seventeen.

  I considered their offer for a minute, my eyebrows pulling together as if this decision took a lot of thought. Truthfully, it didn’t, but it took me a minute to actually be able to focus on any one thing in particular. I wanted to believe I would be okay alone, but I was still afraid of what could happen if they left.

  Apparently being back in this body didn’t give me the power I’d thought it would. What happened out there had affected me on the deepest emotional level and attached itself to my psyche. I was afraid I might never feel like myself again. I hated that I let someone make me this way. He held the power then and took away all of mine. It wasn’t right, and it most certainly wasn’t fair.

  “He’s been taken care of,” Miranda whispered, kneeling before me and pushing my disheveled hair behind my ear. “Sweetie, he can’t hurt you. But we’ll stay if you’d feel safer.”

  “I, uh…” My voice was quiet and scratchy from the damage Karl did when holding me down. I tried clearing my throat, but that burned too. “I should be okay. Thank you, though.”

  Miranda and Colby shared a look then stood up. “Okay,” Miranda said. “I’ll be close by, so if you need anything, just call.”

  I nodded, pain blazing beneath the skin of my neck with each movement. “I will.”

  Once they were gone, I took a deep breath and headed for the bathroom. When I opened the door, the room was filled with steam, obscuring my vision. Fear rippled down my spine, making me shudder, and I stepped in warily, looking in every corner and behind the door before fully stepping inside and closing it. I knew it was ridiculous, but I couldn’t help it.

  I slid the lock into place, checked the knob to make sure it didn’t turn, unlocked it, then locked and checked it again. When I was convinced no one could get in—even if deep down I knew that a little door lock couldn’t stop anyone who lived in this house—I dropped my blanket and stepped into the shower.

  The water was hot on my skin, but I welcomed it. Even though I escaped the situation before Karl could succeed, I still felt like I needed to scour every inch of my skin with hot water and steel wool. I scrubbed my body until it was bright red and raw, and then washed my hair so I could get out, curl up in my baggiest sweats, and go to bed. I was ready for this day to end.

  So many emotions swirled around me—fear, shame, anger—and I wasn’t sure which I should acknowledge first. I’d never been caught in such a vulnerable state before. Men had never been given the opportunity to take advantage of me until tonight. I’d always been well-prepared to put anyone in their place if they tried anything…Karl included. But tonight he’d gotten me when I was unprepared and incapable of protecting myself. He knew he could best me this way and planned to pay me back for humiliating him in the kitchen.

  Realizing this, I broke down.

  Tears mixed with the water as I pressed my face beneath the spray, and I covered my mouth to mask my sobs. I couldn’t be sure how long I cried for, but I felt it in every inch of my body as I slowly lowered myself to my knees on the tile floor and sobbed into my hands.

  When my tears subsided, I wiped my hands over my face, stood up, and turned the shower off. Sniffling, I grabbed a towel from the shelf and wrapped it around my body before opening the bathroom door. Even though the mirror was clouded over, I noticed the angry purple bruising around my neck and collarbone, and I cringed, covering one side with my hand as though that would hide it. Taking a deep breath that I hoped would steel my resolve, I wiped the fog off the glass and brushed out my hair, all the while examining my reflection.

  I wanted to look away but couldn’t bring myself to do it. The bruises on my neck and shoulders. The noticeably dark circles beneath my eyes. Eyes that were usually bright and full of life, now dull and listless.

  Who was this girl? I no longer recognized my own reflection. The girl I knew—the old me—was slipping away a little more each day. Strangely enough, I wondered if she was better off that way.

  The door was only open about two inches, but I suddenly sensed a presence in the room. I immediately froze, panic and fear clawing at my chest and making it hard to breathe. It wasn’t until Nick’s familiar scent swirled around me that I let myself relax and open the door the rest of the way.

  Chapter 16 | affected

  Nick sat, unmoving, on the end of our bed. His hands were folded in his lap as his eyes slowly lifted to me. My heart clenched upon seeing the fear and remorse in his expression. His emotions infused the air of our bedroom, merging with mine. Like me, he was afraid, but he was also angry. He didn’t let his anger show on his face, but it hung between us, only briefly subsiding when his relief eclipsed everything else.

  Without a word, Nick shot off the bed and gathered me in his arms, picking me up off the floor. I was shocked a little at first and didn’t quite know how to react. Part of me welcomed his embrace and the comfort it was meant to bring, but I was hesitant about contact in general. Even from Nick. His arms were firm and unrelenting around my waist, and after a few seconds, I finally relaxed and wrapped mine around his neck. I threaded my fingers into his unruly hair and buried my face against his shoulder, breathing him in until the scent of him filled my head and left no room for all the bad stuff.

  His fear continued to rival my own as his hands splayed over my back, holding me, reaffirming himself that I wasn’t hurt. “Thank God you’re okay,” he murmured against my shoulder, kissing it gently. “I’m so sorry.”

  I couldn’t think of anything to say, so I just shook my head, crying freely into the fabric of his shirt as my fingers curled into it and I clung to him. This wasn’t his fault, but I knew he would blame himself forever, regardless of what I said.

  Nick released his hold on me, allowing me to slide slowly to the floor. His hands moved to cradle my face. “I never should have let you go off on your own like that. I should have stayed with you.”

  “No,” I said hoarsely, trying to shake my head. “You couldn’t have known.”

  Suddenly, a violent roar echoed through the house, startling me. I jumped toward Nick as my fear spiked. I felt like that timid wolf hiding beneath the tree all over again, my fingers digging into the front of Nick’s shirt. I recognized the inhuman sound as Karl, but where was he and how long before he came barreling in here to finish what he started?
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  Nick picked up on my increasing anxiety, turning me in his arms and holding my gaze. “He can’t hurt you. Marcus locked him up.”

  “L-locked him up?” I asked, my eyes wild with fear before realization settled in. “You mean in the pit?”

  Nick nodded. “My guess is he just woke up and realized where he was.”

  “What if he gets out?”

  Nick shook his head. “He won’t. None of us can withstand touching that cage long enough to break through it, and Marcus will be lacing his food with silver nitrate. It’ll keep his strength at a minimum without exposing the rest of us.”

  “But he’s still in the house?” I found myself feeling angrier about this new information rather than focusing on the fact that he was locked up and would be kept in a weakened state.

  “You know we couldn’t just kick him out,” Nick said, trying to appeal to my rational side. “We needed to contain him so he couldn’t try anything with you again…or do it to anyone else.”

  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Yes, this made sense. Even as a cop, I didn’t just let attempted rapists and pedophiles go. I did whatever I had to do to keep them off the streets so they couldn’t hurt anyone else.

  This was the same thing—even if Karl’s intended victim happened to live under the same roof as his cell.

  The shouting continued, and I was surprised at just how well the sound traveled through the house. I couldn’t make out anything he said—if he was even speaking through all the screams—but it eventually got to me, and I sat on the bed, covered my ears, and tried to block it out.

  Nick knelt on the floor in front of me, gently coaxing my hands from my ears. “It’s okay. He stopped,” he whispered. “I think Marcus tranquilized him.”

  Even though the screaming had stopped, my heart still pounded and my breaths were labored. My panic attack showed absolutely no signs of letting up anytime soon, and I hated that I was back in this emotional state. Had I not been through enough? It seemed that every time I started to make peace with the direction my life took, something else had to happen to throw me off balance.

  Bobby, David, and now Karl… When would it end?

  Nick’s eyes left mine, and his forehead furrowed when they stopped on my neck. His hands drifted down and lightly brushed the skin there as he shook his head. “I can’t believe he did this to you,” he whispered. The skin was still sensitive, and I remembered how bruised it was after my shower. I flinched when his thumb passed over a particularly sore spot, and he regarded me apologetically. “Sorry. He broke the skin. It’s already healing, though.”

  I brought my hand up to my neck and covered it, suddenly sick about sporting a physical reminder of what Karl had tried to do to me. Proof of my weakness. I was ashamed, and I didn’t want Nick to see.

  “The bites should be healed up by tomorrow, but you might be bruised for a few days yet,” he said solemnly, hesitating before he continued. “Unfortunately, there’s a high probability of scarring.”

  I inhaled shakily; I was devastated at the thought of seeing this around my neck every time I passed by a mirror. It would serve as a constant reminder to both of us what happened, and I wasn’t sure I could handle that.

  Sensing my melancholy had dipped even lower, Nick placed his hands on the outsides of my thighs. I flinched, and he instantly pulled back, glancing up at me apologetically. I regretted my reaction the second it happened, but I couldn’t help it.

  It seemed like he suppressed his hurt in lieu of my own trauma as he stood up. “How about you get dressed,” Nick gently suggested, glancing down at the towel I still wore. “We should turn in. You’ve been through a lot and you look beat.”

  Until he brought it up, I hadn’t really felt tired, but now it was like a weighted blanket had been draped over my shoulders. I nodded once, exhaustion quickly filling my limbs like lead, and walked over to my dresser where I grabbed a pair of yoga pants and my old college sweatshirt. Retreating into the bathroom for a little privacy, I caught my reflection in the mirror again. No matter how many times I saw the dark bruising around my neck, it shocked me. The contrast to my golden skin was startling. It looked awful, and there were several deep punctures on either side of my neck from where Karl had bitten down to keep me pinned and quiet.

  I shuddered violently as the memory bore down on me. I had to clamp my hand over my mouth and attempt to choke back a sob when I remembered how he hovered over my defenseless body, pressing his full weight on me. A soft knock on the door saved me from disappearing any further into the memory, and I quickly dressed before opening it to find Nick looking concerned.

  “You okay?” he asked, the look in his eyes telling me he already knew I wasn’t.

  “Not really,” I told him truthfully, wiping the new tears from my cheeks. “I just want to go to bed.”

  “Brooke,” he prodded, maybe hoping I’d open up and be on my way back to how I used to be. That would take a while…if it happened at all.

  My chin quivered as I brushed past him and pulled the blankets down on my side of the bed before I climbed in. “Please, Nick,” I begged, my eyes wide with worry. “I can’t do this right now. Can’t we just go to bed?”

  Conceding, Nick nodded and proceeded to unbutton his shirt and remove it. The second he pulled it open, my eyes widened in alarm; his entire ribcage was bruised and scratched to hell. How was he even upright?

  Nick followed my gaze and shrugged. “It looks worse than it is, really.” He pulled his shirt from his shoulders, and I saw him try to hide his wince. “That moose packed quite a punch.” As he crawled into bed beside me, I saw the scratches and cuts a little more clearly. These weren’t from the moose but from the fight between him and Karl. Some were from Karl’s claws and others were from his teeth. Karl had been there to witness the kick Nick took from the moose, and he had used that to his sadistic advantage when fighting. Thankfully, Nick didn’t let that stop him from coming out on top.

  An awkward moment hung between us before Nick lay down next to me. With more than a foot of empty bed between us—the most there’d been the entire time since we’d left Scottsdale—it seemed like he was afraid to be too close to me. I couldn’t fault him that; I was a wreck and had pulled away from him almost every time he reached out to me.

  “I…” he began, his voice barely above a whisper as he stared at the ceiling. “I don’t know what to do here. I want to hold you—take away the memory of tonight—but you feel so out of reach.”

  Mustering up as much strength as I could, I slid across the bed until I could feel the warmth of his body against my skin. I wasn’t ready to be much closer intimately anymore, but I realized I needed this as much as he did. I wasn’t the only one hurting and insecure right now. This had happened to him as well. I understood that on some level.

  Nick turned his body to face me, slowly inching his hand toward mine. Taking a deep breath, I welcomed his touch and offered him the most sincere smile I could. It wasn’t much, but I sensed that it was enough for now.

  Chapter 17 | recovery

  Nick’s soft snores filled the room as I stood in front of the window, wrapped in my blanket from earlier. I’d been unable to fall asleep, so after Nick passed out, I got up and came to the window. I tried to give in to my fatigue, but everything that happened earlier kept flashing through my head. Not only could I visualize everything that had almost happened, but I could still feel Karl’s weight on me, smell his breath, and hear his heavy breathing as he stood over me. Whenever I closed my eyes, it was even worse.

  I shuddered, pulling my blanket tighter around me as I looked up at the moon. It seemed bigger than most nights, brightening the night sky. I could still feel the pull it held over me, but I didn’t feel the urge to give into it. Perhaps it was because I’d already shifted tonight, or maybe I was still in shock. Numb.

  I tried to take comfort in the fact that Karl hadn’t succeeded. While this was a relief, unfortunately it didn’t make me feel like any less of a v
ictim. My emotions swirled around inside me like a tornado, picking away at any strength I might have had left and leaving nothing but destruction in its wake.

  Outside, the world appeared calm. Every time my anxiety spiked, I pulled my blanket to my nose and inhaled David’s scent greedily, hoping that it would take me back to a better place. To a time before any of this happened. While my feelings for Nick had been steadily growing and I trusted him, I needed to be somewhere else.

  In the course of one evening, my strength had been ripped away from me. I was deeply affected by what almost happened to me. Caught up in my thoughts, I hadn’t even realized that I was crying.

  “Brooke?” Nick murmured. I turned around to see him propping himself up on his elbows, his eyes narrowed from sleep. “What are you doing?”

  “Couldn’t sleep,” I replied softly, wiping my eyes as discretely as possible.

  He glanced at the clock and ran his hand down over his face. “Babe, it’s three in the morning. Did you get any sleep?”

  I shrugged, looking down at my feet. “I tried.”

  Tossing the comforter aside, Nick got up and crossed the room to me. He gently cupped my face and coaxed my eyes to his, and I saw his concern as much as I felt it coursing through his touch. “You’re crying. Baby, talk to me.”

  I wiped my tears and shook my head. “I’m… I…” I stammered before taking a deep breath in through my nose and exhaling it shakily through my mouth. “Every time I close my eyes… The look in his eyes, Nick… It’ll never leave me.”

  Nick wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. “It’ll take time,” he said. “But it’ll get easier. You’re so strong, Brooke. Stronger than any woman I’ve met.”

  I shook my head and pushed out of his hold. “But I wasn’t,” I said, more tears building and my breath harder to come by. “That’s the problem. I didn’t know what to do. He cornered me, and instead of fighting him off, I ran. I gave him the power right from the beginning.”