Sex With Your Ex

by Dakota Cassidy

  “How ‘bout dinner?” She sighed loudly in exasperation.

  “I thinkno thank you , was the phrase I used. We have nothing left to say to one another, Brady. Besides, I have a date tonight, so I can't have dinner with you.” She let that last statement fall between them like a ton of bricks.

  “With who?” he muttered, trying to keep his tone light and disinterested. His jaw clenched painfully, his scalp was getting itchy, and he was going to open up a can of whoop ass on Alvin if he was the ‘who’ in this equation.

  “Alvin.” He tightened his hands into fists. Suave and debonair had never been his bag of tricks.

  “Why not cancel with Alvin and come out with me instead?”Pick me, pick me he wanted to chant, like a kid in gym class waiting to be chosen for a team. Her foot began to tap a rapid drumbeat on the hardwood floor.

  “Nope.”

  “Why not?”

  “Wow, Brady, like why do you think NOT?” she mocked, giving him her best Valley Girl impression. “Hmmm, do you want the abridged list of reasons, or the drive-thru version?” She wore a look that added, ‘You moron!’

  She was doing that thing with her hair, twirling it or whatever, Brady noted, which meant he was pretty much pissing in the wind. Damn this woman's stubborn streak. Let her go out with the dork, what the hell did he care?

  Trouble was, he did. Care, that is. Why wouldn't she at least give him a chance, didn't seven years together mean anything?

  "Did it mean anything to you, Brady?"a Texas drawl whispered in his head. Oh shut up, he thought, and shoved a finger in his ear, hoping to put a plug in Pricilla's nagging yap.

  “We have to do this sometime, Melina.” Brady felt his temperature rise, the first sign he should pick up and leave.

  “Okay, Brady, you're obviously not getting the big picture here. I have nothing to say to you personally. Whatever needs to be said can be said through a lawyer.” She stood up, gripping the side of the table and leaned toward him. Menace glowed fiercely in her eyes. “I don't want to have dinner with you. I don't want to have any meals with you, ever! If my last meal depended on you buying it, I'd sooner starve. Iam however having dinner with Alvin, and I'm going to enjoy it. So save all this ‘talk’ crap for someone like your therapist. You have nevertalked to anyone in your life. You push and shove, and beat your Neanderthal chest, but youdon't talk.” Her chest heaved and her nipples poked out at him through the thin material of her bathrobe.

  He knew how to talk!

  The blood rushed to his head before his brain had the chance to stop his tongue.

  “I do so know how to talk. What the hell do you think I've been doing here for the past fifteen minutes, and why the hell would you want to go out with Alvin?” He shouted at her, spitting Alvin's name out on a sneer.

  Shit!He'd promised himself he wasn't going to lose his cool. He ran a hand through his hair with impatience. Melina stared coolly at him; he felt his face change from red to purple; purple suited his complexion best.

  He fought to control the urge to shake her. Alvin better not put one scrawny finger on his damn woman.

  “I like him and he likes me, and that's all that matters. I've made my decision,” she stated quietly.

  Making a decision implied thought, which she very obviously had not given much to when makingthisdecision!

  “Okay, Melina, but you'll regret it, trust me,” he said finally. She stood up then, her knuckles white from gripping the edge of the table. She leaned toward him, anger flashing in her eyes.

  “Trust you,” she pursed her lips. “Why on earth would I trust you?”

  “You know damn well what I meant. I meant Alvin isn't enough to challenge a candidate for a nursing home. He's gonna screw things up.”

  “Well Brady, he may screw things up, but he won't screw around on me in the process, now will he?”

  Set, match, game over.

  Chapter 5

  Brady slammed the rusty metal door to his trailer behind him. It shook the old tin can, rattling Pricilla from her much-needed beauty rest. “Hell's bells, Cowboy, what's got you all in a huff?” she inquired.

  Brady's face was a lovely shade of mottled crimson. She wondered absently, if she could match that in a lipstick.

  Whoops! From the pacing he was doing Pricilla figured it hadn't gone quite the way they had planned. His big feet stomped a furious path that echoed around the trailer, bouncing off the thin walls. His mouth was set in an angry line of contempt, his big powerful body radiated anger.

  “Your daughter, that's what's got me in a huff! She's already dating someone. Do you know who that someone is?” Pricilla stared blankly at him. Should she know? Melina had only just decided to file for divorce and there was no one her baby girl seemed very fond of. Was there?

  Pricilla shook her head and wagged a finger at him. “Look, Cowboy, I'm only supposed to guide ya through this mess, not do it all. It was your job to get her to go out with you. I mean, you screwed up at the coffee shop, now what happened?” Pricilla accused.

  Sitting up, she tucked her legs neatly beneath her and straightened her gown. Oh all right, for the love of Pete, she'd bite. “Who is she going out with Brady?”

  He stomped over to the fridge to get a cold beer, but stopped himself. Instead he glanced over his shoulder at her, the little muscle in his jaw working overtime, Pricilla noted. “She's going out with Alvin.” Brady threw the nameAlvin at her like he was The Great and Powerful Oz.

  Oh, okay, Alvin, as in the chipmunks? Oh good gravy, baby girl, what have you done in the name of spite?

  “Alvin who, Brady?” Pricilla asked cautiously.

  “That geek for brains she works with, Alvin, that's who!” Brady spat at her. Well that made everything crystal clear now didn't it, Pricilla mused?

  “Sounds like the two of you could be the best of friends, Cowboy, so what's the problem?” Brady glared at her, and flopped down beside her on the sagging couch that doubled as his bed.

  “The problem is,” Brady said, “Alvin is as geeky as the day is long, and he's probably having wet dreams over the fact that he managed to get a date with someone like Melina, who just so happens to bemy damn wife. He is also as single as they come, and can't keep it in his pants to save his life. He'll ‘do’ anything with a pulse. I've heard the rumors. He's a mama's boy, but when mama's away the cat is lookin’ to play.” He balled his hands into fists, wishing Alvin were available for a face lift.

  Pricilla blanched. She would not have anyone “doing” her daughter! Melina was certainly too sharp to let some romance Romeo come along and whisk her off her feet, but then again she was also very vulnerable. Pricilla narrowed her eyes, and patted his leg.

  “Don't you worry about a thing, Partner. We'll fix Alvin's hide,” she promised.

  * * * *

  “Who ishe ?” Celia purred from behind Melina. They stood together watching out the window in the kitchen as Alvin sauntered up the walkway. Was that a skip in his stride?

  “Alvin,” Melina answered with a little less confidence than she'd had a couple of days ago when she'd finally accepted Alvin's offer of dinner.

  “Ah, the infamous Alvin. Well, Alvin is ... um ... cute. And look, he has flowers for you.” Celia giggled, and Melina rolled her eyes. This dating thing made her nervous, even if it was just Alvin. She wiped sweaty palms on her silk skirt, and tugged at her rather low-cut blouse.

  When she'd accepted Alvin's dinner suggestion it had come with the understanding that they had to take things slow, very slow. Alvin agreed wholeheartedly. Nice and easy, he'd said, smiling shyly at her. Besides, dating Alvin was safe. He certainly wasn't going to run off with the first tramp that showed him her wares.

  “Hey,” Celia said, nudging her and sidetracking her from digging any deeper than that.

  “Look who decided to check the mail, even though the mailman won't be here for...” Celia looked at her wrist, “another two days. Lord have mercy, that woman will do anything to get a man's attention.
” Melina's eyes followed Celia's to the mailbox across the road. Sure as the day was long, it was, as they had fondly dubbed her, “Oh high-heeled one.” Melina's neighbor, and perpetual pain in the ass, strolled down her driveway, shaking her groove thing, in her skin tight jeans and high heels.

  “Ugh!” Melina moaned out loud, “Is she for real?” Melina and Celia had enjoyed many a giggle at Francine Turner's expense. Melina had known from the moment she set eyes on her new neighbor that they would never be friends. Francine didn't have time for friends; she was too busy plastering layers of goop on her face, and pouring herself into those jeans that were two sizes too small. Who gardened in high heels anyway? There must be a law written against that somewhere.

  Francine however did garner plenty of attention with those fuck-me pumps. She hovered by the mailbox pretending something of great importance waited for her, giving Alvin an eyeful of her shapely butt.

  Alvin seemed completely unaware of Francine, making Melina smile with satisfaction. He didn't make her knees tremble, or her heart kick into overdrive, but he was easy to talk to, and she hated to admit it, but he probably didn't have women beating a path to his door. Well okay, she didn'thate to admit it, ‘cause it meant zero in the competition arena, baby! Oh, this was a lovely attitude! So Alvin wasn't babe-o-licious, but look where that had gotten her.

  “Her pants are so tight even I can't breathe,” Celia joked.

  “Do you think it's hard to hold your eyes open with all that goop on them?” Melina asked with all seriousness. They fell into one another with gales of laughter. It really wasn't fair to pick on Francine, she was such easy prey. Vain and shallow, she never spent a wasted moment on anyone but herself. She never made an effort to be friendly, but she did spend plenty of time judging those around her and butting that stuck-up nose in where it didn't belong. Especially after she and Brady had split up.

  “Listen, have a wonderful time with Alvin, call me tomorrow with all the juicy details.” Celia gave Melina a quick hug, and ran out the backdoor so Alvin wouldn't catch her spying on them. Melina grabbed her coat, just as the doorbell rang. Otis ran excited circles at the door, yapping out his glee over a visitor. Melina drew deep breaths, and slapped a smile on her face. This was just Alvin. About as risqué as going out with your brother, right?

  * * * *

  Okay, so Alvin was like avery friendly brother. A brother who had many, many hands that possessed the speed of light. Shit, what had she gotten herself into?

  Alvin had chosen a rather cozy restaurant. As they sat down to order at an intimate table for two, Melina began to feel like this was one of the bigger mistakes she'd made out of spite. Alvin had taken nearly every opportunity known to man to touch her; and though discreet, he had a hand everywhere. Melina tried to relax and peruse the menu, feeling the safety of numbers was on her side. The bistro was fairly crowded on a Saturday night. The hushed tones, soft lighting and candles lent a romantic atmosphere she could have done without. Potted plants surrounded the little alcove where they were seated, creating the illusion of privacy.

  “Its lovely here Alvin,” Melina commented. “Oh, and look,” she tried to show some enthusiasm, “they have escargot.”Big Mac anyone?

  Alvin smiled placidly back at her.

  “Let's order some wine, Alvin.”Maybe then I'll loosen up and we can have wild, untamed sex. Melina chuckled at the ludicrous thought.

  “Oh.” He clucked his tongue in disapproval. “I don't drink Melina,” Alvin assured her. He shook his head, making his wrap around hair do ‘the wave.’

  K, no drinking so that means I can't either? I ain't doin’ this straight up, I need libation, courage.

  “Well I hope you don't mind if I do, Alvin. I enjoy a glass from time to time.”See? She wanted to stick her tongue out at him.I'm not a falling down drunk. Well not yet anyway ... jeez!

  Alvin blushed furiously at her. “Of course Melina, enjoy ... that's what we're here for, right? Let's just relax and enjoy each other's company.” He reached across the table to take her hand in his, and knocked his water over.

  All over. Big honkin’ glass of it too.

  Melina watched in horror as streams of water trickled over the table and straight onto Alvin's lap. She jumped up to help him, offering her napkin, trying to dab at his pants, then thought better of it, and handed him the napkin. Alvin bristled, excusing himself from the table to clean up in the men's room. Melina mopped up the table and sat back down, studying the menu while she waited for Alvin to return.

  Didn't they have like, a steak? Oh, hell's bells, now she sounded like Brady. Her spine stiffened.Absolutely no Brady thoughts tonight .

  Behind her the potted plant shook, tickling her back with its sharp fronds. She brushed it off, concentrating on the menu. She sighed. Maybe it was time to adopt some culture into her narrow world, but snails just weren't going down this girl's throat.

  Again she felt the bristle of the sharp plant at her back and heard the soft whisper of the leaves as they bristled. Melina got up to push the plant out of her way, when Brady suddenly poked his head through the thick, green foliage, his blond hair a stark contrast to the green, waxy leaves. Startled, Melina fell backward tipping her chair over. She landed on the floor with a very unladylike thud.

  “Hi, honey.” His smile, full of the devil, beamed at her. “Need some help?”

  “Brady Campbell,” she hissed, “what the hell are you doing here?” She righted her chair, and scrambled back to her seat.

  “Having dinner, same as you.” He smiled brighter than a fluorescent bulb. His flaxen hair fell over his forehead with boyish charm and his blue eyes gleamed with unabashed glee.

  “Brady, go home. You don't eat things like lamb and escargot.” Melina held up the leather bound menu waving it under his nose. “Why are you doing this to me?” She heard the question come out on a long-winded whine in her tone and shuddered.Moron.

  “You know Melina you keep telling me what I do and don't like. Maybe I'm broadening my horizons. I have to eat too, you know,” he offered generously. She snorted at him, glancing over her shoulder toward the men's room.Where the hell was Alvin?

  “Why is it that you seem to be broadening your horizons onmy horizon Brady?” She turned her back on him just in time to see Alvin's return with a rather large wet spot adorning his crotch. “Go away!” she whispered fiercely. She heard more mumbling behind her. Who was he talking to? Nope, she refused to turn around and expend an ounce of curiosity on Brady. Come hell or high water, she was going to go through with this date, even if it killed her!

  Alvin slid back into his chair; nervously tugging at his wet crotch under the table.

  “Have you decided what you'd like to eat?” he asked.

  “Oh, I just can't decide, everything looks so wonderful. Why don't you choose for me, Alvin? Anything but the escargot please.”

  “Why don't you choose for me Alvin?"She heard Brady mock in a hushed impression of her. Her face flushed in fury, but Alvin hadn't seemed to notice. He was busily asking the waiter's advice on wine. She wouldn't be baited; she would pretend Brady just wasn't there. The waiter brought a bottle of wine and some kind of fruit juice for Alvin, in a big-boy wine glass. The waiter poured her wine and she took a long swig of the alcoholic courage.

  “I hope you like lamb, Melina.”Those cute little furry things that hung out with Mary? Yup, love em.

  “Lamb is fine Alvin.” Melina assured him. “So, what do you do in your um ... spare time? Tell me about the Alvin after five p.m.” She ran her index finger around the rim of the wine glass, leaning forward and smiling at him encouragingly.

  Brady snorted openly."He plays shuffle board with his mother." She smothered a giggle, then sat up straight. No laughing at the guy who's paying for dinner, she admonished herself. Focus, just focus. Alvin smiled at her.

  “Well there's mother, of course. She's not well, you know. We play cards, and watch the History Channel together. She so enjoys a good dose of the Civ
il War. Oh, and every Friday night I take Mother to Bingo. So if we're to become ‘an item,'” Alvin made swipes at the air to signify quotation marks with his fingers, “then it's something you'll have to learn to live with.”

  An item? Melina grabbed the bottle of wine and poured another glass, sloshing some on the already sodden tablecloth.

  Alvin's cell phone chirped the “Star Trek” theme song. He fumbled in his jacket pocket, frowning at the compact device while looking at the caller ID. Placing his hand over the mouthpiece he informed her, “It's my mother.”Oh terrific. Melina heard Brady's chuckle from behind her.

  “Mother ... no I told you where I'd be,” he whispered. “No ... I ... we are not, Mother!” Alvin blushed furiously; his wrap-around hairdo began a rhythmic samba of denial when he shook his head. He cleared his throat, his tone taking on a soothing quality as though he was placating a child.

  “Now mother, don't you remember we discussed this? I told you I'd be dining with Melina tonight. Yes she's from the office ... she most certainly is not a tr...!” Alvin's mouth clamped shut, tightening into a thin line. “Mother you don't even know her,” he scolded, “How can you say such things? Mother, now listen to me ... Oh, well why didn't you just say so?” Alvin's face took on a worried frown, he gnawed at his lip.

  “Of course I know how painful it is, Mother. Of course I will. Yes, Mother I'll stop at the pharmacy. All right, Mother, you just stay put. Yes, I love you too,” he whispered into the phone. Alvin snapped the phone shut with a click and gave Melina a sheepish grin.

  “Is everything alright Alvin?” Melina asked.

  “Mother isn't well, and her sciatica is acting up. I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut this date short,” he said on a regretful sigh.

  Melina heard Brady guffaw loudly, over her shoulder. Damn him, she was going to shove that potted plant right up his well muscled ... Well this was just peachy! It wasn't even eight o'clock and already she was being left high and dry for her date's Mother.

  Taking a deep breath and another gulp of wine, she smiled sweetly at Alvin. “Of course your mother comes first, Alvin. You go. I'll catch a cab.” She motioned him away with the flick of her hands.