The Shades of Time and Memory

by Storm Constantine

  “It makes sense,” Lisia said, once the story was out.

  “Why do you say that?” Cobweb asked. “Have you ever encountered anything like that before?”

  “Not exactly, but you must remember that I was as familiar with opening the cauldron of creation as I was with using my own voice. I could sense things. It was like...” He screwed up his nose. “How can I put it? It was like opening the door to a great house, of many floors and passageways and rooms. Conception of pearls took place in the main hall, and you could reach it quite easily by following the widest corridors. But there were other rooms. I had no time to investigate them because for me aruna had only one purpose. And since then, well...” He shrugged. “I have never entered that house again.”

  “Have you never wondered about it? Surely, this should be researched.”

  “Cobweb, I delivered twenty-four pearls,” Lisia said, “and as you might imagine, since then I have avoided getting anywhere close to conception.” He refilled their coffee cups. “We do teach aruna arts here, to hara who for whatever reason need help, especially with conceiving, but to be honest, it never occurred to me that healing might be a part of aruna; well, not that kind of intense physical healing. We have other methods we can use, after all, and they are strong enough for most ailments and hurts.” His lips thinned. “But this is interesting, very interesting. There are hara who could benefit from this, if it can be replicated. As you said, you don't really know if it was accidental, a fluke, or what.” He smiled. “I have Varrish veterans here who have lost limbs and eyes. Now there would be a challenge!”

  “I think maybe too much of one,” Cobweb said. “But other things – burns, and such like. Injuries like Snake's. You could use your knowledge, Lis, and that of the other hostlings who remain here.”

  “I don't think any of them would be too keen to try,” Lisia said. “It would make them uncomfortable. It makes me uncomfortable too.”

  “It was just a thought.”

  “And a valid one. I will consider it.” Lisia hesitated. “Bring Snake here. I'll give you a room. You might find the privacy helpful.”

  “Thank you,” Cobweb said.

  “I'm still not completely happy about you bringing your hara here, but I trust you'll be able to protect us, should the worst happen. As you appear now, you seem more than capable.”

  “I hope that will not happen. I won't suggest we create a shield, because that might attract attention. I hope that Ponclast is more interested in those who are a threat to him rather than us.”

  “I hope that too,” Lisia said.

  That night, for the first time since they'd left Galhea, Snake and Cobweb attempted to replicate the aruna that had somehow kick-started an unknown healing mechanism in Snake's body. Cobweb was nervous. He wasn't sure whether what had happened had been a fluke. Snake had no such fears and guided them effortlessly into the same, almost trance-like state, beyond orgasm, yet prolonging it. This time, he remained focused, observing as best he could what took place within him. In mind touch, Cobweb said, Lisia spoke of different rooms... like chambers you could explore. Do you see any of this?

  Snake did not respond for a moment. I'm not sure what I'm perceiving. I'll try to explain. I can feel your ouana-lim doing something. I feel as if there's an army of ants within me, all working on the same task. Do you understand that? Can you place your awareness inside me?

  Cobweb extended his perception as best he could. It feels like... like sewing... A needle with thread, working very fast. But it's not that at all... That's the only way I can describe it. I don't feel like it's part of my body any more. I'm like a generator, providing power. Too much so.

  Cobweb uttered a cry out loud and his senses were hurled back into reality. This time, he did not feel so nauseous, but even so, rolled off Snake quickly. He had to lie motionless, breathing deeply, for some minutes. Snake took hold of one of his hands.

  “Cobweb, I can feel it. Heat across my chest. Down my belly. The fabric of my being is changing.”

  “Mmm,” Cobweb murmured, incapable of saying more.

  They lay in silence for a while, then Snake said, “There's more to this than healing. I can almost smell it.”

  Cobweb sat up, rubbed his face with both hands. “I certainly need to work with it more. I wonder if it has to be this depleting. Maybe I put too much of my own energy into it.”

  Snake reached out to stroke Cobweb's back. “We've done enough for now. I think we should leave it a while before trying to do it again. But I do think we're on the brink of discovering something amazing.”

  “We already have,” Cobweb said. He ran one hand down Snake's chest. “The scarring is so much smaller than it was. That's amazing enough for me.”

  Chapter Thirty

  On the first night, when Cal, Tyson and Moon made camp, Tyson asked to speak to Cal alone. They had found themselves a small clearing in the forest, ancient oaks creaking all around them, huge branches lying dead upon the floor. Cal sat down on one of them. “What is it?”

  Tyson couldn't really see his hostling's expression in the darkness. He could hear the snap of twigs echoing through the trees as Moon collected wood for the fire. “Why did you bring Moon here?”

  “He will be useful.”

  “In what way? Surely the more of us there are, the less inconspicuous we are. Moon is so young. I want the truth.”

  Cal took a tin of hand-rolled cigarettes from his coat pocket, extracted one of the thin sticks and lit it. Briefly a ghost of sulphur, a flare of light that illumined his face. “It's not what you think. And I can see what you're thinking. The har has Cevarro strength. He is resourceful. Pellaz sent him to Galhea for a reason. I think that reason was to go to Fulminir. He is Pell's avatar. I must keep him close, but not for the reason you suspect.”

  “You still love Pell, don't you? Why don't you go to him?”

  Cal inhaled deeply, crossed his legs and rested his arms upon them, the cigarette dangling limply. “We were talking about Moon. If you want to probe infected spots, let me ask this. I see a fire between you that is very familiar, yet you keep your distance. Don't tell me it's because of the unquestionably charming Ferany. Have you taken aruna with Moon ever?”

  “No! He was barely more than a harling when I met him.”

  “Bullshit, he was beyond feybraiha. You are not me, Tyson, and he is not Pell. I think you should follow your heart, discover what you're both capable of. You have a clean start that Pell and I never had.”

  “It's too late. We missed the tide.”

  Cal laughed softly. “I wonder what you're afraid of. It is interesting, the way Wraeththu are given this capacity for an experience beyond love and sex, yet so many back off in terror should it become likely to manifest. Perhaps it's a fear of losing your identity, being consumed by the beloved.”

  Tyson grimaced. “Interesting theories, but nothing more than that. Perhaps it's more to do with circumstances. If I'd ever made a move on Moon, I'd have been judged harshly. My parentage is regarded as suspect, on both sides.”

  “I lost my identity,” Cal said reasonably. “I became nothing more than my desire for a single har, which was wrapped up in bitterness and resentment and stark terror. I know what I'm talking about.”

  “And this is why you've run from it again?”

  “I haven't run from it. Pell and I need to reassess everything. It was unrealistic to assume we could just take up where we left off. I need to find myself first.”

  “You must be so confident of his love for you.”

  Cal shrugged.

  “Well, you must be. While you're busy finding yourself out here, he might be finding other things too. Have you thought of that?”

  “We share a single soul. I have faith in that, yes. I don't feel we're apart.”

  “From what I've heard, you're alone in that,” Tyson said dryly. “You should have seen the state of him when he came to Galhea after the attack on Rue. He was terrified you'd done it. Torn apart. You
shouldn't have left Immanion then. It was a ridiculous time to leave.”

  “I had no idea what happened to Rue when I left,” Cal said. “That was coincidence.”

  “Really? I was taught there are no coincidences.”

  Cal took a final draw off the cigarette and ground it out underfoot. “I don't want to talk about this. There are more important things to consider.”

  “Where were you? Were you really with Thiede?”

  “Yes,” Cal said. “I learned some things.” He stood up. “If all goes well, I'll be able to tell you everything. In the meantime, start training that young har. You're not going to be judged for it.”

  “Training?”

  “Get over yourself, and get in tune with him. Grissecon toppled Fulminir once. It might be the most potent of our weapons. I know for sure that guns and steel are useless for our purposes.”

  Cal wandered off to help Moon with the fire and Tyson sat down on the warm spot on the fallen branch that Cal had vacated. It sounded so straight forward and reasonable and out here, there was no Terez or Snake to judge and condemn, but even so, Tyson was nervous. He would have to back down and he never found that easy. He would have to revive feelings he'd taken great effort to bludgeon to death, or at least into submission. There was a moment in time, by a lake in the dark, when anything had seemed possible. Was it possible to pluck that moment from history?

  Abrimel had discovered it was difficult to try and live two lives at once. What had begun as an exercise in survival, mixed with the unpredictable spices of bitterness and curiosity, had now become something of an obsession. In between visits to Fulminir, Abrimel was haunted by the memory of his last meeting with Ponclast. It no longer had anything to do with Abrimel's feelings for his parents.

  Everyhar knew that it was only a matter of days before Immanion began to send hara over to Megalithica. The otherlanes were mostly cleared and there had already been successful tests. The Tigron himself would be coming to Imbrilim, as well as many hara from other tribes. If the Gelaming had a strategy for dealing with Fulminir, they were keeping it secret.

  One of the first Gelaming to arrive in Imbrilim from Immanion was Velaxis Shiraz. He came in advance to supervise arrangements for other tribe leaders and one of the first hara he visited was Abrimel.

  “Now could be the time to make your mark,” Velaxis said, as before making himself comfortable in Abrimel's office.

  Abrimel poured Velaxis a drink, concentrating on keeping a tremor from his hands. He could feel Velaxis' eyes upon him. “How?” he asked.

  Velaxis made an expansive gesture with both hands. “Nothing like this has ever happened before – so many tribes gathering beneath one banner. I'd like you to work with me, Bree. Abandon your books and fusty lists. Join the administration and make some worthy contacts.”

  “That's generous of you,” Abrimel said, handing Velaxis a glass.

  “No more than you deserve. Rue misses you. You should contact him.”

  “He knows where I am, tiahaar,” Abrimel said, sitting down. He realised he was fully in control of the situation and it felt good.

  “He might well visit here soon,” Velaxis said. “Make the peace, Bree. Family feuds are pointless. There is no threat to your position now. Pellaz is a changed har. Take the place at his side, which should always have been yours.”

  Abrimel shrugged, pulled a wry face. “Perhaps. I suspect I might still have to fight my way through a throng of relatives, however.”

  “Snake and Moon Jaguar are here in Megalithica. Terez was never an impediment to you.”

  “Nor has he maintained contact.”

  “This is all irrelevant. Stop making excuses. Calanthe is no longer part of the equation. In my opinion, he has made his feelings clear. His loyalties lie with Galhea, and perhaps that is for the best.”

  “I still find that hard to believe, given everything that's happened.”

  “Perhaps he served his purpose, and has now moved on.”

  Abrimel shook his head. “No, Pellaz will never let it lie at that. If you try to convince me otherwise, you are not the har I think you are.”

  Velaxis regarded him steadily. “Things are in hand. We have a new commodity. Perhaps I should enlighten you concerning Galdra har Freyhella.”

  “Who?”

  “He is a fine har, a born leader. The Hegemony, in the absence of Cal, is keen to persuade Pellaz to take him as consort, as second Tigron.”

  Abrimel laughed. “If they attempt that, they are insane.” He paused. “Do you really think it will happen?”

  “Cal went to Galhea. We still don't know where he's been or what he's been up to. The Hegemony is nervous about him. They wonder if he is a threat. They don't trust the Parasilians' judgement. To them, Cal is still an honorary Varr.”

  “What does my father think?”

  Velaxis shrugged. “I have no idea. Pellaz is as close as a sealed oyster. There have been numerous rumours about the Freyhellan and him, but unconfirmed. It's my belief he still has Cal in his eyes, but the Freyhellan is persistent.” He leaned forward in his chair. “I am concerned for you, Bree. Please believe me when I tell you I think you should take on more of an official role in your family. Something disturbs me...”

  “You once said to me that many factions fight for control,” Abrimel said. “Can you tell me more about that?”

  “Many factions who once fought are now united,” Velaxis replied. “Think about that, Bree. Please think hard.”

  Abrimel looked away. He had a bizarre feeling that Velaxis could look right inside him.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Sometimes, there is no reason on earth not to go after what you want: sometimes there are plenty. Sometimes the consequences of your actions are so small, it's nothing more serious than a drop of rain falling from the end of a leaf into a river. Nobody cares. But a single drop becomes part of the whole, it flows on down to the sea.

  Moon knew there was absolutely no reason why he shouldn't just lie down next to Tyson one night and say, “Here I am.” He could tell from the hot glances that singed his skin like a burning match that Tyson had similar thoughts. But there was something, something that made it impossible. The words would turn to stones in his mouth. They'd tumble out onto the ground with a series of thuds. In Tyson's presence, with the possibility of intimacy hanging between them like a lascivious ghost, language lost all meaning. It was senseless yet there it was. Moon felt he had created something impenetrable back in the farmhouse on their journey south. This pious sense of denial was unreal. It didn't even feel like he owned it.

  They rode west, towards the place where once Swift had toppled Ponclast's forces. Moon asked Cal what would happen when they got there. Cal smiled in his typical, feline way. “I am Uigenna,” he said. “So are you, and so is Ty, partly.”

  Tyson laughed. “Are you suggesting we simply ride in there, say hello and introduce ourselves?”

  “Got a better idea?” Cal asked.

  “But I look like Pell,” Moon said, frowning. “Won't Ponclast...?

  “He has never met Pell.”

  “He's met you though, hasn't he?”

  “As part of Terzian's household, yes. I don't believe I'll have a problem with him. It's doubtful he hadn't heard about me leaving Immanion. If that's not the case, he's no worthy foe of the Gelaming's. He must have intelligence agents at work.”

  “Still brave,” Tyson said.

  “I don't think so,” Cal said. “In my opinion, Ponclast will believe that the majority of Parsics will welcome the return of the Varrs. I don't think he'd be too wrong in that either. He will expect his old allies to come crawling out into the light.”

  “It's still a big risk,” Tyson said.

  Cal shrugged. “Really? Why? You are Terzian's son, I am an erstwhile consort of his. Moon is the son of Pell's brother who was Uigenna to the core. I don't think our pedigrees will go against us.”

  “Still...” Tyson appeared worried.

&nbs
p; “Just watch me at work,” Cal said. “It'll be fine. Trust me.”

  “What are we going to do there?” Moon asked. “Fool Ponclast into trusting us, then try and get Aleeme and Azriel out?”

  “More or less,” Cal replied. “I need to find out what Ponclast has been up to concerning his dynasty. We might need to remove rather more than Ty's relatives.”

  “Why are harlings so important to him?” Moon asked. “Is blood really that strong?”

  “We could debate that for hours,” Cal said, “but all you need to know is that hara will invest for the future in harlings. That is their strength. Harlings are banners you can ride behind. They represent an idea, sovereignty. The mixing of blood is alchemy. Thiede talked to me at length about it.”