Pain, Pleasure, and Lies: An Urban Romance Thriller

by Qiana London

  “She’s okay, right?”

  “She’s stable now. She went into convulsions, and that put extra strain on the twins.”

  My mother’s voice drifted off, and tears began to flow. I didn’t know what to expect based on her actions. The numb feeling that came over my body suggested the pending news wasn’t going to be good. As much as I wanted to know what was going on, I wasn’t eager for sad news. I decided I’d let my mother pace herself and tell me on her own terms.

  “Dezzy, her little boy didn’t make it.”

  A knot formed in the pit of my stomach followed by a lump in my throat. I wanted to believe I’d heard her incorrectly and that this was one huge misunderstanding, but she said nothing more. She walked over to her bag and pulled out her Bible. She sat in a chair across the room. When my mother got ready to pray, no one was to disturb her. She always told me and Donte prayer changed things. And after the many things my small family had survived, I believed her. At times, though, I felt like she was the only one who knew how to get a prayer through. It often seemed as though my prayers failed to be answered. Time and time again, I had shared this with my mom, and without failure she’d assured me that my prayers would be answered, but in God’s time. I wasn’t the one calling the shots. If at no other time, I hoped He’d hear my prayers now. A very close friend of mine was experiencing something devastating, and I shared her pain. As much as I wanted to be there for her, I couldn’t begin to figure out how.

  I asked one of the nurses to connect me to her room. I didn’t have much to say, but I was more than willing to lend an ear, and that’s what I did.

  “Hey, Dez,” her voice was flat and hoarse.

  “I am so sorry, sweetie.”

  “Thanks.”

  “How are you holding up?”

  “Barely.”

  “You let me know if there is anything I can do.”

  “Thanks. I will,” she was quiet before she continued. “I just don’t understand why God keeps doing this to me.”

  “What do you mean?“

  “First, I had a miscarriage, and now this? What did I do that was so bad?”

  “Come on, Rob-“

  “This shit is too much!”

  “You had no control over that, Robyn.”

  “But I did have control over this. I should have kept my damn mouth shut.”

  “Don’t do that. There is no way you could have known that this would happen.”

  “Dezzy, I knew who I was dealing with. How could I be so damn stupid?” she began to cry. “This is my fault.”

  “Robyn, don’t blame-“

  “Now my boy is gone and my baby girl is barely holding on!”

  She screamed and completely broke down. Trevell took the phone.

  “Dezzy, she’s having a really hard time with this. I appreciate you checking on her, but I’ll have to have her call you back.”

  “No problem. I understand.”

  We ended the call.

  Other than Keisha’s death, I’d never felt so helpless. I handed the receiver to my brother and lay there completely numb. In a matter of moments, everything had changed drastically. If only it were possible to turn back the hands of time.

  Donte went home, but my mother remained by my side until sunrise. When I woke up, she was stroking my head again. Her eyes were bloodshot from crying all night and she looked worn out in general. I wanted her to go home and rest, but she resisted, at least until I ate breakfast. The nurse came, checked my vitals, and two hours later brought me breakfast. My mother joined me and had coffee and a bagel. When she almost dropped her coffee because she was falling asleep, I told her to go home and continued to press the issue until she finally did. Besides, I hadn’t had a moment to myself, so I welcomed the opportunity.

  After my mother left, I flipped through the channels until I landed on The Maury Show. I was trying to take my mind off of all the happenings in my life. The nurse came in with my medication. Within twenty minutes, the pills had taken effect, and I was struggling to stay awake. By the time Maury went to the next commercial break, I was watching my eyelids.

  I hadn’t realized I’d slept the day away until I opened my eyes and peered out the window at the pink sky as the sun was setting. The nurse left my dinner tray, but I wasn’t feeling the mashed potatoes and roast beef. I didn’t touch it. The news was depressing, but there was nothing else was on television. I watched about five minutes of the top stories before turning the TV off. There was no mention of the shooting, so I didn’t need to watch anymore. My brother had brought me an Eric Jerome Dickey book to read, so that’s what I decided to do. It wasn’t long before I became completely immersed in the novel. I was so wrapped up in chapter five that I didn’t notice the door open. I already knew who’d walked through the door without looking. The seductive scent of his cologne soon filled the room. I sat the book down and turned my attention to Diandre, who continued to hold the door open as if someone was coming in behind him.

  “Judging by the icicles on your tray, you’ll appreciate this burrito I brought you.”

  “Mexicali Rose?”

  “With enchilada sauce and cheese on top just how you like it.”

  “Thank you so much, baby.” I gestured for him to come over.

  “Just a second, Dezzy. I’m not alone.”

  “Diandre, who did you bring up here? You know I look a mess.”

  “You look fine and trust me, baby. He ain’t trippin’.”

  As Diandre finished his sentence, a handsome little chocolate chip walked through the door. Like his daddy, he wore dark denim jeans, white Air Force Ones, and a blue and white Nike t-shirt. Diandre’s son was a miniature version of him. Diandre waited for him to come inside and then closed the door. The little cutie stuck close to his daddy’s side as Diandre pulled a chair over to my bedside. He handed me the burrito.

  “What’s your name, handsome?”

  “Kendrick.”

  He continued to face his daddy.

  “How old are you, Kendrick?”

  “Five.”

  “Wow, you’re an old man!”

  “Nuh uh,” he giggled at my silliness.

  “Dezzy, don’t let him fool you. He’s not shy. He’s playing the role.”

  I winked at Kendrick then turned to Diandre.

  “How were you able to get him in here?”

  “It’s all about who you know.”

  I smiled and shook my head. I didn’t know how he did it, but he always managed to get his way.

  “Diandre, you know I’m not going to be able to finish all of this. You’ll have to take it home for me so it won’t go bad.”

  Kendrick peered at me with big, bright, almond-shaped brown eyes. When I winked at him, he blushed and hid behind his daddy. Diandre looked over his shoulder at him and laughed.

  “Do you want some of my burrito, Kendrick?”

  He shook his head and started to explore the small room. Diandre found a pen and paper for Kendrick, pulled an action figure out of his pocket, and gave him everything along with a sucker. He removed the tray of food I hadn’t touched and placed it on the counter before positioning the table it was on in front of Kendrick, who had taken a seat, in order to keep him occupied. Once he got him situated, Diandre returned to my side.

  The nurse walked into the room, removed the food from the counter, and checked my vitals. She gave me a final dosage of medication for the evening and informed me I would be discharged first thing in the morning. The news was pleasing, but Diandre appeared to be much happier than I was. I was happy to be going home, but I couldn’t help but think about Robyn. This was going to be a trying time for her, and I wanted to be there for her by any means necessary. I only hoped I’d be able to.

  “Where’s your mind, baby? You haven’t said anything else since you started eating.”

  “I’m just thinking, Diandre. Not to mention, I’m hungry so my conversation right this moment is very minimal.”

  I smiled.

>   “I see you got my flowers.”

  “Mmm hmm.”

  “Did you read my card?”

  “Mmm hmm.”

  “Is all forgiven?”

  “I guess.”

  “You guess?”

  “I’m playing. You know I can’t stay mad at you.”

  “On the real, Dezzy, I apologize for coming at you the way I did.”

  “I know. So, let it go.”

  “You’re special to me, Dezzy. I let you meet the number one priority in my life.”

  He turned and looked at Kendrick.

  “I was going to have to eventually if our relationship kept moving in the right direction.”

  “Well, there is no time like the present.”

  I nodded.

  “Would you like to take me home in the morning?”

  “Oh, I get to see your crib?”

  “I guess so if you’re available to take me home.”

  “I was hoping you’d let me. I’ll make myself available. I’ll be here.”

  “Thanks, boo.”

  “Don’t mention it. I love you.”

  The bite I’d taken went down hard. I knew he was waiting for my response, but I couldn’t bring myself to speak. Sure, I cared about Diandre a great deal, but the last man I’d said those words to had scarred me pretty bad. I tried desperately not to carry baggage with me from my previous relationship, but it was almost inevitable. Diandre stood next to the bed and looked down at me.

  “Even though you haven’t verbalized it, I know how you feel. Your actions toward me speak much louder than any words you could ever say.”

  I gazed into Diandre’s eyes. He was right. There was no hiding my extreme fondness of him. Before I could muster a word, Diandre had already placed his warm lips on mine. I took his face in my right hand and shared myself with him the only way I could in that moment. We pulled away slowly, and Kendrick began snickering.

  “Dezzy, let me get this little knucklehead home. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  “Y’all be safe.”

  “We will. See you later.”

  “Bye, Kendrick.”

  “Bye, bye.”

  I wrapped my burrito back up and handed it to Diandre. He took it out of my hand and grabbed Kendrick off the chair. They were out the door as quickly as they’d come.

  Before I fell asleep, I envisioned myself as a wife and mother. One part of me felt foolish for fantasizing about the future while the other part welcomed the opportunity. After all, the possibilities of the future were endless.

  Chapter Seven

  Diandre had pulled into my driveway and was about to open my car door to help me out when a loud crashing sound came from inside my house. I heard my brother yelling which was totally out of character. I didn’t know what was going on. I hated that something crazy was happening on Diandre’s first visit to my house. With his help, I rushed through the front door. A few feet ahead of me I saw Raijean on the couch with her face buried in her hands. A vase of flowers lay broken at her feet, and my brother was pacing back and forth. He hadn’t noticed that Diandre and I were in the room.

  “How in the hell could you be fuckin’ somebody else. And one of my best friends, Raijean? Are you serious?”

  “Donte, don’t I get a break for telling you the truth?”

  “Raijean, miss me with that bullshit. The truth of the matter is you shouldn’t have fucked him.”

  Diandre stayed close to the door while I walked further into the battlefield. In most cases, I would have been embarrassed to have Diandre meet my brother under these circumstances, but I was more concerned about his state of mind at the time. It wasn’t often my brother lost his temper.

  “What’s going on?” I asked.

  “Your brother is going crazy!”

  “Raijean, I know my brother. He would have to be motivated. What did you do?”

  “Tell her, Raijean! Tell her how the baby you’re carrying might now be mine!”

  Donte hit the wall, and the floor vibrated. He would hit everything around him in the room, but he would never hit a woman. I definitely respected my brother for that. He turned to look at Raijean with visible hurt in his eyes. She didn’t return the gaze. He turned and noticed Diandre in the room for the first time. Diandre nodded a hello to Donte, who looked at him long and hard before returning the gesture. After that, my brother walked out of the room.

  Raijean searched my face for answers, but she found none. I was dumbfounded by the entire situation. There was nothing I could tell her that would help. She had created a messy bed, and now she was going to have to lie in it. For her sake, I really hoped the baby was Donte’s because if not, she could forget about a life with him. When my brother was done, he was done. On the other hand, she wasn’t deserving of him.

  “Dezzy, I don’t know what to do.”

  “Raijean, I think you should leave.”

  Judging by my tone, she knew not to question the idea. She mechanically collected her things, including the broken vase on the floor and walked out the door. I began picking up the remains of the flowers when Diandre walked over.

  “Baby, that’s not your problem,” he pulled me by my right elbow.

  “I know but–”

  “Your brother will handle it. You need to rest. You can’t take on everyone else’s burdens as much as you think you can.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “Nothing, Dezzy, it’s just that your shoulders are weighed down enough with your own concerns. Deal with them first.”

  “You’re right.” I stood up slowly with Diandre’s assistance. “Can I at least go and check up on him?”

  “I’ll be here on the couch when you get back.”

  My brother was in the kitchen with a bottle of Belvedere in one hand and a shot glass in the other. My heart jumped into my throat at the sight. My brother had battled and conquered alcoholism… or so I thought. I could tell I had caught him completely off guard, but he didn’t let that stop him. He poured the liquor into the glass.

  “Donte, what are you doing?”

  “Not now, Dezzy!”

  “Not now my ass! Donte, you were doing so well.”

  My words seemed to echo in the kitchen. He was silent. In fact, he didn’t move. Moments later, he heaved the bottle into the wall, and the shot glass went crashing to the floor.

  “You cannot let her bring you down!”

  “Dezzy, I really love her and that child she’s carrying.”

  “I know you do.”

  “I can’t believe she would play me like this... and with Michael? Oh, my God, I better not see that nigga on the street, or it’s on!”

  “Alright, Tay. Calm down.”

  “Why? He deserves everything that’s coming to him.”

  “I agree with you, but you don’t have to be the one to bring it.”

  “That’s probably what he wants me to do so he can have her to himself.”

  “Well, if you feel that way, then don’t give him the satisfaction.”

  For the first time during this situation, my brother heard me clearly. He looked at me and all of the glass on the floor. I was still trying to figure out his disposition when he began laughing.

  “Okay, now you’re scaring me.”

  “I almost took a drink.”

  “That’s not funny.”

  “Oh, but it is. I didn’t let her get the best of me.”

  Like that, my brother had returned to his senses. His demeanor changed, and he began cleaning the kitchen. I inquired about his state of mind once more before returning to Diandre. I felt better knowing my brother was thinking logically again.

  “Is everything all right, Dezzy?”

  “Everything’s fine.”

  My mother walked through the front door. She looked rested and back to her normal state. She wrapped up a business call on her cell phone while she hung up her jacket. When the conversation was over, she turned the phone off and slipped it into her coat pock
et.

  “Hey, baby how do you feel?”

  “Much better. Mama, this is my friend, Diandre. Diandre, this is my mother, Sonya.”

  Diandre gave me a brief, awkward look that would have gone unnoticed by the average person, but I picked up on it. He stood and walked over to my mother.

  “How’re you doing, Mrs-”

  “It’s Miss, and you may call me, Sonya. I’m not old. Are you the person in my parking spot?”

  “Oh, I’m sorry. I can move.”

  “Don’t worry about it, baby. Make sure you park on the street next time.”

  She smiled, and Diandre relaxed. As she came farther into the living room, she noticed the mess of flowers on her carpet. Before she could say anything, I threw my hand up and pointed toward the kitchen. I didn’t need to say anymore. She went on a mission to find Donte. In the meantime, I led Diandre to my bedroom so we could be alone.

  He sat in the chair at my desk after glancing around the room then stared at me. I kicked off my shoes and climbed into my bed before acknowledging him.

  “Am I missing something? Why are you staring at me?”

  “What am I to you?”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “How do you feel about me?”

  “You’re my sweetheart.”

  “Am I?”

  “Why would you ask me something like that?”

  “Because you don’t act like it.”

  “What do you mean?”

  I was slightly offended.

  “Why did you tell your mama that I’m your friend?”

  “Oh, that’s what this is about?”

  “Yes, it is. I’m pretty sure we’re more than friends.”

  “Whoa, where is all of this coming from?”

  “Don’t you agree?”

  “Of course, I do. We never officially talked about it, though, so-“

  “You’re kidding right?”

  “Actually, no. I-“

  “Damn, Dezzy. Do I have to spell it out for you?”

  “Diandre, I–”

  “I don’t fuck my friends, Dezzy. I’m past that shit.”

  His being direct caught me off guard.

  “Ok, look, Diandre. What could I have said that would have been more to your liking?”

  “Mama, I’d like for you to meet my boyfriend, Diandre or this is my man–”