Pain, Pleasure, and Lies: An Urban Romance Thriller

by Qiana London

  “What happened, Dezzy? Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I’m still processing everything. I’m having a hard time accepting it myself right now.”

  “Dezzy, I am so sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry, Camille. It’s not your fault.”

  I told her everything Donte had told me. She was completely dumbfounded. She told me she was going to tell Blu, but I begged her not to. After all, I wasn’t supposed to know any of this. If she mentioned this to Blu and he suddenly began to act differently, Diandre would know something wasn’t right.

  Donte overheard our conversation and reinforced the importance of not mentioning anything to anyone. He also added that I would already have hell on my hands once Kimberly received word Diandre had been arrested. Camille began moving around aimlessly. It was something she only did when she was nervous. She inquired about anything she could do to help. Donte recommended she stay strong for me and let justice be served between him and his father.

  “Donte, what makes them so sure they’ll catch him red-handed?”

  “Well for starters, they’ve arrested one of his hitmen. If he talks, they’ll have enough to convict him.”

  “What if the man won’t talk?”

  “Considering all of the dirt they have on him, he’s going to try and get any deal he can. The cops will tell him what he wants to hear in order to get what they want. All they need is for him to testify in court.”

  “What if he gets to me before they have a chance?”

  “That is not going to happen.”

  “How can you be so certain, Tay? He’s going to be free in a few hours if I don’t press charges.”

  “Well, don’t press charges right now. We want to get him on murder, not domestic violence.”

  I was hoping I would wake up and find myself in the middle of a bad dream. When I touched the right side of my face, reality sunk in. My swollen face was very real.

  I dreaded having to tell my mother why I’d be moving back into her house. She believed I hadn’t thought everything through in the first place and never wanted me to leave. Once she found out why I was back, I knew she’d be furious and worry herself to death. I decided I wouldn’t mention anything to her until she came back from D.C.

  Camille stayed for a while longer before returning home. She had no control over the situation, and it bothered her. She assured me her cell phone would be on and that she’d be taking all of my calls if I needed her. Donte walked her to her car, and I went into my almost bare room. My bed and television were still there along with a few other belongings. My bed was just what I needed. After the day from hell, all I wanted to do was sleep, escape into a peaceful dream, and forget this day had ever happened

  Chapter Twelve

  Lee was a lifesaver. She’d managed to get the swelling around my eye to go down tremendously. Unfortunately, the skin was still black and blue. While I longed for my face to return to normal, I didn’t panic because if push came to shove I was hoping it wasn’t anything a little makeup couldn’t fix. Lee finished applying a cold ointment to my eye then sat down next to me on the couch.

  Camille prepared a fire in the fireplace while Lee and I fingered through DVDs. Once she got it contained, she came and sat down with us.

  “Diandre stopped by the house yesterday,” she blurted.

  Lee and I stopped to look at her.

  “He came to see Blu. It was hard to act as though I didn’t know anything, but I managed.”

  “Did he say anything to you?” I inquired.

  “He told me to tell you he was sorry and that it would never happen again. I wish I could have told him to go fuck himself.”

  “Well, thank you for not fueling the fire.”

  I forced a smile and changed the subject.

  “Let’s watch this movie.”

  We were forty-five minutes into the movie when the doorbell rang. I didn’t bother to pause it because I knew the movie like the back of my hand. I got up from the couch and opened the front door. Diandre stood before me with a single rose in his hand and the other behind his back.

  “I’m not here to hurt you. I just came to apologize and talk.”

  I was nervous. I wanted to move, but felt like my feet were cemented to the floor.

  “Baby, can I come in?”

  I remained frozen. I couldn’t speak if I wanted to.

  “Dezzy.”

  I looked at him with confusion. I loved him and hated him at the same time.

  “Dezzy!” he repeated my name louder.

  The sound of his voice caused me to replay the day before in my head. Suddenly, I felt dizzy. One of my girls had muted the TV. I knew they were listening to us.

  “Huh?” I asked in a daze.

  “Are you alright?”

  He sounded genuinely concerned.

  “No. I don’t feel so good.”

  Lee stood up and walked over to me at the door, which I was now holding on to for balance.

  “What’s wrong, Dezzy?” she asked.

  I didn’t answer the question. I clutched my stomach as I felt forced to bend over. I was lightheaded.

  “I just want to lie down.”

  “Come on, Dezzy. I’ll help you,” she said.

  Lee helped me over to the couch. Diandre pleaded for my attention. Camille walked over to the door.

  “Diandre, this isn’t a good time. Maybe you should just try to call her a little later.”

  “Can I make sure she’s going to be okay?”

  “We can handle it.”

  “Alright,” he replied, reluctantly.

  Once Camille convinced him to leave, she came and joined me and Lee on the couch.

  “He’s gone now, Dezzy. You can relax.”

  “No… I really do feel sick… I… I … have to throw up!”

  I stood up from the couch and made a bee-line to the bathroom. Moments later, I was huddled over the toilet dry-heaving since I hadn’t eaten anything. I hated to throw up, especially when there was nothing to come out. Lee came and stood in the doorway of the bathroom. She reminded me of my mother, the way she stood there with one hand on her hip. She watched me struggle for a moment before saying anything.

  “When was the last time you had your period?”

  “Huh? Oh please, Lee I’m just a little sick.”

  “Whatever. Answer the question.”

  I’d never been good at keeping track of my periods. As long as my period came once a month, I didn’t pay it much attention. I thought about Lee’s question and realized it had been a while since I’d had one.

  “Girl, I don’t know.”

  “Well, I’ll be damned.”

  I was silent. I knew what Lee was insinuating, but I didn’t want to believe that I might be pregnant. If the circumstances were different, I may have actually been happy, but knowing I could possibly be pregnant with Diandre’s baby terrified me.

  “I have a pregnancy test in my trunk. You can take it if you want to.”

  “I don’t really want to, but do I have a choice?”

  “No.”

  “And why do you have a pregnancy test in your trunk?”

  “Stay out of grown folks business.”

  “Whatever!” I laughed a little, but it hurt. “Just go get it.”

  Lee left me alone in the bathroom. I had the urge to cry, but I fought it. If was pregnant, it wasn’t the end of the world. Of course, I wouldn’t have ever chosen to be a single mother, but if faced with the situation, I could handle it.

  Camille came into the bathroom to let me know Donte had called. He had to drop Raijean off at home, but he would be here shortly. He was more protective now than he had been in the past. He didn’t feel comfortable with me being home alone since everything had happened. As smothering as it could be at times, I was thankful for my brother.

  Lee handed me the test and walked out of the bathroom. I stared at the small box before finally opening it. I removed the digital wand from the box. All of my life
I looked forward to the day I’d take a pregnancy test and learn that I was pregnant. But today I was leery about the results.

  I squatted over the toilet and forced myself to pee on the stick. I walked out of the bathroom before anything could happen. I wanted to know, but I was afraid at the same time. When I came and sat back in the living room, both Lee and Camille were staring at me waiting on the results.

  “I was too afraid to look.”

  “Girl! Do you want me to go in there and look for you?”

  “Would you, Lee? I don’t think I can.”

  Lee hopped up and walked into the bathroom. I sat motionless until she returned to the living room. I searched her face for answers, but she revealed nothing. She sat next to me on the couch and looked at me. Camille, as if reading my mind, demanded the answer before I could part my lips.

  “You know that I’m gonna be there for you no matter what, right?”

  Lee’s words echoed in my head. I was having a hard time accepting the truth. She placed her hand on my shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze. Camille closed her eyes and lowered her head. We were all taking in the reality of the moment.

  “I’ll support you in whatever you decide to do,” Lee assured.

  I knew she would have my back. Camille nodded in agreement. I knew with the love and support of family and friends, this baby wouldn’t want for anything.

  “Well. I’m not going to tell anyone yet.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “I’m going to keep my baby. The baby didn’t do anything wrong, so why should it be punished? Babies are a blessing. The timing may be bad, but I’m certain this is a blessing in disguise.”

  We all continued to sit in silence. Donte walked through the door and picked up on the awkward mood in the room immediately. I didn’t want anyone to know about the pregnancy, but this was something I couldn’t keep from my brother.

  “Tay, come over here. I need to talk to you.”

  He came closer and sat in the chair next to the couch.

  “What’s up, Dez?”

  “I have something to tell you.”

  I was struggling to get it out. I didn’t know how to tell him I was pregnant by a madman.

  “I’m listening.”

  “I… uh…”

  “Talk to me, Dez. What’s up?”

  I burst out crying.

  “I’m pregnant, Tay!” I blurted.

  “You’re pregnant?”

  “Yeah,” I avoided eye contact.

  “What do you want to do?”

  “I can’t get rid of my baby.”

  “Alright,” he replied. “Then I got you.”

  I expected him to hit the roof, but he was calm.

  “You’re not mad?”

  “Of course not. I mean, it’s not the ideal situation, but as long as I have breath in my body you and my niece or nephew will be fine.”

  I wiped my tears and calmed down. Donte was always there for me when I needed him.

  “Damn. Now I’m going to have permanent ties to this man.”

  “Maybe you should tell Diandre, Dezzy. If he knows you’re carrying his baby, his attitude may be different toward you.”

  “I might tell him. Then again, you never know. I don’t want him to think that this baby changes things between us.”

  “That’s true too. Give it some thought and make sure you play your cards right.”

  Since Donte was home, Lee and Camille decided to retire for the night. They had spent the day with me; now it was time to go our separate ways. We promised to touch base with each other the next day then said our goodbyes. After I locked the door behind them, I ran upstairs to my bedroom to grab my cell phone and a blanket. Moments later, I returned to the living room and lay down by the fireplace. The entire room was silent with the exception of the fire crackling. I lay on my back and envisioned my future. I had no control over what it would bring, but I could control the way I responded to the cards I had been dealt. I intended to be the sole provider for my child. I knew it would be trying, but it could be done.

  As I stared at the ceiling, I began wondering if Diandre should know. He hadn’t killed Justine; surely he wouldn’t kill me either. I was going to be the mother of his child too. Besides, Donte’s father was a top notch detective. I believed he would make sure justice was served and spare my life in the process. I hadn’t realized I’d dozed off until my phone rang and startled me awake. I answered on the second ring. Diandre spoke softly on the other end. Despite the urge to end the call immediately, I remained on the line. After all, he couldn’t harm me through the phone, and listening wouldn’t hurt anything.

  “Look, I fucked up, and I know I did, but baby, I’m sorry. I’m going to get help. Please don’t leave me.”

  “Diandre, I still can’t believe you put your hands on me.”

  “Dezzy, it’s like I was having an outer body experience. I had no control.”

  To an extent, I believed him. Whenever he was experiencing an episode, he became another person. Still, my character had never changed, and I didn’t deserve to be mistreated. Despite his attempts, there was nothing Diandre could say or do that would convince me to take him back. I refused to be the same fool twice.

  “Dezzy, I’ve apologized repeatedly. I don’t know what more you want me to do.”

  “There’s nothing you can do. You’ll always have a special place in my heart, but I’d be crazy to stay with you.”

  “Would you be willing to come back if I agreed to counseling?”

  I used to admire Diandre’s persistence. Now it was annoying. He was used to having his way, but I refused to give in. Perhaps, if I didn’t know the circumstances surrounding his past, I would consider getting back together after he’d received help. After all, I really cared about Diandre and looked forward to spending the rest of our lives together. He’d been the knight in shining armor I had always hoped for. But now there was no denying the truth. We would never have a future together.

  “Diandre, I just need some time, okay?”

  “Alright, I’ll respect that. Can I call you later?”

  “That will be fine,” I lied.

  I ended the call before he could say anything else. I was crying because I felt torn and helpless. I really wanted to believe everything was a huge misunderstanding, but I knew better.

  I was adding another log to the fire when Donte walked into the living room carrying a blanket and Monopoly. He sat his things down as the doorbell rang. After letting in several gusts of cold wind, he returned with pizza. He popped a mixed CD into the stereo, set up the game, and gestured for me to join him at the coffee table.

  “Dezzy, it’s been a while since we had a night alone to kick it like we used to back in the day.”

  “I know, right? It’s unfortunate that shit had to pop off in order for it to happen, though.”

  “You know what? The way this came to be doesn’t matter. What matters is that we’re here now and able to spend this time with one another. So let’s just enjoy it. You shouldn’t cry over spilled milk.”

  A chance to play and be carefree was exactly what I needed. If only for a moment, everything was right in my world again.

  Rather than retire for the night, my brother and I remained in the living room and enjoyed one another’s company until the sun began to rise. Although we were very close, I learned a lot about my brother that night and he did the same about me. It was amazing how we’d both crept into adulthood and already had begun dealing with the trials and tribulations that came along with it. Nonetheless, neither of us had encountered a problem that was too much for us to bear. When and if we ever did, we’d always have each other’s back.

  Chapter Thirteen

  I woke up with popcorn stuck to my cheek and my brother’s foot in my face. He was too long for the couch, so his feet were hanging over the armrest. I had one mind to hit his foot and wake him up, but because of the way he was calling hogs, I decided to let him sleep. I pulled myself o
ff of the floor and began cleaning up around him. Since I’d be braiding hair today, I’d arranged for my clients to come to my home rather than go into the salon. The skin around my eye was still bruised, and I didn’t want the other stylists asking questions. I had managed to keep the majority of my private life to myself, and I intended to keep it that way.

  My bubble bath wasn’t as long as usual, but it had served its purpose. After a night of sleeping on the floor, my bones and muscles were aching. The hot water was just what my body needed. I threw on a baby blue velour sweat suit and slippers. I had a full day ahead, and I wanted to be as comfortable as possible. While combing my hair, I began to feel nauseous, but managed to hold myself together. I prayed my entire pregnancy wouldn’t be this way. If so, this was going to be the longest nine months of my life!

  As I headed back down the stairs to grab a bite to eat before my first client, Donte staggered past me mumbling something about his bed being better than the couch. I guess he planned to get in a power nap because he had to take Raijean for a check-up in a couple of hours.

  I ate a boiled egg and a piece of toast. By the time I’d finished my glass of apple juice, the doorbell rang. I put my glass in the sink and went to open the door for my client. She knew to come prepared since I didn’t have the convenience of a wash bowl at home. It would also save time. After we confirmed the hairstyle of choice, I began braiding.

  *****

  I was halfway into my second client’s hair when my doorbell rang, again. Assuming it was my final client for the day, I opened the door. Diandre stood before me holding a bouquet of flowers in one hand while waving a white cloth with the other. I wanted to slam the door in his face for taking it upon himself to show up again unannounced, but I didn’t want to cause a scene. My third client walked up behind him. They both came inside.