Disgrace and Desire

by Sarah Mallory

  ‘Yes, but I thought Tony had destroyed it.’

  ‘No. It was stolen.’ Eloise looked up. ‘And now someone is using it against me.’

  Alex sat up straight. ‘The devil they are!’

  Briefly, Eloise told him all that had happened since he had left town. When it came to explaining Major Clifton’s role in the affair she said only that he wanted to keep Tony’s name free from scandal and to help her to catch the culprit. When she had finished her recital she reached into her reticule and pulled out the crumpled paper. ‘When I met with the villain he gave me this tonight.’ She shuddered as she handed it to him. ‘Burn it, please, once you have read it.’

  Alex took it, rubbing his chin as he frowned over the writing.

  ‘You will see that you are only mentioned there as “M”,’ she said, ‘but if anyone begins to put together the dates and the places, your identity must be known.’

  He looked up.

  ‘Why did you not tell me?’ he asked. ‘Why did you not write to me? I would have come back to town immediately.’

  She spread her hands, saying miserably, ‘I thought I could deal with this myself. And then…and then Major Clifton became involved.’

  Alex tossed the paper into the fire, a look of distaste marring his fair features. He said, ‘Tony mentioned Clifton to me in one or two of his letters. Thought quite highly of him, so I suppose we can trust him.’ He shot a glance at her. ‘How much does he know, Elle?’

  ‘Only that I am desperate to recover the diary.’ A knot of unhappiness was twisting itself in her stomach. ‘He knows nothing of its contents.’

  She lowered her eyes, unwilling to meet Alex’s keen glance.

  ‘He thinks it is a scandalous record of your affairs,’ he stated baldly.

  Eloise shrugged. ‘Better that than the truth.’

  ‘And you don’t mind that?’

  ‘Of course not. Major Clifton is nothing to me!’ She looked away from his searching gaze. ‘And there is no need for you to look at me like that. You know I have no wish for another husband.’ She managed a scornful laugh. ‘Certainly not the major!’

  Eloise did not think she sounded very convincing, but Alex seemed satisfied. He said, ‘Well, I am here now, and I will help you recover that damned book. You can tell Major Clifton that we no longer require his help.’

  Eloise could not understand herself: she had thought she wanted nothing more than to be free for ever of Jack’s disturbing presence, but Alex’s words gave her pause.

  ‘I am not sure he will be that easy to put off,’ said Eloise slowly. ‘He is very anxious to protect the Allyngham name.’

  ‘Is that all he wishes to protect?’

  Her cheeks grew warm again as she remembered her behaviour in the carriage. She stifled a sigh.

  ‘He has no reason to think well of me.’

  ‘No, it is most likely that Clifton thinks to take you for his mistress.’

  ‘No!’ cried Eloise, tears starting to her eyes. ‘He must know I would never agree to that!’

  ‘Are you sure? When you go off alone with him to Vauxhall, and invite him into your house in the middle of the night?’

  Eloise bit her lip. She had been about to tell Jack the truth, but had he understood that, or had he thought she was offering to take him to her bed?

  ‘Much as I hate to admit it, Jack Clifton could be useful to us,’ mused Alex, rubbing his chin. ‘After all, we cannot involve too many people in this affair. And if we are careful, there is no reason why he should ever discover that the journal is anything other than an account of the Wanton Widow’s scandalous past, is there?’

  Eloise stared into the fire. A short while ago she had been on the verge of telling the major everything. Now she must continue with her role, and abandon any hope of Jack Clifton ever regarding her with respect.

  ‘No,’ she said dully. ‘No reason at all.’

  Chapter Seven

  Lady Chastleton’s rout promised to be a huge success: the elegant salons were so full that it was impossible to move freely and even though the tall windows to the garden had been thrown open, the noise and heat had increased to an uncomfortable level.

  Catching sight of her reflection in the gilded mirror, Eloise thought that no one watching the Glorious Allyngham would think her anything other than a wicked flirt.

  She was in Lady Chastleton’s elegant salon, at the centre of a group of attentive gentlemen. One young buck was gazing at her adoringly, another had taken her fan and was gently waving it to and fro; Sir Ronald Deforge was offering her a glass of champagne while a red-faced gentleman in a powdered wig was bending to take snuff from her upturned wrist.

  Her eyes travelled to where Alex was standing, paying court to a shy ingénue who blushed prettily whenever he addressed her. She sighed. They were both playing out their charade and she knew Alex was as sick of it as she. If only they could retire again to their respective country acres. But it could not be, not yet. Not while the threat of exposure hung over them.

  ‘You must take care not to allow the snuff to stain your fair skin, my lady.’ Sir Ronald’s voice broke into her reverie. ‘Allow me to brush it off.’

  He caught her hand and rubbed his thumb over her wrist. It was an effort for her not to pull her hand away with a little shudder of revulsion. Instead she gave him a roguish smile as he bent to touch his lips to the soft whiteness of her inner wrist. Some instinct made her look up at that moment and her smile slipped a little when she saw Major Clifton glowering at her from across the room. Her head went up and she hunched one white shoulder at him. She had heard nothing from him since Vauxhall and it did not matter what he thought, he was nothing to her. When she looked again he had disappeared into the crowd and Eloise tried to convince herself that she did not care, but her dissatisfaction with the evening was intensified.

  With soft smiles and caressing words she retrieved her fan, disengaged herself from her entourage and moved away. Lord Berrow was smiling and nodding to her from across the room but she pretended she had not seen him: he might still be persuaded to sell her Ainsley Wood but she had laughed and flirted enough for one night. She would find Alex and ask him to take her home.

  ‘You are frowning, madam. It does not become you.’

  Major Clifton’s voice at her shoulder brought her to a halt. She looked round to find him beside her. Glancing up, she saw no sympathy in his face, only a cool, considering look in his hard eyes.

  ‘I have the headache,’ she said shortly.

  ‘A little air will revive you.’ He held out his arm. ‘Let me escort you outside.’

  She hesitated but the sight of Sir Ronald Deforge standing a short distance away decided her: if she turned from Major Clifton she knew Sir Ronald would be at her side, offering to escort her, enveloping her with his suffocating attentions. She laid her fingers on Jack’s sleeve and allowed him to lead her to the nearest of the tall windows. His arm was reassuringly solid beneath the soft wool of his evening coat and it was tempting to lean upon him. It was very odd that she should feel so safe with Jack Clifton beside her, despite his obvious disapproval.

  As they stepped outside the night air was cool on her face and the exposed skin of her arms. After the cloying heat of the salon it was refreshing. There were several couples already on the wide balcony, and Eloise made no protest as her partner led her away from them.

  ‘I have not seen you since Vauxhall, Major,’ she began. ‘I wanted to thank you.’

  ‘For what?’ His voice was harsh. ‘The kiss we shared in the carriage, or for not knocking Mortimer’s teeth down his throat?’

  ‘Neither! For escorting me to the Gardens. For your protection.’

  ‘Little enough protection, since the rogue was able to approach you.’

  ‘Nevertheless, I was very grateful that you were there.’ Eloise released his arm and busied herself with arranging her fine lace shawl over her shoulders. ‘After…after you had gone, the other night, I decided to tell
Alex about the letters. He is involved, you see.’

  ‘I had guessed as much. Well, he will be able to deal with this.’

  She paused. She had promised Alex she would seek the major’s assistance in recovering the journal. This was her opportunity. She drew a breath.

  ‘Actually, I—we would appreciate your continued help, Major. This is a very delicate matter, and there is no one else we can confide in.’

  He turned away from her, staring out across the vast expanse of Green Park that stretched away beyond the moonlit gardens. Eloise looked at him. There was something very reassuring about his strong, uncompromising profile, his upright bearing. He looked honourable, incorruptible. Suddenly it was very important to her to have his support. She reached out and touched his arm.

  ‘Please, Major Clifton.’

  ‘Give me one reason why I should help you.’

  ‘You called Tony your friend. I thought you wanted to protect his good name.’

  ‘I did, I do, but why should I concern myself with keeping the name of Allyngham free from scandal when you are so determined to sully it?’

  Her hand dropped.

  ‘Because I flirt a little—’

  He swung round to face her, his countenance as hard as stone in the moonlight.

  ‘A little? You are the talk of the town, madam. The betting books are filled with wagers about you!’

  She stiffened.

  ‘I allow no man to go beyond friendly dalliance.’

  He gave a bark of mirthless laughter.

  ‘Oh? I was watching you tonight, surrounded by your admirers! Why, you even allowed that fop to take his snuff from your hand!’

  ‘But that is all. It goes no further than that!’

  ‘Does it not?’ I have kissed you twice, madam. Was that mere dalliance? And what of Mortimer? You consider it friendly dalliance to allow him into your house at all hours of the night?’

  ‘No one but you knows he called upon me.’

  ‘Oh, so as long as he visits you in secret it does not matter?’

  She bit her lip.

  ‘Alex is an old family friend, nothing more. I told you that.’

  ‘Aye, you did, and I wanted to believe you, but the more I see and hear of you—’ He shook his head and said bitterly ‘—I fear our standards are not the same. Standards—hah! I have known alley cats with better morals than you.’

  ‘How dare you!’ Eloise brought her hand up swiftly but he was even quicker. He caught her wrist, his fingers biting into her flesh.

  Jack stared at the angry face turned up towards him. The moonlight glinted on her eyes, sending daggers of light towards him. She was radiating fury, her lips parted as if she was about to hiss and spit at him. And with good reason; he had been very uncivil—but what had he said that was not true? It angered him that he threw such accusations at her and she did nothing to deny them. He admitted to himself that he was jealous, too. Jealous that she should bestow her smiles and honeyed words on other men.

  They were standing very close and as her breast rose indignantly the flowers of her corsage brushed his waistcoat and filled his senses with a heady perfume. It was distracting, intoxicating. His fingers tightened on her slender wrist, pulling her even closer. Suddenly he wanted to sweep her into his arms and kiss her, transforming her rage into the passion he sensed was just beneath the surface. He saw the anger leave her face. Her eyes widened, as though she was reading his thoughts. He could take her now, he knew it. They were standing breast to breast; he would only have to move a little to bring his mouth down to hers. It was like holding a taper close to a tinderbox, knowing that the slightest touch would ignite a blaze.

  She swallowed hard and his eyes were drawn to the convulsive movement in the slender column of her throat. He would like to kiss her there, he thought distractedly. He would like to trail his mouth over her skin to the base of her throat where a pulse was beating so rapidly, and carry on until his lips reached the soft swell of her breasts. Then…

  She gave a little sob.

  ‘Let me go, you monster!’

  His head jerked up and he came to his senses. She was struggling to free herself from his vice-like grip. Jack released her and she stepped away from him, her left hand cradling her wrist. He hardened himself against her look of anger and reproach to say coldly, ‘I am not one of your fawning admirers, Lady Allyngham. You will not strike me for telling the truth.’

  Eloise glared up at him, rubbing her sore wrist. She was still furious, but beneath her anger was a lurking fear for the disturbing emotions he aroused in her. The blaze she had seen in his eyes when they had been standing so close had very nearly overset her: she had wanted to throw herself at him, kicking, biting and scratching until he responded. For one dizzying moment she had imagined him pinning her against the wall, subduing her anger with a savage kiss before carrying her off to ravage her in ways that she had heard other women talk of, but had never experienced for herself. Even now, standing before this big, disturbing brute of a man, she did not know whether she was most glad or sorry that he had let her go. She struggled to regain some form of dignity and managed to say in glacial accents, ‘We have nothing more to say to each other, Major Clifton. We will consider our acquaintance at an end.’

  He clipped his heels together and made her a stiff little bow.

  ‘As you wish, madam.’

  She drew herself up, blinking away the tears that threatened to spill over.

  ‘I wish,’ she said in a low, trembling voice, ‘that it was you and not Tony who had perished at Waterloo!’

  Turning on her heel, she marched back into the ballroom and did not stop until she had found Alex.

  He was playing cards, but as soon as he saw her he excused himself and came to meet her.

  ‘Well, well,’ he said, taking her arm, ‘now what has occurred to ruffle your feathers?’

  ‘Nothing. I merely want you to take me home.’

  He grinned.

  ‘Then I shall do so, of course, but you cannot storm into the card room with the colours flying in your cheeks and tell me nothing is wrong.’

  She almost ground her teeth.

  ‘Major Clifton has insulted me.’

  Alex raised his brows.

  ‘Oh? Do you want me to call him out?’

  ‘Yes,’ she said savagely. ‘I want you to challenge him to a duel and then run him through. I want him to die very painfully!’

  ‘Well, I would, of course, my dear, but Clifton is a soldier, so he is bound to be a much better swordsman than I. Then, of course, he might choose pistols, and you know what a terrible shot I am…’

  Even through her rage she could not but laugh at his nonsense. Alex patted her arm.

  ‘That’s better. Come along then, I will take you home.’

  They said nothing more until they were bowling along in the elegant Allyngham town chaise. As they rattled over the cobbles, Alex demanded to know just what had occurred.

  ‘I was going to tell Major Clifton that I had received my invitation to Renwick Hall. I thought he might help us.’ She rubbed her sore wrist.

  ‘And what happened?’

  ‘He told me I had the morals of an alley cat.’ She hunted for her handkerchief. ‘And I c-could not deny it, especially after he found you in my house when we got back from Vauxhall.’

  ‘He hasn’t spread that about, has he?’

  ‘No, of course not.’ She blew her nose defiantly. ‘But he thinks me quite sunk in depravity.’

  ‘As well he might,’ remarked Alex with what she thought was heartless candour. ‘I think he might be jealous.’

  ‘No, he is not.’ She wiped her eyes. ‘He is merely the most odious man that ever lived. I hate him!’

  ‘If that is the case, then why are you so upset?’

  ‘Because I am quite sick of this charade! I hate everyone thinking ill of me.’

  ‘You mean you hate Jack Clifton thinking ill of you.’

  She stamped her foot o
n the carriage floor.

  ‘That is not it at all,’ she said crossly.

  ‘If it’s your reputation you are concerned for, I could always marry you.’

  ‘Alex!’

  ‘Well, it is one solution.’

  ‘But you do not want to marry.’

  ‘No, and I do not think it would make you happy, Elle. But if it puts paid to a scandal…’

  She shook her head.

  ‘It will not do that, we both know it.’ She sighed. Putting away her handkerchief, she reached across the carriage to pat his hand. ‘It is very good of you, Alex, but we neither of us want to marry. I am sorry; I should not have let the hateful Major Clifton upset me so. I think I must be very tired tonight.’

  ‘I think so, too. It is not like you to be so disheartened. If you are truly worried about that journal, Elle, why not come abroad with me and forget about England? It matters little to me now where I live.’

  ‘No, I am resolved not to run away because some, some insignificant little worm dares to threaten us!’ She drew herself up, saying in a much stronger voice, ‘But I am determined we will not ask for Major Clifton’s help again. You and I will go to Renwick Hall, we will find a way to recover this wretched book and then I can go back to Allyngham, build my foundling hospital in Tony’s memory and, and become a recluse!’

  Eloise found herself looking forward to the Renwicks’ house party. At least it would mean that she need no longer parade herself in the fashionable salons of the town. During her period of mourning she had missed the society, but the role she had set herself was proving to be very wearing. When Tony had introduced her to the ton she had enjoyed the parties and the company, but then the admiration of the gentlemen for Lord Allyngham’s wife had always been tempered by her husband’s protective presence. Even when Tony was fighting in the Peninsula and she had come to town with only Alex as her escort, somehow Lord Allyngham’s shadow hovered over her and no man dared to go too far. However, all that was now changed. As a widow—and a rich one at that—she seemed to attract the predatory males of the town. They circled about her like a pack of wolves and it was only the fact that they considered her to be under Alex’s protection that kept them from pouncing. She was aware of her precarious position: her wealth and status gave her entrée to all the grand houses of the ton, but if she allowed the flirtations to get out of hand, if she caused too much of a scandal, then society’s hostesses would close their doors to her. She would be consigned to the ranks of the demi-monde and the proud name of Allyngham would no longer be revered. Her husband would no longer be remembered as a valiant soldier—she might even be obliged to remove the memorial stone from the wall of Allyngham church. That was why it was so important to recover the journal: if its contents ever became known, she and Alex would not only be ostracised by the ton, they would be obliged to fly the country.