Disgrace and Desire

by Sarah Mallory

Jack stood over him, scowling blackly. ‘From what I could see, you were assaulting the lady.’

  ‘Not I,’ blustered Lord Berrow, moving out of range of Jack’s clenched fist. ‘Lady Allyngham and I have an arrangement!’

  ‘That is not how I perceived it.’

  ‘Then ask her! She will tell you she came here willingly.’

  Jack looked at Eloise. ‘What do you say, madam?’

  She crossed her arms over her breast, her whole body shaking.

  ‘Please, make him go,’ she croaked.

  ‘Well, sir. You heard the lady.’ Jack took a step forwards. ‘You had best be off with you.’

  Lord Berrow straightened his coat and cast an angry glance towards Eloise. She shuddered and looked away.

  ‘Very well, madam,’ he said coldly. ‘It would appear I misunderstood you. I beg your pardon.’

  With a stiff bow he turned and stalked to the door. There was a sudden burst of sound as he left the room, then the door closed again and relative silence settled over them. Eloise glanced up. Jack was still scowling, his black brows drawn together. She said in a small voice, ‘I suppose you will say now that you told me so.’

  The heavy frown vanished.

  ‘I shall say nothing so ill mannered.’ He walked to a side table and filled a glass from one of the decanters. ‘Here,’ he said, sitting down beside her. ‘Drink this.’

  She eyed the golden liquid doubtfully.

  ‘What is it?’

  ‘Brandy.’

  He put the glass into her hand. Cautiously she took a sip.

  She grimaced as the pungent aroma stung her senses. She held the glass away but Jack pushed it back.

  ‘Drink it. It will put heart into you.’

  Obediently she lifted the glass to her lips again. The brandy burned as she swallowed it but gradually its warmth seemed to spread through her body. The horror of the past few minutes faded and she no longer felt faint.

  ‘It would seem I am in your debt again.’ Her eyes flickered over his face. ‘Did…did you hear me cry out?’

  ‘No, I came looking for you. Over dinner I questioned Alex about your interest in Lord Berrow. He told me that you had been trying to persuade Berrow to sell you some land.’

  ‘Yes. I came here tonight because I thought…I thought he was going to agree to the sale.’ She put her hands to her cheeks. ‘But he wanted…’

  ‘Hardly surprising.’ Jack’s hard tone heightened her remorse and she hung her head as he continued. ‘When a beautiful woman seeks out a man to flatter and cajole him, is it any wonder if he thinks he can ask for certain favours? You have gone out of your way to give the impression that you are a woman of the world. No wonder Berrow thought you were his for the asking.’

  ‘Well, I am not. I am not his or any man’s!’ She swallowed and said dejectedly, ‘I do not suppose he will sell me that land now.’

  ‘Was it so very important to you?’

  Jack put his arm around her shoulders. She quickly damped the flicker of pleasure she felt at his touch. It was a gesture of comfort, nothing more.

  ‘Yes. Did Alex tell you of my plans for a hospital?’

  ‘A very little.’

  ‘I want to build a foundling hospital, in memory of my husband.’ His shoulder looked so inviting that she leaned against him. ‘Tony knew there could be no children from our marriage. And I would have liked children, very much.’

  ‘You are young, madam. There is still time.’

  His words cut at her heart. She knew now that there was only one man she wanted to be the father of her children. He was sitting beside her now, his arm about her shoulders, having rescued her from another foolish scrape.

  ‘Tony and I had talked about setting up a charitable foundation,’ she said. ‘When he died last year I thought it would be a suitable tribute to him. As an orphan myself I know what it is like to be alone. I was fortunate that Lord and Lady Allyngham took me in and raised me in comfort and luxury but I know that most do not have that advantage, and it is even worse for those poor babes born out of wedlock, or those whose mothers are too poor, or too ill to look after them. The children are left in church doorways, or worse, left to perish at the roadside. We have a good doctor in Allyngham who is very keen to help the poor. He sees the injustice of leaving these children to suffer. We have already financed a small school in the town but I want to do more. I have discussed with him my idea of a foundling hospital and there is some support from the church: we have set up a trust and agreed on a site to build the hospital, a piece of land from my estate, but it is a long circuitous route from the town, unless we can drive a road through Ainsley Wood.’ She handed him the empty glass and gave a large sigh. ‘Well, there is no help for it now. We will have to improve the existing lane.’

  ‘No need to worry about that now.’ He gently drew her head down on to his shoulder.

  ‘No. I have been such a fool.’

  ‘A regular little ninnyhammer,’ he agreed, resting his cheek against her hair.

  ‘I suppose I should go home, but I do not want to walk out, through all those people. I do not want everyone staring at me.’

  ‘We do not need to leave just yet.’ Jack leaned back against the sofa, pulling her with him.

  ‘You will stay here?’

  ‘As long as you need me.’

  She sighed, murmuring, ‘You are a very good friend to me, Major Clifton.’

  Eloise closed her eyes. She was so very comfortable. The dim light, which had unsettled her when she had entered the study with Lord Berrow, now gave the room a cosy air. She felt safe, lying with Jack’s arm about her and her cheek resting on his chest. The folds of his freshly laundered neckcloth tickled her nose. A strange inertia had invaded her mind and her body. Perhaps it had not been wise to take quite so much wine.

  ‘I should not be here with you,’ she murmured, snuggling even closer.

  ‘You should not be here with anyone.’

  She shook her head slightly.

  ‘No, but definitely not with you. You are dangerous.’

  ‘Not to you, my dear.’

  She smiled as his fingers gently brushed a stray curl from her cheek.

  ‘Oh, but you are.’

  ‘I only want to protect you.’

  The words rumbled against her cheek.

  ‘How delightful that sounds.’

  ‘It is delightful. Let me protect you from Deforge.’

  ‘How could you do that?’

  ‘I could force a quarrel on him. He is reluctant to meet me, but—’

  She sat up, anxiety cutting through her drowsiness.

  ‘No! No, if you do that his lawyer will publish the journal!’ She clutched his coat. ‘Promise me,’ she said urgently. ‘Promise me you will not challenge him.’

  ‘How else would you have me deal with him?’

  Her head was swimming, but it was imperative that she make him understand.

  ‘I have no idea. I only know that if anything should befall him he has given instructions for the journal to be made public. If that happens—! No, please, Jack; tell me you will not call him out.’

  ‘Very well, if that is your wish.’

  She shook her head, wincing a little as something like a brick banged against the inside of her skull.

  ‘No, you must swear it.’

  ‘Very well,’ he said solemnly, ‘I swear I will not call him out.’

  She looked into his eyes, frowning a little because it was so difficult to focus. At last, satisfied, she nodded and subsided against his shoulder once more. Everything seemed such an effort. She closed her eyes as Jack enfolded her in his arms again.

  ‘But I still want to help you fight Deforge.’ he murmured the words into her hair.

  Secure within the comfort of Jack’s arms, Sir Ronald seemed to pose no more threat to her than a troublesome fly. Her hand fluttered as if to swat him away.

  ‘I can deal with him,’ she said.

  ‘He is a dangerous ma
n, my dear.’

  ‘To you, perhaps.’ Deforge would not hurt her, at least not until he had made her his wife. That thought made her shiver, but she was resolved to wed him, if it was the only way to retrieve the journal. Once the damning evidence was destroyed then she would do what was necessary to escape a husband she hated. But Deforge had threatened to kill Jack. She could prevent that. She could protect him, just as she had always protected Alex and Tony—and now she knew that Jack was as dear to her as either of them. Her hand crept up to rest against his chest. ‘Alex wants me to let you help us, but I cannot allow that.’

  ‘Why not?’

  She shifted impatiently. She was so tired. Why did he keep asking her questions?

  ‘Because Deforge might kill you. Besides, you might discover the truth.’

  ‘The truth? And what would that be?’

  She shook her head.

  ‘Oh, no, I won’t be tricked into telling you.’

  Even in her sleepy, comfortable state she knew she dare not tell him: he was far too good, too honourable. He would despise her for ever if he knew how deceitful she had been. And he would turn against Alex. She sighed.

  ‘Poor Alex.’

  ‘Why poor Alex?’ asked Jack.

  Had she spoken aloud? She pressed her lips together. She had drunk too much wine this evening and she must guard her tongue. She must not allow Jack to know any more of her secrets. And she must not allow him to fight Sir Ronald. She gave a little sob and Jack’s arms tightened around her.

  ‘Eloise? What is it?

  She was drifting into oblivion, but even so she knew it was up to her to keep them all safe. As Sir Ronald’s wife she could do that.

  ‘Why poor Alex?’ Jack asked again.

  She said sleepily, ‘I will marry him, and never see you again.’

  ‘Curse it, no!’ Jack exclaimed, sitting up.

  Eloise remained slumped against him, fast asleep. Damnation, perhaps he should not have given her brandy, but she had been such a pitiful sight, pale and shaking so much he feared she might faint. Growling in frustration, he settled back against the sofa and gathered her against him. So she was going to wed Mortimer. Jack cursed under his breath. They weren’t lovers; he knew that only too well. So why had they been at pains to make the world believe otherwise? And why marry now?

  It had something to do with that damned journal. What secrets did it hold, if not a catalogue of the lady’s scandalous affairs? His mind began to race with outlandish conjecture. Treason, spying, perhaps murder? He could not believe it, but even if it was true, did she think that by marrying Mortimer that would be the end of the matter? Deforge would publish anyway. If the contents were as scandalous as he had been led to believe then what life could she have? Marriage to Mortimer would not save her. They would have to go abroad, to live with the other exiles in Calais or Paris or Rome.

  And he would never see her again.

  His arms tightened around the slight figure sleeping against his chest. He would not let it happen. Jack put his head back and stared at the ceiling.

  ‘By heaven, what a coil.’ He looked down at Eloise, her golden curls resting against his dark coat. She was an enigma. She had been at pains to hide her virginity from the world. She was happy for the world to think her fast and immoral, so what on earth was it that she dare not tell him? She had said it was not her secret, that others were involved. Suddenly he recalled Alex’s words: she was loyal to a fault…spent most of her time rescuing Tony and me from our more outlandish scrapes. Perhaps she was innocent after all. Perhaps she was merely trying to protect others. It would certainly fit in with what he knew of the lady.

  Jack sighed again. Conjecture was useless. There was only one certainty in his mind. She was his, however scandalous her past, and he did not want to see her married to Alex Mortimer.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Eloise was sitting at the breakfast table, her head on her hands when Noyes announced Major Clifton. Before she could tell him to deny her there was a heavy footstep in the passage and Jack entered the room. His knowing grin annoyed her.

  ‘I did not know if you would be out of bed yet,’ he said as the butler closed the door upon them. He eyed the untouched food upon the table and his smile grew.

  ‘I have the most pounding headache,’ she told him crossly.

  ‘I am sorry for it.’ He took a seat beside her. ‘I find that a good meal helps.’

  ‘I could not eat a thing!’

  He buttered a piece of toast and handed it to her.

  ‘Oh, I think you can. Try this.’

  After a few pieces of toast and two glasses of water Eloise had to admit that she was feeling a little better. She knew she should not be entertaining a gentleman alone at breakfast, but several questions had been nagging at her since she had woken up that morning, and she needed Jack to answer them.

  ‘How did I get home last night?’

  Jack poured himself a cup of coffee.

  ‘I brought you home in your carriage.’

  ‘Thank you. I cannot remember leaving Parham House.’

  ‘No, you were asleep at the time. I carried you out.’ He grinned at her horrified stare. ‘I waited until most of the guests had left, then put it about that you had been taken ill. However, I have no doubt that the Wanton Widow’s latest escapade will be the talk of the town this morning.’

  She dropped her head back into her hands.

  ‘Until now my…escapades have been nothing more than conjecture.’

  ‘And they are still. Your going off with Lord Berrow appears to have attracted little or no comment and by the time we left it was very late. No one can be sure how long we were alone together.’

  ‘We should not have been alone at all!’

  ‘I did not take advantage of your powerless state. Many men would have done so.’

  ‘I know,’ she muttered. ‘I know and I am grateful to you.’ She added in a low voice, ‘I do not deserve your kindness.’

  He put down his coffee cup.

  ‘Elle—’

  She recoiled at the use of her pet name: it was too intimate, too painful.

  ‘No, please,’ she beseeched him, ‘do not say anything. I am in no fit state to talk to you this morning.’

  He took her hand.

  ‘Very well, but we must talk at some point. There must be no more misunderstanding between us.’

  His clasp on her fingers was a bittersweet comfort. Once there were no misunderstandings he would not want to be near her.

  ‘Yes, very well,’ she said, fighting back tears. ‘But not today.’

  She looked up as the door opened and Noyes entered.

  ‘This has arrived for you, my lady.’

  The butler brought a letter to her on a small silver tray while a footman followed him into the room, carrying a large package. Her smile faded as she recognised the black scrawl upon the note.

  ‘Thank you, Noyes. That will be all. Please, put the box down over there.’

  ‘What is it?’ asked Jack, when they were alone again.

  Silently she handed him the note.

  ‘Sir Ronald is back,’ she said, her voice not quite steady. Steeling herself, she crossed over to the side table and began to open the parcel.

  Jack scanned the letter. ‘He will be at the Lanchester Rooms tomorrow night and expects you to be there.’ She heard the note of disapproval in Jack’s tone. ‘They hold public balls there. Masquerades.’

  ‘I know it.’ She untied the string and lifted the lid of the box. Inside she found an elegantly printed card lying on top of a cloud of tissue. ‘He has sent me a ticket. And I presume this is the costume he wants me to wear.’

  Jack came over to her and while he perused the card she lifted a heavy silk gown from the box and held it up. The full skirts fell in folds of deep green and orange to the floor.

  ‘It is in the old style,’ she said, observing the laced bodice and straight, elbow-length sleeves.

  ‘Even old
er,’ muttered Jack. ‘This goes back to the time of the Stuarts. Look at the motif embroidered here.’ He lifted out a cream petticoat. ‘Oranges. You are to go as Nell Gwyn.’

  She stared at him, then turned back to look again at the gown with its wickedly low-cut neckline.

  ‘He wants me to go out in public dressed as a…as a…’

  ‘An orange seller,’ supplied Jack. His lips twitched. ‘One cannot deny that Sir Ronald has a sense of humour.’

  ‘He is a villain!’

  She dropped the gown back into its box as if it was contaminated.

  ‘Then do not go.’

  She put out her hands.

  ‘What choice do I have? You have read his letter: if I am not there he says the journal will be public by morning.’

  He caught her hand.

  ‘Elle, let him publish! I will take you out of town, tonight if you wish. I can protect you.’

  She looked up at him. Her heart contracted at the concern she saw in his face. She reached up and touched his cheek.

  ‘Then you, too, would be tainted by association,’ she said softly. ‘Besides, there is Alex. He is not fit enough for another long journey.’

  He dropped her hand.

  ‘And of course you cannot leave him.’

  His cold tone cut at her. She said quietly, ‘No. I will not leave him.’

  ‘Yet you will not tell me what it is you have done that is so very terrible.’

  She shook her head, not looking up. She heard him sigh.

  ‘Very well, but you cannot go to the Lanchester Rooms unattended. I shall go with you.’

  That brought her head up.

  ‘No. It is too dangerous. I will not allow it.’

  ‘Madam, you cannot stop me attending a public ball!’

  Eloise looked up into his face, noting the stubborn set to his jaw. With a tired shrug she turned away and rested her hands on the table, bowing her head. Her brain felt so dull that she could not form an argument, especially when in her heart she knew she wanted him with her. She felt Jack’s fingers on the back of her neck, rubbing gently, easing her tension.

  ‘You need not be afraid. I will be in disguise. Deforge will not know I am present, but I will be close by if you need me.’