Breaking the stare, I glance down at my hands and make myself look busy with my phone, which is how I stay for the rest of the assembly. When it’s finally over, I tell Abbey that I’m not feeling well, and rush out of the hall bee-lining for the closest toilets. Shutting myself in a cubicle, I send Travis a message through Instagram.
@lexiwest
What happened on Saturday night?
I’m surprised when I get an immediate response.
@travthe_man
If you want information, it will cost you!
I growl in frustration.
@lexiwest
What do you want?
@travthe_man
Another Kiss. X
I roll my eyes. Of course, that’s his response.
@lexiwest
It’s not going to happen Travis!
@travthe_man
Oh Lexi, you break my heart!
Fine! If you won’t kiss me AGAIN, then I want something else.
@lexiwest
Stop stuffing around and tell me what you want?
@travthe_man
Wow! Someone’s a grumpy bitch today!
I would like you to score me a bag of weed off your brother.
If you do that, then I’ll tell you everything.
What is he talking about? Weed off, my brother?
@lexiwest
What????
@travthe_man
Get me a bag of weed off your brother, and I’ll tell you everything. Can you not read?
Or do you not know all the juicy details about your brother?
@lexiwest
You know I can read Travis!!!
Tell me about my brother!
@travthe_man
Tell me what happened on Saturday night? Tell me about my brother?
You are very needy, aren’t you Sexy Lexi!
@lexiwest
God damn it, Travis, don’t fuck with me!
@travthe_man
And there she is, the real Lexi West! Nice to have you back. I have to say I feel pretty special knowing that you only bring the real Lexi out for me! And before you lose your shit, I will tell you about your brother, but not about Saturday night until you get me a bag of weed.
@lexiwest
Fine.
@travthe_man
Your brother has quickly become a well-known local dealer. He has made himself quite a reputation since he moved here. He sells the good shit too, but it's expensive. Get me some, and I’ll tell you what ever you want to know.
To be honest, this news doesn’t surprise me that much. Mike frequently uses drugs in front of me, and he’s always got an entourage of different people with him who look more fucked up than he does. I know nothing about buying drugs, but I need to know if I had something to do with the school vandalism, so it looks like I’m going to learn how to score drugs fast.
@lexiwest
Fine. When do you want it?
@travthe_man
That a girl!
There’s a party on Soloman Rd tomorrow night. Bring it there by 9 pm.
@lexiwest
Okay.
Knowing I’m late for History, I fly out of the toilets and across the yard. My teacher, Mr Boyer, thankfully doesn’t scold me. I’m never late, and he seems to like me, so I count that as a small win. I’m beyond concerned by this morning's events, and I just want to run away and hide. To do that, though, it would mean going home where Mike is, and there is no way I’m going back there until I have no other choice.
Looking across the classroom to the back table where I usually sit with Abbey, I notice Daniel is sitting in my seat. With his books scattered over the desk that I usually occupy, he has made himself at home. I roll my eyes. I can’t even stop myself, but thankfully Abbey and Daniel are so wrapped up in each other that they don’t even notice me standing at the front of the room. Someone else notices me, though. The new guy. Great!
Worry overwhelms me again, and I turn looking longingly at the classroom door, wanting nothing more than to walk back through it. I can’t do this, and I don’t want to be here. I should just leave now and stop torturing myself, especially since I’m five seconds away from bursting into tears.
Sucking in a steadying breath, I walk up to Mr Boyer’s desk at the front of the room. The new boy is sitting with Mr Boyer going through classwork, but I try to ignore him, my need to get the hell out of here stronger than my need to avoid him.
“Yes, Ms West?” Mr Boyer looks up from the worksheets.
“Can I please have a pass to the Library?”
Mr Boyer frowns, “Why?”
I clear my throat, trying hard to avoid eye contact with the new boy, “For, um… personal reasons?”
Mr Boyer seems confused, and he rises from his chair and approaches me.
“Is everything okay, Lexi?” Concern fills his voice. He’s a friendly teacher, old but nice, and someone I have always had a good rapport with. He is always dressed sharply like he spends hours pressing his suit just to come to a job to teach arrogant teenagers. His slick salt and pepper hair has started balding in the back, and I wonder if he has a wife at home to tell him about his thinning hair.
Unfortunately, his concern is breaking down the walls I try so hard to keep up. My eyes glass over, ready to leak and destroy the illusion of thick skin I’ve worked so hard to fool everyone with. Embarrassed, my eyes automatically dart to the new boy. Even though he has been watching me, he looks away just as quick, either wanting to give me a bit of privacy or in disgust that I’m as weak and pathetic as every other needy girl.
“I’m just having a bad day,” I speak so softly it’s nearly a whisper, “I’m up to date with my Ancient Pyramid assignment.”
Mr Boyer takes a moment to consider my request and then nods, turning to his desk to fill out a library pass.
“Here you go, Ms West. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.” I take the pass from his hand and nod, taking another a deep breath.
Standing tall, I lift my chin to leave, throwing on my ‘I’m happy and confident, and nothing can get me down’ smile, ignoring the new boy’s curious gaze once again.
Unfortunately, Abbey and Daniel spot me, and Daniel starts packing up his stuff. “Hey, Lexi, sit here next to Abs.”
I shake my head, “No, it’s all good. You stay there. I’m off to the library.” I turn and walk out the door ignoring Abbey’s frown.
I’m a coward, I know. Abbey is going to know something is wrong with me, and the way I just brushed her and Daniel off most likely hurt her feelings. She’s done nothing wrong. It’s my fucked up head that is all wrong, and she’s better off if I’m not around her when I’m like this.
The library becomes my sanctuary for the first two periods. I decide that going to PE class is way beyond what I can deal with, so I convince Miss Tate, the librarian, to mark my attendance for period two as well. She would typically refuse such a request. I’ve seen many students try to convince her to let them hide away in here before. I’m not sure why she lets me, but I’m taking it as another small win in my otherwise crappy day.
I hide in the back corner of the library where it’s a little darker and quieter, lounging on the beanbag that I moved up here from the silent reading area a couple of years ago. I have no idea why it’s never been moved back, but I’m happy it’s still here for me. Relaxing back, I start to read The Hate You Give by Angie Thomas. Immersing myself in a story of something else or someone else helps me get out of my screwed up head. I’m an over-thinker, more so now than ever. It’s exhausting. Reading typically helps me calm my thoughts and brings my mental state to somewhere around normal. At least to any onlookers, I appear normal, so hopefully, this will help me get through the rest of the day.
At recess, I avoid the newly relocated canteen, aka the cooking rooms, and head straight to where we hang out. I push down the guilt about the canteen, since I’m not sure if I’m even involved in the vandalism, and decide that worrying won’t help.
&nb
sp; My group of friends occupy a courtyard near the school hall. The girls sit on the retaining wall sheltered by trees, and the boys sit on the picnic tables out in the open. When we have sunny days like today, we usually spread out over the grass to soak up the sun and warm our skin from the winter chill. The courtyard is bustling with activity and conversation, and it puts me at ease. No one appears to be whispering or talking about me or my part in vandalizing the school, so hopefully, that means I’m not involved, or the truth isn’t out yet.
Our large group of friends comprises of people who are polar opposites. A mix of sporty, musical, artsy, and genius, makes up our group, and although we are all different, we mostly mix well and look out for each other. There never seems to be a dull moment. To me, this is as close to home as I get. Despite some of the girls being real bitches, I ignore the dumb shit they say and pull them up on the serious crap. It’s nothing I can’t handle. A few of the boys have been my friends since we were bratty kids, and I tend to get along with them better than the bitchy girls.
I spot Abbey and Daniel sitting at one of the picnic tables with Maddie and Kyle in one of their little love bubbles. It immediately turns me sour. I’m being replaced not just by Daniel but by another couple too. I see it right before my eyes, and I can feel a shift in the disposition of our group.
I don’t want to be here!
“Jesus, you think they could at least wait until the end of the day before doing the whole couple hang out thing.” I look up to see Simon, one of the boys from our group, standing next to me. He’s glaring at Abbey and Daniel sitting across the courtyard.
I scoff, “Yeah, right, as if they would do that.”
Simon chuckles and looks down to me from his tall height, his ash blonde hair falling over his eyes before he Bieber whips the hair away. “You know, Lexi, you and I could be a couple and totally join them.”
I roll my eyes, but he throws his arm around me anyway, leading me to the picnic tables where the boys are sitting. I don’t fight him off. I secretly like the human contact.
“Like my new wifey?” Simon wags his brows suggestively at his mates, who look from me to him and laugh.
My smile is real, and it feels nice, getting caught up in the fun banter these boys have, “Wouldn’t I have to agree to be your wife, Simon?”
“Oh, come on, of course, you agree. How could you not want all this,” he gestures to himself, “as your man?”
Shaking my head, I try to stifle a stupid girly giggle, “Nice try, but this chick is happily single.” I’m such a liar.
Feeling the intense stare of eyes on me again, I automatically search for the source. My eyes fall on the newbie who is grinning at the banter between Simon and me. I nearly forget to breathe. That damn smile! It looks genuine and friendly, so unless he’s a trained actor, I get the impression that I don’t repulse him. Maybe he doesn’t know my secret, or at least the secret I think happened over the weekend.
No one knows about my other secret, not even Abbey.
“You’re delusional, Hastings. Lexi only has eyes for me.” Shaun teases Simon before blowing me a kiss.
“You wish Bossi. Lexi knows you’re a walking STD.” Simon digs back at Shaun, causing all the boys to do an “ooooh”.
I love this. Well, not being the centre of their conversation, but I love how they rib each other and can still laugh about it. It’s the opposite of how the girls talk together. I laugh with the boys, finally feeling the smallest bit of happiness.
Allison eventually calls me away from the boys, and I reluctantly leave Simon’s side, trying hard to ignore the new “couples” table where my best friend is. Joining the girls, I take a seat on the ledge, disappointed that the only sun I now feel is the small rays dotting through the tree’s leaves overhead. I’m quiet, keeping myself busy by scrolling through my SnapChats while I listen to the girls talk about their weekend shenanigans and how incredibly hot the new guy is. Every time they mention him, I can’t help but look to where he is, and every time I do that, he is already looking at me. It makes me feel uncomfortable, but at the same time, I can’t help but like his attention. I can feel the curiosity in his gaze, and I’m hoping it’s not because he can see the secrets I keep.
The bell rings for the end of recess, drawing my awareness away from the attention I’m getting from the new guy, as does the text message that pops up on my phone. I stop breathing when I see Mike’s name on the screen. My heart sinks, and anxiety fills my chest. Like not being able to look away from a car accident, I just have to open the message even while knowing that nothing good ever comes from my half-brother texting me.
Mike (Shithead brother)
So it turns out that dad knows nothing about the locks Ali.
Nice try bitch!
I re-read the text over and over, ignoring Mike’s nickname for me as panic sets in. Shit, shit, shit! This isn’t good. Why did he talk to dad about the locks? Why does he have to do this to me? The small reprieve that recess and being surrounded by my friends had given me comes to a crashing halt because, with that one single message from Mike, I’m knocked back down. Drowning, suffocating, heavy.
CHAPTER FIVE
I’m late again! Mike’s text message has thrown me, messing up my ability to function and keep my facade in place. I can feel the cracks in my armour getting bigger and bigger.
I hate him!
I have a double Maths class now, and because I’m late, there is only one seat left, and guess who it’s with. The new guy! Seriously, who the hell did I piss off to be getting this kind of Karma?
With a huff, I walk through the bright classroom to the table at the back that I usually have to myself.
“Lexi, is everything okay?” Miss Dice is another of the good ones. I’ve found myself on more than one occasion opening up to her about my mum. She knows more about my troubles than any other teachers here, but what she knows doesn’t even scratch the surface.
She has a warm, friendly face, heart-shaped and olive in tone, that ties in perfectly with her straight dark brown bob cut. Her deep brown eyes never have a speck of mascara framing them, her dark lashes needing no help to stand out. She wears the cutest clothes that can only be found in the city since I haven’t come across a local store with such style. Cashmere sweaters and lace-trimmed blouses top the finest pencil skirts with intricate stitch detail. And then there’s the shoes. I’m not really a shoe person, but I can tell Miss Dice is. I bet she has a room in her house dedicated to her shoe collection.
Turning back to Miss Dice, I smile and nod, appeasing her while taking the last few steps to my seat. She informs me to continue with the modules in my book as I sit, trying to ignore the grin on the new boy's face.
“Wow, you really don’t want to sit next to me, do you?” I’m not entirely sure what I thought his voice would sound like, but its gravelly tone sends a warm flush over my skin.
Sighing, I turn to him, hoping the flush on my cheeks isn’t visible, “I’m sorry. I’ve been rude today. It’s not you.”
“Really?” The new boy smirks, “You're giving me the ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ speech?”
I consider that and nod, “I guess I am.”
“So you don’t think I have cooties then?” He asks, still grinning.
I’d like to know what he finds so damn amusing. Raking my eyes down his body, I give him an obvious once over trying to make him feel uncomfortable, but it has the opposite effect. He doesn’t shy away from having my eyes on him.
“Nope, I think you’re cooties free.”
He chuckles. Dear God, he chuckles, and I swear I can feel heat in places I’m not meant to. I can’t control it, nor the grin that tugs at my lips. Turning away quickly, I pretend to read my maths work. He’s not giving up that easily, though, and thrusts his hand in my line of vision.
“I’m Ayden.” He introduces himself, keeping his hand held out, waiting for me to take it.
My eyes land on his hand, which looks strong and manly, and I sli
p my hand, still marked with faint scratches, into his warm palm. Clearing my throat, I look up to meet his piercing blue eyes. “Lexi.”
Ayden smiles that same smile from earlier, and it’s hypnotising. I feel my body betray me again, my cheeks flushing hot, and I reluctantly pull my hand away and turn back to focus on my work. His quiet chuckle floats over me before he follows suit to focus on his own work.
When I say I focus on my work, what I mean is that I stare blankly at the page, not taking anything in, not seeing anything, and only thinking about how nice it felt to have my hand in his. It was a real struggle to remove my hand from his grip, not because he was holding too tight, but because I found it hard to want to let go. The distraction of Ayden only lasts a few minutes before a new unwelcome distraction takes its place.
My phone, which is face-up on the table above my workbook, vibrates with an incoming text message. Mike’s name pops up on the screen, and I instantly feel sick, my empty tummy rolling over. I don’t want to read his message, not now, not ever. There won’t be anything good in his message, and I can’t take the risk of prying eyes. The murky cloud that I’ve been trying so hard to fend off hovers over me like a sinking sky, my emotions battling to spill out through the cracks.
Miss Dice appears at my table then, squatting in front of me to duck her head into my line of vision.
“Lexi, what’s wrong?” She asks quietly.
Shit, I’ve failed to hide my emotions. This isn’t good. I shake my head, letting her know that I can’t talk about it, and in understanding, she nods.
“Is it your mum?” The concern in her voice extracts a single tear from my right eye, and I brush it away quickly, shaking my head again. Miss Dice sighs, giving me a sympathetic look, “Do you need to go home?”
I ferociously shake my head. Home is not where I need to be. Miss Dice frowns, and I’m worried that she’ll see what I try so hard to hide.
“It’s just a bad day, and I’m struggling to concentrate, that’s all. I’ll be okay.” Lies, lies, lies!
Heavy (Heavy Hearts Book 1) Page 5