Make Me Weak (Make Me #1)

by Megan Noelle

  The chains over my heart and the burdens on my soul vanished while I listened to Onyx, watching him and feeling him fill the space around me and within me. It was overwhelming but one sensation I didn’t just want to cast aside the way I did with any other heightened emotion. I wanted to revel in it. Explore it, breathe it into my lungs and let his words give me life.

  When Onyx stopped playing he pulled a stool up to sit almost directly in front of the section where we were. There was a bottle of water on the stage in front of him that he picked up and slammed back. Light chattering sounded as he drank but as soon as he put the bottle down it all stopped. I could hardly believe it. Here I was, sitting in a goddamn bar and one could hear a fuckin’ pin drop. Clearly, I wasn’t the only one entranced by him.

  He looked up and scanned around the room, taking in the crowd of adoring fans. Some were probably loyal listeners but others may be like me and hearing him for the first time. All of us shared something special though, we were all completely won over by his enchanting voice. My eyes were the last ones he met and the feeling that my heart was going to leap from my chest and jump onstage was overpowering.

  “I have to say, I don’t remember the last time I had this much fun at a show.” The women in the audience hollered and the men applauded.

  “I’m going to take this time to slow things down. Some of my favorite songs happen to be my acoustic ones. Every time I write one it is because I have received some sort of overpowering inspiration. It will take me hostage until I can express my thoughts through lyrics. So this song is dedicated to the enigma of a woman whom has captured my every thought.”

  My heart filled with rage, jealousy, and hope. I doubted this song was about me. We’ve only just met, didn’t know each other well enough to be inspirations to each other. Okay—that’s a lie. I have already painted dozens of paintings that all have to do with him. My very first I made for him with the Onyx stones now hangs over my bed.

  But that was different. I didn’t have many people in my life so it seemed natural for Onyx to already appear in my head throughout the day. Onyx wasn’t me though, and if his life was anything like the crowd here tonight, there was no shortage of…inspiration.

  A deep melodic sound rang out as Onyx was transported back into his own world. I was taken along with him almost instantly.

  A siren of the night.

  A mystery. A secret that’s all she is.

  All she sees.

  All she wants to be.

  I call to her but she runs from me.

  A goddess in disguise.

  A broken down, runaway soul.

  She’s all she thinks she’ll be.

  But all I want is her to be with me.

  Dark curls lay across my sheets.

  Sad eyes show the pain she knows.

  The hurt she has endured.

  To run is all she has ever known.

  How do you catch an uncatchable girl?

  Where will you go to find her?

  Will she ever let herself be found?

  I call to her but she runs from me.

  A goddess in disguise.

  A broken down runaway soul.

  She’s all she thinks she’ll be.

  But I just want her to be with me.

  But that’s all she’ll ever want to be.

  A broken down, runaway soul.

  A goddess in the night.

  I hung onto every word he said. Every time he looked into the crowd, it was always me that his gaze found. My lips trembled, a solitary tear ran down my cheek. I had never had a song touch my soul as much as this one.

  Despite the unknown question of whether or not this song was truly meant for me—it didn’t matter. It meant something to me either way. This beautiful, passionate man was expressing himself and even if I’d never have the words to respond with—I had the feelings. My heart had the answers to his questions and for now—that was all I could expect.

  During his song I felt Kayne’s arm move behind my chair. Until that moment I had forgotten he was even here. I wanted to push him away, but I refused to break the connection I held with Onyx. As the song came to a close the applause erupted wilder than ever before. Onyx locked eyes with me once more then stood up and motioned for the band to crank the sound back up. My body was too on edge to sit there and pretend I wasn’t so immensely affected by him. I needed air.

  For the first time since Onyx appeared I looked over at Kayne. “I need to go to the bathroom, and then I’m going to have a cigarette.”

  Kayne nodded and moved like he was about to stand. “Good thinking, I’ll come with you.”

  I shook my head and pressed a hand to his chest to keep him seated. “No, you just stay. I’ll be back soon.”

  “Alright.” He said with a shrug. He grabbed my hand from his chest and pressed a light kiss to my fingers.

  A rough, forced smile met my lips and as I backed away, I looked toward the stage. Onyx’s piercing stare was focused on me but not with the same lustful gaze as before. This one was filled with rage. My stomach lurched into my throat and I felt the contents about to come out.

  This was one of the worst things possible. Here I was, lost to Onyx, and Kayne tries to assert himself between us. None of this was necessary, especially when I made damn sure he knew we were just friends. Maybe he got the message but judging by the look on his uncle’s face I’d say Onyx got the message too. Just not the same one I had been trying to send.

  Before things could get worse I hurried away. I pushed through anyone in my path, slammed myself into the three stall bathroom and locked myself into the furthest from the door. I buried my face into my hands as I leaned into the stall door. My body trembled trying to keep everything together. The shaking from holding back tears raked through my chest making me feel on the verge of breaking down. All of this was just too much. I had assumed the life of Kandi for so long that I almost forgot how to naturally feel about another person. Kayne was the closest thing I have to a friend and I can’t help but feel like I’m fucking this up. Even though I had verbalized to him again and again it didn’t matter, his feelings were there. But that wasn’t the man I was worried about.

  Onyx. A part of me wants to hate him, run from him and never look back- all because of that other part of me. The part of me that is falling for him, and shouldn’t. Wanting him is wrong, but I do, so badly. For the first time, Andie’s heart was breaking through Kandi’s walls. Every moment my time was not dedicated to Daisy was a waste of time. At least, that’s what I wanted to believe. Onyx was already changing everything.

  Why did I have to care about him? No, better yet, why did he care for me? I’m devastated and distraught because I think Onyx might be mad at me. At the same time I am horrified that I give a damn at all. Who the hell was I becoming and why was this one man turning my world upside down? I needed to just stay the hell away from Onyx. He as changing me somehow and I wasn’t looking to be changed.

  I took a deep cleansing breath and slowly exhaled. Pulling myself together I stood up straight and walked out of the bathroom, leaving Andie’s weak heart behind. It was time for Kandi to take over again.

  I found my way to the bar ready to slam down whatever bottle of liquor my hand reached first. The sound of someone clearing their throat stopped my mission. When I turned their way, ready to tear their heads off for bothering me, I recognized the two guys I made give up their seats. I cringed inwardly and waited for them to speak.

  “You came, we half expected you to bail.” The bolder of the two said with a nervous smile. My first thought was hell no, but the more I debated it, the more I was into the idea. Kayne needed to see I wasn’t here with him and Onyx needed to see I wasn’t falling for him.

  “Who’s first?” I held my hand out and with no surprise the only guy doing the talking took my hand hard. Maybe he thought I was going to bolt, or perhaps he just didn’t get with enough women to know that crushing my fingers wasn’t a turn on.

  Before I could
contemplate any further he pulled me onto the dance floor with other wasted couples and desperate girls. For the first time since reemerging from the bathroom I tuned into the music and heard a typical club tune playing. I expected it to be Onyx but as versatile as he was- I knew for a fact he wasn’t suddenly singing like Lady Gaga. The need to look for him and see what was happening was overpowering, but this guy had no plans to let me go. His hands cinched around my waist, his hips moved to trap mine into this dance of seduction and that’s when I woke up. What the fuck was I doing?? I was letting some random fucking stranger put his hands on me and manhandle me around this dance floor.

  I shoved against his chest, but he held his hands behind my arms to keep me here.

  “Let go.” I snarled out. He shook his head, pressing his pelvis against mine. I started panicking, feeling chills coursing under my skin. My breathing became erratic and I had no idea what to do. “Stop! Let me go!”

  I knew there were ways to get this creep off me, but having his hands all over me was turning off the places in my mind that could help. It was turning me into a helpless little girl and I was ready to break down.

  “Get. Off. Of. Her.” My head shot up as I saw Onyx standing next to us. His teeth were bared and there was murder in his eyes.

  The fool of a man stopped moving but didn’t release me. He narrowed his eyes at Onyx with pure disgust.

  “She owes me and my buddy a dance so why don’t you get the hell back? You can have her when I’m done.”

  In a flash Onyx grabbed the front of his shirt and yanked him back so hard I was freed from his grasp. Onyx slid into the space between me and him keeping his back to me in a protective stance. I needed to make the crawling sensation leave my body. There was only one way I could think to do it and that was to rely on the one person who could make this feeling go away. Without hesitating for even a moment my fingers curled into the back of Onyx’s shirt. I pressed my face into his chest and breathed in his scent. A deep-wooded smell mixed with the hint of sweat from his set. It was perfect and did the trick to soothe the terrorizing shivers running through my body.

  “You’re done. Now get the fuck out of here before I do more than pull you off my girl.”

  I looked around Onyx’s shoulder and saw him roll his eyes. He puffed his chest out and stood his ground. I could practically hear the defensive growl low in Onyx’s chest.

  “Your girl?” He scoffed with disbelief. “What would some sexy young thing like her want with some old wrinkly man like you?”

  I felt Onyx’s muscles tense beneath my grasp and in an instant his fist was thrust forward into the guy’s jaw. As he fell to the ground I could hardly believe the amount of strength Onyx had. Then again, I felt his body, the power in his muscles, maybe it wasn’t all that surprising after all. But it was beyond sexy to have a man stand up for me the way he did. It had never happened before and in the darkest moments of my life, it was all I wanted.

  I dreamed that someone would come in on his white horse and save me. Take the demons in my life, cast them aside and hold me close as we escaped to a world of light and bliss. Eventually I stopped waiting for that person and learned to save my damn self, but here I was now. Not only was I watching someone save me,, but I was letting him. Except Onyx wasn’t riding in on a white horse, it was a black motorcycle- which was better. The only thing I wanted to know was why now—why was I allowing Onyx to save me? Kandi took care of herself, but Andie? Right now I was seeing that she never stopped waiting for her hero.

  All I could do now was pray, if Onyx really was her hero that he not just up and leave her. Pain was all Andie knew, she never let anyone in and if starting now was a risk I wasn’t sure I was ready to take.

  Onyx leaned over the dumbfounded man. “Better be careful, youngin’. That wrinkly old man not only knocked your ass out, but he’s about to leave with the girl you never even had a shot with.” A few people that surrounded us laughed, even I couldn’t hold back a snort.

  Turning away from the man Onyx looked to me, cupped his hands under my chin and stared intently into my eyes.

  “Come with me.” He whispered. I nodded as if there was any other option for me.

  His hands released my face and grabbed my hand instead as he pulled us through the crowd as if there was a fire blazing behind us. Honestly the fire was between us, in us. The light touches of his skin on mine ignited a fire deep in my core. A passion I never before understood sizzled in my heart as I let myself remain fixed on him. I watched the shoulder length waves of his hair brush against his black jacket. The way his shoulders pushed back with the strength he had surely learned over the years.

  My mind was so lost in him that I didn’t realize we left or care where we were going until he turned us into a dark abandoned alley. Another intense chill radiated through my body but this time it wasn’t out of fear, but exhilaration. All I wanted to know was how long until I had his mouth on mine. Suddenly he stopped and yanked my hand until I was standing in front of him. With a firm shove backward I was thrown into the brick building wall. The push wasn’t enough to hurt me but it was enough to…excite me.

  I felt my heart beat speed up as desire pooled between my thighs. Onyx’s eyes were blazing with a mix of rage and lust. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me and that little fact was empowering. There was no doubt Onyx was pissed at me and that was fine. In all honesty I craved for his punishments just as long as he was still here.

  “What the fuck was all that tonight, Alexandria?”

  It was seriously sick how turned on I was getting as I watched him unleash his fury on me. “Which part?” I was baiting him. What the hell?

  “How about all of it? I’ve spent the last few days trying to find you! You haven’t been to work, don’t have a goddamn phone and didn’t even give your job a fuckin’ home address! Maurizio said he has always paid you in cash so none of that BS mattered. I couldn’t even ask Kayne because I didn’t want him to know I was losing my damn mind looking for you. Besides, I was sure he knew none of what I needed to know. Then you show up like a fuckin’ hallucination and you watch me all night like you were lost in love or something. Not to mention you come here with my fuckin’ nephew and even from afar I could see in his eyes that he’s falling for you. It was hell to sit up there tonight and wonder where you’ve been and how the hell he found you.”

  “You were worried about me?” The confidence grew inside of me. My fingers trailed up and down the front of his shirt making his rage subside slowly.

  “Of course! But then I come to find you and there you are dirty fuckin’ dancing with that complete ass of a man. Do you have any idea how furious I was and quite frankly still am?”

  I smiled, my eyelashes fluttered and I pushed away from the wall to get closer to him. “Yes, I do. So you really spent the last few days looking for me?

  “I did.” The rage was gone completely and the intensity transformed into an even deeper desire. It made the air in my lungs cease for just a moment.

  “Why?” I stuttered out. Desperate for whatever truth there was to be known.

  His eyes scanned over my face, my lips and down the front of my chest before raising a hand to brush my hair back. “Because I told you I wasn’t done with you. I had no intention to make what happened a one-time thing.”

  “So why did you make it seem like you were?”

  Light danced in his eyes and he smiled a mischievous grin that made my pussy clench hard. “Would you have stayed? If I told you I wanted you to stay in bed for as long as we both desired—would you have caved? Something tells me you would have backed out before you gave yourself a chance to think about it.”

  A smile touched my lips but didn’t reach my eyes. “How do you catch an uncatchable girl?” Softly I repeated back the words from his own song making his grin grow.

  “Did you like the song?”

  “I loved it. It was…beautiful.”

  “I needed something to do when I reached dead ends on all my searches f
or you. You consumed me, love. Every thought, every dream, everything. I couldn’t do anything but think about you and wonder where you were and if I would ever be able to find you again.”

  “Someday we would have run into each other. That much was inevitable.”

  “That’s not what I meant, Alexandria.”

  My head cocked to the side with curiosity. “Then what?”

  He walked us backwards until my back was against the wall once more. His hands ran leisurely up my arms, over my shoulders, and didn’t stop until he was delicately cradling my face.

  “I may not know you well, but I do. Kandi is who you want to be but Alexandria is who you are. You are hiding her from me and I so feared that by the time I found you Kandi would be all that was left.”

  “I call to her but she runs from me.” I repeated, breaking his serious expression slightly.

  “There is something incredibly sexy about you quoting my own words to me, love. But you need to know in the short amount of time that I have known you I’ve needed you. I can’t stop calling out to you, Alexandria but you are going to pull away from me.”

  “How do you know?” His face lowered until our lips were just a breath away.

  “I can feel it. You want to run but this time is going to be different, love. I’m assuming no one has taken the time to chase you.” Instincts made me pull my gaze from his as I focused on the empty space next to us.

  Onyx pressed his hand firmly against my cheek until I was forced to stare back at him.

  “Not this time. I’m nothing like them, Alexandria. I will chase you and bring you back.”

  “Why? You hardly know me.”

  “Maybe that’s what we both want to think. We’ve barely spent any time together and yet, here we are, tangled up in each other. That is because you feel in me what I feel in you. That finally there is someone out there to understand you and protect you. Do you want to run from a feeling you have spent your life trying to find? I sure as hell don’t. There is something different about you, Andie. I am not sure what it is but I’m not going to let it go.”