Make Me Weak (Make Me #1)

by Megan Noelle

  My legs took off before I could think twice. Onyx took a few steps toward me and for the first time in my life I leaped up into the arms of a man my heart was craving. I saw this done hundreds of times in movies but it was something I never imagined I’d ever be inspired to do.

  He caught me with a deep chuckle rumbling beneath his chiseled chest. I wrapped my legs tightly around his waist while my fingers played with the ends of his hair. My lips found his again and again, I just couldn’t sate my need for more.

  “I thought that little dance was maybe too much for you and you left.”

  “Oh don’t you worry about that, love. That performance was the reason I was waiting out here for you. I figured the big man at the door would protect you inside. I’m out here to make sure no one snatches you away from me when you left.”

  My nose scrunched and I rubbed it against his in an extremely cheesy Eskimo kiss. He laughed making his facial hair tickle my face as I pressed myself deeper into him. I seized his bottom lip between my teeth and reveled in the deep animalistic growl that emerged. His eyes slid shut and I lost all control. My tongue traced his lips, his tasted the inside of my mouth. Taking his tongue between my lips I sucked hard teasing him in the best way. My nails dug into his shoulders, his grasped my ass without caring to be gentle.

  I molded my body into his, grinding my hips against him, locking my arms around him. Just as I was ready to fuck him right here in the parking lot he pushed my arms back to keep me away. My chest heaved up and down.

  “What?” I asked breathlessly.

  He slowly let my body slide down his until my feet reluctantly held their own weight on the pavement.

  “Let’s get out of here.”

  “Fine, let’s go.” I perked up and made a move toward his bike. Onyx caught me around the waist and kept me from moving. Looking into his eyes I knew there was something more he meant to say but I began to tremble with what that might be.

  “I want to go to your house.”

  My throat grew dry. “Are you dropping me off?” My heart sunk into my stomach at the idea of being cast aside like none of this mattered.

  “Absolutely not, love. I want to stay the night with you but I can’t spend another day knowing no way to get a hold of you. Anything could have happened and I wouldn’t know. It’s not okay, Alexandria. I need to know where you live.”

  “Onyx, no.” I felt myself giving in for the sole reason of wanting to remain near him but that didn’t mean I wanted him to see my home. It was the fact that as soon as I let someone into my life the way I lived before was gone. I feared I’d lose the steam to get my daughter back and even worse, that someone else I let into my life would fuck me over. Then I’d be left a broken little girl with no will to survive. The first time I learned my lesson it took years to regain my strength. This time, I didn’t know if I could come back from it if Onyx did anything to hurt me.

  “Please, love. Please, I am begging you to just trust me.”

  In Onyx’s arms I felt safer than anywhere else in this world. If there was one person I was supposed to trust I knew without an inkling of a doubt that I’d chose Onyx.

  Looking into his eyes I heaved a sigh that felt like an anchor over my chest.

  With a single nod of my head I made my decision. “Okay, I’ll show you where I live.”

  Hopping onto the back of Onyx’s bike I wrapped my arms in a snakelike hold around his waist. I leaned up whispered directions into Onyx’s ear and off we soared into the night to my house. As the miles flew past us I had to remind myself to breathe. In most relationships it was a normality to invite people over, for me it felt more terrifying than the prospect of an engagement. My walls were built up high making it impossible to find the real me cowering in between. Onyx wasn’t just trying to find me but now I had practically given him a key and a map to discover the truth. And the more I thought about what I was doing, the more terrified I became.

  I almost didn’t realize we had pulled up to my house over the dull roar of my beating heart. Onyx’s feet were pressed down onto the road but my arms were wrapped firmly around him. My cheek squished against his back, I feared what would happen if I pulled away and saw his reaction. After a heavy sigh that lifted my face up I chanced a glance at Onyx. He was staring up at the building and from what I could tell his reaction was unreadable.

  From the outside this place was rundown, falling apart, and all except the upstairs apartment had boarded up windows. Another breath filled with disappointment heaved out but it was nothing I hadn’t already expected. Gulping back my nerves I leaned forward and directed him to park along the side of the complex where my entrance was. The bike carried us there in just seconds and I was left trying to gather my strength to unlatch myself from his body,

  My legs had the consistency of jelly and my grip on Onyx’s jacket was deadly. He unhooked one of my hands and helped me gain my balance off the bike. Onyx followed suit never letting his eyes stray from my boarded up door.

  “Please tell me you led me to this piece of shit as a joke. This is not where you live. This isn’t a home, Alexandria.”

  “No, it isn’t. This is just where I sleep at night.”

  Onyx finally locked eyes with me and I saw the skeptic look pouring out. “With one eye open I hope.”

  “Very funny.” I said with a forced smile. My half-assed attempt to lighten the mood failed as Onyx rubbed his hands over the disgruntled look on his face.

  “I’m hoping after we break in I will be looking at an interior that just blows my mind. You know, in a good way. We won’t need to leave here and get a Tetanus shot, will we?”

  I rolled my eyes and began the process of getting into my room. “If you aren’t brave enough to enter then just wait out here. Just remember, it was your idea to come here.”

  “I’m not scared for myself, love. I worry about you every single day unless you’re with me. This place is worse than I could have pictured. I thought you weren’t letting anyone over because your place was just far too grand to let any of us commoners in.”

  I snorted hard as I pushed the door open. “Oh yeah, that’s what the issue was. Anyway, let’s get this over with. You wanted to get a look into my life well, here you go.” I crossed the threshold and stepped aside to invite Onyx into my world.

  Onyx walked in without hesitation and in complete silence. The only sound was the clacking of his biker boots against the floor. I watched as he slowly took in every single inch of my place. The few feet I called a kitchen with my hot plate, couple cupboards, fridge, and sink. My joke of a bathroom that had hardly enough room for a toilet and stand up shower. The shake of Onyx’s head was the only indication for how much he despised the place and he hadn’t even seen half of it yet. He dove right in to looking over my mirror, dresser, and bed, the expression on his features never softening. That is, until he looked at the artwork on the walls focusing primarily on the painting of my Onyx stones.

  He walked up to it with his arm outstretched and ran his fingers lightly over the dried paint of the canvas. His head shook once again but under his breath I heard him mutter the word, remarkable.

  “Did you do this?”

  I nodded, trying to keep the butterflies from fluttering too rapidly in my belly. Having Onyx see my work and admire it was giving me this feeling I never expected. I was excited, elated, and proud of myself. It has been ages since the last time I found myself feeling that way.

  “All the artwork is mine.”

  His head never stopped the slow shake back and forth with his mouth dropped down in awe. Seeing Onyx speechless was taking all the tension in my muscles and gradually smoothed them out. I wasn’t sure what to expect from his presence but this was a good start for the night to come.

  “This work is absolutely sensational, love. You are incredibly talented and you never once told me.”

  With a coy bob of my shoulders I felt my neck growing flush under his heated gaze. “I really don’t like to talk about myself.
And I never share my art.”

  “Beauty like this needs to be shared, Alexandria.”

  “If you haven’t noticed I don’t really share anything about myself.”

  “You don’t say.” He said with a smirk. The twinkle slowly came back to his eyes and I was hoping we had passed the worst of it this evening. I doubted it but it was worth a hope.

  “I’m grateful you are sharing these things with me, love. Even if I did sort of force my way in. I worry about you and I’m curious about you. This is why I got you this.” Reaching in the pocket of his leather jacket he pulled out a bright red flip phone and in the other hand he showed me a phone charger, and an instruction manual. He moved closer but I stayed put, unsure of what was happening.

  “What is that?”

  “A cell phone.”

  “Why are you showing it to me?”

  Onyx pressed it into my hands like he was afraid it would blow away. My eyes flickered down to it once but I refused to look it in the eye for too long.

  “I’m giving it to you. It’s a prepay phone and I loaded it up with one year of unlimited everything.”

  “Why?” I was breathless at the gesture and utterly speechless. It was one thing for a man to say they cared for someone if they wanted to get some pussy but this was different. Onyx didn’t just want to fuck me he wanted to know me and help me in ways I never imagined. I never wanted a phone before, but I wouldn’t dare turn him down.

  “Because I need to be able to talk to you and hear from you. You can’t keep running from life, love. Well, at least not from me.” Tears welled behind my eyes but I refused to let them fall.

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Nothing. Just use it. I already programmed my number as well as Kayne’s. He called me panicked the other day and I guess he went to the place he was picking you up at and figured it out. He went to the door and saw no buzzer with your name and even asked the office but they said they had never heard of you.”

  “Shit” I muttered out and flopped backward onto my bed.

  My hands covered my face as my stomach twisted into knots, this was downright shitty. Kayne was a wonderful person and I felt he was merely sucked up into my cyclone of disaster. Now my only real friend was seeing what a lying bitch I was. Weeks ago this would have been a dream come true. One more tie cut loose so I could remain in my own bubble of hell. At this point everything was different. Kayne was more than just a tie and despite the bullshit I fed myself about not caring, I did. Immensely. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt Kayne but I could only imagine the pain that betrayal cost.

  “He’s just as worried about you, love. I’m getting the impression you weren’t expecting this kind of compassion from him.”

  I uncovered my hands as I felt the bed shift with Onyx’s weight.

  “I wasn’t expecting to get anything from either of you. In such a short amount of time the two of you have flipped my world upside down. Everything I wanted and knew is nothing but a vague memory now. I couldn’t go back to the way things were even if I wanted to.”

  Taking my hands away from my face into his grasp he cocked his head to the side to get a good look at me. “Then why do you hide from me, love?”

  “Because you’re the only one who can make me feel weak.”

  The look in his eyes told me he was trying to read me, understand me. To see me.

  “Is that such a bad thing?”

  “Yes.” I replied as I realized for the first time in my life—I wanted someone to know me.

  “It’s okay to let yourself feel weak to someone whose strength will protect you.”

  I looked into his eyes praying he could see into me. It wasn’t as if I didn’t want to trust Onyx, it was just that I was so used to being burned. “How can I be sure that I’ll always be able to trust you?”

  “Well you won’t know if you never give in to me in the first place.”

  “True, but it’s easier said than done.”

  Onyx nodded his head up and down slowly but his attention seemed to be elsewhere. A twinkle suddenly brightened in the corner of his eye, making me nervous to know what was on his mind.

  “Do you trust me?”

  “I thought we already went over this. I’m having troubles giving in.”

  “Fair enough, so let me rephrase my question. Will you trust me?”

  “Yes.” I answered before he even took a breath after his question. My heart was desperate to trust him and I wasn’t sure why. But right now I knew I was going to do anything he said.

  “Alright, well give me a moment.” He pushed off from the bed and I propped myself onto my elbows to watch him.

  He carefully glided across the room, careful not to rifle my things around too much. I watched his eyes light up as he caught sight of the scarves I had hanging from the side of my vanity mirror. He rifled through until emerging with a long black and grey one. As he returned to the bed a wicked smirk spread across his lips.

  “I want to try something with you. A little experiment, if you will. Are you up for it?”

  My eyes narrowed while I scrutinized every inch of his face. He was up to something, no doubt, I just hadn’t figured out what.

  “What exactly do you want me to do?”

  “I want you to trust me.”

  “Um, okay, but with what?”

  Onyx shook his finger at me while he clicked his tongue against his teeth. “Surrender yourself to me, Alexandria. Let go of everything and let me prove to you that I am worthy of your trust.”

  “It’s not that easy for me, Onyx.” His finger pressed against my lips to silence the rest of my negativity.

  “I understand, love. Better than you could know but that’s why I want to do this. If you are to ever put your trust into another person, let that person be me.”

  Dark and doubtful thoughts clouded over my mind telling me to keep everything locked up tight. Yet it was my heart that was so desperate to believe him. I spent the past few years filled with regrets and sadness; finally, I was ready for a change. I was ready for Onyx.

  “Okay.”

  The beginning of a grin teased the corners of his lips, his eyes lighting up with a hypnotizing sparkle. “Okay?” He asked, filled with hope.

  “Yes, I will trust you.”

  “Sit up, love.” I pushed up from my elbows and sat forward directly in front of him. He lifted my scarf up to show me what he was doing and with a slight nod of approval, he tied it over my eyes.

  Everything went dark and just as suddenly I felt myself grow anxious. My heartbeat quickened and my breaths were more rapid. I told myself to breathe but I couldn’t make my fears vanish completely.

  “You’re alright, love. It is just me and you. Nobody else matters and while I’m around no one can hurt you.” A thick whisper met my ears. The bass of his voice vibrated through my body and just like that I felt myself begin to relax.

  “Can you trust me, Alexandria?” I gave a swift nod. “No, no. I need you to use your words. Talk to me.”

  “Yes, I can.”

  “Good girl.” I felt his fingers all of a sudden grabbing onto the bottom of my shirt. My stomach jumped into my throat but I just kept reminding myself to breathe. In an unhurried pace, Onyx lifted my top over my head, letting his knuckles graze lightly against my skin. Goose bumps and chills sprung up across my body at the soft and unexpected touch.

  “Now, I am going to need you to lie down.” I did, with only slight hesitation.

  This time his fingers hooked into the top of my pants. His fingers were warm against my chilled skin and the soft brush felt even better with the blindfold on.

  “Can you trust me?”

  “Yes.” I replied with a bit more confidence. As expected he pulled my pants over my hips, down my legs, until they were off completely.

  “Remember your answer, love. Just keep breathing.”

  I knew slow and steady breaths were the ones I needed to keep. That’s not what was happening, though. Th
e secrets I kept at bay began creeping forward despite all my effort to push them back. Without warning Onyx pressed a gentle, lingering kiss over my heart. I jumped suddenly and felt all warmth and security fade away as a crawling sensation spread throughout my veins.

  “It’s just me, love. You trust me, remember?”

  I nodded again but followed it out with a quiet, yes. Breathe Andie. He was careful to not touch anywhere else on me making the anticipation for what was going to come next almost unbearable. The next kiss was placed against my hip bone and any other time I would have been overwhelmed with the magic of his lips. Not this time. I felt my stomach tighten with the urge to hurl. My chest locked up and my bottom lip began to tremble with the need to cry. Fear was taking over every part of me and with the loss of sight it was spreading faster.

  “Talk to me, love. What’s going on?”

  I shook my head. “Nothing.”

  “Alexandria, do you trust me?”

  It wasn’t easy to say the word without meaning it. I knew Onyx wasn’t here to play games and telling him something he wanted to hear wasn’t going to cut it. The truth was the only way to get through this. People say, the truth will set you free, but how could that be true? I had been a prisoner to my own darkness for so long it began a way of living. I knew how to protect myself by holding it in.

  A finger touched my knee and glided carefully up my leg. I couldn’t hold back the fear anymore as my eyes filled with tears. My heart pounded rapidly in my chest and I felt every bit of discomfort spreading like an unstoppable wildfire.

  “Do you trust me, Alexandria?”

  “I want to.” I choked out.

  “Then tell me what has you so terrified.”

  “Memories.”

  “Of what?”

  “Him.”

  I heard Onyx’s sharp intake of breath, just as I felt his hand on my thigh become rigid. Nothing about the truth is easy. It is difficult to relive, hard to accept, and almost impossible to understand. My truths were no different.