Sweet Invocation

by Arline Chase

  Jamie ran lightly up the stairs, stepped into the bathroom, and opened the medicine chest. Razor, shaving cream, aspirin, band-aids. No flat plastic box! Jamie put his head in his hands, trying to think when it had disappeared, cursing himself for failing to notice.

  An accident? It had to be. No method was a hundred percent. If Leanna had planned this, she would have told him. And if she felt happy about it, she'd have said something by now. On that bitter thought, Jamie dropped onto the piano bench and put his head in his hands. After a long moment of shock, one more thought crept in. Leanna had chosen not to have Boyd's child. Was she now in the process of making a similar decision about his?

  Pain slashed through Jamie, followed by a rage that left him trembling. How could she do that to him? To them? To their baby? She couldn't. Not if she loved him. Well, he'd never deluded himself on that score. Leanna had married him out of pity. And he'd let her, because half a loaf was better than nothing. But a baby hadn't been part of her end of their bargain.

  She had seen Dr. Englander this week. And she'd been seeing Farley Ralston again. Jamie licked dry lips and stared into space. In addition to having been Malcolm Boyd's best friend and Leanna's old flame, Ralston was a lawyer. A lawyer, moreover, who specialized in divorce and made a habit of consoling the grieving woman, whose case he represented. He had, after all, seen Jamie's mother through two of them. No wonder, Leanna hadn't been upset about his going to England. She probably couldn't wait to see him leave.

  "Damn, damn, and double-damn!” Jamie slammed his fist down on the piano, then jumped at the discordant sound that rang through the room.

  * * * *

  Upstairs, Leanna resolved that no matter what else happened, she was going to tell Jamie about the baby that night. Wanting to look especially good for him, Leanna took her time about getting ready. She chose a gray dress that Jamie had always liked, took special pains with her make-up trying to disguise her red eyes, then went downstairs to find her husband in a strange mood. He said little on the way to the inn, and even less once they were seated and the waiter had taken their order.

  The place was packed, as usual. Farley Ralston waved from the bar. Sue Ellen and Jim-Bob Graves stopped by to say “Hi,” with Sue Ellen giving Leanna a conspiratorial grin. Even Dr. Englander paused, to remind Leanna of an appointment next week.

  Jamie turned from the window and the ribbon of silver that was all one could see of the river in the fading light. “Another doctor's appointment?” His cool gaze met hers. “No problems, I hope."

  "Just—routine.” Leanna stared down at the table.

  "Right.” Jamie looked away again as the waiter brought their meal.

  Leanna picked at food she didn't want, refused wine, and wished she could think of something to say. Tonight, Jamie seemed more than ever like a stranger. The golden lights of mischief were entirely gone from his eyes. He looked angry, yet she could think of no reason why he should be.

  Finally, after her third attempt at a routine conversation fell flat, Leanna asked, “What's the matter with you, tonight?"

  "Nothing. Not one little thing.” Jamie's tone was little better than a snarl. “Why should anything be the matter with me?"

  "Well, you don't often ask me out to dinner, then stare out the window, for one thing."

  "I am not—” Jamie began, but broke off when Leanna gave him a small warning shake of her head.

  Farley Ralston approached their table, nodded at Jamie, but spoke only to Leanna. “I don't mean to press you, but I'll need a decision on that business within the week. We could have discussed it over lunch as we planned, had you not broken our appointment."

  "I'm sorry, Farley. Something came up.” Leanna glanced from him to Jamie. “I think we're going to move forward on that, but I'd like to talk it over with Jamie first, if you don't mind.” Leanna's smile of dismissal was less than sweet.

  "Oh, sorry! I assumed you two had discussed this already.” Ralston nodded again to Jamie and took his leave.

  "So, now you want to talk it over with me. Bloody sweet of you.” Jamie shot her a bitter look.

  "What is the matter with you tonight?"

  "Since you ask, I don't like being an afterthought, Leanna. And I don't like your discussing things with Farley Ralston that you haven't spoken about with me.” His voice sounded tight, almost choked. “But most of all, I hate being patronized. So maybe you'd care to explain just what the hell is going on between you two."

  "You know Farley is executor of Malcolm's estate. A discount chain wants to buy the hardware store. He says they'd keep Jim-Bob on as manager, but at a higher salary than I can afford to pay him. They'd pay in stock. That wouldn't yield much income at first, but we'd have enough interest to live on and the value of the stock is bound to grow. I've been putting off telling you because I know you don't like discussing money—"

  "What, in bloody hell, are you talking about?"

  "Selling the hardware store.” Leanna put her napkin down beside her plate. “You asked about my business with Farley. As Malcolm's executor, he's advised me to sell...."

  "What has this got to do with me? With us?"

  "Well, it is our livelihood, Jamie. I barely make enough at the hospital to pay taxes and insurance on the house and the piano lessons don't—” Leanna clamped her lips together.

  "What would you say, if I told you I have more than enough money to keep us in style for the rest of our lives?” Jamie crossed his arms on his chest and glared across the table.

  "I'd wonder why you've never mentioned it.” Leanna stared right back.

  "I don't need your charity, Leanna.” Jamie's face looked stiff and angry. “Even less do I need to go on living on Malcolm Boyd's largesse."

  "I'm going home.” Leanna got to her feet and started for the door. Behind her, Jamie dropped a bill on the table and hurried after her.

  Outside, he caught her up in the parking lot, opened the car door and helped her inside, then took his place behind the wheel. “Do you really expect me to believe you're this upset about selling the goddamned store?” Jamie jerked the car in gear and peeled rubber out of the Inn's parking lot.

  "I'm not upset about selling the store. I want to sell the store.” Leanna slid around in the seat, staring at his face in the reflected headlights of an on-coming car. “Jamie, tell me what's wrong. I know you're upset about something!"

  "Tell you what's wrong. Why don't you try telling me Leanna?"

  "Tell you what?"

  "Try the truth."

  Jamie jammed the brakes, took a corner much too fast, and roared though an intersection on the last flicker of yellow. Tense, Leanna said nothing until they pulled into the drive and he switched off the engine.

  "Leanna, tell me—please."

  "Tell you what?"

  "You're pregnant."

  Leanna closed her eyes and waited for her breath to catch up with her pounding heart. He knew. Worse, he was angry, bitter, upset—everything she had feared he would be.

  "You should have told me about your plans, Leanna. I warn you, I won't stand for it.” Jamie's voice was cold and hard. “You have no right—"

  "Don't!” Leanna flung the car door open and ran for the house, the words “no right” echoing in her head.

  "Princess!” Jamie pounded after her, taking the stairs two at a time, catching her up in the bedroom. “Damn it, you'd better talk to me, before it's too late."

  "No. I've made up my mind."

  "Look, it's my baby too. Don't you think you should have at least discussed it with me, before you decided to abort—?"

  "I'm going to have this baby!” Leanna flung the words at him. “And don't you dare try to change my mind—” Leanna stopped, stared at him and drew a shaky breath.

  Jamie stood very still, breathing hard. “What the bloody hell are we fighting about, then?"

  "I said I'm not having any abortion."

  "Too right, you're not!"

  Leanna licked dry lips and stared at him.
Tears welled in her eyes, overflowed, and ran slowly down her cheeks. “I thought you wouldn't want this—especially now, with London...."

  "Think again.” Jamie caught her to him. “I didn't know how much I wanted it, until I believed you didn't.” He kissed her tears-stained face, and rocked her in his arms.

  After a long while, Leanna looked up at him. “Babies do cost a lot of money, and I realize how much London means to you ... Jamie, we can sell part of the stock or something. We'll find a way to do this, I know we will...."

  "Money? Good lord, Leanna. Money's the least of our worries.... “His face went white and he closed his eyes and let his head drop back.

  Leanna took a deep breath, swallowed, and stepped back. “I know I should have talked it over with you before. I know it's a lot of responsibility for someone your—age. And I know you only married me because you were sick and alone and needed a place to stay—"

  "You dear, sweet, idiot. I married you, because I love you. From the first moment I laid eyes on you, I was crazy about you.” Jamie took her hand and placed it over his heart. “I swear before God that's the truth."

  Leanna stared at the floor, afraid to meet his eyes. If he was lying, she didn't want to know.

  "And while we're clearing the air, I wasn't kidding about the money. James Mallory might be a poor kid who belongs over on the flats, but James Featherston has more than a bit put by for the odd rainy day."

  "James Featherston?" Leanna did look up then. “Eye of the Tiger, James Featherston? I always did think he looked like you, but he was older and British, so.... “Leanna blinked in disbelief. “James Featherston?"

  "That was the name I used in England.” Jamie swallowed, his gaze on her face. “I told you about the birth certificate before I left, remember? Oliver Featherston was British.” He paused, watching her. “I don't need Malcolm Boyd's money."

  "Why didn't you tell me?"

  Jamie swallowed, then said, “I was afraid you'd send me away...."

  Leanna closed her eyes, her breathing shallow as she remembered the headlines in all the tabloids at the supermarket. “Eye of the Tiger closed for good.” “Five out of six rockers die in crash of chartered jet.” Photos of broken wreckage, body bags being loaded into ambulances, a woman with tears running down her face—James Featherston's mother, according to the news.

  "They all died. Jamie, all the others—they died and you were the only one who—survived?” Leanna stopped and bit her lip, wishing she knew what to say. Always, she had thought she knew Jamie. He was older, more experienced now, but still the boy who had developed a hopeless crush on his employer's wife. She'd known about a band, known about his friends in England who kept calling and asking when he was coming back? But never in her wildest dreams, had Leanna connected Jamie Mallory with James Featherston, lead singer and last surviving member of one of England's top rock and roll bands.

  "Why didn't you tell me?"

  "It wasn't important."

  "Don't be silly, it was your whole life! And you hid it from me. You lied—"

  "No. Okay, so I didn't tell you everything. It was all over, don't you see? I needed to put that all in the past. I came back here because I wanted to see you again, needed to see you again. I never forgot you, Leanna. You were always there, in my heart. And I came running back here, because I'd lost everything else and I had to see you, even if you were married—"

  "Don't say it—” Leanna put her fingertips to his lips and held them there a moment.

  "I needed you.” Jamie looked down at her, his amber eyes glinting. “I still do. I always will."

  Leanna took a deep breath and moistened her dry lips with her tongue. “What else do you need?"

  "I need a wife who feels more for me than pity."

  "Pity?" Leanna turned away, fiddling with the brushes on top of the dresser, watching him in the mirror. With her back turned, she hoped he wouldn't notice the tears sliding down her face again. “Is that what you think I feel?"

  "Isn't it? You loved Boyd, but you chose to have an abortion before—so I guess I shouldn't have been surprised that you were planning to do it again...."

  "Jamie, the only thing I've been planning to do is find the right way to tell you you're going to be a father. And while we're setting records straight, I never loved Malcolm. He loved me, but it was a perverted sort of love—a sick obsession.” Leanna swallowed back her tears. “As long as we're being honest with each other at last. Even all those years ago, when you were just a boy—oh, I told myself it was friendship. I told myself, I wanted to look after you. I hated myself for feeling what I did, but I couldn't stop it, even then.... Pity? Dear god, pity was what I felt for Malcolm Boyd—not you!"

  "Leanna, if you're only saying this just to make me feel better, I'll—"

  Leanna turned and braced her hands on the dresser top behind her. “Jamie, I threw the damned pills away without telling you. I could feel you slipping away from me, wanting more ... I was afraid you were going to leave me. I though you wouldn't—agree. I meant to tell you. Sometimes it takes months for the effects to wear off and I just hadn't expected it to happen this soon."

  "You mean you deliberately—?” Jamie stared at her a moment then he pulled her into a close embrace and breathed, “Thank you, God."

  Leanna licked dry lips and stared at him. Tears welled in her eyes, overflowed, and ran slowly down her cheeks. “I thought you wouldn't want this—especially now, with London...."

  "Think again. I didn't know how much I wanted it, until I believed you didn't.” He kissed her tear-stained face, and rocked her in his arms. “There's only one thing more, I want to know. Who were you taking them for, before you married me?"

  "No one. I'm one of those women whose biological clock doesn't keep time. Dr. Englander put me on the pills for medicinal reasons."

  Jamie pulled her closer, and murmured in her ear, “I love you so much. We must be the two luckiest people in the world. Everything's all right, isn't it? It's not a false alarm."

  "The test was positive.” Leanna pulled back, looked up at him. “What if it was a mistake?"

  "Then we'd just have to work on it some more."

  Leanna laughed. “Dr. Englander seems pretty sure, but maybe we'd better work on it anyway, just in case...."

  * * * *

  A long time later, lying in his arms, Leanna reached up to brush the hair away from his cheek. “Jamie, I'm only beginning to realize what it will mean to you to return to England—who you'll be when you get there."

  "I'll be your husband, whatever name I use. It's all I've ever wanted to be from the moment I first saw you, Leanna."

  "It's all I've ever wanted too, Jamie.” She blinked away tears, then smiled and nestled tighter in his embrace. “You for a husband, our children, a future together. Wherever we live, I'll always be home when you hold me in your arms."

  The End

  About the Author

  Arline Chase, author of THE DROWNED LAND (winner of the Maryland Governor's Award) and GHOST DANCER, is an exceptionally diverse writer who can, and does, write everything from romance and mystery to humorous essays. She has published more than 450 freelance stories and articles, covered the ‘cops and courts’ beat as a journalist, and for 20 years now, has led workshops at writers’ conferences on the East Coast including the International Women's Writing Guild Summer Conference at Skidmore College. She can be reached a www.arlinechase.com.

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