A Secret Wish

by Barbara Freethy

  “What are you talking about? We have a good life.”

  “We barely touch each other. It’s been months since we’ve made love.”

  “We’ve been busy. Look, we’re a fantastic team together. There is no limit to our future. We could be in the Governor’s mansion one day, maybe even the White House. That’s what we need to focus on. And you know that, because you’ve always been able to see the dream as clearly as I did.”

  His eyes glittered with ambition, an ambition she’d once shared and found intoxicating. But she was no longer drunk on dreams. She was stone cold sober and forty years old. She didn’t want to waste the rest of her life chasing a fantasy. “I want you to be successful, Blake, but not at the expense of our children. I need to spend more time with them.”

  “They’re teenagers. They’re practically grown.” He frowned at her. “Look, I get that you’re having a midlife crisis. But I’ve given you everything you ever wanted, and you’re being ungrateful.”

  “You have given me a lot,” she admitted. “But what I want now is family, love, time together. I can’t give you a hundred and fifty percent of myself anymore. I need to focus on the children, on my mother, and on me.”

  “So what are you saying?” he challenged. “You want out?”

  She was shocked that he’d actually asked the question. “I don’t know.”

  “It won’t come cheap.”

  “Is that a threat?”

  “A fact. If you bail on me, I’ll have to work hard to rebuild my reputation.”

  She shook her head in amazement. “Do you know how cold and cruel you sound?”

  “Do you know how stupid you’re being to want to throw away this incredible life for your mother?”

  “It’s not just about her. It’s about the children.”

  “They’re fine.”

  “You barely see them.”

  “I provide for them – and for you. What do you think you would do without me? You haven't held down a job in twenty years. You're not qualified to do anything but be my wife. Without me, you'll end up just like your mother. Is that what you want?”

  There had been a time when his words would have sent her into sheer terror, but somewhere in the night she’d rediscovered her backbone.

  She tried to inject a little calm into their conversation. “I’m not asking for you to give up your dreams, Blake, just readjust a little bit – for me, for the kids.” She paused. “It’s much easier for a good family man to get elected.”

  His gaze narrowed. “Now you’re threatening me?”

  “As you said, I’m just stating a fact.” She hadn’t mixed with power brokers for almost two decades without having learned a few tricks of her own. She wasn’t sure she could fix what was wrong with her marriage and her family, but she was determined to at least try, if not for herself then for her kids. Sophie and Michael needed a father, too.

  “I can’t reschedule lunch. They’re flying back to New York tonight.” He sighed. “You go to the game. I’ll tell them you’re not feeling well.”

  “You could just tell them I needed to be with my kids,” she said dryly.

  “Since you’ve never needed to do that before, I doubt they’d believe me,” he said cynically.

  She met his knowing gaze. “I know I’m changing right in front of you, but it’s actually been happening for a lot longer than you know. I haven’t been happy, Blake. And I haven’t been as good a mother as I should have been. Seeing my mom last night reminded me of that.”

  “Your mother is a hell of an example. She’s still not welcome in my house.”

  “Our house,” she corrected, getting to her feet. “And she is welcome here. Because she’s my mother and I never should have turned my back on her. I feel so badly about my behavior.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t have time for this. I’ll see you later.”

  As Blake left, she waited for the doubts to come, for the urge to run after him and make things right. She could still change clothes and catch up to him at lunch, tell the Dunsmuirs she was feeling better. But when she got up and went into her closet, she found herself reaching for jeans and a T-shirt, and when she left the house, she headed to the private high school her kids attended. She had a feeling that they’d be just as surprised by her decision to come as Blake had been.

  She arrived at the game fifteen minutes later. She walked along the front of the grandstand, pausing in front of the cheerleaders as they finished their routine. When they tossed their pom-poms high into the air, she started clapping.

  Sophie saw her and stopped abruptly, shock on her face. Then she walked over to the fence. “Mom? What’s wrong? Has something happened?”

  “Everything is fine,” she said. “I just wanted to watch you and Michael. Has he gotten in the game yet?”

  “Not yet,” Sophie said, disbelief in her eyes. “Are you sure there’s nothing wrong? Where’s Dad?”

  “He went to lunch with the Dunsmuirs.”

  “Without you? You always go with him.”

  “Not any more. I want to watch you cheer.”

  "Why?"

  "Because you're my daughter."

  Are you okay?”

  “Yes,” she said with a laugh. “Go on, show me what you can do.”

  “All right, I will,” Sophie said slowly. “Thanks for coming.”

  “I love you, Sophie,” she said, realizing how long it had been since she’d said the words.

  Sophie flushed and muttered something, then ran back to join her friends.

  Carole took a seat on the bleachers, realizing sadly that she knew none of the parents of her children’s friends. One day at a time, she thought, echoing her mother’s favorite mantra. She might have messed up the last decade, but today was the beginning of the next.

  * * *

  Liz ran into the hospital, heading straight for the surgery department. One of her friends, Peggy Harrington, was working the nurse’s station. “John – I mean Eric –” she said in a rush. “A man with a brain tumor. I need to know if he’s in surgery. I don’t know his last name.” It occurred to her how little she did know about him, but she knew the important things, and she knew that he was important.

  “What’s going on?” Peggy asked, arching an eyebrow in surprise.

  “Is he here?” she said.

  “There’s a man by the name of Eric Connors in surgery,” Peggy said, checking the computer screen. “Is that who you’re talking about?”

  “Yes. Has he already been sedated?” She really wanted to talk to him before he went under, to reassure him, to let him know she was there offering support. She didn’t give a damn that he’d requested she ignore the whole thing was happening.

  “They got started about ten minutes ago,” Peggy said.

  “Who’s the doctor?”

  “Dr. Reston.”

  “He’s good, right?” She didn’t work in surgery, but she’d heard that Sam Reston was one of the best neurosurgeons on staff.

  “He’s excellent. Why are you so worried about someone whose last name you don’t know?” Peggy inquired.

  “We met last night.” She couldn’t begin to explain their whirlwind relationship to Peggy, especially not now while she was so worried. “I didn’t know he was having surgery this morning.”

  “We were a little surprised when he actually showed up. He's cancelled twice before.”

  “What’s the prognosis with surgery?”

  “Less than fifty-fifty,” Peggy said somberly. “It’s such a shame. He’s a young guy. I hope he makes it.”

  “He has to make it,” she muttered. “I’m going to wait.”

  “It will be hours, Liz.”

  She knew that, but she needed to be close by. It didn’t make logical sense because John wouldn’t know, but she would know. The guy had turned her life upside down and made her see herself in a whole new light. The least she could do was give him support. “I need to be here,” she said. “I’ll be in the waiting roo
m.”

  “I’ll let you know as soon as it’s over,” Peggy promised. “You really like this guy, don’t you?”

  “I do,” she admitted. “And I don’t want to lose him.”

  She blew out a breath and walked into the waiting room as Peggy answered the phone. While the hospital was her second home, she wasn’t used to being in this position, and she didn’t like it. She also didn’t like the fact that she was so invested in a man she’d known less than twenty-four hours, but she was emotionally attached to him, for better or worse. And this was definitely worse.

  In fact, this feeling of fear was exactly why she’d stopped taking risks, why she’d chosen Kyle, who was safe and predictable and not the love of her life. Subconsciously she’d known that he would never break her heart the way her father had done with his crimes or the way her mother had done when she’d taken her own life.

  But sometime during the night she’d let down her guard and John had walked into her heart. He had to be all right. Someone that young and vibrant, who lived life with such joy, needed many more years – and not just years to exist, but years to live. She couldn’t imagine him being damaged. But it was a risk – one he’d taken because of her, he’d said. She’d had no idea when she’d told him about her mother’s suicide that he’d been contemplating the same thing. She was glad he’d changed his mind. Now, she just really needed him to wake up and be normal and healthy.

  She spent the next two hours leafing through magazines and watching people come in and out of the waiting room. When she was nearing the three-hour mark, Peggy entered the room with two coffees.

  “Thought you could use one,” she said. “I’m taking a break.”

  “Thanks.” She took a sip of the strong, hot coffee and felt a little better. She hadn’t slept much the night before and the waiting and worrying were exhausting.

  “So you said you met Eric last night,” Peggy said. “How did that happen?”

  “We just ran into each other and started talking.”

  “He’s a good-looking guy.”

  “Yes, and smart, sexy, funny.”

  “Wow, you’ve fallen hard.” Peggy shook her head. “I’ve been wanting for you to meet someone since Kyle bailed on you, but did it have to be a guy with a brain tumor?”

  “I didn’t know he was sick. He took me dancing. He didn’t miss a beat.”

  “You went dancing?”

  “I know. It was very unlike me. Everything about last night was unlike me. But it was amazing. I tried so hard to be with Kyle, to make that relationship work, to be part of the group.”

  “What are you talking about? You never needed Kyle to be part of the group.”

  “It was more comfortable when I wasn’t alone. Not that you guys ever tried to make me feel bad when I was on my own, but it wasn’t easy to be the only single person in the room.”

  “I’m so sorry you ever felt that way.”

  “It was me – not you guys. I was just insecure. But being with John last night changed me. He showed me a side of myself I hadn’t seen in a while. I don’t want to go back to the safe, boring person I’d become.”

  “Then don’t. Just be you, Liz, whoever that is. I know I’ll love her.”

  “Thanks.” She glanced up at the clock. “They should be almost done, right?”

  “I think so.”

  “He has to be all right.”

  Peggy gave her a commiserating smile. “I’ll let you know as soon as they’re done.”

  After Peggy left, Liz leaned her head against the wall and closed her eyes. She didn’t know when she drifted off, but suddenly Peggy was shaking her shoulder and offering her a bright smile.

  “What happened?” she asked.

  “He made it. Dr. Reston said they believe they got all of the tumor and that he’ll recover fully.”

  She put a hand to her mouth, her heart overflowing with emotion. Tears welled up in her eyes. She’d spent the last decade believing that the worst would always happen, but today she’d been handed a miracle.

  “Are you all right?” Peggy asked.

  She smiled through her tears. “Happy tears.”

  “Good. He’s going to be out for a while, you know.”

  “I know.”

  “When he’s better, I want you to bring him over to the house. I need to get to know this guy who’s stolen your heart.”

  “I will if he wants to come. I know how I feel about him. I’m not completely sure how he feels about me, but it doesn’t matter. Because the real gift he gave me is the ability to love wholeheartedly again. I’ll always be grateful.” She took a breath. “I do need to run one errand.”

  “Go. You have plenty of time before he regains consciousness.”

  “I’ll see you later.” She gave Peggy an impulsive hug. “I love you, too, you know.” And then she headed out the door.

  Faith’s Fancies was a small bakery a few miles away. There was a line of people ahead of her, but this time Liz didn’t mind waiting. Knowing that John was going to be okay had brightened her whole day. When she finally reached the counter, she said that someone had left a cake for her and gave her name.

  A few minutes later, she was handed a small chocolate cake in a pink box. The icing was decorated with a multitude of stars, just like the ones that had sparkled above them all night long. And in the center of the cake were the words: Love is worth the risk.

  “Yes, it is,” she murmured to herself.

  She took the cake back to the hospital. John was back in his room but still asleep. She took a seat in the chair by his side, and then she reached for his hand. She’d finally found someone worth keeping, and she didn’t intend to let him go.

  Epilogue

  A year later…

  The cake in front of Liz was a rich dark chocolate, much like the one she’d picked up from Faith’s Fancies on the day after her last birthday. She couldn’t believe it was a coincidence. Smiling across the table at John, she said, “You did this.”

  “We started a tradition.”

  They’d started more than that. They’d started a life together, a life filled with love and joy and adventure. The waiters at De Marco’s gathered around the table, and as one lit the birthday candle on her cake, the others began to sing.

  Their song faded into the background. All she could see was the flickering flame, beckoning to her to make a wish, to trust in fate. But she’d already gotten last year’s wish… someone to love. Better yet, she’d found someone to love her. “I have nothing left to wish for,” she told John.

  “There must be something you want.”

  The waiters finished singing and the crowd in the restaurant broke into applause. She sucked in a big breath, closed her eyes and wished for… a love that lasts forever. Then she blew out the candle.

  “Do you think you’ll get your wish?” John asked when they were alone again.

  “I think so,” she said confidently. “I felt greedy wishing for anything. We already have so much. You’re well now. We’re together, and that’s all I need.”

  “Really?” He pulled out a small black velvet box. “What about this?”

  She caught her breath at the beautiful, sparkling diamond ring. “Oh, John.”

  “Will you marry me, Liz?”

  “Of course I will,” she said without hesitation. The past year had taught her that every day was a risk, but love made it all worthwhile.

  He slid the ring on her finger and leaned across the table to kiss her. “I’m the luckiest man in the world.”

  “I’m the luckiest woman.”

  “So when can we tie the knot?”

  “Whenever you want,” she replied. She took a breath. “But if you don’t mind waiting a few weeks, I think I’d like to do it when my dad gets out of prison. I’d like him to be there. Not to walk me down the aisle, because he doesn’t deserve that privilege. And I don’t need him to give me away. I’d just like him to be there. I can give myself away.”

  John nodd
ed. He knew first-hand how difficult it had been for her to reconnect with her dad. But after John’s brush with death, she’d realized that she couldn’t let that piece of her life go unsettled. So she’d made the trip to the jail, and she’d seen her father for the first time in ten years. Since then they’d exchanged some letters, and she’d made a couple more visits. They tried to focus on the good memories and not the bad, and slowly she was beginning to get past all the pain.

  “I’m proud of you,” John said. “You faced your fears.”

  “How could I not? You showed me the way when you elected to have your surgery.”

  “I couldn’t give up on my life after meeting you.”

  “I never thought I could fall in love so fast.”

  “When it’s right, it’s right.”

  She glanced across the room as the waiters began another birthday song. “Someone else has my birthday.” She blinked as the woman’s face came into view. “Hey, I know her. It’s the woman from the hotel, the one whose party we crashed.”

  “I think you're right," John said.

  "Her cake is a lot smaller though, and I don’t see her husband. But she looks happier now.” She paused. “Funny that she should be here. It doesn't feel like a coincidence.”

  He shrugged. “I’m not going to question fate anymore. After all it brought me you,” John said as he leaned in for another kiss.

  * * *

  Carole glanced around the table with a pleased smile. This birthday party was perfect. She had her mother and her kids this year. No big hotel-ballroom party with strangers, just a small dinner with the people she loved the most.

  “Make a wish,” Nora said, as the waiters finished the obligatory birthday song.

  She stared down at the sheet cake, realizing it was a little nicer than the usual free slice that came with a birthday dinner. “This is amazing,” she said, noting the decorative night skyline of San Francisco. “Did you do this, Mom?”

  “Not me,” Nora said with a secretive smile.

  She glanced at her daughter and son. Both were grinning from ear to ear. Her relationship with her children had blossomed in the last year, especially since the divorce, which had become official just a week earlier.