Toxic

by Jacqui Rose

  Eddie screamed back. ‘It ain’t a joke! None of it’s a fucking joke. I’ve lost everything and if you must know, I hate him! I fuckin’ hate Alfie Jennings! I want him to pay.’

  Without warning, Eddie began to cry. Deep, loud, racking sobs. Letting go, Johnny got off him, sitting cross-legged on the floor next to him. He looked up at Ma, who pulled a face, then stared back at Eddie. Wiping his tears for him with the back of his sleeve, Johnny leant forward, whispering in Eddie’s ear.

  ‘Maybe I misjudged you, mate. I didn’t know you felt so deeply about him. But don’t you worry, Johnny’s here and I’ll make sure he pays. He’ll pay so much, the whole of Essex will hear him scream.’

  34

  ‘Good morning, how is the wounded soldier?’

  ‘Fucked.’

  Lola Harding cackled loudly as Frankie Taylor walked into the kitchen. ‘You don’t look too clever I have to admit.’

  ‘I’ll survive, darlin’.’

  ‘Not if you’re going to eat her breakfast you won’t.’

  ‘Shut up, Alf. Ignore him. He remembers my breakfasts well, don’t you, Frank.’

  Alfie grinned. ‘And that’s why he’s afraid. Never mind the bleedin’ bullet, it’s the breakfast you have to dodge.’

  Lola Harding scowled at Alfie at the same time as Janine walked into the kitchen. ‘Well, let’s ask Janine then, shall we?’

  ‘Ask me what?’

  ‘About me breakfasts. I’ve never seen you have a problem with them.’

  ‘That’s right, you’ve never seen it cos I’ve been too busy locked away in the bathroom, shitting it down the carzey.’

  The whole of the room erupted into laughter, and even Lola who wanted to feel angry couldn’t. This is what she had missed over the past couple of years. This was her family. The only real family she’d known and loved.

  In the past it’d felt like her life was a car crash. Her mother had introduced her to a pimp and put her on the game at thirteen to support her father’s drug habit and a year later she was not only a fully-fledged brass, but also a fully-fledged addict.

  She’d had kids and, although she’d tried really hard to be better than her own mother, she’d let them down and the torment of that stayed with her each day. They’d all been taken away from her and put into care, and as adults they wouldn’t give her the time of day. She didn’t blame them, not one little bit. When they were little, instead of birthday parties and presents they’d got to watch one violent pimp after another beating up on her. She only hoped one day they might come looking for her and then she’d be able to tell them she was sorry.

  Although it was too late for her kids, she’d managed to change and with it, so had life. Eventually she’d been able to save up to buy and run a small café in Soho; perhaps the only thing she’d ever done that she could say she was proud of.

  She loved her life and the friends she’d made in Soho and when they’d left, it felt like a bereavement. The same grief she’d suffered when her kids had gone, and only a short while after everybody had packed up and gone the café she’d loved so much had become too much for her to run. So, then her time had been spent in the small flat which soared high above the city, not speaking to a soul.

  They’d been painful days but then she’d bumped into Janine, who she knew well, but hadn’t ever been particularly close to. They’d had a cup of tea, a chat and reminisced about how things used to be, and by the end of the day, Janine had asked her to come and stay.

  And she’d never looked back. Not once. And although to most people Janine Jennings was a loud-mouthed, busybodying cow, to her, Janine was her cockney angel who saved her from a life of crippling loneliness and despair. But that didn’t mean she wouldn’t give her what for.

  ‘Janine bleedin’ Jennings, take that back!’

  ‘Lola, I wish I could but I can’t take it back, cos it’s true.’

  ‘That ain’t fair.’

  ‘Fair! Fair! I’ll tell you what’s not fair, my burning arsehole after I’ve had one of your scotch eggs.’

  Alfie winked at her but quickly turned his attention to Vaughn and Frankie. ‘We need to talk. Sort out what we’re doing. Sort out what the fuck happened last night.’

  Frankie shrugged then immediately regretted it as the pain fired through his shoulder.

  ‘Well, that’s why I’m here, so we can sort out these diamonds and get on with the original plan with Reenie. Then after that, once things are in order, I’m going to look for Franny. That bird has a lot to answer for.’

  Alfie shuffled, not knowing whether he should defend her or not because, let’s face it, there wasn’t a real lot to defend. Deciding it was best to say nothing about her, Alfie chose to talk business instead.

  ‘Problem is, it looks like they’re onto us now, which is a big problem. We’ll have to move sharpish.’

  Vaughn, still irritated Alfie had once again gone behind his back by bringing in Frank said, ‘You lot are assuming that this is going ahead. I don’t agree to it. It’s a joke, only last night someone was looking to blow yer head off. This is bigger than we are. We need to back out now before it’s too late.’

  Alfie looked at Vaughn. ‘Ain’t no one backing out. Now Frankie’s here, we got a better chance to sort this out.’

  Vaughn answered scornfully. ‘Are you having a bubble? He wasn’t even here a whole day, and our hero of the hour gets bleedin’ shot. Ain’t looking good for the rest of the movie.’

  ‘At least he came. At least Frankie hasn’t left his bollocks in Spain.’

  Vaughn leant forward. He spoke in a low tone. ‘Think what you like, Alf. I won’t take your bait.’

  ‘It ain’t bait, Vaughnie, but maybe I’m wrong, maybe I’m giving you too much credit and it wasn’t Spain where you left your bollocks, maybe it was in the warehouse that day with Connor.’

  Vaughn leapt at Alfie, grabbing and throwing him against the wall as Janine and Lola began to yell. Alfie came back with a swinging fist, catching Vaughn on the side of his head, sending him clattering backwards to land on the kitchen table. He pummelled his fist into Vaughn’s face, drawing blood, and as he did, Vaughn stretched out his hand to the side, his fingers feeling for the bread bin, and with a mighty effort he grabbed it before slamming it down on Alfie’s head.

  The clang of the bin reverberated in the room and as Alfie stumbled backwards, Janine shouted, ‘Stop! Stop! Listen, that’s the bell! Someone’s at the gates … I said stop!’

  The two men pulled apart and Vaughn pushed Alfie aside, panting hard, his lip dripping with blood. ‘You want me to answer?’

  ‘No, it’s fine.’

  Opening the kitchen door, Janine gave Alfie a hard stare as she left the room and went to the hallway intercom. Picking it up, she peered closely at the CCTV, not recognising the person at the gates.

  ‘Hello, can I help you?’

  Listening to the caller, Janine nodded, then said, ‘Okay, hold on … Alfie! Alfie! It’s for you. It’s somebody called Bree.’

  35

  Bree lay in her bed. Pillows plumped up and the curtains drawn. She felt so tired. All she wanted to do was sleep until it was time to give birth. The pregnancy had hit her hard. Not so much the sickness, she’d hardly had any of that, but the tiredness. Crippling and debilitating.

  She’d never imagined pregnancy would be like this. Not hers anyway. She’d always thought she’d be glowing with happiness and feeling the best she ever had. Instead, she could hardly get up and walk the small distance from the bedroom to the bathroom. And if it hadn’t been for Ma, she didn’t know what she would’ve done.

  ‘Bree! Bree! Wake up.’

  A small smile appeared on Bree’s face as she heard his voice. ‘Do I have to? I’m too tired.’

  ‘Bree, I’m being serious … Come on!’

  Slowly, Bree opened her eyes. Her lids felt so heavy and all she wanted to do was close them again. ‘There, is that better …’ She trailed off, her head falling forward.
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  ‘Stay awake, Bree.’

  ‘Sorry. Why don’t you come and sit down on the bed?’

  ‘It’s too dark in here. I’ll open the curtains.’

  ‘No! Please don’t.’

  His voice was urgent. ‘Bree, I’m worried about you, you’ve got to get up. It’s not good for you.’

  ‘I’ll be fine soon. Ma said this is the worst part of the pregnancy for a lot of people. Before you know it, I’ll be up and dancing.’

  I don’t know why you won’t go to a doctor.’

  ‘I got Ma. That’s just as good.’

  ‘She was a nurse, Bree, and a long time ago at that. She ain’t a doctor. So please, for me, go and see someone.’

  Bree shook her head. ‘You know I can’t. They’ll take one look at me and want to take my baby. I know what they’re like. Even Ma said that was a possibility. I got no money, no job, no real home, no family and I was brought up in care. Not exactly ideal. Social services will make up their mind about me the minute they see my notes.’

  ‘No, they won’t Bree, because for a start you ain’t on your own, you’ve got me.’

  Bree looked at Ryan Dwyer. Her first and only love.

  From the moment she’d set her eyes on him, he’d been her everything. She’d never looked at anyone else, never been with anyone else and she’d never felt like she did now. The nearest she’d ever come to it was when she’d been just a kid and she’d fallen for her best mate’s brother, Alfie. But she’d been young then and this was different.

  And yes, she had Ryan, but he was gentle, fragile, broken from his life and no one would’ve looked at him and seen what she did. All they’d see was a traveller, someone invisible, rough round the edges; a man who wasn’t suited to be a father. She knew only too well they wouldn’t give him a chance … or her.

  ‘Look, nearer the time I’ll have to go, won’t I? But for now, it’s best this way and Ma’s looking after me so well. Stop worrying, Ryan.’

  The effort of speaking made Bree close her eyes again. She felt Ryan come and sit next to her on the bed before feeling the gentle kiss on her lips. Giving a crooked smile, she lifted one eyelid and spoke in a whisper. ‘Thank you. That was nice. Have I told you I love you?’

  ‘Have I told you that I love you!’ Ryan paused. Frowning. ‘And that’s why we have to go. We have to leave here. Remember our plans? You were right, Bree. We’ve got to get away from this place and start a fresh life on our own.’

  Bree moved her hand to touch Ryan’s gently. ‘We will, but not now … After the baby comes.’

  ‘Bree, please listen to me, we need to leave here and as soon as possible.’

  ‘Can’t you see the girl’s exhausted?’

  Ryan jumped, startled, his face paling as he saw Ma standing in the doorway holding a tray. ‘Instead of spending your time whispering sweet nothings in her ear, Ryan, maybe you could try getting her to eat. She’ll waste away. It ain’t good not to eat when you’re pregnant. I should know … Bree, here, I’ve made some dinner.’

  Smiling gratefully, Bree shook her head. ‘I’m not hungry. I’ll eat it later.’

  ‘No, you’ll eat some now. Come on, just try a little bit.’

  Bree looked down at the plate of fish, mash and carrots. She pulled a face. ‘I can’t.’

  Pushing Ryan out of the way, Ma sat down hard on the bed. ‘Fine, as long as you promise to eat it later, but at least have something to drink. Here you go, drink up.’

  ‘No, really, I don’t want it.’

  Ma sighed. ‘Bree darlin’, you’ll make yourself ill. Listen to Ma, I know best. Ain’t that right, son?’

  Ryan shrugged. His demeanour shrouded in sadness. ‘I dunno Ma, do you?’

  Attempting to push away the drink Ma was holding, Bree slid further down into the bed. ‘Please, I really can’t.’

  ‘I ain’t going nowhere until you drink it. You young lady, need to start listening to me or I’ll take you to the doctor, and I know that’s not what you want, and I certainly don’t want that for you either, because we both know what they’ll do. Especially as you’re not looking after yourself. So, make your choice, girly.’

  ‘Fine … I’ll drink it … It smells disgusting.’

  ‘Iron tablets always do. I remember when I was pregnant with Ryan and Johnny, I had to hold me nose to drink it, but it stopped me being anaemic which is where you’re heading if you’re not careful … That’s it. Well done. See, it won’t be that bad. Right, I’ll pop my head in later to make sure you’re alright … Come on son, let her sleep. She needs her rest.’

  ‘I’ll be out in a minute.’

  As Ma left the room, Ryan whispered into her ear. ‘Bree, Bree, you’ve got to listen to me, listen … I’m telling you, we’ve got to get away from here before it’s too late.’

  36

  Alfie stood grinning at Bree as if a shy schoolboy. They stood looking at each other in the hallway of Janine’s house. He, handsome and strong, towering above her, and she, beautiful and delicate, looking up to him.

  ‘It’s so good to see you. You look lovely by the way.’ Alfie Jennings could’ve bitten his tongue. Not only did he think he sounded like a proper cheeseball, but he could see the bruises on her face. And not only did he not want to think about where and how she got them, he didn’t want her to feel self-conscious.

  ‘You don’t look bad yourself.’ Bree Dwyer could’ve bitten her tongue. Not only did she think she sounded like a bit of a bimbo, but she could see the delight on his face. And not only did she not want to think about what she was trying to do and what would happen if she didn’t, but she didn’t want to hurt him.

  He blushed. She blushed. The hallway fell silent.

  Pulling himself together, Alfie said, ‘I’ve been thinking about you.’

  ‘Have you? Me too.’

  ‘Yeah?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  The hallway fell silent again.

  Bree tried to pull herself together. ‘I hope you don’t mind me popping in like this. I wasn’t going to at first. But I think I was a little rude when I saw you in the car park. I was in a hurry. Always am. Anyway, like I say, I hope you don’t mind.’

  ‘No!’ Shit, he sounded too eager. Clearing his throat, Alfie sniffed, trying the casual approach. ‘No, Jesus, course not. It’s nice to see you, gal … How did you know I was here? It’s meant to be a little bit of a secret.’

  ‘Is it?’

  ‘Yeah, stupid really.’

  Bree smiled, a genuine warmth coming into her eyes. ‘Why? Why’s it a secret?’

  ‘How shall I put it? I’m not always the most popular of blokes and a lot of people aren’t too happy that I’ve come back to claim me crown …’ He stopped to grin before laughing and saying, ‘Surprise you that, don’t it? How the whole world doesn’t love me. I don’t know. Seriously though, when I got back from Spain a little while ago, there were a few rumblings. The usual stuff. Anyway, as you see I ain’t changed much since we were young, I’m still ducking and diving for me sins.’

  Bree felt her body tense up, uncomfortable with trying to set a bait. ‘Is that why you’re back? To duck and dive.’

  Alfie looked at her and laughed. ‘You always were one for questions. Anyway, believe it or not, I hate talking about meself. Tell me about you. What have you been up to? Where’ve you been, girl?… Come on, let’s go in the garden to talk.’

  As Alfie turned to walk towards the conservatory, Bree wanted to run. Everything inside her wanted to head out the door and not come back. But then she pictured Ryan. Beautiful, sweet Ryan and she heard Ma’s words. Make your choice. If you don’t do what we say, Ryan’s going to get hurt, the way we like to do it. And with those words ringing in her ears, Bree took a deep breath and ran to catch up with Alfie.

  A few hours later, after Bree had gone, Vaughn walked up to Alfie who was sitting having a cigarette in the stables, reflecting how good it was to catch up with Bree.

  ‘Who was that?’ Vaughn
asked as he lit up a cigar, taking in the smoke and the cold air.

  ‘An old friend. We go way back.’

  ‘How did she know where to find you?’

  Taking a deep drag of his cigarette, Alfie looked down at the burning tip and then across to Vaughn. He frowned, and speaking quietly – and more to himself – he said, ‘You know what, I don’t know, she didn’t say.’

  37

  Kieran Dwyer checked behind him as he skipped through the woods. He was excited because today was the first day that he’d used the wooden box he’d made and painted with his dad. It was heavy to carry, but he knew it was going to be worth it, and as long as he kept stopping to have a rest, he’d be able to get it up to the top wood before dark. He’d found a new hiding place, better than before. A place no one would be able to see his special find.

  He enjoyed having this secret that nobody else knew about. It made him feel special, made him feel older because he knew it was mainly grown-ups who had all the secrets and whispered and spoke in corners.

  As the rain started to fall, Kieran began to get worried. The bright yellow and red rainbow he’d painted on the side was beginning to run, mixing and trickling with the rain.

  Hurriedly, he put the box on the ground, taking his coat off to cover and protect it from the storm. The arms and hood of his blue jacket barely covered the picture of the tree he’d done, but at least it’d stop his rainbow from ruining.

  It’d taken him three whole days to paint it and his dad had told him it was the best rainbow he’d ever seen. But he needed to be quick, he wanted to get his box to safety.

  ‘What’s that?’

  Kieran froze.

  He swivelled round, his face twisted in anger. His sister, Molly, stood behind one of the large pine trees, kicking the wet moss at her feet with a big gappy smile.

  ‘Go away! Go away!’

  Molly’s face wrinkled up. She wanted her brother to be pleased to see her, not cross. He was always cross. ‘I’m going to tell Dad!’