From Pemberley to Manhattan

by Laís Rodrigues

  “In what?” He hadn’t appreciated the agents’ presence either, but for a different motive than Nat’s: he believed they were touching the lovely Mrs. Julia Brown in an ungentlemanly manner.

  “That’s exactly what I’m going to find out”, she said decidedly, and turned to face him. He looked lost, but she was very certain. And calm. And controlled. “Go fetch Mom. She’ll know what to do.” He didn’t move. “NOW!” Okay, maybe she wasn’t that calm.

  She left him and spurted in the agents’ direction. When they noticed her, some of them touched their weapons, but her dad clarified who she was. “Hold your horses! This is my daughter!”

  “You’re coming with us too, young lady.” One of them informed coldly.

  “Don’t you flocking dare touch me, you sleety head!”

  Not sure if he should be offended or if the young woman needed a psychiatrist (probably both, the agent concluded quickly), the man, who was now holding Nat’s arm, decided to ignore her words and forced her into entering a second SUV, which had been parked before the first one.

  Then Nathalie, Robert, Carlos and Grandma were gone.

  ♥

  INTERVIEW WITH GRANDMA

  AGENT HOLMES: Ma’am, are you aware of the whereabouts of your grandson?

  GRANDMA: I believe he’s next door, sweetheart.

  AGENT HOLMES: I was referring to your other grandson. A Mr. Ethan Estevez Brown. You know, the scientist.

  GRANDMA: All you needed to say was you were talking about Ethan. I know his full name, darling. You didn’t need to spend all that saliva telling me his middle and last names. Nor his profession. Are you about to tell me my elder grandson is a genius? Because I’m aware of that, too.

  AGENT HOLMES: Could you please answer the question, Ma’am?

  GRANDMA: Sure thing, gorgeous. As long as you call me Julia. I hate being called Ma’am.

  AGENT HOLMES: What the–

  GRANDMA: Didn’t your mamma teach you how to treat a lady, honey?

  AGENT HOLMES: Yes, of course. I apologize. Could you please answer the question, Julia?

  GRANDMA: Sure, cute face, I only have one more request: would you mind taking your sunglasses off? A woman must see a man’s eyes as she speaks to him. Why are you using sunglasses anyway? We’re inside.

  AGENT HOLMES: Better now, ma’am– Forgive me. Julia?

  GRANDMA: Much better, dear. You have such lovely eyes.

  AGENT HOLMES: This is a serious matter, ma’am. You could go to prison, based on what we’ve discovered so far.

  GRANDMA: Hypothetically speaking, would I have the right to conjugal visits in the event of going to prison? Like, from a handsome agent with puppy dog, chocolate eyes?

  AGENT HOLMES: Did you just wink at me, ma’am?

  GRANDMA: Maybe. Or maybe I’ve got something in my eye. And my name is Julia, as I’ve already told you.

  AGENT HOLMES: This is very serious, Julia. Your grandson, Ethan, could be in serious trouble.

  GRANDMA: Ethan? Are you sure you’re not confusing grandsons? Maybe you’re talking about Robert. I love him dearly, but he’s the official brat of the family.

  AGENT HOLMES: I am certain I mean Ethan. According to our investigation, we believe he might have done… Very dangerous things…

  GRANDMA: Ethan? Seriously? He was the safest person I ever knew! That boy wore condoms even when he played with mini Ethan!

  AGENT HOLMES: Excuse me?

  GRANDMA: Wow… I can see, even with that awful suit, that you work out a lot. Great biceps, darling. Women must beg to be arrested by you, am I right? Someone ever told you how you look like a younger version of Brad Pitt?

  AGENT HOLMES: As a matter of fact, a woman once– Ma’am. Julia. This is beside the point. Do you know where your grandson is?

  GRANDMA: Not a clue, sweetheart. Tell me: do you dig more experienced women?

  ♥

  INTERVIEW WITH NAT

  NATHALIE: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

  AGENT DUPIN: Ma’am, we–

  NATHALIE: That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any form of government becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it–

  AGENT DUPIN: Ma’am, we are very familiar with the Declaration of Independence.

  NATHALIE: Oh, are you really? So you are intentionally acting against it and its values?

  AGENT DUPIN: Ma’am, we–

  NATHALIE: Do you consider me some kind of idiot? Calling me “madam”, or “ma’am”, or even “Your fogging Highness” won’t deny the fact that you are a bunch of racists! Don’t you think I know why my family and I have been taking here? Unjustly and by force, if I might add!

  AGENT DUPIN: Miss Estevez Brown, please allow me to explain–

  NATHALIE: I’m here because of my ancestry! You think I deserve to be here because my grandma is British and my Dad was born in Mexico! But I’m American! And they deserve respect! We all do!

  AGENT DUPIN: Ma’am, we–

  NATHALIE: We pay American taxes!

  AGENT DUPIN: Please, just hear–

  NATHALIE: We hire American employees!

  AGENT DUPIN: Just listen to what–

  NATHALIE: And we spend American money!

  AGENT DUPIN: The reason you and your–

  NATHALIE: So I don’t give a cheat if you and your government want to build a wall between the USA and Mexico (which was the stupidest idea ever, by the way).

  AGENT DUPIN: We need to ask you about–

  NATHALIE: You’ve got no right to treat me like that! I’m going to the papers! To television! I’m telling everyone in this country what you’re doing to honest, hardworking–

  AGENT DUPIN: Thishasnothingtodowithyourancestry!

  NATHALIE: What?

  AGENT DUPIN: This. Has. Nothing. To. Do. With. Your. Ancestry. Ma’am.

  NATHALIE: Why the fog am I here, then?

  ♥

  INTERVIEW WITH BOBBY

  AGENT FROST: Mr. Robert Estevez Brown. Have you any idea–

  ROBERT: It’s not mine!

  AGENT FROST: What’s not yours?

  ROBERT: Uh, nothing… Just go on, please.

  AGENT FROST: Thank you. So, the reason we’re here is because we found some–

  ROBERT: I swear to my late grandfather, who I loved dearly, none of it is mine!

  AGENT FROST: What?

  ROBERT: And I have absolutely no idea how it got in my room!

  AGENT FROST: Come again?

  ROBERT: Someone must’ve put it there to frame me or some shit like that, dude! Can’t you see it?

  AGENT FROST: What exactly can I not see, Robert?

  ROBERT: Uh… Never mind. Nothing. You see it all, right? Like the Big Brother. You know, from 1984. Great book, right?

  AGENT FROST: Sure, I guess. So, you are here because we found out some illegal–

  ROBERT: Okay! I cant hold it anymore! It was Joey! He was the one who sold it to me! Sure we can make a deal and–

  AGENT FROST: Who?

  ROBERT: Joey! I don’t know his last name, but we’re Facebook friends; he’s the one with a picture of his Chihuahua, you can’t miss it, dude. Oh, and I follow his Instagram page too, so if you wanna get hold of him–

  AGENT FROST: What did this Joey with the Chihuahua sell you exactly?

  ROBERT: You know…

  AGENT FROST: Why don’t you tell me?

  ROBERT: Pot. [whisper]

  AGENT FROST: What?

  ROBERT: POT! Marijuana, weed, whatever yo
u call it! Oh, God! I’m going to prison, right? I’m gonna be someone’s bitch, right? Mom always warned me! I should’ve listened to her!

  AGENT FROST: So, what you are saying is that this Joey person sold you marijuana.

  ROBERT: Shhhhhh. Someone could hear you out, dude.

  AGENT FROST: You know that mirror, Mr. Estevez Brown?

  ROBERT: Yeah. Kind of creepy, right?

  AGENT FROST: Well, besides being creepy, it hides many agents behind it. They’re watching us now. And hearing us, too.

  ROBERT: Wow. That’s so Law and Order, dude!

  AGENT FROST: Precisely.

  ROBERT: Oh, no. Does it mean I’m going to jail for a long time? I’m definitely becoming someone’s bitch! Look at me!

  AGENT FROST: Sir, you won’t be anyone’s bitch.

  ROBERT: Are you kidding me, dude? With my great gray eyes? And my pretty little butt? I’m screwed! Metaphorically and literally! Oh, no!

  [sobs]

  AGENT FROST: There’s no need to cry, Mr. Estevez Brown.

  [sobs]

  AGENT FROST: Mr. Estevez– Robert. Please, stop crying. We are not interested in your marijuana.

  ROBERT: Oh. Right. I wasn’t crying, dude! There was something in my eye.

  AGENT FROST: Of course.

  ROBERT: So, what are you serious dudes interested in?

  ♥

  Nat

  After two hours, two hundred, forty three questions, and the worst headache ever, the “Special Agent” (who should be called pain-in-my-ash Agent) finally let me go.

  On one hand, I couldn’t be more relieved to be out of the room of torture. It was windowless, with white walls, a metal table, and a huge two-way mirror, which covered half of one of the walls. The chair was really uncomfortable, but a piece of cake if compared to the overwhelming feeling of being judged and analyzed by people I couldn’t even see.

  On the other hand, I left that room with my chest tight; they’d just told me this whole mess was related to Ethan’s latest – and secretive – project. The fact his family knew nothing of it made the Feds even more worried, which left me in panic. Ironically enough, I’d just been talking about Ethan with Darcy at the museum.

  The Feds had said Ethan had been using government equipment for illegal experiments. Even though he’d never been a government fan, I was skeptical about Ethan going as far as committing federal crimes the FBI suspected he and his team did.

  Agent Dupin had claimed Ethan was on the run, which I knew to be completely untrue, since he’d been sending me e-mails every week, as usual.

  Now, as I thought about it without the pressuring questions from the Feds, I remembered some peculiar details about my older brother’s messages from the past month.

  For instance, Ethan had written “dude” in one of them, which wasn’t common for him, although it seemed to be Bobby’s favorite word in the world, along with “weed” and “pot”.

  Furthermore, there had been one other time when I had a strong impression Ethan had been on something when he sent me one of his e-mails, but then I ignored my suspicions, since he was such an uptight person… He was the cutest nerd, crazy about technology devices, his work, and his TV series and movies.

  If the Feds hadn’t lied, and Ethan had ran away to be off the grid (the Agent had used the word “vanished”, as if my brother were Harry Potter and had apparated), someone else must have been aware of the mess he’d left behind and was trying to cover his tracks, pretending to be him to save his sorry ash.

  But who in the world could it be?

  The elevator shaft stopped and its metal doors slid open soundlessly, forcing me to put that question on hold until I made sure my family was safe. I walked down a white, dull aisle that opened to a huge – and equally spotless and dull – lobby with huge windows facing a street that was familiar but, at the same time, I couldn’t name.

  My walk turned into a run when I saw Mom and Dad conversing, with grandma a few steps back, talking to an agent (or was she flirting with him? Seriously, grandma? These people practically kidnapped us!). Darcy was a little farther away from the group, talking to Bobby.

  Bobby? All became clear in a heartbeat.

  No. Ducking. Way. The bastard!

  “ROBERT ESTEVEZ BROWN!” I yelled and attacked.

  ♥

  Chapter 18

  Bobby

  I almost pissed myself in that room. The dude interviewing me looked like the Terminator. At some point, he left me alone in the room of pain and despair and you know what he said before doing it? “I’ll be back”.

  Thanks to Mom, he hadn’t got a chance to turn back and terminate me. According to Fitz, Nat had ordered him to get Mom when she saw Men in Black dudes taking us in their torture-and-kidnap vans. Actually, they were SUVs, but vans are a lot scarier, so, for the sake of my horror story, that’s how I prefer to describe their vehicles.

  Fortunately, Fitz had followed Nat’s orders to the letter. Not only had Mom come, but she also had brought the big weapons with her as well, in the shape of Wall Street shark lawyers, and some of the most powerful politicians in New York. Lucky for all of us, the rich and powerful loved the boredom of the arts.

  There was still a rock in our shoes: after this episode, Dad and I would have to come clean with Mom and Nat, and they’d go ballistic. Nat might even try to kill me in my sleep. I’d have to crash at Anna’s for a while.

  “Please, Robert, allow me to tell the truth to Miss Nathalie myself.” Fitz was walking in circles, as if he could open a hole in the marble floors.

  “Seriously? You’d do that for me?” Maybe I’d have enough time to escape, while the Brit spilled the beans to my sister. I mean, she’d take her time killing him first, right? By the time she was done with him, I’d be safely having some Margaritas with Anna in Mexico. Maybe she could wear her new tiny white bikini for me.

  “We’ll tell them together, Bobby.” Dad spoiled my amazing, flawless plan just like that.

  “Tell us what, darling?”, Mom had been talking (actually, she was giving a lecture) to the guys who took us from our home, almost – and a huge almost that was – making me pity them.

  Dad thought she wouldn’t hear us out, but he’d been clearly wrong. After all those years of marriage, hadn’t he learned Mother saw everything? She was almost as bad as Grandma sometimes! He reassured her with soothing words and his I’m-a-great-husband-and-did-some-shit-because-I-love-you-so-much smiles while we waited for Nathalie, the only one who hadn’t come out yet.

  With that brief exchange between my parents, Fitz got all worked up again, sweating with anxiety. I was doing my best to calm him down, when I noticed a movement with my peripheral vision. It was Nat. She was charging like a bull who’d just focused on a big, red point.

  And guess who the poor, red point was?

  Damn it! She’d probably figured out what we’d been hiding! But that was impossible, right? The Feds didn’t know. They couldn’t have, otherwise we’d still be locked up.

  “ROBERT ESTEVEZ BROWN!”

  “Nat, what are you–UGH!”

  I fell on my back on the marble floor after she hit my middle, making me lose my balance, my breath and my dignity. If we were in an UFC fight they’d have called it a knockout. In real life, it was known as being thoroughly humiliated.

  “Nathalie! What do you think you’re doing?”, Mom had her mortified tone going on. I appreciated her help, even though I was sure she was more concerned about Nat’s poor manners than the fact my sister wasn’t allowing me to breathe for being on top of me, her hands clutching my pretty and fragile neck.

  “I’m killing Bobby, mom. Do you mind?”, Nat countered sarcastically, her grip firm on my precious neck. Oh, God. I was so going to die.

  “As a matter of fact, I do mind. Your father wants to speak to all of us. Besides, ever
yone’s watching”, Mom added that last part when some security guards moved in our direction. “I do not want to be forced to help you out of an interrogation room again, Nathalie. I’m running out of favors.”

  “After what this little prick did, it’ll be worth it.” Nat threw me an accusing look, making Mom confused. Oh, no. Nat had figured it out. I was most definitely one hundred percent dead. Then, I’d come back as a zombie and bring Fitz, Dad and Trevor down with me. “In any case, Dad can talk to us now.”

  “Nat! I’m sure you have justifiable reason to be angry at your brother.” Thanks Dad! And you were the saint here, right? What a hypocrite! Wow, Nat was really strong. I was about to faint from lack of oxygen. “Still, I need to talk to you about your brother,” When Nat glanced at me suspiciously, letting go enough for me to inhale some much needed air, Dad explained, “Your other brother.”

  “You know where Ethan is?” Finally she was convinced killing me wasn’t necessary (at least, not yet). Fitz helped her up, being a gentleman even to an almost assassin, but could you guess if this poor victim of circumstances got any help, after almost being pushed to a place with no return? Nope.

  “It’s not about where Ethan is, honey…” Dad stared at his own shoes, looking embarrassed. “It’s about when he is.”

  ♥

  Bobby

  Good side of the story: Nat was so shocked by Dad’s description of what had happened to Ethan she’d forgotten she was – unfairly – mad at me.

  Bad side of the story: Mom and Nat had gone practically catatonic. Seriously, they were just staring at us with blank expressions, as if they’d just found out Hogwarts was a real thing. Well, this story was, in fact, unbelievable. Still, I’d have preferred if they’d screamed or something. The sound of their silence was deafening.

  Dad had resumed his speech for a whole ten minutes, after telling Mom and Nat all of the details he could think of since Trevor had paid us a visit. Grandma hadn’t stayed to listen, claiming she had very important tasks she had to take care of immediately, insisting she’d need Mike dressed in a black suit to help. Weird, I know. No idea what the woman was up to.

  She must have been refurnishing, though, because it was pretty noisy upstairs. Why her husband would have to wear a black suit to refurnish, I’d never guess.