EDGES

by C. G. Carroll

  “I know,” Tiffany said with an enthusiasm that came from desperation. “Let’s all do dinner tonight. He’ll want to do that.”

  It would be like old times, Josh thought to himself. He would love that, just the four of them, but only on one condition. Simone would have to propose it also, not just Tiffany.

  He waited, looked to Simone. There was no indication she was going to say anything.

  “Maybe,” Josh finally replied. “See if you can get a hold of him. I’m gonna need to go back and shower either way.” He looked to Simone again.

  “You ready?” she asked.

  He nodded.

  They left Tiffany in the apartment. She shut the door slowly, and before the door closed Josh saw her take out her phone.

  ***

  Josh’s keys jangled loud in his shorts as they started jogging. He stopped when they were a few hundred yards down the busy road. An idea had struck him. Some way he could make a real impression on Simone. Yes, he thought, feeling a rush of cleverness. “Hold up,” he said to her.

  “What is it?” Simone asked, turning and jogging in place.

  “Sunscreen. I forgot it.”

  “You’ll be alright, c’mon. It’s only a few miles.” That sounded like no easy stroll to Josh, but Simone was in very good shape. Runner’s shape.

  “Only take a sec,” he said, and started off back to the apartments before she could object again. “Stay here,” he hollered as he went away.

  Simone stopped jogging in place and stood baffled with her hands on her hips, watching him curiously as he ran off. Josh rushed back to the apartments. He quickly ran to the driver’s side door of his car, unlocked it, and got the flowers from beneath the blanket. He fluffed them a bit as he took them to the apartment door. He knocked. Why are you knocking, idiot? He opened the door, flowers held behind his back. The doorway saw straight back into the apartment. Tiffany was in the living room, sitting on the couch.

  “Josh?” she peered at him, wondering what he was doing leering there in the doorway.

  He froze. Suddenly, that embarrassed fiery flush came back, burning hot inside his cheeks. “Never mind.” He threw the door closed, looked down at the flowers, and hurried back to his car. He spastically tossed them back in and cast the blanket over them.

  Fuck, why are you so scared? he asked himself as he ran back up the road to meet Simone.

  “That was quick,” she remarked when he got back abreast with her. “I hope you’re not gassed. We’ve got a ways to go.” She poked him in the chest, which was huffing.

  “Don’t get cocky,” he replied. “You’re still a girl.”

  “Oh?” She laughed at the challenge. “Is that so? I’m a girl so I don’t stand a chance?” She darted away down the sandy shoulder and he had to hurry after her, immediately realizing he was so winded he wouldn’t last more than a mile chasing after her.

  They ran on Florida Road for a while and then turned left onto North College Drive, which was the back way up to the campus. The road began as a steady slope, but got steep fast. Josh was exhausted by the time they turned onto it, but he really started to get nauseous as they ascended. All along the side of the road were big lovely houses and far up at the top there was a stilted mansion that overlooked the whole town. Josh’s body begged his mind to quit, but he kept moving his legs, pushing himself not to fall too far behind. Simone was being sweet, and wasn’t taunting him too badly. But she was also trying to have a conversation while his lungs were on fire. He could only mutter short fragmented sentences.

  They got halfway up, to the point where the road began to perform sweeping switchbacks. They were a good mile or mile and a half from the apartment now. It was then that he really began to lose ground. She was about twenty yards up ahead of him, glancing back to make sure he was still coming. Eventually, she stopped and smiled, breathing hard herself. She held out both palms and urged him forward with her fingers. “I thought I was just a girl and couldn’t possibly beat you?”

  “I…” he gasped. “I didn’t realize… that you were… trying… to kill me…”

  She laughed and patted him on the back as he lurched forward, hands on his knees. Simone’s gaze turned to the view of the picturesque mountains, massive and snowcapped in the far, far distance.

  “We can go back,” she said. “But only because I don’t want your death on my conscience… wuss.”

  He wanted to laugh, but couldn’t. Cars zoomed past them, their motors running in a high whine, fighting the incline. “I’m not a pussy,” he said, like it was a promise.

  “I don’t think you’re a pussy, Joshie.” She ruffled his hair and they both took a moment to catch their breath. They agreed that walking down would be a good idea for him. Side by side they headed back down, taking their time.

  Once he fully regained his breath, he was able to appreciate being with her. She was more picturesque than the view. Her strong tan legs sprouted up out of cute little white running shoes, her leanly muscled arms swung with grace, and the glittering smile that haunted his dreams never left her face. Josh wondered how every guy didn’t fall in love with her.

  “Do you think Patrick’s going to break up with Tiff?” she asked.

  “I don’t know,” he replied. “Is that what she thinks?”

  “She’s not sure. Is he cheating on her or something?”

  He paused. “I don’t feel comfortable talking about this.”

  “You can tell me the truth,” she said.

  “I know. I am.”

  “Okay,” she said, backing off. “I just get that vibe from him lately, that’s all.”

  He wanted to ask her if it was true that she fucked him back over Christmas break. “Patrick’s an emotionally conflicted guy.”

  “Don’t you mean emotionally wrecked?”

  They were making it down the hill. The sweat beads on his head had dried. He was feeling better, more at ease with her.

  “You aren’t very talkative today,” she said.

  It was true. He wasn’t saying much. There was a reason though. They hadn’t really talked about it. From his perspective, there was so much to discuss. Things to resolve. But there was a risk that if he told her what was on his mind, it could turn bitter and negative, and he didn’t want to take that chance.

  “Is it the court stuff?” she asked.

  “No,” he admitted. “Turns out I’ll get probation at worst. I’ve figured things out with George. It’s just the State that we’re negotiating with now.”

  She nodded, suddenly glum. “It was my fault.”

  It was her fault, he thought. But it was also his. He’d forgiven her. And pretty much forgiven himself. He just wanted to not have it hanging over either of them anymore, and was pleased she at least came clean.

  She must’ve been unnerved by the silence. “Do you hate me?”

  He smirked. “Would I be chasing your ass up this huge damn hill if I hated you?”

  “At least you had a good view the whole time.” She winked. “You know, as I was leaving you in the dust.”

  He nodded and for the first time in their run, allowed himself to smile. “It’s a decent view.”

  She swatted him and there was a long pause.

  “I’m glad we’re on good terms again,” she told him.

  “Me too.” Josh wanted to take the conversation further, maybe talk about trying again. Maybe go to dinner. But he left it there.

  They reached the base of the hill and turned right back toward the apartment, still walking at a steady pace.

  “And what about you?” he asked.

  “What about me?”

  “You seem a little… different. Off a little bit. Everything good in Simone’s world?”

  “You know me,” she said. “I’ve always got some new mess I’m dealing with.”

  “It’s not George, right?” he blurted.

  She laughed hysterically.

  “What?”

  “Josh, George is one of my best friends
. He’s like a gay friend, except not gay.”

  “Yet, you would’ve kissed him?” He immediately wished he hadn’t said it.

  “That was stupid of me,” she replied quietly.

  “No,” he corrected. “It ended up being a good thing, in certain ways.”

  “What certain ways?”

  “It’ll teach me not to let my guard down. Patrick says I shouldn’t, anyway.”

  “That’s a horrible way to go through life. And you shouldn’t try to be like Patrick. He’s got enough demons to deal with.”

  Josh nodded again. “So what is it then?” He wondered if he would be able to tell if she lied. “That’s bothering you? I’m interested.”

  “It’s nothing, really. Just your average girl stuff.”

  He watched as she suddenly pinched the bridge of her nose, as if to subdue a rush of emotions. Her eyes got watery for a moment.

  “Simone, I still care about you. I hope that counts for something. You can tell me, whatever it is.”

  She shook her head. “It’s nothing. And it does count for something. It counts for a lot.” She smiled as bright as she could, yet he witnessed a darkness swirling in her eyes.

  It pressed on him more and more that there was a possibility she’d met someone else. She wouldn’t divulge any more and they were almost back. Though she wouldn’t say what it was, he felt like the trust was returning. But there were words he needed to hear. That she still wanted him. It hurt him deeply that she wouldn’t say the actual words. He began to wonder if maybe she couldn’t say them because she didn’t feel them.

  He wanted to talk more, but they were back at the apartment. They walked up the sidewalk past the nose of his car. Simone leaned down suddenly, finding a large hunk of a lily flower in front of her apartment door. Josh’s eyes got wide. It must’ve shaken off the bouquet.

  “That’s weird,” she said, taking it between her fingers and showing him.

  “What is it?” he asked.

  “It’s a petal, silly.” Something else caught her attention. She was looking past him toward where his car was parked. He turned and saw that in front of his door was another lily petal, lying there in the sun on the black asphalt.

  “That is weird,” Josh said.

  She gave him a sidelong glance, a look of suspicion, and he didn’t flinch even though every bone in his body felt like it was vibrating. They went inside. Simone immediately started looking around the house but it was just as they’d left it. She got Josh a big glass of water, along with one for herself. Tiffany was still planted on the couch. They sat with her for about ten minutes, drinking the water and listening to her bemoan Patrick not texting her back.

  Once he was done with the water, he let them both know that he was going. Simone walked outside with him. They stood facing each other in the middle of the parking spot. He wanted to kiss her. Dearly wanted to. He felt the moment, the split second where he could’ve moved in for it, pass by in a blink. She hugged him close. He didn’t feel like a man with his arms around her. He was a scared boy. She held onto him a little longer than normal.

  “You look a little red,” she remarked upon pulling away. There was a mystified gleam in her eyes.

  “Do I?”

  She smiled. “No matter what happens, you’re a really sweet guy, Josh.”

  What the fuck did that mean? He walked a few steps to his car, stuck with the smell of her rich in his nostrils. He was coming apart on the inside.

  “Maybe call me in a few days,” she said from the doorway. “We’ll go running again.”

  “Or you can call me,” he replied.

  “Maybe I will.”

  “Maybe,” he said. He got into his car and started it up. He pulled back slowly, and she waved to him before she went inside.

  When he got down the road a little ways, he uncovered the lilies. They were shriveled from the heat inside the car, nearly dead. Josh rolled down the window, wrapped his fingers around the stems, and tossed them out with a whip of his arm. They exploded when they hit the pavement.

  Mallory

  “WILL YOU RELAX? IT’S NOT a big deal.”

  Mallory was standing at the kitchen counter, looking away from her fiancé. A round, thin wine glass was in her hand, stained red from the wine she’d just downed. It needed a refill. She needed more. More wine to deal with him and his whining. That’s what it seemed like more and more, Teddy whining while she sat and was forced to listen to him bitch.

  “Not a big deal! You don’t know what this guy is capable of, Mal!”

  She made a pffft noise with her lips and gave a squeaky laugh as she took hold of the wine bottle and refilled the glass. “You make him sound like some sort of terrorist.”

  “He is. He destroys people’s lives.”

  “Wow, Teddy. Melodramatic much?” Mallory sipped the wine. “And as you can see, I didn’t answer his call. You need to stop worrying.”

  Teddy was pacing around the room, glaring across the counter at her like a crazed and angry ball of energy that didn’t know where it should settle. “The fact that he has your number makes me sick. Sick to my stomach. And that his name is programmed in, my god, what is wrong with you?”

  A number had texted her a few times and she realized it was Patrick and decided to add his contact back into her phone, but hadn’t replied to any of them.

  She cocked her head at him. “Me? The guy saved us from a lawsuit, Teddy. What should I do, pretend he doesn’t exist, act like I’ve never met him?”

  “That’s exactly what you should do.”

  “You’re unbelievable. You work with him, for fuck’s sake.”

  “And if there were any way I could get that slimeball fired, I would.”

  “Now you just sound stupid. You’re drunk. That’s all.”

  He stopped and stretched his arms out on the counter. The muscles of his triceps tightened and flexed out into noticeable strips of hardness running down his upper arms. He was a large man, and it sometimes scared her when he got angry. And boy did he ever get angry when she brought up his drinking habits.

  “Me drunk?” He was shouting now. “You’re the drunkest whore in town. Oh, but it’s wine, so you think no one notices.”

  Her hand shot up and she pointed at him, the tendons in her hand raised against the skin like hot white rods. The W word shocked her. He’d never called her such a thing, such an ugly word. “Don’t you ever fucking talk to me like that. I’m going to be your wife one day, you bastard.”

  He waved at her dismissively and charged off into the other room, making noise and throwing things around to try to intimidate her. It did a little bit, but it mostly just disgusted her. What was she doing? Was she really going to marry this man who was clearly one step removed from being a full-blown child?

  She topped off her wine glass, a large goblet shaped glass resting on a tiny stem, and headed out onto the front porch for some fresh air.

  The sun had just set behind the wooded slope of the mountain. All the snow had finally melted off. A hot twilight was upon the pines, enough to draw a steady sweat out of her. Or maybe it was the wine making her sweat, or the heat of the argument. Whatever it was, she felt relieved now being able to smell the fresh pine from the trees all around her.

  More and more often over the last few weeks she was doing things that she knew Teddy wouldn’t appreciate. This thing with Patrick was just one small instance. She did it just so when they had sex she would feel something from him, even if it was anger. Also, she found herself slipping into apathy, lying there pretending to enjoy him going through the motions with her body.

  She’d read about a behavior that men usually were the culprits of, a thing called stonewalling. In their relationship, however, Teddy was the one to air every little thing out and she would just sit there, wine in hand, having given up on trying to reason with the man.

  Mallory swirled her wine, noticing the salty sulfuric flavor left from it in her mouth, and the feeling on her tongue, like a
coating of fine bitter sand. She stared into the increasingly dimming light that was moving over the woods, then suddenly she had to lay her face into her free hand. An overwhelming fear choked her. The marriage she had been promised was disintegrating before it had even started. And despite Teddy’s accusations, it wasn’t Patrick or some other man breaking it down. It was time. Spending enough of it together to see the man she had once loved for who he really was. Her mother always told her that the most important decision of her life would be who she chose to spend it with. She’d chosen Teddy.

  Mallory’s eyes began to tear up from frustration. The tears were warm and annoying. She sat down on the porch steps, and they creaked beneath her. She moved to set down her wine glass and when she leaned over a tear fell off her cheek and splashed onto the wood step which was so dry that the outline of the puddle seemed to immediately dissipate before her eyes.

  Patrick had called her. And Mallory had wanted to answer. Not only because she was still attracted to him, but because she also wanted someone to talk to. She craved something fun, something exciting and uncharted. An escape. She was still young, wasn’t she? She hadn’t signed her life away to being a quiet housewife just yet.

  The beauty of this place came with a price. There was too much quiet out here, too much time and space to ponder such deep and terrifying questions. Mallory didn’t want to think any more. She took two gulps of wine, almost chugging it. She was going to get plastered tonight. Plastered until Teddy went to sleep and then maybe she’d sneak out and actually call Patrick while hiding in the trees. Wouldn’t that be satisfying? A little risk to get the blood moving.

  Teddy suddenly came roaring out the front door and it flew inward, banging against the doorstop on the inside, the bang making Mallory leap to her feet.

  “What are you crying for?” His eyes were definitely crazed now. They had shifted to rage and it scared her. “You did talk to him, didn’t you, you little whore?”