EDGES
Page 34
Simone quickly gathered her things as the class wrapped up and Patrick wasn’t going to chase after her so he let her go. As he went home that day, and into the night, even as he read just before bed, he couldn’t stop dwelling on having seen her. It gave him a little lift of hope, and for the first time in months he had a sound sleep.
When the class came again two days later, Patrick made a point to wait by the door while others went in. He turned his neck and saw Simone had come into the hall but had stopped some thirty paces off, and seemed to be contemplating turning around.
Patrick assertively waived her over. And she came slowly, reluctance in each footstep, like she would rather not be seen with him.
“Is this how it will be for the next four months?” he asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Simone.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t—”
“Just come in and sit next to me. Don’t pretend I don’t exist like everyone else. Please, at least do me that.”
She was scrutinizing him strangely, not quite the same way as all the others had, but more like she was unsure if she still knew who she was talking to anymore. But she nodded and he held the door open for her to go in. They found two seats near the front and class went on, and a few times he glanced over at her, but she was taking notes. When it was done, they simply said goodbye to each other and went separate ways.
After a few weeks they graduated to talking, and he found out she was living alone just like him, and that she didn’t leave the house much just like him. She began to speak to him in a friendly manner, and asked him questions on study material. They even joked with each other, but only in class. She always, always hurried away afterward.
About a month in, toward the end of September, he saw her parking and took note of it. When she pretended like she had to go after class, he let her, but he decided to wait at her car.
As she came up with her keys after ten minutes, he flashed that smile and she laughed bitterly.
“I’ve gotten pretty ridiculous, haven’t I?” she said.
“I didn’t know until today. Are you… are you afraid of me or something? I’m not a killer if that’s what you’re worried about. Shit, is that what people think?”
She laughed. “Of course not.” She shook her hands frustratedly. “I’m just… I don’t want to get started down this path… I just can’t do it.”
Patrick grimaced, nodded, and moved out of the way of the car door. “You don’t have to hide from me. I’d like to one day be on each other’s side again, even as friends. If that’s possible.”
He went to his car, parked not more than thirty feet away, and looked back once to see if she was watching. Simone had her hands on the wheel, but her head was down, like she was praying or maybe waiting for him to drive away.
It felt like ants were under skin all that night. He found himself pacing in his room, unable to sleep, and smothered with heat. He fought off tears, and a horrible urge to drink took hold of him. He searched through the house, searching for a bottle in a place he might’ve overlooked, but found nothing.
A few weeks went by where it was even more unbearably tense in class between them than before. They hardly spoke. Patrick began to feel in his heart that—finally—everything had been lost. Everything.
One day after class he gathered his things and left before she could, without saying goodbye, and with tears in his eyes. He began to consider not returning, just accepting a withdraw. In all the habitual places of his day-to-day life, he felt most alone sitting next to her in class.
Nothing happened that day, but the following evening, at just past six, a knock came at his door and Simone was there.
He let her come in. It was so stilted how she entered the house, and she looked around differently than before, like she was taking an assessment of whether she’d made the right decision in coming.
Patrick stood by the window, and let her walk freely. She looked like she’d lost a year’s worth of sleep just like he had, but she still seemed healthy, whereas he’d lost almost fifteen pounds off his frame.
“I came here…” she began.
He waited. And waited.
“Why did I come here?” she said and laughed desperately. “This is the part where you’d usually crack some joke about me being obsessed with you.”
Patrick gave a caustic laugh, and sat down on the arm of the couch. “It’s funny, I’ve spent so much time talking to myself in my own head these last few months, I’m not sure if I remember what other people find funny anymore.”
She nodded glumly.
“Why did you come here?” he asked with a pointed tone.
Her lips pursed just a little and her eyes darted. “Do you have any beer?”
Patrick, for the first time in ages, cleared his lungs and actually laughed without the tint of sadness. “You probably will have a hard time believing this, but I haven’t been drinking much. Not at all, in fact.”
“I wish I could say the same,” she replied, smiling.
Patrick stood up and got closer to her. He came to a stop right in front of her, put out his arms, and waited.
She considered and finally fell into his arms. He hugged her tight, she pressed her fingers into the base of his back harder than he’d ever felt. She clung to him. It was the greatest relief he’d ever experienced.
They rocked together, there in the middle of the room, and nothing entered Patrick’s mind, no doubt, no fear, no confusion, no anxiousness.
“Almost five months,” she said with a mixtures of tears and a laugh.
“Five months what?” he replied.
“That’s how long I held off coming here. I told myself I had to quit you. That I couldn’t go back.”
“We’re never going back,” he said, and took a deep breath, smelling her hair.
There was a pause. “I miss you,” she said.
“That’s all I’ve wanted to hear you say for so long.”
She pulled back with tears tracing out of her eyes, such a bright, determined blue on this day. She smiled at him.
***
IN A STRANGE WAY IT was like they were getting to know each other for the first time. They ate lunch together before class, and then left together and sometimes spent hours talking at their cars.
Simone agreed to meet him at the river and together they would go on long runs up and down the length of town. They never drank together, and Patrick was thankful for that, as he was afraid of what might spill out of him if he got drunk around her.
The old games and thrills had fallen away, and they were left with just each other, bare and to a degree exposed, uncertain where the days together would take them.
It was thrilling and peaceful all at once. October came and though he’d lived there for four years, Patrick had never been to many of the beautiful destinations in nature that were no more than a half hour from town. Simone took him hiking up the Chicago Basin and they had a picnic amongst all beautiful turning leaves that were lit up in bright yellows, oranges and reds. She didn’t let him hear the end of it either, “Uh-oh, Patrick’s-on-a-picnic. Patrick’s-on-a-picnic.”
Simone wanted to have some pictures taken, so Patrick had her change into a light blue dress and she stood in a meadow that was still lush and green, freckled with millions of dandelions, and he snapped over a hundred photos of her in front of the backdrop of West Needle Mountain.
They hadn’t slept together or even kissed, and a few times they had been watching a movie at Patrick’s and Simone dozed off only to wake up suddenly and rush out. Patrick wasn’t put off by it. He simply let her be and do as she pleased.
Halloween came and went, and instead of dressing up, they just went to dinner for Mexican food and then went home early. Lying in bed, Patrick could hear the party-seekers tromping down the hill from campus and a smile crept across his lips that he was warm in bed.
Together they delivered an impressive presentation in their marketing class, and they fin
ally went out for drinks to celebrate. To his surprise, there was no catastrophic outpouring of emotions. They laughed together, and even danced for a few hours at a country bar that Patrick had never had the guts to venture to. Simone showed him how to two-step and he fumbled and bumbled his way as he tried to lead. It struck him as something he never would’ve allowed in the past, and though he couldn’t stop blushing, he felt safe in a way he hadn’t before. They were becoming, if not already were, best friends.
The first snow arrived very late, not until the first Saturday of December, which was also the first weekend of winter break. Simone had told Patrick that she would be going back home to Denver for Christmas, but because of the storm she had to delay a day. Patrick’s mother was going to come visit him for Christmas so it would be the first time in a few months that Patrick would go a stretch without seeing her. It also happened to be his birthday. They were going to have a farewell dinner together, but the transmission on Patrick’s van had finally given out. He persuaded her to come over early and to go to the dealership with him to get his birthday present.
“But you love that van.”
Still, he’d insisted on getting something new. Patrick wandered through the car lot, and Simone stood back, laughing to herself as he looked in the windows. As Patrick and a salesman haggled, he glanced over to see her with her hand lifted over her mouth, giggling at him and he wondered if he was doing it right. He settled on getting a silver Corolla, and as they were driving out of the lot on the way to dinner, they smiled at each other and Patrick held her hand.
They’d found a mutual favorite Italian restaurant and they always sat at the same table in the corner. Conversation was light and easy, but halfway through Patrick asked her to consider how far they’d come in a year.
Simone stopped eating and seemed to be thinking about what he meant. He saw it become clear for her, by the awareness suddenly full in her eyes, that he was talking about that first night they’d spent together over winter break almost exactly a year ago.
She agreed, though for the rest of the dinner she seemed incapable of thinking about anything but that night. Patrick apologized for bringing it up, and told her he had just meant that he was happy where they were now compared to then.
He was surprised when she came into the house without invitation that night. They poured some wine and then went to his room, lying down for a movie. When the movie finished, Patrick clicked off the TV.
It startled him when Simone spoke up in the darkness. He thought she’d been asleep. She interlocked her fingers with his, her voice soft but deliberate.
“Something happened today,” she said.
The phrase sent a subtle shock through him.
She continued. “I never thought it would, I mean I always hoped but I never thought I’d actually feel it.”
He glanced down at her, even though he could barely see her face through the dark. “What happened?”
“I think I finally forgave myself.”
Patrick let a silence sit for a while before he said anything. “Something happened to me too. Something I never thought would actually happen.”
“What?” she asked.
Their fingers were still interlocked, and he squeezed her hand. “I realized I’m in love.”
Note from the author
I spent four wonderful years in Durango, Colorado and still visit often. It will forever hold a place near and dear to my heart. Because of the serious subject matter of this book, I want to stress that characters, locations and institutions are used purely fictitiously. I have nothing but the highest respect for Fort Lewis and nothing but love for the city of Durango. Whether you are someone with a passion for the outdoors and majestic natural beauty, or someone who values a town bustling with uniqueness and a strong sense of community, I highly recommend you visit the wonderful city of Durango and maybe it will touch you like it touched me.
A special thanks to my dear friend, Steve, whose support and feedback has given me the courage to put my work out there.
If you enjoyed reading EDGES, please visit my website: www.cgcarroll.com and sign up to receive updates on when my next book will be out and much more fun stuff! Thanks again for reading!
-CG
Contents
Josh
Simone
Patrick
Mallory
Patrick
Josh
Mallory
George
Simone
Patrick
Mallory
Simone
Josh
Patrick
Josh
George
Mallory
Patrick
Simone
Josh
Mallory
George
Patrick
George
Mallory
Simone
Patrick
George
Simone
Josh
Patrick
George
Patrick
Mallory
George
Patrick
George
Patrick
Josh
Simone
Patrick
Mallory
Patrick
Simone
Patrick
Edges
By C.G. CARROLL
SPHERE PUBLISHING LLC, Lakewood, CO 80215
Copyright © 2016 C.G. CARROLL
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Visit: www.cgcarroll.com
This work is presented by the author. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, or incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, institutions, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
To get in touch please contact: cg@cgcarroll.com
Paperback ISBN: 978-0-9893018-0-0