A Christmas Candle

by Katie Flynn

  But when they find out – if they find out – they’ll make the best of it, Lily told herself. Some of them have made enquiries and backed out; well, maybe they’re right, but I’d just think of it as a new start in a new country, a long way from rationing, hard work and promises of better times to come which may never be kept. If I were a GI bride I’d take the rough with the smooth, and if I could no longer believe every word my husband said at least I’d be secure in the knowledge that he’d wanted me badly enough to go to any lengths to get me. And if those girls love their GIs, that’s all that really matters.

  But now here they were sitting opposite one another on the train, making their way to Drake’s Farm. Once I see how he behaves when I have all my friends around me I shall know whether he’s truly indifferent or only pretending to be, and if he is I shall back away so fast that my heels will smoke, she told herself. But until then I shall live in hope, because if there’s one thing that’s absolutely certain, it is that I love Hank Ruskin and want to spend the rest of my life with him. And if, at the end of the fortnight, I still don’t know his true feelings then I’m not the girl I think I am.

  Having made up her mind, Lily decided to do her best to enjoy the rest of her journey. She had sufficient faith in the Favershams’ hospitality to know that if they did not have a room free for Hank they would find him accommodation elsewhere. Everything was in turmoil still, but she knew that Spindlebush Farm was as large and commodious as Drake’s Farm itself, knew that somewhere or other Hank would be a welcome guest. The fact that he came without so much as a toothbrush was easily explained. They would tell their prospective hosts that his neatly packed bags had been left back at the USAAF base in Norfolk, for what was the point, if he truly intended to lug them half a world away, in carting them all the way to Devon and back beforehand?

  As Lily had thought, the Favershams took the unexpected guest in their stride. Auntie Bess said easily that Hank could have the bedroom once occupied by Johnny, and Chrissie could move back into the attic with Eve, Lily and Miranda for the time being, Connie having left practically as soon as her aunt had begun to pack her bags. She would, the Favershams declared, be far happier in the city of her birth even though the devastation wrought by the Luftwaffe had, she had once confessed, made that once proud port almost unrecognisable. In the back of the hay wain, as it trundled along the country lanes, Hank leaned closer to Eve.

  ‘And how are you enjoying the peace?’ he asked. ‘Don’t forget you are the only person in this … vehicle’ – he pronounced it ‘vee-hicle’ – ‘apart from Lily who knows me from Adam. Mrs Faversham tried to introduce me to everyone and sort out who was which but I’m afraid I’ve still got muddled. Which one is Connie? Her name used to appear quite often in your letters.’ He dropped his voice still further, casting a quick glance around the passengers behind them. ‘I somehow got the feeling that Connie was not your favourite person. Even Lily, who likes everyone, seemed a little doubtful whether she was on the side of the angels, so to speak.’

  Eve giggled. ‘That’s putting it mildly,’ she said. ‘Connie came as an evacuee but I don’t think she liked the countryside particularly. She was what they call a one for the fellers, and when the boys started to leave she grew more and more unhappy with her lot. In fact she abandoned ship, as my father would say, the minute her parents could have her back.’

  ‘Aha,’ Hank said, rather obscurely. ‘What was she like to look at? It sounds a silly question, but if a girl’s got “it” looks don’t always matter.’

  Eve wrinkled her forehead in thought. ‘She was certainly very pretty,’ she admitted. ‘And I’ve heard other people talk about a girl’s having “it”, but I’m really not at all sure how one would recognise it. Would it help if I said that when we were all at school together there was always a certain amount of jostling amongst the boys to sit next to Connie.’ She turned round rather astonished eyes on Hank’s face. ‘I wish I was better at descriptions, but all I can truthfully say about Connie is that she was pretty, and there were occasions when she was really quite nice. Usually to boys, I admit, but I do remember one occasion at least when she took my side and needn’t have done so. It was when I skied a tennis ball about a hundred feet in the air and it got wedged in an old chimney. Johnny – he was my particular friend – got hurt and blamed me … oh, but that’s all in the past. I don’t suppose anyone else remembers the incident, so let’s talk about something else.’

  ‘Ah, that’s another name I recognise,’ Hank said, once more glancing around the crowded vehicle. ‘Johnny Durrell, wasn’t it? But he was older than you and didn’t hang around when he had a chance to join the forces. Have I got that right?’

  ‘Not quite,’ Eve said. ‘Johnny was keen to join the RAF, only at first they turned him down. He took Uncle Reg’s advice, though, and tried again, and on his next attempt they accepted him.’

  ‘I see,’ Hank said slowly. ‘So where’s your best pal now? Is he keen on engines? I guess like most fellers he’d like to be aircrew in one capacity or another, but now that the war is over he’d do better to go for a trade which he can use in the peace.’

  ‘I don’t know what he intends to do,’ Eve said rather frostily. ‘He and Connie … oh, well, they don’t seem to have wasted any time once they got away. They’ve been going about together and I believe Connie has taken Johnny to meet her parents. But I’m getting over it.’ She grinned ruefully. ‘Someone told me the other day that people change, and I do believe it’s true. The Johnny I knew was just a boy; he was a very nice one, but the Johnny Connie knows is quite different, because he’s a young man. And now please can we talk about something else?’

  Hank loved Drake’s Farm and made no secret of the fact. Although Lily no longer worked for the Favershams they raised no objection when she insisted on doing more than her fair share of the chores, but they were certainly surprised when their American visitor insisted on helping too. Even Lily, who knew that Hank had been born and brought up on his parents’ farm, raised her eyebrows the first time Hank strode into the milking parlour and sat down on one of the stools.

  ‘Milking’s an art,’ she said, almost reproachfully. ‘You can’t just come in here and start tugging on the nearest teats. You might get a few squirts of milk out, but the cow would soon realise that a stranger was at the helm, so to speak, and kick you and your bucket to kingdom come.’

  Hank gave a scornful snort. ‘I was milking cows when you were in your pram,’ he informed her. ‘Your trouble is you don’t listen, Miss Ever-so-clever Kendal. I’ve told you many a time that I’m a farmer at heart, but did you believe me? Not you! Now let’s get on – we don’t want to keep the milk lorry waiting.’

  That had been on the second day, and from that moment on Hank was accepted not just as a friend of the family but as a part of it. Auntie Bess dug out an old pair of dungarees for him and he soon proved himself to be an excellent worker. It seemed to Lily that the first week whizzed by and she enjoyed every moment. Halfway through the second week, Hank suggested taking her for a run to one of the neighbouring farms where they were advertising cream teas.

  ‘But why should we bother?’ Lily asked. ‘Auntie Bess’s cream teas are famous, and she won’t charge us some exorbitant price.’

  Hank laughed, but shook his head. ‘I’m only human; I like to have you all to myself sometimes,’ he said. ‘My plan is to take you out for a bought cream tea and possibly a strawberry ice. Then I thought we could go for a trip to the coast. I’ve loved being on the farm with you, Lily, but we haven’t had so much as five minutes alone together. And in three days’ time I shall thank the Favershams for their incredible generosity, and making me feel like one of the family, then head back to the base and quite possibly never see you again.’ He tweaked her nose. ‘So all I’m asking is just one trip into the country unaccompanied by anyone but you. Is that too much to ask?

  Lily reached across the short distance that separated them and rumpled his bright red hai
r. ‘If only you’d see sense …’ she began, but Hank put his hand across her lips.

  ‘I know what you’re going to say, so you can just button your lip,’ he said severely. ‘That subject is taboo. All right?’

  Lily opened her mouth then caught Hank’s eye and closed it again. But that evening, to Eve’s distress, she lay in the darkness of the attic room and cried herself to sleep. Eve wondered whether she should get out of her own warm little bed and try to comfort her friend, but a new maturity made her stay where she was. She thought she understood the cause of Lily’s sadness, and remembered her own feelings when Connie had written – rather spitefully, Eve had thought – to tell her that Johnny had visited the Hales in Liverpool. She wasn’t sure she believed it, but still …

  So Lily isn’t the only one who’s crying for what might have been, Eve told herself. Didn’t someone once say that those were the saddest ‘of all sad words of tongue or pen’? Well, it was time she realised the truth of that quotation and stopped dreaming of a future with Johnny. He had only written to her once since the war ended and that had been a pretty brief note simply explaining that he was at the other end of the country and would not be in Devon again for the foreseeable future.

  Eve sat up on one elbow and rubbed at her suddenly tear-filled eyes. She was being ridiculous, mooning over a young man who was not interested in her. She should bend her thoughts to the books which she studied every evening, after the farm work was done, for she was now determined, when the Armstrongs returned to London, to apply for a place at the grammar school and even, if she passed her Higher School Certificate, to go to university. The Favershams were wonderful, helping her in every way they could, and sometimes Eve suspected that they knew how much she missed Johnny. But it doesn’t matter really, she told herself, lying down again. I should be thinking about my future instead of letting my thoughts wander to the past. Yet even as the thought entered her mind the pictures began to form, and she thought of the pleasures she and Johnny had shared before Connie decided to join in the fun: rides on the hay wain, moonlight walks … Eve opened her eyes and glanced up at the great silver moon gazing down at her. All this had come to the surface because of Lily’s unreciprocated feelings for Hank. Eve sighed. It was none of her business, and if she didn’t get to sleep soon she wouldn’t wake when the alarm went off. She snuggled her face into her pillow. If only Hank loved Lily the way she knew Lily loved him! If only … if only …

  Eve slept.

  Johnny had said many times that his whole object in life was to join the Royal Air Force and learn to fly a plane. But now that he was actually in uniform he was beginning to wonder if he had made a mistake. He had arrived at the training centre with an excellent school report and a glowing reference from Mr Faversham, and though he had never voiced the thought that these things might set him apart from the usual run of candidates he did hope that he was bound for something other than what someone had described as square-bashing. When he said so to the fellow whose bed was next to his in the Nissen hut, however, he was told in no uncertain terms that if there was one thing the RAF did do, it was treat everybody alike, particularly new entrants.

  ‘It don’t matter if you’ve got a university degree or left school at fourteen, you’ll still get given a number and allocated a bed and if you’ve got any sense you’ll keep your head below the parapet, as they used to say in the last little lot.’ Jim pointed a scornful finger at Johnny’s papers. ‘That lot won’t take you far,’ he added. ‘In fact the powers that be will probably put you down as a bighead, if not worse.’ He punched Johnny lightly on the shoulder. ‘Everyone has the initial training for six weeks; it don’t matter if you’re a prince of industry or the lowest of the low, you just have to live through it, do your best not to stand out from the crowd and pray for it to be over.’

  This conversation took place on Johnny’s first day as a member of the Royal Air Force, and though he was dismayed, he hoped his pal was wrong. However, he soon realised that Jim had spoken no more than the truth. Once, he’d have thought standing out as someone worth watching, with a view to a speedy promotion, was something to be commended, but now he knew differently. The corporals and sergeants who took the courses for the new intakes liked nothing more than reducing a brand new recruit to a quivering wreck. Pointing out that he intended to go on to greater things only earned him jeers and extra duties, and when he asked about leave, explaining untruthfully that his mother had been ill and he wanted to make sure her health was improving, he faced guffaws of amusement, not only from the sergeant in charge but also from his fellow entrants.

  ‘Didn’t you read all that guff HQ sent you, giving you details of when and where we were to go?’ Jim asked, his eyebrows climbing. ‘No leave for the first six weeks, not even if your whole family is dead as dodos and you want to attend the funerals. And don’t think that’s just for the first six weeks, because if you blot your copybook the way you seem determined to do they can shut you up for ever and a day without ever having to give you a reason.’ He sighed. ‘Don’t you understand, you silly little man?’ he said, imitating the sergeant’s favourite phrase. ‘They won’t let us out whatever the reason, because they know damned well they’d have the devil’s own job to get us back.’ He eyed Johnny curiously. ‘What do you want leave for, anyway? Got some popsie into trouble? If so, you’d be better off hiding out here for six weeks.’

  Johnny shook his head. ‘No, nothing like that,’ he assured his new friend. He grinned sheepishly. ‘How come you’re so well genned up? From the way you talk I should have thought you’d been in the RAF for at least ten years.’

  ‘Because I’m one of five brothers,’ his new friend told him. ‘I’ve got two sisters as well; one of them’s a land girl and the other’s a Waaf. Sometimes I feel I know more about the forces than any other living soul, so if you’ll take my advice …’ he laughed, ‘if you take my advice you’ll take my advice. You follow in the footsteps of AC Jim Williams and you won’t go far wrong.’

  A few days before the end of their visit, Lily informed Hank that she was going down to the village to say goodbye to her friends there. ‘Because I truly meant to see them all while I was here, but the time’s gone by so quickly … Will you be all right if I leave you?’

  Hank smiled. ‘I guess I can just about bear your absence for one afternoon,’ he said gravely, then turned to grin at Eve. ‘That is, if young Eve here will take me for a last walk around the place when she’s finished her chores. What do you say, ma’ am?’

  Eve, who had almost despaired of finding time for a private talk with Hank before he left the farm, said quickly, ‘Oh, yes, I’d like that. Chrissie can stay here with Auntie Bess, so we can go for a really long one. Which way do you think? Up on to the moors or down into the valley?’

  ‘I fancy a stroll along the stream path until we reach the source,’ Hank said after some thought. ‘I’ve never been, and you tell me it’s real pretty down there. Okay?’

  ‘All right,’ Eve agreed. ‘Give me half an hour and I’ll be ready.’

  True to her word, thirty minutes later Eve was strolling down the lane at Hank’s side, looking as innocently as she could up into his face as he said severely, ‘Now, young Eve, you were mighty quick to jump at the chance of getting me on my own. Do I spot the signs of someone who wants to pump me but didn’t like to do so with her little brother’s ears flapping? What do you want to know?’

  ‘Well, there is something,’ she said frankly. ‘I can’t help wondering, Hank, whether you’ve ever considered staying in England now the war’s over? I’m sure you could find some sort of work which you’d enjoy. In fact some of the smaller farms are considering joining together to make what they’re calling cooperatives.’ She smiled coaxingly at him. ‘You’d enjoy that, because although you call your parents’ farm small I expect it’s a good deal bigger than anything we’ve got around here. Uncle Reg will be able to tell you more about it – I’m sure no one would mind if you stayed on long
er than you first intended.’ She looked hopefully up at her companion, but Hank was shaking his head.

  ‘No can do,’ he assured her. ‘I’ve already outstayed several ships bound for the good old US of A; my parents will think I’m deserting them, which wouldn’t do at all.’

  ‘Oh, but Lily’s always trying to persuade you to stay on for a bit longer,’ Eve pointed out. ‘And now comes my really big question, the one I guess you know is coming. Only before I ask it will you promise not to wriggle out of it, or pretend to misunderstand the way you’ve done in the past when anyone asks you something you don’t want to answer?’

  Hank laughed. ‘I can guess what you’re going to say,’ he said. ‘The really big question which quite frankly is nobody’s business but mine. You’re going to ask me why I’m not madly in love with Lily like half the men in the neighbourhood and all the men on the USAAF base.’

  Eve chuckled. ‘You’ve taken the wind out of my sails, as my father would say,’ she said ruefully. ‘It isn’t as though you and Lily don’t know each other well, or you have some secret passion for someone else … like me, for instance. I tell you, Hank, if I were five years older or you were five years younger I’d grab you and cart you off to live in London until we could afford to buy a farm of our own. But we’re not, so answer my question, please.’

  Hank laughed. ‘Is there a prize if I get it right?’

  Eve smiled. ‘Tell you what, I found a goose egg when I went into the orchard earlier. If you tell me the honest truth – honest, mind you – then you can have it, scrambled, on toast for your tea. Is that a fair offer? I call it generous.’

  The two continued to stroll amicably in the direction of the stream and Eve was just beginning to think that her question had been too intimate and would not be answered when Hank reached out a square sunburned hand and rumpled her hair.