And this failure definitely felt like the worst of them all.
Chapter 28
Whoever was pounding on his townhouse door could fuck off. Sean sat in his darkened living room watching a New Year’s Eve Law & Order marathon. He was three episodes in and had no plans to budge.
With his roommates gone, the place was silent for once. As soon as the goddamn knocking stopped, he’d have his peace and quiet back.
Bang. Bang. Bang.
It definitely wasn’t a Girl Scout because whoever was out there was using their fist to break down his door. Unless the Girl Scout had man-hands and could bench-press a shit ton of weight. Sean slouched lower into his chair and closed his eyes.
Girl Scout, evangelist, or a neighbor wanting to borrow some sugar, he didn’t give a fuck who was at the door.
In fact, lately he didn’t give a fuck about much of anything.
His mood was black and only getting darker.
Last week after Darcy had thrown his ass to the curb, he’d spent as much time as his temper would allow with his family on Christmas Day, then got the hell out of Ballagh.
Thank God his roommates had been with their respective families when he got home because he hadn’t wanted to talk to anyone. He’d shut himself in his room and slept all of Friday. He’d finally pulled himself together enough to make it into the office on Saturday only to flip the fuck out on the weekend cleaning lady because she put his trash can on the wrong side of his desk.
When Monday morning rolled around, he’d dragged himself to the airport for the short flight to LaGuardia to meet with his potential new client: the New York City Economic Development Corp or NYCEDC, as it was known. If the CEO, Victor Hellman, would have told him on the phone the week before that the project they’d be “rescuing” was demolishing and rebuilding an entire city block in Brooklyn, he doubted that he’d have agreed to the meeting.
The project was massive. It was bigger than the Wellington project and required more manpower and resources than Sean had anticipated. The client had neglected to fax over the blueprints and complete project summary like they were supposed to before Sean and Charlie left Boston. On the phone, Hellman had nonchalantly called the job “a little rebuild.”
Knowing full well that what they were asking wasn’t ideal, NYCEDC sprung the massive clusterfuck on them once they had them seated in their offices in Manhattan.
Surprise! Here’s a project that’s going to be a huge pain in your ass and we need it done, like, yesterday!
The only reason Sean had taken NYCEDC’s call to begin with was because he and Michael had recently talked about expanding their clientele into other cities. They’d start small, knowing the cost of out-of-town projects was going to be more than what they were accustomed to.
If things worked out, they might open up other offices and hire permanent employees to work on those jobs. Until then, they’d be sending their own crews all over New England to complete the work. Hence the whole plan to start small.
The Brooklyn project was not small.
He’d relayed that to Hellman in ineloquent terms upon his inspection of the plans. Charlie had discreetly kicked his foot under the table.
Yeah, Sean wasn’t being professional, but he didn’t give a shit.
At the end of the meeting, after having his ass chapped from all the ass-kissing NYCEDC was doing, Sean had turned them down. It wasn’t in Rolland Construction’s best interest, and they couldn’t commit the resources needed.
It had taken everything Sean had not to tell them to go fuck themselves for wasting his time.
After getting back from New York, Sean had gone straight home and hadn’t left his townhouse since.
The banging on his back door stopped. It was about time. Maybe the fucker had finally caught on. Then he heard a muffled voice call, “Sean, I can hear the TV.”
Jesus Christ. That sounded an awful lot like his sister’s voice.
Sean groaned as he pulled himself out of his chair and shuffled to the back door. Opening the deadbolt, he swung the door in, and sure enough, Megan was standing on his back step.
She was wearing a large puffy coat with fur around her hood. The huge black monstrosity probably cost a thousand bucks, but it didn’t really match the rest of her clothes, black yoga pants and light gray Uggs.
“Megan, what are you doing here?”
She didn’t answer right away. She was too busy staring at him.
Sean looked down at his pajama pants that he’d been in for over forty-eight hours. His white V-neck undershirt had stains on it from when he accidently spilled last night’s dinner of Cap’n Crunch down his front.
He’d decided a few days ago that it was the perfect time of year to grow a beard, even though he had never tried to grow a beard in his entire life. His scruff made him look like a cross between a demented chia pet and shag carpeting. It wasn’t his best look.
“Um. Hi. Is this a bad time?” she asked cautiously.
“Yes, I’m kinda in the middle of something.”
She looked at him skeptically. “What’s that, a bender?”
Huh? That was a pretty damn good idea. Maybe he’d start that as soon as he could get rid of his sister.
Before he could say as much, she asked, “Mind if I come in?”
Sean reluctantly moved aside to let her in from the cold. His sister stepped into his kitchen and shrugged out of her coat.
“Planning on staying long?” Sean asked.
“We’ll see.”
Megan threw her giant coat over the back of one of the dining room chairs and waltzed into the living room, leaving Sean staring after her. The lamps flickered on, and he heard the TV shut off. Sean followed to find his sister making herself comfortable in his chair.
“What are you doing in Boston?” he asked.
Megan relaxed into the chair before she noticed all the crumbs littering the armrests. She quickly stood up and dusted off the back of her pants.
“Niall had some meetings so we’re staying downtown. Mom and Dad don’t know I’m here. Please don’t tell them.”
Sean grunted as he sank down onto the couch. “Why, Megan, I can’t believe you’re asking me to lie to our beloved parents. That’s so unlike you.”
She shrugged. Instead of sitting back down in his chair, she paced to the front windows and looked outside.
“So, what’s going on with you?” she asked, like it wasn’t unusual that his sister from Chicago, whom he maybe saw twice a year, was standing in his living room. Come to think of it, she’d never been to his house before.
“Nothing. What’s going on with you?”
She took a deep breath before letting out a sigh. “Nothing.”
He scowled, thinking how he could politely get the point across to her that he had his DVR paused and it wasn’t like Law & Order was going to watch itself when she spun around and announced, “We should go for a walk.”
Sean blinked at his sister. “It’s cold outside.”
“So,” she said, walking toward the dining room table, “put on a coat.”
Sean stood up slowly and walked to where Megan was putting on her humongous puffy coat. “I don’t mean to be rude, Megan, but don’t you have something better to do than to go for a fucking walk?”
Her blue eyes clouded over for a second before they cleared, and she smiled. “Not really.”
“Where’s Niall? Isn’t he going to take you to the most pretentious restaurant he can find?”
The dickhead probably had an app called Most Pretentious Restaurant Finder on his phone.
“He has a business meeting tonight.”
“It’s New Year’s Eve.”
“I know.” She was obviously trying to hide the fact that she wasn’t in the least bothered that her douchebag husband had scheduled a business meeting—which she wasn’t invited to—on New Year’s Eve. “Seriously, let’s grab some coffee or hot chocolate down the street at that little café on the corner. Go change. I’ll wa
it.”
Seeing no other way out of this, Sean reluctantly went upstairs to change. When he returned to the kitchen ten minutes later wearing sweats and a thermal, he found his sister in the same spot he’d left her, staring at the floor.
“Megan, are you okay? You’re acting weird.”
Her head snapped up as if she hadn’t heard him clomp down the stairs. “I’m perfectly fine.”
Her smile was just a little too big. Oh, well, if she didn’t want to talk about why she was acting like a zombie, what could he do?
He had his own misery to stew in, thank you very much.
His heavy coat was no match for the arctic air that swirled around his back step. He locked the door and pulled on his gloves before smoothing on his Patagonia beanie.
Megan had pulled a white stocking hat out of one of the hundreds of pockets in her coat and shoved it on her head. Her long golden hair fell in loose ringlets over the front of her shoulders. With her hat, coat, and woolen mittens, she didn’t look cold at all.
He, meanwhile, was freezing.
They passed her rented Mercedes and headed up the street toward the corner café. Sean bought his sister a hot chocolate and got himself an Americano. They’d made it just in time because the café was closing early for the holiday. It was nearing six o’clock, and the winter sun had already set.
They walked along in silence, sipping their drinks. It had snowed heavily earlier in the week, but luckily the sidewalk had been cleared. They came to a little community park that was nearest Sean’s townhouse.
“Mind if we sit?” Megan asked, motioning to a park bench.
Sean shrugged and sat down, Megan sitting next to him. There was a group of eight or so kids having a snowball fight in the area around the playground.
Sean and his sister watched as the teams were drawn. It appeared as if it was boys against girls.
Both teams retreated to their respective areas. The boys busied themselves with making ammunition, while the girls put all their effort into making a giant barricade.
“The girls totally have the right idea,” Megan said as they watched the girls giggling away as they heaped handfuls of snow on top of their wall.
Sean shook his head. “I definitely think they need to be worrying about forming some snowballs. You can’t win a snowball fight without snowballs.”
“Why is it that boys always seem to be worried about their balls?”
Sean huffed out a chuckle. He realized it was the first time he’d laughed all week.
Megan behaved in a very genteel and well-mannered way at all times. They could thank Niall for that. But occasionally, she let her true self shine through.
Megan and Sean did share the same blood after all.
Snowflakes were starting to trickle down in the golden glow of the park lights. A few landed in Sean’s lap. Somewhere off in the distance, he heard an owl call out. The low, lonely sound droned on and on.
His sister’s surprise visit had momentarily distracted him, but while sitting there on that cold park bench, all of Sean’s emptiness seemed to settle heavily inside of his chest. From the sounds of it, the snowball fight had begun, but he couldn’t stop staring at the tiny white specks falling weightlessly through the light of the lampposts.
“Have you ever wanted something so badly that it keeps you from thinking clearly?”
Megan’s comment startled him out of his stupor. He looked over at his sister and realized she was still watching the children.
He took a sip of his coffee and sighed. “Yes.”
He wanted a lot of things. But what he wanted most at that moment was to stop feeling so goddamn lost.
“What did you do about it?” she asked.
He shook his head. “I’ll have to let you know.”
He saw his sister nod before he turned his attention back to the snowball fight. The boys were currently trying to crawl over the girls’ barricade to bombard them with snowballs.
One brave little girl was crawling around the side of the wall with a few snowballs hugged against her coat. The moment she stuck her head out, one of the boys nailed her right in the face with a perfectly round snowball.
The girl screamed and fell to the ground, holding her face. Without a second thought, Sean shot to his feet and hurried out onto the playground. The little girl was sniffling when he got there.
“Hey, there,” Sean said softly as he knelt beside her. “Are you okay?”
The little girl looked up with watery eyes. Her cheeks were flushed pink with the cold, and snow clung to her lashes. A bright red mark shined from where the snowball had hit her beside her nose. Before she could answer, another little boy was there.
“Emma, are you okay?” The boy shouldered his way between Sean and the little girl and helped her up. He looked back at Sean and mumbled, “Thanks, but I can take care of her.”
The little girl looked at the boy with wide eyes as he put his arm around her and led her toward the seesaws and away from the snowball fight that was still raging on.
Sean stood up and dusted his knees off before walking back to sit next to his sister. They watched as the boy sat Emma down on one side of the seesaw to dust snow off her stocking hat. He peered down at her face to inspect her injury.
“I wonder what the world has in store for those two?” Megan mused thoughtfully. “In twenty years, I wonder where they’ll be?”
Sean watched the little boy fuss over the little girl and saw how the girl’s eyes followed his every move. She was half in love with him… or as much in love as an eight- or nine-year-old could be.
“That little boy better hold on tight because she’s going to be gorgeous when she gets older,” Megan said.
“Just like every boy in the history of time, he’ll probably be too full of himself to even notice,” he added.
“True.”
Sean was about to laugh when understanding came crashing down around him. He blinked as the little boy pulled Emma’s ponytail sticking out from under her hat. Emma watched as the boy ran back to rejoin the fight. A dreamy smile creased her face, as if she were floating on air. As if she were so light that the seesaw actually might lift her up, even with no counterbalance on the other side. The boy started to throw snowballs with his friends, but Sean caught him glancing back once or twice to where Emma was.
A heavy feeling started to burn in Sean’s chest as all the air left his lungs.
Since the moment he’d met Darcy on her first day of school, they had formed a friendship that was far more special than either of them realized. He’d never hesitated to call her his close friend.
That was as far as his little boy brain could go. They were friends. But over time, it’d become more. Much, much more.
He wanted to be the person who made her laugh. He wanted to be the person who lit up her face. He’d never realized it before, but selfishly, he wanted to be that person for her.
The one she counted on. The one who balanced her seesaw.
When she’d broken things off with him last week, he had felt like such a failure. He’d felt that he let her down in the worst way. He’d had to leave and lick his wounds.
But as he watched the little boy steal glances at Emma on the seesaw, he realized what he’d missed all this time: Darcy was his counterbalance. Darcy was that person for him.
And he needed her just as much as she needed him.
“Megan, you think we could head back now? I just realized there’s something I need to do.”
His sister stood up and tossed her empty coffee cup in a trash can. “Sure. I should be getting back to my hotel anyway.”
Sean tried to set a speedy pace as they walked back to his townhouse. He needed to get on the road immediately. Once they reached her car, he surprised himself by wrapping his arms around Megan in a hug.
“Thanks,” he whispered.
“Um, you’re welcome?” she said hesitantly, but eventually she wrapped her arms around his waist and squeezed tight.
&
nbsp; He smiled into his sister’s hat. He felt twenty times lighter.
He didn’t know if he would have come to this conclusion on his own, but he could thank his sister and her romantic views of the world for helping him to his truth.
He was going to do just what Megan suggested and hold on tight.
Chapter 29
“Are you sure you don’t want me to come down?”
“Quinn,” Darcy sighed into her cell. “For the nine hundredth time, I’m okay. I’m not going to off myself or set the place on fire. Please do both of us a favor and have wild, reckless New Year’s sex with your smoking-hot fiancé. One of us needs to get laid, and it sure won’t be me.”
Darcy hoped Quinn heard the humor she tried to inject into her voice. In reality, she felt very little humor about anything.
Every time she thought about life without Sean, she crumbled. How was she ever going to feel for anyone else what she felt for him? She couldn’t imagine getting butterflies in her stomach before a date. Or counting the minutes until she saw some guy again, let alone have the desire to sleep with said guy.
To think that the next time she had sex would be with someone who wasn’t Sean McKenna… It made her stomach churn with nausea.
Yet she’d made the decision that letting him go was best for her. It might take another eighteen years, but hopefully one day she’d be able to say that she’d made the right decision.
“And anyway,” Darcy continued, “you don’t want to miss the annual McKenna New Year’s party.”
“I don’t get what the big deal is. It’s just a party.”
“No idea what the big deal is. I’ve never been to one myself, but everyone talks about it like it’s a swanky exclusive extravaganza. You’ll have to let me know.”
“Fine. But if you need me, you call, okay?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Darcy got off the call with Quinn and slumped into the cushions of her couch. She pulled her purple fuzzy-sock-covered feet underneath her and hugged her oversized pillow to her chest. She reached for another handful of Jelly Bellies and hit play on the remote. Kirsten Dunst and Eliza Dushku were once again clapping and cheering their little pom-poms off.
Not In My Wildest Dreams (McKenna Series Book 2) Page 33