by Bella J
The thought of food made my stomach churn. “I’m really not hungry.”
“Don’t even think about it. You’ll eat every goddamn morsel of food I’m having sent up.”
I gagged a little.
“I’ll send Doc up to check on you.”
I watched as he walked out the bedroom, closing the door behind him. My body felt achy all over, my head pounding against my skull. I had no idea what happened. I’ve never fainted before in my life. Maybe Doc was right. Maybe, after everything that happened, my brain finally decided to zone out. After all, I was kidnapped, beaten, almost raped and murdered. I also witnessed my father getting killed by a man I now despised most. Vico. Surely my body and brain deserved a few seconds of not…functioning.
I turned on my side and nestled deeper into the pillow when a surge of nausea suddenly burst through my gut. There was no way I would have made it to the bathroom in time, and my stomach decided the plush white carpet was the perfect place to empty its contents—which wasn’t much.
Every muscle inside my body tensed and strained as I mostly dry-heaved with a violent urge to throw-up. The more I gagged, the sicker I felt to my stomach.
“Miss Linscott!” Doc came rushing in. “Are you okay?”
I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, feeling—and probably looking—like shit.
“I’m fine.”
He crouched down beside me, placing his hand against my face, checking for a fever. “Have you been feeling ill lately?”
I shook my head and leaned back on the pillow, closing my eyes. “Not really, no. Just tired…confused.” The last part wasn’t meant for Doc.
He placed his fingers on my wrist and checked my pulse. “Have you eaten anything that could have given you food poisoning?”
“No. Not unless they’ve been serving bad food here…which I highly doubt.”
And then there was silence, and a vague sense of being watched made me open my eyes.
“What is it?” I eyed Doc cautiously.
“Miss Linscott, forgive me for being so blunt, but are you using protection?”
I sat up. “Protection against what?”
“I mean, you and Mr. Fattore. Is there a chance you might be pregnant?”
And that was all I needed to vomit yet again. Doc scurried around and pushed a steel bin underneath my face as I hung from the bed. During all this time it never occurred to me once that I might get pregnant. I was vigilant with my birth control shots, setting reminders on my phone, my laptop, little sticky notes on my goddamn fridge so I never missed my six month appointment. But being kidnapped and almost murdered shoved that little priority right to the bottom of the list. Now, as I made the little sum inside my head, I realized my birth control shot was weeks ago…right about the time I was drugged and dragged from my apartment.
My body shuddered as acid burned my throat, spasms taking control of every muscle, my mind reeling in a thousand different directions…which all led to the same fucking answer. “Yeah, there’s a big chance, Doc.”
My heart was no longer beating inside my chest, it was pounding in the soles of my feet.
“Okay, I’ll send for a pregnancy test before we start searching for other reasons as to why you’re not feeling well.” Doc helped me back up on the bed. “I’ll inform Castello that this might be pregnancy related.”
“No!” I grabbed his hand. “Don’t tell Castello.”
He looked at me, both scared and cautious.
“Let’s see if it’s positive first.” I tried to play down my reaction. “I don’t want to worry him unnecessarily if I’m not even pregnant to begin with.”
Doc continued to stare at me, his nose all scrunched up. “Okay,” he finally conceded. “I’ll be back with the test in an hour.”
I sagged back into the bed. If there was anything left inside me to vomit, I would have been hunched over the second Doc closed that door.
Pregnant? That was just not fucking possible. Out of all the messed up situations I had found myself in the last few weeks, being pregnant was something I would not be able to get myself out of. No one could. Just the thought sent cold chills throughout my body, apprehension coating every inch of my skin with ice. How could I have been so irresponsible? Because you were too busy trying to not get killed.
Even though my skin was cold, the blankets were too heavy. Suddenly it felt like the tiniest piece of fabric against my body made it almost impossible to breathe.
I got up and walked to the bathroom. I grabbed ahold of the sink, my legs weak and my arms shaking.
I can’t be pregnant. I just can’t. Everything that currently surrounded me was just too sordid, too dark for me to bear another human life. An innocent life.
And what would Castello do? What would he do if I were pregnant? Would he throw me out, me and the bastard I was carrying? Jesus, he was going to be so mad at me. With everything that was going on, this was the last thing he needed—the last thing we needed.
I looked at my reflection in the mirror. Would he see me as used, and not desire me anymore? Would our baby just be another weakness for him?
Oh God. Panic wrapped around my throat, gripping tight, choking all the air out of my lungs. I couldn’t even fathom what the consequences would be if I had to carry a Fattore child inside me. I didn’t even know what was happening between me and Castello, or where we would ultimately end up. Everything was so fucked up at the moment. Less than an hour ago I basically sentenced a man to death. The worst part? I liked it. I loved the power, the thrill of knowing that I was capable of extracting at least some of the revenge I needed for my father’s murder. How could I be a mother? How could someone as twisted as me, someone who didn’t know what the fuck she was doing half the time raise a child to be strong enough to survive this cruel world we lived in?
I placed my palm against my belly. Please God, I can’t be pregnant.
I splashed some water on my face hoping like hell that this was all just a goddamn dream…just like the dream I had of Castello telling me he loved me. What was happening to me?
I brushed my teeth, the hollow feeling of nerves mixed with a sickening churn of worry still lying heavily inside my gut. Not even a hot shower managed to cleanse me from the dreaded feeling. No matter how much I thought about it, I just couldn’t convince myself that being pregnant would have at least one silver lining. The entire situation between Castello and I was just too fucked-up. There was just no way.
“Miss Linscott?”
My stomach dropped when I heard Doc. Had he been gone an hour already?
I wrapped a towel around me and walked to the bathroom door. “Do you have the test?”
There was a somber expression on his face, as if he too knew that this had the potential to be an incomprehensible fuck-up.
He nodded. “In fact, I brought two.” He held out the paper bag, and for the life of me I couldn’t move. I couldn’t reach out to take the bag from him. Every muscle seized up and I was incapable of moving.
“Miss Linscott. You need to do the test.”
With a heartbeat that thundered against my ribs, the rapid beating echoing inside my head, I managed to take the bag from him. Funny how one tiny little bag could have such power. How peeing on a stick could be so goddamn frightening.
I closed the door and pulled both boxes from the bag. When I woke up this morning, I never imagined my day would end with me putting my fate on a thin white stick.
A few deep breaths, and two pregnancy tests later, my fate was sealed.
There were two lines. Two little pink lines that taunted me. The longer I stared at it, the more those lines suffocated me.
I always liked the soft feminine color, but today I hated it. Two pregnancy tests and both confirmed something I would not be able to hide from. I was pregnant…with Castello Fattore’s child.
“Miss Linscott, are you finished?”
For the first time in what felt like hours I tore my gaze from the sticks that now held a
ll the power, and I looked at the door.
Doc couldn’t know. He would tell Castello. Not because he wanted to, but because he would have no choice. His loyalty to Castello would demand that the truth be spoken, and I wasn’t ready to face the truth. I didn’t want Castello to know. God. I didn’t want to know.
“Miss Linscott?”
“Yeah.” I pulled my hand through my hair. “I’m done.”
How could I keep this from Doc? I could say the tests were negative and I threw them away, but something told me Doc would want to see the tests. After all, trust wasn’t something anyone in this household knew how to do. I had to find another way to keep Doc quiet until I’ve had a chance to think this through. But what could I possibly do that would make Doc keep my secret?
I glanced up at the mirror, my reflection staring back at me. I’ve come such a long way. I’ve survived so much. I watched a man get executed after I was the one who passed judgement. And Castello now seemed to think I had the strength, and the hunger for revenge to rule in this world alongside him. Maybe the time has come for me to embrace this life Castello had given me, and to make use of the power that came with it. Judging by how good it felt to see Castello put a bullet in Ricardo’s skull, I was pretty sure I could do this. I had to.
I straightened and squared my shoulders. It was time for me to stop acting like the goddamn victim, and allow the strength in me to take control.
I walked out of the bathroom and held out the two positive tests to Doc.
“Mio Dio.” Dear God. He looked up at me. “You are pregnant.”
I just nodded while I watched the expression on his face. It was obvious that just like me he didn’t know how this would affect my life—all our lives.
“We need to tell Castello.” He rushed toward the door, but I intercepted.
“Not yet.”
His eyes narrowed. “Miss Linscott, he has a right to know.”
“And I will tell him…when the time is right.”
“And when is that?”
I gave a step forward. “When I say it’s right.”
He leaned his head to the side. “I have a loyal duty to inform Castello that you are with-child. I’m sorry, Miss Linscott, but he has to know.”
With another step forward I tried my best to seem confident. It was like Castello said, being nervous showed that you lacked confidence, and when you lacked confidence others would see it as weakness. Right now, I couldn’t afford any weakness.
“I need this to stay between us, for now.”
“Miss Linsc—”
“If you say a word of this to anyone, I will make sure to tell Castello what happened here today.”
He stepped back. “What are you talking about?”
“You touched me, Doc. Remember?” I cocked my head to the side, pulling the best goddamn poker face in history. “You took advantage of me while I was hunched over the bed throwing-up.”
Grooves formed on his forehead, gray eyebrows slanted up. “That is a lie.”
I plastered a wicked smile on my face. “Is it?”
“Yes!” he blurted out, his eyes wide and worried. “That is a blatant lie.”
“And who do you think Castello will believe? You? Or the woman he killed his own mother for?” As the threat left my mouth, I felt the power strengthen me. I felt the euphoria of knowing I would get what I want, and I would have this man under my thumb. With a simple threat and the dark sound of warning I would force this man to keep my secret.
He stared at me for the longest time, and as the seconds turned to minutes, I knew he was fully aware about the fact that he had no choice.
“Well done, Miss Linscott,” he sneered, his lips pulled in a straight line. I will keep your secret, but this is something you won’t be able to hide forever. ”
I stepped back, relaxing a little. “I don’t plan on keeping this secret forever. I just need some time.”
Doc rounded me and walked toward the door. “While you take your time, we need to have a few blood tests done, and a sonogram.”
I turned to face him. “Could you arrange that? You know, without anyone knowing?”
He turned his gaze to the ceiling while taking a deep breath. I was putting his loyalty to Castello on the line, in turn putting his life on the line as well. But unfortunately for him this was one of those situations that demanded I be selfish and do everything I can to protect myself…and my unborn child.
“Fine. I’ll try to arrange it. But, Miss Linscott, do not underestimate Castello. He might be the quiet type, but he is very observant.” And with that he left the room.
Doc was right. Castello was a very observant man. Nothing got past him. I had to make sure I didn’t act differently, or give him any reason to believe I was hiding something from him.
I placed my hand on my belly. But as Doc said, this wasn’t a secret I would be able to hide forever. I needed to figure out what my options were, and I needed to figure that out fast. If only I knew how he truly felt about me. If only I didn’t feel all this uncertainty when it came to him—to us. Maybe then I wouldn’t have felt like I needed to keep this pregnancy a secret. Maybe then this would actually be something I could share with him—something we could share together. Just the thought of it caused a feint flutter inside my belly and me hoping that maybe…just maybe this wouldn’t turn out as bad as I thought it would.
12
CASTELLO
I’ve done some pretty bad shit in my life. I’ve stolen, lied, murdered, but nothing I’ve done had me in a situation where I experienced the bone chilling fear that had the potential to bring a grown man to his knees. Until today.
Today I felt that fear. I experienced it as I watched Tatum faint, her body going completely limp as if all life had been drained out of her in a split second. It was the most terrifying moment of my life…so far. Somehow I had the feeling I’d be experiencing more of these bone numbing moments with Tatum in my life. I don’t know what it is about her, but I just can’t stop myself from wanting to protect her, to keep her away from harm. Wasn’t it fucking ironic how I went from hating her to loving her?
Loving her…
I couldn’t be sure, but I got the feeling that she didn’t remember my words. There was no recognition in her eyes when she woke up. It was as if she still didn’t know how I truly felt about her. Maybe that was for the best. Maybe I spoke too soon, acted on impulse. I needed to start thinking with my head around her, not with my heart and cock. If one wasn’t careful, love could easily become a weakness. After all, it’s those we loved the most who had the power to destroy us.
“Is everything okay?” Uncle Gino looked up as I walked into the study.
“Yes. She’s fine. Just had a dizzy spell.”
“Good. I’m not surprised though. She’s been through so much.”
I took a seat across from him. “Yeah, so I’ve been told.” I pulled my palms down my face. It wasn’t even two in the afternoon and already I felt exhausted.
When I looked up I noticed Uncle Gino staring at me with a huge-ass grin on his face.
“What?”
“You did good today.”
I rubbed my hand through my hair before leaning back in the couch. “Yeah. Why do you say that?”
“I had my doubts about your plan, having Tatum present during Ricardo’s interrogation. But it worked.”
“Too bad she fainted twenty minutes later.”
He snorted. “I’m surprised she didn’t faint right there on the spot. She’s a fighter, Castello. A real strong woman.”
“I know.”
He leaned forward placing his elbows on his knees. “She would make a great wife, Castello.”
My gaze shot to his. “What?”
“You heard me.”
I got up from the couch and grabbed a glass, pouring myself a stiff drink of bourbon.
“You do love her, don’t you?”
I swallowed, then glanced at him before turning my gaze down to the glass in
my hand. “Since when does love have to do with anything?”
“Since everything you’ve been doing lately is because you’ve fallen in love with her.”
I turned to face him. “What do you mean everything I’ve been doing lately?”
He got up from his chair, the smug grin still on his face. “This is my house, Castello. Not much happens around here without me knowing.” He poured himself a drink. “I know you had an entire wardrobe bought for her and sent up to your room. And I also know that the reason you pushed her today with Ricardo wasn’t only to prepare her, but to give her what she needs. Revenge.”
I continued to watch him as he took a sip of his drink.
“And the real reason you decided to be the leader of this family, to go up against your brother isn’t because of some ego trip where you could show Vico your balls are bigger than his.”
I couldn’t help but snort at his choice of words. “But my balls are bigger than his.”
“That might true.” He saluted me with his drink. “But you and I both know the reason you stepped up as acting Boss is because you know it’s the only way you can give Tatum the protection she needs. The security.”
Observant motherfucker.
“That doesn’t change anything.”
He took a seat again, and I sat down across from him.
“You’re right. It doesn’t. In fact, I for one think it was a very wise decision you made.”
I cocked a brow. “You do?”
“Yes.” He leaned back. “Tatum is no ordinary woman, Castello. She might not know it, but she was born to rule. She has a rare inner strength that will help her turn her pain into power. You will find no better match for yourself, and if an old man’s opinion is still worth something, I’d tell you to marry her tomorrow.”
I downed the rest of my drink. “Slow down, Uncle Gino. I have no plans of getting married.”
“Why not?”
I balked at his blunt question. “It’s complicated.”
“And by it you mean Tatum.” It wasn’t a question.
“Uncle Gino, just spit out what you want to say. You know I hate it when you talk in circles.” I placed my glass on the table, and settled into the couch curious as to what my uncle’s motive was around this entire conversation.