Around the World in a Bad Mood!

by Rene Foss

9:00 P.M. Sunday evening: No call from central scheduling. I go to bed listening to the freezing rain pelting against my window.

  2:00 A.M. Monday: The phone rings and I shoot out of bed like a bullet, thinking to myself, “It has to be canceled!” Sure enough, it is central scheduling. “Is it canceled?” I ask, assuming that it is. “No, you’re still going,” he said with malicious pleasure. “We’re just calling to tell you of a change on the second leg from Cleveland to Chicago. It’s leaving two hours later.”

  Gee, thanks for waking me up to tell me. Couldn’t they just give me that information once I arrive at the airport? No, they have to call in the middle of what is already a short night to inform me. Between the end of that phone call and the wake-up time of 3:30 A.M., I toss and turn and try to fall asleep again without any success.

  4:00 A.M. Monday: I’m dressed and out the door. It’s cold and dark and I’m not happy. I hail a cab and tell the driver I’m going to LaGuardia. He laughs at me. Real funny, pal. The ride is treacherous, but there really isn’t a lot of traffic to contend with, so we arrive safely. When I pay the man his fare, he laughs at me again. Ha ha. As I suspected the place is deserted—granted it is about 4:30 in the morning, but this type of tranquility is highly irregular, even for that hour of the day. I notice on the flight display monitor that the other airlines have canceled all their flights; when I look at WAFTI’s monitor it states that all their flights are on time. Well, since I’m here I might as well go along with the little charade.

  I march on through security and down to the flight attendant check-in office. Everyone is there and feeling about the same way I am. We can’t decide if WAFTI is the stupidest airline in the world or if they are making a smart move by not following the other airlines’ lead. Maybe we will come out ahead by helping people get out of here instead of canceling everything. We also figure that since there are no other airlines operating this will be one day when there won’t be a never-ending line on the taxi way for takeoff. In fact, we’ll probably be able to get right out! After briefing with the captain, who, I might add, is also in a rather surly mood, we board the aircraft. It appears we will have only twenty-five passengers to Cleveland and it also appears that the heat’s not working. I inform the captain that we are freezing our asses off in the cabin, and he explains that the APU is not working. What exactly is the APU you might ask? It’s the auxiliary power unit. What the hell is that? I don’t really know, but it needs to be working in order to start the engines—and the heater. This is not a big deal, you just have to use an electric power cart to get the engines started and then once you push back, you’re fine. However, until the engines are started there is no heat.

  6:10 A.M. Monday: The twenty-five passengers have boarded, and all are asking for blankets. Fortunately, because the load is so light, we have enough for everyone. We’re sitting at the gate with the door closed, attached to the electric power cart and waiting for a tug to push us back from the gate so we can get the engines started. Since we’re about the only plane around, one would think it would be a relatively quick procedure for the tug to come over and push us back and get everything in motion. But for some reason we are not moving. We are just sitting there in what has now turned into freezing rain. It’s so cold that I have turned on all the ovens in the back galley and opened them to get a bit of heat circulating. All the passengers and flight attendants are wearing their coats.

  6:30 A.M.: Still waiting. It seems the tug we are waiting for has no chains on its tires and therefore cannot get enough traction to push us back from the gate. Someone on the ground is currently searching for chains or another tug. After what seems a long time the captain announces that they have located another tug. Thank God for small miracles. The tug appears to be working because I can feel a backward motion—we are on our way to the deicing pad. Deicing is a very important safety procedure involving a truck that comes out and sprays deicing fluid on the outside of the aircraft to prevent ice from building up on the wings, which adds weight and could affect the takeoff. Timing is very important when it comes to deicing because if the plane doesn’t get off the ground in a certain amount of time (about five minutes) after it is accomplished, the ice will start to accumulate again and the whole procedure will have to be repeated. The best way to guarantee a successful deicing mission is to use two trucks, one on each side, right before the plane is ready to take off. This way there is no opportunity for ice to begin to build up again. I’m not joking about the importance of deicing, but when I began my career there was no such thing as deicing—someone just took a broom and wiped off the snow and ice from the wings and that was it. Today a great deal of money is spent on the deicing operation; the deicing fluid costs more than jet fuel. In any case, WAFTI has three deicing trucks at LaGuardia so one would assume they could deice the plane in a timely manner and send us safely on our way. Well, on this day, as luck would have it, one truck was broken and one truck was out of fluid. That left us one good truck and we had to wait for it. It was working overtime since it was the only available truck and WAFTI had another flight that was trying to get out ahead of ours.

  7:15 A.M.: It was finally our turn and the truck came and began the deicing procedure. There was a light freezing rain outside, and freezing temperatures inside as we still had no heat and were basically relying on the ovens, coats, and blankets. Unfortunately, the deicing process took longer than normal because we had only one truck, so by the time the left side was finished and the right side was being worked on, ice and snow began accumulating again on the left. It was ridiculous. After all, for the previous three days all anyone was hearing about was the big storm, so you’d think they would have the deicing program up and running and maybe even a backup plan in place, but no.

  8:00 A.M.: Finally the deicing has been accomplished, the engines have been started, and we’re ready to get in line for takeoff. The weather outside shows no signs of improvement, but at least the cabin temperature has warmed up and people are more comfortable.

  8:10 A.M.: The captain makes the following announcement: “Ladies and gentlemen, we very much appreciate your patience this morning with all our delays. I know you very much want to go to Cleveland, but as we were about to take off a warning light sounded in the cockpit. We feel it’s in your best interests to have our mechanics take a look at the problem, so we will be going back to the gate. I’m sorry for the inconvenience, but your safety is our primary concern.”

  8:15 A.M.: We arrive back at the gate, but now the jet way is frozen and they cannot bring it up to the aircraft door.

  8:20 A.M.: Somehow they get the door open and the agent comes on and makes the following announcement: “Ladies and gentlemen, we are sorry to report that flight 666 has been canceled. We do have another flight right next door at gate 4B that is leaving for Cleveland in ten minutes. Please take all your personal belongings with you and go next door and take any open seat. We will transfer all your checked bags. Thank you for your cooperation.”

  All the passengers rushed off. The captain came back and informed us that scheduling had called and we were all released from duty for that day, but we were to call them and they would give us new assignments for the following day to make up for the lost time. I certainly was looking forward to that. I said to the captain as I was leaving, “Well at least all the passengers will get to go to Cleveland today.”

  “I don’t think so,” he replied.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, keep it under your hat, but according to the manager out here, the entire airport has just run out of deicing fluid. No one is going anywhere, for now.”

  With that he went his way, probably back to his hotel to wait for a new set of orders, and I went mine, home to my cozy apartment to watch the falling snow.

  Medical Emergencies

  THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT profession has its roots in nursing. The very first flight attendants, or stewardesses, were required to be nurses. I guess this was because they found many original stewarde
sses from the military and most women in the military at that time (the late 1930s) were nurses. Although the requirements have changed over the years, the element of caring for people still lingers. Flight attendants care for and serve people of all nationalities, while traveling all over the world. We’re trained in everything from CPR to comforting a fearful passenger, and more recently we’ve been trained on the defibrillator in the event someone has a heart attack on the airplane. And although it is not an everyday occurrence, serious medical emergencies on board an aircraft are not as uncommon as you might think, and when they happen it is very frightening.

  I will always remember my first medical emergency. I had just strapped into my jumpseat at the back of the aircraft. I was seated next to another flight attendant and we were chatting as the plane was taking off. Before we had even reached a level cruising altitude we heard the call button ring, and I said to the other flight attendant, “It’s not even safe to get up yet and someone is already bugging us. They probably want a glass of water.” Then I heard another ring and then about three more. I turned to look out into the cabin and I saw about ten worried faces looking at me, motioning me to come over. I knew something was very wrong, because when they want a glass of water they have a completely different look on their faces. This was obviously something serious. I jumped up and ran to the epicenter, where I discovered a young woman traveling alone who was having a seizure. All the other passengers were scared and, to tell you the truth, so was I. I told my colleague to page for a doctor and let the cockpit know what was happening in case we needed to make an emergency landing. At this point, the woman began to come around and I asked her her name, and if she needed anything. She was able to tell me her name and we had a little conversation; she also wanted a glass of orange juice. It turns out she had never had any sort of seizure before and that she was going to visit some friends by herself. She said she felt a lot better and didn’t want to have any medical personnel meet the flight, nor did she want a wheelchair. So we simply kept an eye on her the rest of the flight.

  Some medical emergencies are not quite so simple and require more involvement. For example, there is the story of a flight attendant who was working a flight from somewhere in Asia bound for somewhere in America. The 747 was completely full. There were about eight hours until landing, when a man came up to the flight attendant and said, “My father is ninety years old and speaks only Chinese, but he is in a lot of pain because he has not urinated in more than fourteen hours.” Apparently, the elderly man had suffered some type of prostate problem a few weeks prior, but had felt well enough to make the sixteen-hour flight. The flight attendant paged for a doctor and two responded, one Chinese woman and one Canadian man. They examined the man in the galley and asked the flight attendant if she had any medical equipment on board. Well, ladies and gentlemen, most major airlines now have terrific medical equipment on board, so if you should ever find yourself in the unfortunate position of being ill on an aircraft, you can rest assured that we have various machines and a full supply of wonderful drugs to see you through it. In any case, the flight attendant brought them the supplies and they rifled through the kit and found what they were looking for—a catheter! (I told you we have a lot of stuff.)

  It seems that the doctors agreed that the gentleman needed to have a catheter inserted as soon as possible. The flight attendant had been helping the doctors, but she decided this might not really be her area of expertise. The doctors thought the best place to perform the procedure would be in the lavatory near the galley, so the flight attendant cordoned off the area with curtains, giving them as much privacy as possible. The two doctors and the elderly passenger went into the lavatory that was to function as an operating room. A few minutes into it the Canadian doctor was complaining to the flight attendant that he needed a lubricant and the supply kit did not include any. The resourceful flight attendant responded, “I have some Vaseline in my bag that I use to remove my eye makeup. If that would help you are welcome to use it.” The doctor was thrilled and accepted her kind offer. A bit later the flight attendant was still assisting while simultaneously setting up the galley for the next service when the doctor called out, “I need something to drain the fluid into.” The flight attendant was a bit perplexed by this one and was looking around when the doctor shouted, “Give me that coffeepot!”

  The flight attendant dumped the coffee, quickly handed him the empty coffeepot, and when he was finished he handed it back to her. Then he told her to bring him some pillows and blankets. She left the galley (and the coffeepot) unattended while she went to search for the pillows and blankets in the dark, crowded cabin. When she returned she noticed that the coffeepot was missing, and she assumed that the doctor was using it again until she noticed that one of her coworkers was out in the aisle about to begin a coffee and tea service—with the dreaded coffeepot. “Hey, Jonathan!” she screamed from the galley to the back of the plane. “STOP—DO NOT SERVE THAT COFFEE!” Luckily he had not started to serve anyone, and he returned to the galley and that was the end of that coffeepot!

  It’s not only flight attendants who assist in medical emergencies; often pilots are called on to help because they also receive medical training. Recently, I met Captain Al, who told me a fascinating tale of a flight he had been on a few years ago. It seems that Al was a passenger on a flight from Los Angeles to Tampa, where he was living at the time. About midway through the flight, right around the time they serve the ice cream sundaes and cookies in first class, the flight attendant made an announcement: “Ladies and gentlemen, if there is a doctor or any other medical personnel on board this evening, please identify yourself to a flight attendant.” A few minutes later Captain Al informed the flight attendant, who was running back and forth between the back of the aircraft and the cockpit, that he was an off-duty captain and if he could help in any way he would be happy to assist.

  “Have you ever delivered a baby?”

  “Well, I can’t say that I have,” he responded.

  “Okay, would you like to try? Because there’s a woman in the back row who is eight months pregnant and her baby is on the way into the world as we speak. There’s no doctor, but there is a nurse who’s helping us.”

  Captain Al pushed away his hot fudge sundae, set down his USA Today, and made his way to the back of the aircraft. Once there he discovered the young woman who was in labor. The nurse and the flight attendant had cleared away the other passengers and set up a makeshift delivery room in the last row. The woman was propped up against a big pile of pillows, and blankets hung from the overhead bin to serve as a curtain. The nurse was coaching her and directing another flight attendant when Al came on the scene.

  “Hi, I’m Al and I am an off-duty captain. I have had some medical training and I thought I might be able to help you back here,” he said.

  “Thank you, Al. My name is Mary and I’m a registered nurse. This lady is going to deliver a baby very soon and I would welcome your help. She’s at about ten centimeters and her contractions are about two minutes apart. If there’s any way they can land the plane I would highly recommend it.”

  Al got on the interphone to the cockpit and explained what was happening to the working pilots. He suggested they declare an emergency and divert the flight. The working captain said that was already in progress and they were hoping to be on the ground within thirty minutes.

  Al returned to the back row, where things had begun to escalate. Mary was repeating over and over, “Breathe, breathe . . . keep taking deep breaths.” The plane felt as though it was beginning its initial descent when all of a sudden the patient’s water broke and her pain seemed to increase.

  Nurse Mary said, “Her contractions are now less than two minutes apart. Please make sure there is medical personnel meeting the flight and tell those pilots to hurry and get this plane on the ground!”

  The plane was descending fast. Al was holding the woman’s hand and trying to reassure her, telling her that they would be on the ground
very soon. “Hey, I think I see the head coming. Does that mean she is going to have the baby right now?” shouted Al.

  “No, that means she is going to walk around for the next three weeks with a head between her legs. Of course she’s going to have the baby!”

  “Okay, what should I do?”

  “Just let it happen and I’ll give you some basic instructions along the way,” the nurse answered. The woman was screaming and the baby was on its way as the plane touched down. Moments later the paramedics were running down the aisle with all their equipment. There was some shuffling around before they decided it was best not to try to move the passenger because she was about to deliver the child at any second. Al stepped aside and within about five minutes you could hear the cries of the newborn baby girl. Captain Al was now positioned at the interphone and in contact with the working crew in the cockpit, giving them a play-by-play. When it was determined that the delivery was successful and all was well with mother and child, the captain made the following announcement: “Ladies and gentlemen, flight 1222 left Los Angeles with one hundred and twenty-five passengers aboard and we are pleased to report that we now have one hundred and twenty-six passengers aboard. Please welcome our newest passenger to the flight and to the world!” And with that everyone in the cabin broke into applause. Once mother and daughter were deemed stable to transport, they were safely removed from the aircraft. The new mother was alone in a strange city (since they had been diverted) and she was pretty scared so Captain Al agreed to accompany her to the hospital and catch a later flight to Tampa. Upon their arrival everyone at the hospital assumed that Al was the proud father! Once they cleared up that matter the woman asked Al to call her parents. He took the number and was delighted to make the call: “Hi, you don’t know me. My name is Al, and you’re not going to believe this, but . . .” Keep up the good work, Al.