by Rosanne Bane
For example, if you commit to Product Time at six in the morning, but you never get there because you can’t get yourself out of bed at 5:00 a.m., you need to alter your schedule. If you’re unwilling to go to bed earlier so you can get up at the time you think you should, or if you’re simply not the kind of person who wakes up easily and well rested at that time, you need to move your Product Time to later in the morning or eliminate and/or postpone some of your other morning activities.
Review your schedule. Is it realistic? Is it reasonable to expect that you can consistently show up for Product Time at the times you’ve committed to? If not, change your schedule (this may require letting go of some activities that are less important to you than your writing). When your schedule for Product Time is realistic, you can easily recognize resistance: If you’re not present for Product Time when you’ve scheduled yourself to be there, you’re in resistance.
Why the Why Doesn’t Matter
Many writers want to focus on figuring out why they’re blocked and exactly which sling and arrow of outrageous fortune in their past is causing their current resistance. Sometimes knowing why can help you overcome the resistance. If Aimee, the French amnesiac, could remember why she didn’t want to shake her doctor’s hand, she could take action to make sure he didn’t stick her with a pin again. If you know why you’re resisting your writing, it may help you develop strategies to get around the block.
But—and I can’t emphasize this enough—if you don’t know, don’t worry about it. Don’t focus on the problem and fret over what caused it. It is not necessary to know why you’re resistant to be able to respond effectively to the resistance. Overfocusing on the why can actually interfere with the what and how of taking the four steps that will move you past the resistance.
CHALLENGE: HOW DO YOU DO, HAVEN’T WE MET BEFORE?
In the How Do You Do? challenge in chapter two, you started a freewrite list of some of the ways you experience resistance. Review and refine that list to include the categories listed in this chapter. What kinds of things do you do and what does your inner voice say when you’re resistant? What does it look and feel like when you experience:
Writer’s block
Procrastination
Postponing
Distraction
Perfectionism
Hypercriticism and excessive pessimism
Denial and excessive optimism
Overscheduling
Underestimating yourself
Confusion and forgetfulness
Sabotage
Which of these variations do you experience most often? Is there a predictable pattern in your resistance?
CHALLENGE: FIND THE MISSING LINK
Resistance often arises from a chain of “what-if/then . . .” statements. For example, “What if I sit down to write and remember something really painful or embarrassing? And if I remember something really painful, what if I break down and feel horrible? If I break down, I won’t know what to do with my feelings. If I don’t know what to do with my feelings, I’ll be a mess. I’ll have a nervous breakdown and have to take time off from work. If I take time off from work, I could lose my job. If I lose my job, I’ll go bankrupt and lose my house and end up living on the streets.”
Through some twist of illogic, sitting down to write means losing everything and living on the streets. No wonder you feel resistant and distract yourself with something else to do.
Your challenge is to follow the logic chain and find the missing links. What assumptions are you making that just don’t hold up to reasonable scrutiny? And what reasonable action could you take if something unpleasant did happen?
For example, “Just because I start writing doesn’t mean I’ll remember something painful; I might remember wonderful things. If I do remember something painful, I’ll still be okay. I can handle painful memories. Even if I break down and feel horrible, I won’t always feel that way. Even if I didn’t know what to do with my feelings, I’d get help before I had a nervous breakdown. And if I did have a nervous breakdown, my friends and family would help me. My boss wouldn’t fire me for having a mental illness, and even if I did lose my job, I’d get another one. Sitting down to write is not going to mean I lose everything.”
As Dr. Susan Jeffers says in the classic Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, the key is to know that whatever happens, you can handle it. You may not always like what happens when you face your fears, but you will figure out what to do.
STEP TWO: RELAX INTO RESISTANCE
As soon as you recognize you’re resisting your writing, you can immediately go to Step Two. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200, go immediately to relaxing.
Resistance means your limbic system has engaged the sympathetic nervous system’s “fight-or-flight” or stress response system. If you recall from chapter two, the thalamus sends crude sensory information to the amygdala, which triggers the fear response and causes you to react to danger (like jumping away from a snake) almost instantly and without conscious thought. Meanwhile, your cortex takes longer to more accurately and completely process the sensory information, which it sends to the amygdala. From a survival standpoint, it’s highly effective.
However, when you experience writing resistance, you are not actually facing an immediate, tangible threat (i.e., you are not trying to escape a predator, wildfire or other natural disaster). You don’t need the lightning-fast reactions of your limbic system; you need the slower, more creative, and sophisticated thinking of your cortex. You need to get your amygdala out of the driver’s seat and get your cortex reengaged. The best way to counteract the fear response is to relax.
This, however, is harder than it sounds. As Dr. Joseph LeDoux points out in The Emotional Brain, the connections from the amygdala to the cortex are more numerous and stronger than the connections from the cortex to the amygdala.1 In effect, the amygdala talks more than it listens, and it’s not keen on the idea of surrendering the driver’s seat. Further compromising our ability to relax, the arousal system axons that the amygdala activates feed right back into the amygdala itself, creating “self-perpetuating, vicious cycles of emotional reactivity.”2
According to LeDoux, this explains why our conscious thoughts are so easily invaded by emotions and why it’s so difficult to concentrate on other things, like writing, when we’re in an emotional state.3 He writes, “Arousal helps lock you into the emotional state you are in [when arousal begins]. This can be very useful (you don’t want to get distracted when you are in danger), but can also be an annoyance (once the fear system is turned on, it’s hard to turn it off—this is the nature of anxiety.)”4
Still, the amygdala does receive information from the cortex and hippocampus that can dampen and eventually cancel the fear system’s arousal; otherwise we’d be in a perpetual fear state. LeDoux points out that a sustained emotional experience can’t be maintained without feedback from the body. As one researcher put it, it’s hard to stay stressed when your body feels like Jell-O.
INSIDE THE WRITER’S BRAIN: TRIGGERING THE RELAXATION RESPONSE OR “JELL-O EFFECT”
Dr. Herbert Benson, known as the father of modern mind/body medicine and the founder of Harvard University’s Mind/Body Medical Institute, was among the first in the medical community to recognize the negative impact of stress in the mid 1970s. In Relaxation Revolution, Benson updates his definition of the relaxation response as “the opposite of the ‘fight-or-flight’ or stress response. It is characterized by the following: decreased metabolism, heart rate, blood pressure, and rate of breathing; a decrease or ‘calming’ in brain activity; an increase in attention and decision-making functions of the brain; and changes in gene activity that are the opposite of those associated with stress.”5
In other words, the relaxation response calms the body and the brain (by reducing activity in the sympathetic nervous system), thus bringin
g the cortex back online.
Benson’s relaxation technique includes ten to fifteen minutes of repeating a focus word while sitting quietly, eyes closed, progressively relaxing the muscles in your body, breathing slowly and naturally, and assuming an accepting attitude when your attention drifts and returning to your focus without judgment. Research conducted by Dr. Gregg Jacobs at Harvard’s Mind/Body Medical Institute shows dramatic changes in brain waves after using this relaxation technique for just five minutes.6
INSIDE THE WRITER’S BRAIN: FOREVER STRESSED
The human fear system evolved to respond to immediate, life-threatening situations followed by longer periods of time when the relaxation response was dominant. We are not designed to respond to chronic stress. Cortisol and other stress hormones build up and devastate the body’s immune system. The amygdala goes into overdrive, and the hippocampus loses its ability to inhibit the amygdala and serve as a sort of limbic system brake.
The more traumatic a single experience is, or the more constant and chronic ongoing stress is, the more the hippocampus is impaired. This damages conscious memory and severely reduces neurogenesis, the birth and growth of new neurons that occurs in the hippocampus. The hippocampus becomes Sandra Bullock driving the runaway bus in Speed and unable to apply the brakes.
This is why it’s imperative that you have ongoing Self-care practices, like meditation, exercise, adequate sleep, time to focus (which provides relief from the chronic stress of attempting to multitask) and time to play. If you carry stress in your back, neck or other part of your body, get a professional full-body massage on a regular basis. Work with a movement therapist or bodyworker to correct any physical dysfunctions caused by chronic stress. For example, I’ve discovered that my carpal tunnel symptoms are actually referred pain from the tension I carry in my neck and shoulders when I’m stressed. Consult with medical professionals about any disorders that may be stress related. These practices will keep stress from becoming the dangerous norm it is for so many other Westerners.
Relaxing in the Now
Drawing on the findings of a host of researchers in a variety of fields, my experience and that of my students and clients, I offer you this smorgasbord of ways to relax in the moment:
Meditate
In addition to being part of your ongoing Self-care, meditation can help you relax in the moment. Five or ten minutes of conscious, intentional breathing can bring you back to calm. Or practice a few simple yoga postures (the Corpse is one of my favorites) or a few simple tai chi or qi gong movements.
Breathe and Count to Ten
My mom always told me to count to ten when I lost my temper. When I used to count as fast as I could through clenched jaws, it never worked. But if I take a deep breath in, hold it for a moment, then count “one” as I slowly exhale and repeat, it turns out Mom’s right again.
Cool Down
According to The Owner’s Manual for the Brain, “The cooler your brain is, the more relaxed you are. The warmer your brain, the more aroused you are (this arousal can be either limbic or cortical.”7 Limbic arousal is the undesired form of arousal that causes resistance; cortical arousal is desired because it is the source of focused attention. So when you want to relax, “chilling” is an apt metaphor. Interestingly, breathing through the nose cools the brain, which may be one reason deep breathing is so relaxing.
Exercise
Walking, running, cycling, swimming, cross-country skiing, or other intense, repetitive physical motion relieves stress and relaxes the body and brain. Aerobic exercise is best. This relaxation method is particularly effective for those whose stress response includes increased testosterone (which is present in both men and women) and accompanying feelings of “being on guard” or aggressive.8
Spend Five Minutes with Your Pet
Grooming, petting, stroking, or playing with a dog, cat or other companion animal is widely recognized as a way to relieve stress and increase feelings of well-being. Getting your cat off the keyboard or dog out of your lap when you’re ready to return to writing might temporary challenge your newfound serenity, but the love and joy are worth the risk for me.
Practice Progressive Muscle Relaxation
Intentionally tighten the muscles in your feet, noticing the tension in your toes, in the arch and across the top of your feet, really feeling the tightness. When you’re ready, let that tension go with a sigh. Take a moment to notice how good it feels to let your feet become more and more deeply relaxed. Continue intentionally tightening and relaxing different muscle groups in your body from your feet to your legs, hips and buttocks, stomach, back, chest, arms, neck and face. (To download a guided meditation leading you through this relaxation technique, visit http://www.rosannebane.com/main/relax.mp3.)
Pray On It
Invoking the Divine, using whatever name or phrase you prefer, can be a source of relief. Many religious traditions repeat certain words or phrases as part of prayer, and this repetition can have a dramatic calming effect on the brain.
Break It Up
Break your writing task into bite-size pieces. If you feel any anxiety, break the bite-size pieces into baby-size nibbles. Focus on doing one small thing, taking one miniature step at a time.
Blow Off Steam and Move On
Scream. Vent. Write a scathing entry in your journal. Rant to a friend. But limit this; don’t let yourself vent or rant about the same situation more than two times. After that, you’re revving yourself up and increasing stress. Express your frustration, anger, pain or fear fully, then let it go. Tear up the pages or give one final scream and be done. The metaphor “blow off steam” comes from the days when steam engines had pressure-relief valves to prevent the engines from building up so much steam that they exploded. The trick was to blow off enough steam to keep the engine safe, but not so much steam that the engine lost power. Hence the recommendation to limit venting to a specified amount of time and then let it go and move on.
Appreciate
Use this as a follow-up to blowing off steam or as a stand-alone relaxation technique. Identify (out loud or on the page) five good things that happened today, five things you’re good at, and five things that make you happy. Start a gratitude journal and read previous entries or make a new entry when you need to relax.
Laugh
Laughter reduces heart rates and relaxes the body and brain. It’s hard to stay tightly wound when you’re genuinely belly laughing. Save cynical or sarcastic humor for when you’re not trying to relax.
Massage
Give yourself a hand, arm and neck massage or a foot massage. Consider a chair massager.
Take a Mental Vacation
Imagine yourself in a place where you were relaxed and joyful. Visualize as many specific sensory details as you can. The meditation practice of visualization focuses attention and calms the brain. If you have difficulty remembering a previous experience with enough detail, simply study any object around you, then close your eyes and visualize the object with as much detail as you can.
Play a Musical Instrument, Sing or Listen to Music
Obviously, you’ll want to play music you find soothing when you need to relax.
Immerse Yourself
Calm or gently moving water is inherently calming. Relax in a hot tub or hot shower. Float in a pool, lake or stream. Listen to sounds of ocean surf or a water fountain.
INSIDE THE WRITER’S BRAIN: SELF-MEDICATING VIA DISTRACTION
In The Owner’s Manual to the Brain, Howard suggests we can take our minds off what is threatening or stressing us by reading, watching TV, listening to music or engaging in a hobby or craft. He writes, “As we take part in a totally absorbing pursuit, any activity in the posterior hypothalamus [an area of the brain that triggers the stress response in the sympathetic nervous system] moves to its forward area and to subsequent parasympathetic arousal [whic
h triggers the relaxation response in the parasympathetic nervous system].”9 In other words, doing something that engages you stops triggering the sympathetic nervous system’s stress response and starts triggering the parasympathetic nervous system’s relaxation response.
If distraction is one of the ways you experience resistance, you may have been unconsciously trying to calm yourself and inadvertently overcompensated with too much distraction. Distract yourself just long enough to relax, then move on to step three, Respect, and step four, Redirect.
WRITER’S APPLICATION: IT’S NO BIG DEAL
In Art & Fear, David Bayles and Ted Orland relate the story of a ceramics teacher who divided his class into two groups: those who would be graded on quantity (fifty pounds of pots earned an A, forty pounds of pots earned a B, etc.) and those who would be graded on quality (creating one perfect pot earned an A).10 Guess which group did better. As you might expect, students who focused on producing one perfect pot rarely did. What’s surprising is that students who were going for quantity without concerning themselves about whether the pottery they made was any good not only made lots of pots (thus earning the higher grades), they also created the pots of the highest quality.
Put your writing in perspective; you aren’t doing brain surgery or rocket science. Stop worrying about writing something great today. Just write. If it’s no big deal, it’s easier to do.
CHALLENGE: CHANGE YOUR ENVIRONMENT
Examine your writing space with a discerning eye. You want this space to be relaxing enough to keep you calm and your cortex engaged, but not so soporific that your cortex disengages from lack of interest.
Optimize the visual elements of your space. You want colors, art and objects that interest and engage your brain without overwhelming you. Colors that are too intense may agitate you; colors that are too bland may put you to sleep. Too many objects become clutter that distracts and makes it impossible to focus; too few may feel sterile and impersonal.