by Rosanne Bane
Consider the physical elements in your writing space. For optimal brain performance, use natural lighting as much as possible and supplement with full-spectrum lights. Set up your chair, desk and computer ergonomically. There’s no point in relaxing yourself with deep breathing, meditation or one of the other relaxation methods and then tensing up as soon as you sit down at your computer because the setup strains your body. Consider hiring a consultant to advise you; it’s easy to get into bad habits and be unaware of the cumulative effect on your body and brain.
Select the sounds in your space to minimize any that distract or distress you. If you have a water fountain, make sure the hum of the motor doesn’t overpower the soothing murmur of the water. Most people find natural sounds of rainstorms, ocean surf, birds, etc. soothing. Play classical or New Age music when you need to relax. Some writers—Stephen King is one notable example—love heavy rock while they write, but experiment to see what effect different types of music have on your mood. Some writers like the white noise of TV, talk radio or people talking in the background, but keep in mind that when you’re stressed or experiencing resistance, the sounds that usually energize you could easily send you over the edge.
Be intentional about the smells in your writing space. As Proust suggests, smell is profoundly powerful in evoking memory. It also affects mood and arousal/relaxation. Smells that reduce stress and increase relaxation include lavender, chamomile, lemon, jasmine and cedar, cypress, spiced apple and heliotrope. Scents of eucalyptus, pine, clove, peppermint and basil make most people feel invigorated and refreshed, so although they’re pleasant, they may not give you the relaxing effect you need when you’re experiencing writing resistance.11
CHALLENGE: HURRY UP AND RELAX ALREADY!
If you’ve ever suffered through a night of insomnia, you know that feeling like you have to relax can actually be one of the most stressful experiences possible. Rather than giving you what could be a counterproductive challenge to “Relax!” I encourage you to list relaxation techniques that worked for you in the past. Make a second list of new-to-you relaxation techniques you might want to try sometime, but don’t stress over it.
STEP THREE: RESPECT THE WISDOM OF THE RESISTANCE
Now that you’ve recognized your resistance and relaxed your cortex into the driver’s seat, you have more options than just the three limbic system responses of freeze, fight or run away. But one option you don’t want to exercise is ignoring the message from your limbic system and disregarding the resistance you felt. Recognizing and relaxing wasn’t a mutiny; you don’t need to throw your limbic system off the bus. You want a whole-brain solution that comes with getting your limbic system and cortex to cooperate.
The stories of Aimee, the French amnesiac whose implicit (unconscious) memory system was unimpaired and who therefore had every reason to be leery of shaking her doctor’s hand even if she didn’t know why (chapter two), and Lieutenant Commander Riley, who saved the lives of hundreds of sailors aboard the USS Missouri because he trusted his instincts and emotions (chapter seven), both illustrate that the limbic system has vital information the cortex can’t perceive. But your limbic system doesn’t have the language centers, so you can’t articulate why you feel the way you do.
Trust that even if you don’t know why you’re resisting your writing, you still have some valid reasons to feel the way you do. This doesn’t mean you simply give up and let your resistance push you away from your writing forever or even just for a day; it means that the only way to truly move forward is to respect your resistance. You must be willing to listen to your resistance to gain conscious awareness about what you need to move forward.
The Leap of No Faith
I jumped off the cliff because I didn’t trust my resistance. What would have happened if I had? I might have walked away without jumping and never thought about it again. I might have regretted not jumping, and that regret could have given my Saboteur ammunition to use against me so that I ended up criticizing and berating myself and feeling diminished.
I disrespected my resistance by denigrating it, pooh-poohing it and dismissing it out of hand. I’m not sure what I would have done that day on the cliff if I had respected my resistance. If I knew then what I know now about how the brain works, I might have walked away without second-guessing myself. I would’ve known that my limbic system was giving me a strong message not to do that, and that my limbic system has its own wisdom, especially in matters of physical survival. I would’ve known that, even though other people can jump and not get hurt, that isn’t my leap to take.
Or I might have assessed the risks better. I might have tried out my idea of yelling, “Oh, shiiiiiit!” while two or three other people jumped. I could have learned how long it would take to reach the water so that when I jumped, I wouldn’t panic. Or I could have spent more time noticing my bodily reactions as I watched other people jumping.
What I did do was reach one those bullheaded, I’m-going-to-do-this-no-matter-what decisions that got me into trouble so often when I was in my twenties. I ignored my instincts and jumped. And sat on an inflatable doughnut for a week. In essence, saying, “Screw you!” to yourself and flinging yourself off a twenty-five-foot cliff is the ultimate example of disrespecting your resistance.
The Non-leap of Faith
Sometimes we don’t jump because it’s smart not to jump. We don’t criticize ourselves for not jumping off highway bridges. Our fear pushes us away from true danger more often than we realize. We don’t even know what danger we missed. You have a creepy feeling about a parking garage and decide to park elsewhere. Was there an assailant lurking inside that your intuition detected from clues your cortex couldn’t detect? Or were you overreacting to the crime scene TV show you saw the night before? You’ll never know.
Sometimes our anxiety or intuition keeps us safe and we need to respect that. We need to assess the situation as objectively as we can, understanding and appreciating the fact that our cortex cannot perceive nuances that the limbic system can perceive. Lieutenant Commander Riley was right to follow his intuition. Sometimes resistance is correct. In fact, more often than not, resistance is correct. It gives us information, and even if we can’t decipher what message it’s sending, we need to respect it.
Resistance is not Henny Penny screaming, “The sky is falling,” all the time. Rather, resistance tells you something is off. Resistance makes you aware that there is a mismatch between what your cortex believes and perceives and what your limbic system believes and perceives. Sometimes not pushing past resistance into the scary parking garage or off the cliff is the smartest action.
But we cannot allow our resistance to stop us. Just because you don’t jump off the cliff doesn’t mean you’re stuck up there for the rest of your life; you find another route back to the lake. Respecting your anxiety about a particular parking garage doesn’t mean turning around and going home; you find another place to park. Or you ask for an escort to and from your car. You find creative solutions.
WRITER’S APPLICATION: R-E-S-P-E-C-T, FIND OUT WHAT IT MEANS TO ME
The next time you notice you are resistant to writing, relax and then ask yourself these questions as signs of respect:
What do I need? Is there something I need before I can take this risk?
What would truly reassure me?
What’s missing? Time, support, information, commitment from someone else?
What am I really afraid of? Can I minimize the risk to acceptable levels? What would an acceptable level of risk look and feel like in this situation? What can I or someone else do to get to that acceptable level of risk?
Is there something else I could do instead of this?
If I assume there is some validity to my resistance, what specifically am I resisting and why?
Listen. Pay witness to your resistance. Freewrite with open acceptance. Assume your resistance has something o
f value to say. Listening doesn’t mean giving up on your writing; listening means finding out what’s really in your way so you can respond in a way that allows you to move forward.
When you know what your resistance is saying, you’re ready to take step four, Redirect.
CHALLENGE: WHAT’LL YA HAVE?
When you are NOT feeling resistant, interview your resistance in the second person the way you might interview a fictional character. Prepare your questions in advance. You might ask: “What do you need? What’s missing? What unintended outcomes are you trying to avoid? What needs to happen before you’ll move ahead?” Sit in one chair to ask a question out loud. Before you answer—aloud or in writing—move to a second chair and allow yourself to become your resistance (the way a writer or actor becomes a character). Be open to the possibility that your resistance has a different persona, different speech patterns or behaviors. Return to the first chair and your usual persona before asking the next question. You can record your interview if you wish, but the process alone will give you a great deal of insight.
If you prefer, you can work with a writing buddy. You interview your partner’s resistance and your partner interviews your resistance.
STEP FOUR: REDIRECT THE ENERGY OF THE RESISTANCE
Redirection is simply changing the direction or focus of your attention. It may seem strange to say this at the end of a book all about writer’s resistance, but you don’t want to focus too much on your resistance. You need to understand resistance so you can recognize it, relax about it and respect it. Beyond that, you really don’t need to dwell on it; you need to redirect your attention to the positive.
WRITER’S APPLICATION: ACCENTUATE THE POSITIVE
According the principles of Appreciative Inquiry (AI), an organization development methodology based on decades of social science and developed by Dr. David Cooperrider of Case Western Reserve University, dwelling on your resistance will keep you stuck in that resistance. One of the primary tenets of AI is that we get more of what we focus our attention on. So organizations that see themselves as problem solvers get more problems to solve, while organizations that see themselves as leveraging their strengths get more strengths to leverage. AI asserts that the kinds of stories we tell about ourselves and the kinds of questions we ask about ourselves are essential. A question that focuses an individual or organization on bringing something positive out of past experience to make the future better is considered an appreciative inquiry.
Rather than feeling remorse about the time you’ve lost in resistance, consider the lessons you’ve gained from your resistance. Freewrite about what you have learned about yourself as a writer and a human being. What works well for you? What new habits and practices have you acquired to respond effectively to resistance? How will these new practices help you excel in the future?
All of the inquiries at the end of the chapters in this book were designed to be appreciative inquiries. But here are a few more to help you redirect your attention to the very best things about being a writer. Freewrite answers to these questions from time to time, or use them as conversation starters with other writers. Write or tell a partner about:
The best thing you did for yourself as a writer this week.
A time when you were really happy or excited about your writing process or the writing you produced. What made that time so satisfying? Was it what you were working on? How you were working? Who you were working with? Where you were working? How did you get into that particular groove?
A challenge you overcame to make time for your writing. It might be getting yourself to a writing class. It might be locking yourself in the bathroom so you’d have ten minutes to yourself for writing. It might be turning your back on your messy house to go to a coffee shop to write. Focus not so much on the challenge, but on what you did to overcome the challenge and how it felt to make time for your writing.
A time when someone praised or appreciated your writing. Be as specific as you can about what each person said that was positive. If you received feedback that was both positive and critical, ignore the criticism and focus on the praise and appreciation.
A time when you were unsure what to do and then figured it out. If you can’t remember a time when you wrestled with your writing, tell your partner about another puzzle or problem you solved. Focus on the contrast of how it felt to be uncertain or confused and how it felt to figure out the solution.
Your strengths as a writer, both technical skills (e.g., “I write great dialogue”) and process skills (e.g., “I’m good at making time to meditate before I write”). Keep in mind that once we’ve mastered something, we do it automatically and therefore lose awareness of it. For this inquiry, try to include both the strengths that you are consciously developing and the strengths you’ve mastered and don’t usually think about (“I’m solid on English grammar.” “I rarely use the passive voice.”)
Smarter Than the Average Whale?
Redirection is a standard part of positive-reinforcement training used in outstanding programs that teach humans and other mammals, including dogs, dolphins, killer whales, etc., to perform amazing feats. You can take pride in being as trainable as a killer whale—all whales are highly intelligent and have complex brains, sophisticated social structures and a system of vocalizations that probably qualifies as language. You’ll never be able to leap three times your body length out of a pool of water, but you can learn to write with ease and grace.
Short of outright torture, you cannot coerce a four-ton killer whale to do anything she/he doesn’t want to do, just like you can’t coerce a human being to do anything she/he doesn’t want to do. One of the frustrations of resistance is the realization that you cannot coerce even your own self to do something.
Smart trainers realize this. They don’t try to punish behaviors they don’t want the trainee to engage in; they simply ignore the behavior. They use food or some other reward to redirect the trainee’s attention and energy back to the task the trainer is asking for or to a new behavior. They stay alert for opportunities to reward positive behavior as soon and as often as possible.
When the trainer and trainee share language, the trainer can be more specific than merely ignoring the undesired behavior. But effective trainers don’t dwell on what the trainee has done “wrong.” In Whale Done! The Power of Positive Relationships, Kenneth Blanchard recommends business and other organizations apply this redirection response: “Describe the error or problem as soon as possible, clearly and without blame. Show its negative impact. If appropriate, take the blame for not making the task clear. Go over the task in detail and make sure it is clearly understood. Express your continuing trust and confidence in the person.”12
Likewise, you want to identify the problem causing your writing resistance as soon as possible. Before you can do anything else, you need to express your trust and confidence in yourself by relaxing so that you change the brain state that caused the resistance. There is no need to blame yourself, but it can be helpful to clearly identify exactly what you’re committing to do in the future and to redirect your energy and attention to taking action to honor that commitment.
Spontaneous Redirection
When you follow the first three steps—Recognize, Relax, and Respect—redirection often happens spontaneously and without conscious volition. Resistance holds tremendous energy, but it’s trapped in the tug-of-war you’re having with yourself. Taking the first three steps can release that energy as suddenly as when one team in a tug-of-war contest simply lets go.
When you truly respect your resistance, the solutions are fairly obvious. You see what you can do and start taking action. Many writers instinctively follow through on actions suggested by their answers to the questions in the previous “R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Find Out What It Means to Me” writer’s application, but if you haven’t already done so, that is a great place to start.
WRITER’S APPLICA
TION: R-E-S-P-E-C-T, PART TWO
Review the answers you wrote for part one of the R-E-S-P-E-C-T exercise and list the actions you can take to respond to the concern, issue or problem you identified. For example, if you realized you feel alone as a writer and need more support, you might join a writers’ group, join an online forum, enlist a friend who also writes to be your email writing buddy, take a class, hire a writer who’s published in your chosen genre to suggest revisions, hire an editor or coach, etc. Specifically, list the actions you can take to:
Get what you need before you can take the risk
Reassure yourself
Make the time, enlist the support, gather the information and/or secure a commitment from someone else
Work slowly and steadily through your fears
Minimize the risk to acceptable levels
Accomplish an alternative task that prepares you for the writing you want to do
Take any other action that will reduce your resistance and move your writing forward
INQUIRY
“Who are my heroes of resistance?” (For example, two of my inspirations are civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr. and women’s suffrage leader Alice Paul.) “What did they resist and why did they want to replace those things? How did they work toward their goals? How can I follow their example?”
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WHY IT MATTERS