The Hopeless Romantic's Handbook

by Gemma Townley

  “Sounds like you need rescuing,” Joe said, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

  Kate stared at him. Had he just said what she thought he said? Was this some kind of setup, or was he for real?

  She took in his clear blue eyes and sincere expression. He didn’t appear to be joking. He was serious, she realized with a jolt. A gorgeous, incredible man had actually walked into her life and said he wanted to rescue her.

  At once she smiled sweetly. She felt like a duck, doing its best to look serene and elegant when all the time its legs were frantically paddling. She looked down at her palms, where her nails had left dark red half-moon imprints, and cleared her throat.

  “Do you … like London?” she asked.

  “I guess,” Joe said after a moment. “I mean, hey, it’s a great city, don’t get me wrong. But it’s kind of hard, too. It can be quite lonely, you know?”

  “You’re … you’re lonely?” Kate swallowed.

  Joe shrugged, and his eyes met hers for a moment. “I guess. God, I sound like an idiot, don’t I? But yeah, I am. It’s so nice to just sit here and talk, you know? It’s funny, when I first saw you, I just had this feeling. …”

  “A feeling?”

  “A feeling that I’d like you.”

  “You like me?”

  Joe laughed. “I like you a whole lot. It’s kind of lucky you came into the bar, huh?”

  Kate grinned, and all at once she didn’t feel like her legs were paddling. Suddenly, she was gliding, or was she freefalling? Either way, she liked it.

  “Very lucky,” she said in a soft voice. “Very lucky indeed.”

  Three hours later, Joe and Kate were sitting in a cab outside Kate’s flat.

  “You’re sure you don’t want me to come up?” Joe asked softly. “I have had the most incredible evening, and I really don’t want it to end.”

  Kate swallowed. She’d had the most amazing evening, too. She didn’t know if it was the listening, or just that Joe was a wonderful guy, but she hadn’t laughed so much in ages. And he’d looked at her across the table in a way that she couldn’t remember anyone looking at her in ages—intently, ardently, those blue eyes of his shining at her like pools of seawater glinting in the sun. He hadn’t stared at her breasts, he hadn’t asked her about pension plans, and now he wanted to come up.

  She wanted him to come up.

  But she sensed that Elizabeth Stallwood wouldn’t approve.

  “Joe, I had the most wonderful time, too. And I’d love to see you again. But right now, I think I better get in,” she said gently. “Don’t you?”

  With a reluctant nod, Joe said, “You’re quite something, Kate.” He sighed, then pulled her to him and kissed her lightly on the lips. “And you can be sure that you will see me again. Real soon, if I’ve got any say in the matter.”

  Feeling her heart quicken, Kate got out of the cab and made her way to the front door of her building, doing her best to walk in a straight line and not to punch the air in excitement. It was early days, but it felt rather like she might have met her Mr. Right. A Mr. Right who just happened to be a Hollywood actor. A Mr. Right who wanted to see her real soon and whose kiss had left her legs trembling.

  If this was what it meant to be a hopeless romantic, then bring it on.

  9

  The Romantic Male

  Much has been written about feminine beauty, and the ways in which women can attract a future husband and keep him happy and satisfied. But the true romantic must also choose her mate carefully. Not for her the brash, the rude, or the bore. Not for her a man who is domineering, who sees only his own ideas, and who believes that a wife is his servant, to wait upon him and respond to every whim.

  For a marriage is a partnership, a meeting of minds. We bring different qualities to a marriage; a woman brings daintiness and gentleness whilst a man brings strength and financial stability. But both can bring kindness, thoughtfulness, interest, and supportiveness. Both can ask the other about their day and take an interest in the answer, even if a woman’s day is not generally peppered with the excitement of the office.

  And so, we must ask ourselves, what are the qualities that we must look for in our mate? How can the romantic ensure that her marriage is a happy and true one?

  First, and last, and most important, we must value kindness. Kindness in spirit, which is different from generosity—itself a very worthwhile attribute and yet not as important. For kindness is a fundamental approach to life, one that holds all people dear, one that precludes meanness and cruelty, something that we can depend on when most we need it. If you find this quality in a man—if he is kind to you and to those around him, and speaks of his family and colleagues with kind words—then, Reader, hold on to him, for he will be good and true.

  Of course, that is not to say that kindness is all you should look for in a man. The romantic looks for beauty in all things, and this should be no different when seeking out a future husband. A good suit, jaunty hat, and attractive smile suggest a man who cares about his appearance, and who will value your own care and attention to detail around the home. Equally, thoughtful gifts suggest a man who wishes to please and who enjoys seeing your eyes light up—a most attractive quality in a man!

  A man who has hobbies and interests will be one who remains interesting over the duration of a marriage—although you should be careful of card players and lovers of horse racing. Both sports can be enjoyed by many but, sadly, for some gentlemen enjoyment may turn into obsession. If you value your housekeeping money, beware.

  A gentleman’s club can say a great deal about him and about the company he keeps. Consider that your future husband’s friends will become your friends, and his interests your interests—we can all learn to like things if we try hard enough, but how much easier and simpler when we like them already!

  Manners are, of course, terribly important, something that some people sadly fail to realize. Punctuality, holding open a door, walking on the road side of the pavement—these are such small courtesies and yet so telling of a gentleman’s upbringing and values.

  And finally, watch carefully when you introduce a gentleman to your own family and friends. Is he attentive and charming, or does he appear bored and preoccupied? We must make our own choices in life and not be unduly swayed by the views of our parents and friends, but a man who is disdainful of those we love will, I am afraid, eventually become disdainful of us, too.

  Kate opened the door of the small restaurant/bar and made her way to a corner table. A second date, she thought nonchalantly. A second date with a gorgeous man who wanted to rescue her. A man who was attentive and charming and kind. At least she was pretty sure he was. It was as if that book was magic. Better than magic.

  Taking off her coat, Kate sat down and looked around as a waitress presented her with a menu. It was a cute place, not one she’d been to before. There were wine racks full of bottles all over the walls, and the tables were wooden and rickety, with little candles on them, flickering and reflecting light onto the glass of the wine bottles.

  She ordered a glass of wine and a glass of water, and some olives and bread for good measure, then she sat back and waited, listening to the conversations around her—an arguing couple, a group of friends discussing a film, two men talking in hushed tones about a financing deal.

  She looked at her watch. Joe was only fifteen minutes late. That was nothing. She’d probably got here too early, she decided. Her watch was probably fast.

  She took a sip of wine and looked around the room again, catching the eye of the waitress by accident and prompting her to come over. “Is everything alright?” she asked in a thick French accent. “Can I get you anything else?”

  Kate shook her head. “No, no, I’m fine for now. Thanks.”

  Maybe she’d got the time wrong. Maybe he’d said eight thirty, not eight. Anyway, it was no big deal. He was only twenty minutes late.

  Slowly Kate drained her glass of water, and then, equally slowly, she drained her gla
ss of wine. The olives disappeared into her mouth one by one and at eight forty, she found herself mopping up the oil they’d left behind with the crusty bread.

  Just as she’d swallowed the last piece, Joe appeared in front of her.

  “I am so sorry,” he said, sitting down and grabbing her hands. “Really I am. It has just been the most awful day. And just as I was about to leave, one of the bar staff got sick and she had to go home, so I had to stay until they could get someone else in to cover. I just couldn’t let them down, you know?”

  Kate smiled. Kind, she thought. “It’s fine,” she said immediately. “I haven’t been here that long myself.”

  Joe looked at the empty glasses and plates in front of her, then met her sheepish smile.

  “Hey, I got you something,” he said, shoving his hand into his pocket and pulling out a DVD. “You said you wanted to see it, so …”

  “Everything I Do. Wow, so this is your show!” Kate grinned. He was sharing his interests.

  Joe shrugged. “It’s from the second season, which I think was the best one. Anyway, you don’t have to watch it. …”

  “I’d love to!” Kate enthused. “Thank you. That’s really thoughtful.”

  Joe looked at her and smiled, then he picked up the menu. “So, what do you say to more wine?”

  Kate nodded and tried to remember further tips from her new relationship bible. “What was so terrible about today?” she asked, when they’d ordered a bottle of red and some food. “Did you have any auditions?”

  Joe shook his head. “I was at the bar all day. Had an audition yesterday, but the part wasn’t for me, you know? I thought it was going to be interesting but it turned out to be pretty average. Poor script, director didn’t seem to know what he was doing. …” He shrugged, and Kate nodded sympathetically.

  “It must be really hard,” she said.

  “It is!” Joe said immediately. “So hard. And there are so many jerks in this business, too. Can you believe that my agent wants me to do an ad for cream cheese? Me? It drives me crazy, I tell you.”

  Kate rolled her eyes. “I know. The presenter on my show’s trying to get herself an advert at the moment. Seems to think it’s going to raise her profile or something. It’s quite tragic really.”

  Joe frowned. “She’s doing an ad to raise her profile?”

  Kate nodded. “Apparently some guy who sells car insurance in a gorilla suit got higher billing in a celebrity magazine so she’s up in arms.”

  “A gorilla suit?”

  “I know,” Kate said on a laugh. “It’s ridiculous, isn’t it? But Penny is obsessed with her celebrity rating. I guess it’s all she’s got.”

  Joe nodded seriously. “She famous, then? Your presenter?”

  “Her name’s Penny Pennington. One-hit wonder, and placed on this earth to make sure I remain miserable.”

  “One-hit wonder?” Joe frowned.

  “Fly me high, fly me to the sky, give me wings, and never say good-bye,” Kate sang. “Remember that song?” Joe shook his head and Kate shrugged. “Maybe it was only big in the UK. Anyway, it was number one for a few weeks in the late eighties, and somehow she’s managed to claw a career out of it.”

  “Huh.” There was a pause as Joe digested this information.

  “So,” Kate said, taking another sip of wine, “what are your interests? I mean, outside of acting. What do you do in your spare time?”

  Joe’s face broke out in a slow, seductive smile. “I’d like to hang out with you more in my spare time.”

  Kate grinned. “Good answer,” she said, reddening slightly.

  “So when you’ve finished that wine, how about you and me go back to your place?” Joe asked softly, moving his hand onto hers. “I could maybe check out your interior design skills.”

  Kate blanched. “Oh, God, my flat really isn’t a very good advert for my designs, actually,” she sputtered. “I mean it’s a bit of a mess, far too much stuff. …” She caught Joe giving her a strange look, and her nerves danced. “You don’t want to see my flat to assess my design skills, do you?”

  Joe shook his head. “Not so much.” A little smile was playing on his lips, and Kate felt a shiver of excitement go down her back.

  But she had to wait. The book said wait, and so far it hadn’t let her down.

  She bit her lip. “It’s still a bit early,” she said quietly. “For me, I mean. I really like you, but… well…”

  Joe held her gaze for a few seconds, then nodded. His gaze was intent. “No problem,” he said. “I can wait. I respect that.”

  Then he grinned. “I’d prefer not to wait, of course. There’s something about you, Kate. Something special. But hey, let’s just enjoy the evening, huh?”

  Kate smiled in relief and wondered what Elizabeth Stallwood would make of Joe. Full marks, she suspected. With or without a jaunty hat.

  10

  Overcoming Obstacles

  We often feel that life is full of difficulties, and that events conspire against us. How often have we broken a heel before an important date or discovered that our soufflé has failed to rise just as our guests are arriving? How frustrating when a special evening is ruined because of an argument or because your friend is late. How irritating when your companions are dull and your life appears to be drab and so unlike the dreams and aspirations you have for it.

  But also consider those days when everything seems to go in our favor. The springlike morning when you stroll along the street happily watching elegant men and women walk by; that enjoyable afternoon when you meet friends for a gossip over coffee; those magical evenings spent among the theater crowds in the glittering lights of the West End.

  Was it the sun which made that morning so special? Was the conversation with your friends so much better on that afternoon than on any other? Was the play really the best you have ever seen?

  Perhaps. Or perhaps, on those wonderful days, it was you who brought the sunshine, the interesting conversation, and the joie de vivre. Did you wake up on those days full of life and enthusiasm for what lay ahead?

  Now recall the morning of a day of difficulties. Did you wake feeling rested and happy? Or did a dark cloud loom over the day from the moment you opened your eyes? Did you expect things to go awry, and might you have perhaps contributed to the argument that ruined your evening? Did the heel break purely accidentally, or had you put off having your shoe mended for weeks, convincing yourself that it would last another wear?

  You may consider me unfair. It may be that you are indeed unlucky and that events conspire against you from time to time. But the true romantic does not let problems get in the way of her enjoyment of life. The romantic knows just how to pep up a dull dinner party with sparkling conversation and with generous and flattering comments. The hopeless romantic avoids arguments because she nips them in the bud before they have a chance to flower—using her listening skill and understanding to calm her companion’s nerves.

  In short, the hopeless romantic knows that she is the owner of her destiny, that she can choose either to enjoy each and every day or to feel put upon. The romantic sees an obstacle as something to test her mettle, an exciting challenge for which she will need to use her intelligence, her charm, and her optimism. The romantic knows that by focusing on all that is good and pleasing in her life, she will always keep her spirits high and her lips smiling.

  And because the romantic spreads joy wherever she goes, she finds that dark clouds and broken heels not only fail to dampen her spirits, but that they become less and less frequent, for she knows she can overcome any obstacle and render obstacles themselves obsolete.

  Kate frowned. Here it was, Saturday night, and instead of being out with Joe-the-Perfect-Man, she was on her couch in sweatpants, whilst he worked in the bar, no doubt surrounded by a gaggle of gorgeous women. It was fine to say that the hopeless romantic was in charge of her own destiny, but it patently wasn’t true in her case. And in what way was a Saturday night in front of the television an
exciting challenge that would test her mettle?

  Still, she wasn’t worried. Not after their last date. They’d talked for hours, and as for that kiss outside the restaurant… She sighed as she remembered it. No, she was pretty sure Joe wouldn’t be looking at any other women. And she hadn’t invited him up, either. It had taken all her mental strength and she’d nearly buckled several times, but she’d come home alone for a second time, which, she hoped, would mean that Joe would be desperate to see her again.

  Not that this helped her right now, though, home alone with nothing to do.

  She shut the book with a thump, but the words replayed before her eyes. The romantic knows that by focusing on all that is good and pleasing in her life, she will always keep her spirits high and her lips smiling.

  Fine, she thought. Things that were good and pleasing in her life:

  Joe. Enough said.

  Her friends. Tom and Sal had been around forever. They lived around the corner. And Sal always had a fridge full of food.

  Her job. Except for that woman who might be going to sue her, of course. And Penny, who pretty much seemed to spend her life making Kate’s a misery.

  Her flat. It was a tip, but it was hers. Well, hers and the mortgage company’s. But mostly hers.

  She studied the list. Was that really it? Then she frowned, looked around the room, and thought of a few more good and pleasing things.

  Sleepless in Seattle.

  Galaxy chocolate bars.

  Takeout pizza.

  Satisfied, she smiled broadly and picked up her purse to go in search of all three. Who was she kidding? Her life was great.